Rep Steve TothQuick! Think of some things that get you all hot and bothered. Dinner by candle light? Long walks on the beach? A 10-inch purple dildo with a revolving head? Well, according to one Texas representative, what you should be thinking is HIGH SCHOOL SEX ED. Because nothing will ever be as sexy as your 9th grade health teacher putting a condom on a banana in a room filled with bright florescent lights.

Last week a Texas House panel approved another ridiculous round of restrictions on abortion for the legislature to muse over. This caused the Texas Freedom Network to call Governor Rick Perry out with a petition that wants to end “the state’s promotion of failed abstinence-only sex education and installing policies that ensure teaching about birth control, along with abstinence, in high school sex education classes.”

Sounds reasonable right? WRONG. Or wrong if you are Republican Reps. Bill Zedler and Steve Toth, both of whom vehemently disagree with any measure that would allow for dirty, dirty sex education talk.

This proved to be too much for Democrat Representative Donna Howard, who took her frustration out on Toth over his objections. The gist of her argument is that it makes ZERO sense to withhold important sex education information. Information that would most likely PREVENT abortions all together. Isn’t that what everyone wants?

Of course, sanity prevailed and Toth totally agreed…NAW, you know what happens next! Instead of making a reasonable rebuttal, Toth replied with a totally crazy sane sounding anecdote on how TOTES SEXY sexual education is for teenagers. The best part is that the Houston Chronicle got this insanity on tape, and now I have it for ya’ll (you’re welcome).

In case you’re at work, or are just worried you will punch yourself in the face after listening to such utter stupidity, here is Toth’s quote:

“My wife worked at a home for unwed moms, and one of the little kids that was born, his name is David. David came about as a result of his mom and dad, who were just 16 at the time, going to a Planned Parenthood deal where they taught them how to use contraceptives. They were not sexually active at that point. They got into the car, and they were so hot and bothered from this deal, he couldn’t even get the condom on.”

To her credit, Howard was a true southern class act and managed to just barely hide her sarcasm by saying “Wow! That’s a really interesting anecdote,” because this has truly been an awesome couple of weeks for female Texas politicians.

What kills me about this is that high school kids have as much porn as they could ever want in their iPhones/iPads etc. Literally a menagerie of perversion and hedonism right at their fingertips. Yet the thing Toth thinks will really get them going is an adult (who probably also teaches gym) educating them about the pill and how to put on a Jimmy hat. THAT is what will turn them into dirty, rutting, baby making, abortion-having sex fiends.

What it comes down to is that politicians like Toth want to outlaw both contraception AND abortions, and that just doesn’t make sense. So instead of doing the impossible (finding a reasonable argument) they stick to silly anecdata about how any talk of sex with teens is bad and will make them have sex. Thankfully there are people like Howard who are there to call shenanigans, so I can continue to have faith in humanity.

(Photo: YouTube)