Anonymous Mom is a weekly column of motherhood confessions, indiscretions, and parental shortcomings selected by Mommyish editors. Under this unanimous byline, readers can share their own stories, secrets, and moments of weakness with complete anonymity.
When pregnant with my first, life was a breeze. Weight gain didn’t occur until the last trimester, there was no morning sickness, no swelling, no achy boobs, nothing. Most people wouldn’t have known I was pregnant had I not told them.
My doctor was amazing and would cheerfully measure my belly, check my weight, give me the monthly/weekly low-down, and then send me on my way. Several times she told me how I was blessed to be experiencing the perfect pregnancy and that I was making her job way too easy.
The last trimester I gained 25 pounds and my stomach swelled — that was the extent of my pregnancy side effects. Even then I remember thinking how pregnancy was EASY, and if this is what it’s like then I’m having 10 babies.
I wanted to deliver naturally, without drugs. My doctor questioned me about my choice to skip the epidural but applauded my decision to do so. Further into my pregnancy, when it looked more and more like I was going to deliver a 10 pound baby, she brought up pain management again and I stood with my decision to skip the juice. My choice wasn’t based on anything other than my Mom didn’t have one, neither did my Grammy, so what the hell. Why would I?
For ideal as my pregnancy was, my labor was anything but. I went from starting labor to having delivered in less than four hours. My water breaking is when all hell broke lose. I begged and pleaded with the doctor and nurses to give me something, anything to make the pain stop. I punched my husband in the face while he was telling me how beautiful I was. I told my Mom she was a lying bitch for telling me that it wouldn’t hurt.
The only part about the actual delivery that I remember is my husband saying, “oh my God,” the doctor telling the nurse to get help, and me screaming like a lunatic as I experienced the worse pain you could ever imagine as every bit of me that can tear in my nether regions tore. And what didn’t tear, the doctor cut. Next thing I knew, I was looking at a baby.