1shutterstock_128125463__1374232543_74.134.205.46I have a veddddddddy hard time believing this, because I am a grownass woman and I did not just fall off the truck that goes around selling turnips to people who find themselves without turnips and maybeeee it is for real but I doubt it. But because this is ‘Mericuh and anything is possible I suppose it could be true, but if it is, than I think the scheming Mom in this wacky LOSING VIRGINITY Craigslist plan is possibly just wanting a fancy book deal like that wacky fancy hair’d Princeton Mom. But anyway, here’s what happened while the rest of us non-virgins were minding our own biz and looking at kitten videos on the internets. A woman posted an ad on Philadelphia’s Craigslist entitled Sugar Baby For My Son. 

The ad goes on to explain how the mom has an 18-year-old senior in high school who is going to be attending Harvard in the fall. She would like to hire a SUGAR BABY to seduce her kid who is extremely smart but socially awkward. He’s extremely handsome and has zero body fat because he is on the cross country team. The mom has this dastardly scheme that she will purchase four concert tickets (and she does not say which concert it is for, but please Lawd let it be ONE DIRECTION because that would be HILARIOUS and one pair will go to her super handsome but super virginal son and one pair will go to the lovely young lady who is now basically a prostitute and they will each bring a friend BUT NEITHER WILL KNOW THAT THE MOM PURCHASED THE EXTRA TICKETS (!!!!!! – This is like a damn spy novel or an episode of Archer) and THEN…

Dun dun dun.

The now-prostitute girl has to make all friendly with the virginal son and SPRING INTO ACTION and ditch their friends and then take him somewhere and take his virginity. 

If the kid has any shred of common sense he may think running off with a girl he just met may not be the safest plan on action but I guess if his new friend is like, shoving her tongue in his ear he may not care plus!! he is on the cross country team so he could potentially outrun her if he got all uncomfortable. ALSO, the girl-now-prostitute must be 19 or under because 20+ would probably freak him out lol. YES THE MOM TYPED LOL.

After the girl takes his virginity she is supposed to continue dating him and showing him various sexual positions but then dump him gently so he can go on to Harvard and bang other chicks because he will be all confident after his mom getting him laid via Craigslist. You can see the full ad here, because now it has been flagged for removal on Craigslist.

In return for having sex with her kid the mom will ” make your financial issues disappear.”

This kinda sucks for all of us because I have financial issues, and you have financial issues, and we are all too old to bone this super handsome but socially awkward dude to make all of our financial issues disappear but I want my mortgage paid and a new car and a Sub-Zero refrigerator and this purse and a micro-pig to and to go here. Not that I would take his v-card anyway, because I’m all married and in love, but one of you single ladies could and just add all the shit that I want to YOUR list.

(Photo: FuzzBones /shutterstock)