What Your Baby Shower Says About You

You’re getting on in that third trimester and have been getting scores of completely unsolicited advice regarding your birthing plan. But your next mommy milestone says so much more about you than your stretch marks or your maternity wardrobe. Don’t you know that your every baby shower detail absolutely screams what kind of person you are? Everything right down to the icing details, ladies.

If you have uniformly cutesy cupcakes with baby paraphernalia in them

baby shower cupcakes pink

You’re crazy. Or you have a very good local bakery that you were happy to support. Or you have very devoted friends who painstakingly baked all of these goodies and sat there adding each little pacifier who said, “when I have a baby, SHE better sit here and painstakingly add pacifiers to MY baby shower cupcakes.” Either that or they hired that local bakery. Either way, you have devoted friends or support local commerce. Or you’re crazy and did this yourself and are super proud. Everyone wins.

(photo:  cbishop66 )

If you have super matchy coordinated table and place settings

baby shower plate settings

You spend an epic amount of time on Pinterest and you refuse to apologize for it. If you whipped this together yourself, you’ll smile coyly as your guests salivate over these DIY napkin rings or the fact that the place mats just happen to match the centerpiece in that oh so casual way. If your BFF is catching naps over on the fluffy gifts table, you most likely enlisted her help in all that frantic pinning, perhaps even calling her at two in the morning to talk about how EPIC pink lemonade in baby bottles would be.

(photo:  HostessWithTheMostess.com)

If you have perfectly themed cookies/cakes 

baby shower cookiesYou outsourced this baby shower business like the smart (and privileged) lady you are. Are you going to spend your last month and a half of pregnancy sweating over coordinated pastries and flowers frozen into ice cubes? NO. You want a fun little gathering and a mountain of presents just as much as the next mommy. What you don’t give a damn about is having a glossy-magazine-spread-worthy event in which your guests quietly mouth to one another, “WHO IS SHE?”

(photo:  Cookie Cornucopia)

If you have mini babies floating in your beverages

babies in champagne glasses

You recognize good kitsch when you see it and what’s a good baby shower without some kitschy crap? Other accouterments may include, but not be limited to, pacifiers floating in the punch, babies carved in watermelon fruit displays, and tacky ass stork centerpieces. You don’t take this baby shower seriously and you don’t expect anyone else to either. May I pour you some more baby floaty Pellegrino, lady with a baby doll necklace?

(photo:  theleadchandelier)

If you have a BIG gender reveal cake in front of everybody

gender reveal cake

Everyone hates you. Basically.

(photo:  jennywenny)

If you make your guests do stupid games

baby shower games

Don’t people know that this is all about you? This party is about YOU, and YOUR baby, and whatever YOU want to do. Your day, your week, your month, your party, your baby shower. If people don’t like it, they can leave. More Snickers smeared into a baby diaper for you. No baby shower favors for them (which is a pity because you went to all the trouble of making this).

(photo: lovehatetragedie)

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  • keelhaulrose

    My inner Miss Manners is screaming “If you’re throwing your own baby shower, you’re flipping the bird to etiquette!”

    • chickadee

      That is precisely what I thought, but my IMM went a little further and noted, “And you family members aren’t supposed to throw one for you either.”

    • http://www.facebook.com/RetiredSceneQueen Emmali Lucia

      They aren’t?

      Every single baby shower I’ve gone to (Okay it’s only been one, but I can TOTALLY see my sisters’ mother throwing theirs) has been thrown by family

    • chickadee

      Technically, all showers are supposed to be thrown by non-family members, maybe because family members have a financial stake in the mother getting gifts…I don’t really know. It’s a weird and probably antiquated approach to the whole thing.

    • Tori

      precisely! When I read this, all I could think was, who throws their own baby shower?!?

  • India

    I thought other people threw the baby showers.? I wasn’t involved in the decor, food or games for mine, I just showed up… so even though I know this article is supposed to be funny, I’m confused about how my baby shower is supposed to say something about me…unless most other moms are involved with the shower preparation process and I’m not the norm.

