Finally, A Parenting Trend We Can All Get Behind – The CTFD Method

shutterstock_122057596I hate it when someone invents a parenting trend that I have already invented in my head. Dad blogger David Vienna has given life to a parenting mantra I have been reciting religiously since I became a mom: Calm The Fuck Down.

The Calm The Fuck Down, or CTFD method of parenting is really quite empowering. It reminds us to chill out and stop being such neurotic, perfectionist parents. Here’s a little slice of his wisdom:

Worried your friend’s child has mastered the alphabet quicker than your child? Calm the fuck down.

Scared you’re not imparting the wisdom your child will need to survive in school and beyond? Calm the fuck down.

Concerned that you’re not the type of parent you thought you’d be? Calm the fuck down.

Upset that your child doesn’t show interest in certain areas of learning? Calm the fuck down.

Thank you, David. What the fuck are we all doing anyway? We parents today are driving ourselves crazy trying to make sure we are breeding the next generation of super-humans. I’m pretty damn sure my mother never uttered the word “milestone” even once during my entire childhood. In fact, I’m pretty damn sure she would think obsessively tracking milestones is ridiculous. And she’s an awesome parent.

I used to constantly wonder whether my child was keeping up. Now, I just try to spend as much time as I can soaking up this time with him. I guess I’ve been doing the CTFD method all along. Here’s how you do it, according to David:

To use CTFD, just follow these simple steps:

  1. Calm the fuck down.
  2. There is no second step.

So, ignore all those other parenting trends and stick to CTFD. You’ll be glad you did and so will your kid.

I’m pretty sure truer words were never spoken.

(photo: FuzzBones/ Shutterstock)

You can reach this post's author, Maria Guido, on twitter.
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    • Wendy

      Sounds like the first parenting trend I might actually give a fuck about :)

    • VA Teacher

      When I just saw “CTFD”, the first thing I thought was “Close the fucking door.” Kid’s crying in his bed? Close the fucking door, Throwing a fit? Close the fucking door. Teen’s room a wreck? CTFD.

      Seemed to work great for my parents…. :P

    • Beth

      This has just made David Vienna my new hero. In the current age of helicopter parents or (worse) the new and mystifying trend of annoying parents that seem intent on facebooking every single moment of their children’s lives, as though it’s some kind of fucked up version of the Truman Show, someone who just says “calm the fuck down” and let your kids just be kids is distinctly refreshing.

    • Paul White

      I’m *good* at that parenting method! I still can’t stand it when he keeps crying though. It’s like “hey dude, how do I help? can I make it better?”

    • Justme

      They left out the “AHAGOW” part…And Have A Glass Of Wine.

    • Cassy C.

      Love this so much!

    • jaybee

      Yeah just do what a lot of parents do – ignore your kids.

      • Poogles

        Keeping your cool and not freaking out about every little parenting decision/topic =/= ignoring your kids, FFS.

      • whiteroses

        And if you were a parent (you’re not, are you?) you would know that sometimes, you have to pick your battles.