Bad Mom Advice: Daddy Divorce Guilt And Last Minute Father’s Day Hysteria

Parenting Advice Divorce GuiltWelcome to my weekly Bad Mom Advice column where I attempt to answer all of your parenting questions as only I know how — with zero degree in early childhood development, but with the experience of raising four kids and not having any of them in prison – yet! Plus, I back all my advice on numerous scientific research, which may or may not include me making fun of your dumb kid behind your back and drinking a bunch of wine! Welcome to Bad Mom Advice!

I recently became stepmother to a 5-year-old girl with some developmental delays due to early-life lead poisoning. She’s a sweet child and I’m fortunate to have a very good relationship with her. However, meals are becoming a nightmare. She’s finally gaining weight and is able to come to us and tell us she’s hungry, so we are frequently preparing small meals for her throughout the day. The problem arises when she selects which food she wants, watches me prepare it, eats two bites, and suddenly “my belly is full.” We tried letting her eat just what she wanted, but we found she’d come back half an hour later claiming she was hungry, yet refusing to eat the leftovers from earlier. When we encourage her to eat what’s on her plate– food that, again, we allowed HER to select– she declines. And if we insist, she melts down. Full-on sobbing hysterics. “I miss Mommy!” She has never, ever said that before. Hmm. “Do you miss Mommy because Daddy told you to finish your potatoes?” “Yes.” “Mommy would also tell you to finish your potatoes, and I’m asking you to finish your potatoes, because this is the fifth time today you’ve asked for food that you didn’t eat, and we’re finished wasting food.” The hardest part isn’t dealing with her inconvenient eating habits, though. The hardest part is that when she melts down to get out of having to clear her plate, her dad picks her up and cuddles her and turns on her favorite movie and basically rewards her for demanding and then wasting her food, while I’m the mean, heartless, bad guy because her tears don’t move me in this scenario. I can’t enlist her mother’s help, because reasons, and trying to talk to her dad just causes a fight, because I’m “attacking his angel.” 
I’m not attacking the little princess; I’m just tired of wasting time and food. Help me?

Share This Post:
    • jomeara

      I second that, start the day or sneak in a BJ the nite before, a home made card for the day from kids and trust me, he will not complain. Save your money, most dads just want the three f’s on fathers day, feed him, fuck him, then stfu.

      • http://www.xojane.com/author/eve Eve Vawter

        brb, cross-siching that on a pillow

      • Ptownsteveschick

        best slogan for a holiday ever!

    • Tea

      Oh man, I got this!

      Good Dad/Man person gifts for all occasions:
      If he drinks – A 25$+ bottle of something he likes, + decanter/glasses in his style if he doesn’t have any. Lots of sampler bottles may also be appreciated, tie them with strip leather/decorative paper strips so that it doesn’t look like you grabbed a handful of tiny boozes and threw them in a bag. If you know he wants to try ______, get about 6 varieties, and a cheap but proper glass to try it out in. A basic cocktail set can also be a great gift, again, if he’s the sort.

      Cool Books – The Art of Manliness books kick ass. History books, and for literary dads, some hard-bound copies of old, masculine classics may be appreciated. My go-to is usually First-Edition Heinlein for my scifi loving dad. They’re 12 bucks a piece and he’s genuinely giddy.

      Tech Dads: A new laptop battery, more ram for a desktop, new video card, a few games, can all be awesome. Do a quick check of your PCs system specs, just in case, he may be lusting after the new Bioshock game but have a computer that can barely play Halo.

      Fashionable Dads; Light weight scarves are in. Quality leather gloves, belts, and if he’s the sort, hats are appreciated. Also, shoe care stuff might be appreciated, make a little shoe-shine kit and put it in a snazzy box, help your kids decorate it with Dad-ish things.

      Class Gift-Certificates: Sports stores, Wilson’s Leather, Bespoke Post (Note, I am not affiliated with these guys, But I love their subscription service!)

      Food: Bacon anything, look up a recipe for bacon salt. Get a hymalayan salt brick for grilling, or some rubs/marinades, or make some!

      Kid Crafts: Grab one of those DIY mugs or tumblers at your local starbucks and let the kids draw/color on it. Or one of the mugs you bake after doodling on. Or make some Bay Rum aftershave, it just takes rum, vodka, and some spices you have in the cabinet, and your kids can help.
      Or just browse this:
      http://pinterest.com/diamondkandace/crafts-for-father-s-day/

      Be careful buying: Wallets, this is as much of an easy choice as picking a purse is for ladies. We have preferences, we have styles we like, thicknesses we like, and even fashion-Meh guys can be really picky. Ties- If he doesn’t wear one often, don’t get one, and if he does, know what kind he wears. Some guys can’t tie, some guys can tie a tie and 12 kinds of ascot knot (Guilty!). Cologne can be fickle, too, and the difference between smelling like a hot summer breeze and a singles bar.

      Do not: No dad mugs. No #1 dad ANYTHING. Don’t bother with tiny tool kits/more tools if you know he has a bunch but don’t know what he wants or has. My dad must have 4 full socket sets because I was a really uncreative kid…

      Free: Spend time with dad, but don’t build the whole day around hogging every moment. Let him kick back with a beer, no kids, and just breathe, or catch a movie with you that the kids can’t go see.

      • sparklesmcgee

        This is SO GOOD! Thank you. I dunno if its a thing in the US, but where I live you can buy ‘movie money’, like gift cards for the movies. I give my husband enough to see five movies solo, he gets to see all the blockbusters and have some time out to himself, he loves it.

    • SusannahJoy

      I got my husband a glass sculpture of a caffeine molecule from thinkgeek.com. it was on sale! woo!