Pregnant Kate Middleton is reportedly due in mid-July. Not only does Buckingham Palace have an intricate birthing plan, an intricate premature birthing plan, and a helicopter ready to go, but the press has already started to line up. Grab your pavement while you can and prepare for the biggest shitshow ever.
People magazine reports that London is going on Royal Baby lockdown mode with procedures already under way:
A sign went up over the weekend outside the Lindo Wing of St. Mary’s hospital in London, alerting drivers there will be no parking there for the month of July. The space across the street was also recently the location of a modern-day, urban stampede as the media rushed in to mark their spots… two days after the first press arrived, 60 photographers’ ladders are in position 40 feet from the front steps of the hospital, where Kate, The Duchess of Cambridge will emerge, according to royal protocol, with her husband, Prince William, and their newborn baby.
One photog by the name of Mark Stewart says that he, and many of his colleagues, are simply doing the obvious: securing “a front row position to see history in the making and to record the first appearance of William and Kate’s new baby.” Space is “limited” and there’s only one front door. At present, the outside of St. Mary’s is looking like this:
And people are starting to show up with stuff like this:
But camping out for 10-ish days in the London rain? It’s only July 3rd. At this point in her pregnancy, Kate is hopefully getting those blinged out manicures I advised and doing some epic nesting. And heaven help you guys if she delivers late. I hope you get out of the cattle cages for a sandwich at least.
Even Kate’s gyno, Dr. Marcus Setchell, is prepping himself. How does a royal surgeon gynecologist adequately prepare for a royal birth, you ask? By not boozing!
“He was telling people at a charity cricket match last weekend that he has stopped drinking for the last few weeks,” a source says of Dr. Setchell, 69, who can also request a police escort if he finds himself out of town when the all important call comes from the palace.
Prince William has reportedly secured time off circa mid-July (when not being royal, he apparently works as a rescue helicopter pilot in North Wales). And should Kate deliver early, Buckingham Palace says that there are “contingency plans” to get Daddy to London ASAP.
I imagine that plan also involves some sort of helicopter coordination? Did they rent out a fleet of helicopters for this birth or what? I hope they’re bedazzled, at least.