  • SDA

    I agree. I didn’t have any say in mine (other than being asked the color schemes of my nursery) and have NEVER asked an opinion for any I’ve thrown. At best the baby showers you throw probably say more about you than those thrown for you.

  • PartyPooper

    What if you didn’t have a baby shower at all? I was completely uninterested/superstitious and it just wasn’t happening. So that makes me…antisocial, probably? :)

    • Allyson_et_al

      I didn’t have a shower, either. My mom was dying, and I was not in a party mood. My in-laws’ extended family (who lived a few states away) were really excited about the first grandchild, though, so they bought me a bunch of baby gifts and had a wrapping party. They had a fun get-together, I didn’t have to be sociable, and I got two big boxes of presents in the mail to open on my own. The circumstances sucked, but that solution was kind of a win-win.

  • Karla D.

    I’m not too sure why anyone would be hosting their own baby shower, it is not traditional and is a bit odd. This post was written as if the mother-to-be would be planning her own shower! As much as I loved having someone plan a shower for me and I included input only when they asked for it (which was basically just an overall theme which was a color scheme), my shower didn’t really symbolize me as the ones throwing it were my mother’s age, things appeared a bit dated. At the end of the day, the point of a shower is for the mother-to-be and baby to be showered with love and some gifts to make the transition easier, not to micromanage every detail of a party honoring her. I think the decor and overall aesthetics say much more about the person or people who decided to host the shower than it does about the mother-to-be who has no control over the outcome.

  • Justme

    If you judged me strictly by the baby shower my two best-friends threw me, you would think I was a pretentious, princessy asshole. You would be (more or less) incorrect. My baby shower was thrown by two people who are uber crafty and creative, therefore everything was decked out and totally Pinterest-worthy. All I did was tell them the colors of my nursery and then show up. So judging me based on my shower (despite the humor you tried to infuse into this article) would kind of make you the asshole.

    And as far as gender reveal parties go…I don’t think they’re terrible if they are done right. No expectation of gifts, not a hundred people on the guest list, just close friends and family, lots of food and plenty of booze…

    • chickadee

      Please invite me to your parties. Thank you.

    • Justme

      I also served Guinness at my daughter’s first birthday party. :)

    • chickadee

      That’s an excellent approach to take. We served Guinness at my father’s wake. It’s sort of an all-purpose ale.

  • Melissa T

    Wait…wouldn’t this be more indicative of your friends than you, since people don’t throw their own showers? Or do people throw their own showers nowadays? Is that a recent thing?

  • Cee

    I am childfree, and plan to be forevs, but when I wanted to have a child, i would always tell my girlfriend that the thing I cared about most for a baby shower was the food. I am sick of going to babyshowers with a ginormous sandwich and macaroni salad. Eff that! I would tell her “get some ribs, cornbread and a keg or tacos, guac, pico de gallo and maragaritas.” So basically my babyshower would be for fatty drunks.

    • http://www.facebook.com/RetiredSceneQueen Emmali Lucia

      Well luckily for you I’m guessing your friends want to have babies?

      Plan out there baby showers into a mini fiesta (And a Ciesta for the mom-to-be)

    • Cee

      Oh I will! And there will be NO ginormo sammich in any of them!

  • Nico

    I had a cake with a baby doll on it, but it also said, “Eat your Cake Bitch’. Old me meet new me.

    • Nico

      (Also, my friends threw my shower, not me.)

  • Allyson_et_al

    Who throws their own baby shower?

  • Blahblah

    Is all this stuff expected at showers? I haven’t been to one in like a million years, mine is being planned, and–I don’t like any of this. I don’t like the games, I want cake that tastes GOOD not all fondant-y. I mean… Can’t we just order pizza and–I don’t know. I don’t even know 90% of the people invited to my shower.

    • Justme

      I hate fondant.

      That is all.