Just when you think that this whole “Paula Deen is a racist d-bag” debacle couldn’t get any weirder — BAM, our buttery, blue- eyed friend manages to stick her foot even deeper into her pie hole. Deen appeared on this morning’s “Today” show withÂ Matt LauerÂ (after cancelling once before) to speak publicly about her recent law suit shenanigans, and not surprisingly, thingsÂ got strange.
Deen appeared defensive and overly suspicious, claiming that she has only ever used the n-word once, after being held at gun point by an African-American man 30 years ago. Which is so funny, because during her court testimony she admitted to using the word numerous times. But why let a little thing like a potential perjury charge stop her from trying to save face on national TV. It’s not like judges watch these shows or anything.
This would be bad enough, but alas, it get worse. She goes on to blame young black people for making it difficult for her tiny, close-minded, fried food obsessed brain to comprehend which words are offensive (especially when they come from a privileged white lady):
“It’s very distressing for me to go into my kitchen and hear what these young people are calling each other…. For this problem to be worked on, those young people are going to have to take control and start showing respect for each other and stop throwing that word at each other.”
I’m sure by now your head is spinning from all the douchebaggery…but wait, there’s more!
By the end of the interview Deen was downright paranoid, claiming that “someone evil” is out there trying to get her. By evil I guess she means “not a douche rocket.” This is where shit gets real:
“If there’s anyone out there that has never said something that they wish they could take back, please pick up that stone and throw it so hard at my head that it kills me…”
So far, there has been a smattering of support for Deen. Anne Rice referred to a “lynch mob” culture. Oh, you mean the same culture that LITERALLY lynched and murdered black people during the Jim Crow days, Anne?
Jim McWhorter, an African American associate professor at Columbia University, recently made a case for Deen getting her job back, saying “How could she have a perfectly egalitarian take on race growing up when and where she did?” What?
Oh, Paula, honey. It’s time for real talk. We have ALL said things we regret. One time, when I was very drunk, I said I actually enjoyed the band Nickleback. It still gives me nightmares. But hun, there is a HUGE difference between the everyday regrets that one may have, and telling someone you would really like “a bunch of little n**gers to wear white shirts, black shorts and black bow ties” like in “Shirley TempleÂ days” for a “real southern wedding.”
You don’t come back from that (and rightfully so).