The other day I got the SADDEST COMMENT EVER™ from one of our lovely readers who said she was pregnant and hot and tired and hungry and she asked that I make her snacks. To me there is NOTHING sadder than a pregnant, hot, tired hungry lady. What the hell is wrong in this world if some of you ladies are pregnant and hot and tired and hungry? This should not happen. It made me start thinking about all the pregnant ladies who need things RIGHT NOW and no one is giving these things to these ladies and what is wrong with you people? Being pregnant is hard! Especially being pregnant in the summer months! The heat makes you extra cranky and extra tired, it’s too hot to cook, you are GROWING ANOTHER HUMAN WITH FINGERNAILS inside of you and even though pregnancy is natural and beautiful and tra la la let’s all run through fields of wildflowers and marvel at the wonder of life growing inside of your belly NO fuck that, it’s too hot to frolic. But come on and get the pregnant ladies what they need. I know pregnancy is not a handicap but on occasion it can feel like you have been pregnant FOREVER and compound this with other pregnancy related issues like water retention and swollen feet and all the aches and pains that come with GROWING ANOTHER HUMAN INSIDE OF YOU WITH EYEBALLS and it’s easy to understand why we need to give these women a break.
A Pregnant Woman Needs A Delicious Beverage
I don’t care if you get her a glass of water or a damn 7-11 Slurpee but I can promise you this pregnant lady is THIRSTY and you need to offer her a refreshing beverage. Even better, make her a salted caramel milkshake.
And you can find a recipe here.
A Pregnant Woman Needs A Relaxing Bath
Yes, I know, not all of us have gorgeous bathrooms like the one shown above. A lot of us have BATHTUB GUYS and ugly bathrooms (Mine is like a horror movie. It has a super narrow tub and carpeting) but clean up the bathroom, get thee to a discount store and buy that pregnant lady a bath sheet (It should be a sheet, because that pregnant lady is HUGE and she doesn’t need your stupid standard sized bath towel), some scented candles and some nice bath soaps and gels. Pregnant women can soak in a moderately temperature-d bath, and it will make her feel better so run her a damn bath already.
A Pregnant Woman Needs To Be In A Dark Room With Air Conditioning Binge Watching Orange Is The New Black
if you guys aren’t letting pregnant ladies watch Orange Is The New Black, the new Netflix series about a lovely Wasp-y blond lady who reads DWELL magazine and makes artisanal soaps until she turns herself in for a crime she committed ten years ago, then that is terribly unkind to do to pregnant ladies. I LOVE this show. I have a handful of episodes left and it’s the perfect show to binge watch because you cannot wait to see what happens next. Plus, it takes place in a prison with a whole mess of fascinating characters and some of them are pregnant.