My Baby Loves His Father More Than Me

toddler loving dadI’m actually quite proud of myself for not allowing my feelings to get (too) hurt. I know my son loves me. I just think he loves his father more (at least right now). Happy Father’s Day, I guess.

Most mothers know the term “Mommmyitous,” which is when your child refuses to leave mommy’s side, or if someone tries to hold your child they’ll just reach out and want Mommy, Mommy, and Mommy. But who ever uses the term “Daddyitous?” My son has Daddyitous.

When my fiancé comes home from work, it’s game over for mommy. I no longer exist. My son just wants Daddy, Daddy, and Daddy. He will not leave Daddy’s side, grabbing onto his leg and not letting go. When my fiancé tries to put him down on the floor, he starts to scream, so my fiancé has to pick him up again. My fiancé literally has to sneak out the door in the mornings because my son has such “Daddyitous.”

I’m not used to this. My daughter definitely had Mommyitous from the time she was born and I’ll admit, I loved it. She STILL has Mommyitous and I still LOVE it. Who wouldn’t? It’s so nice to know that you are the most important and wonderful person in your child’s life!

When my nephew was a toddler, he only wanted my brother. He even refused to let my sister-in-law put him to bed and many, many times I heard my nephew wailing, “I want Daddy! I want Daddy ONLY! NO MOMMY!”

Back then, I thought, “Wow! That’s got to sting for my sister-in-law. How can her feelings not be hurt that her own son doesn’t want her?” But now I’m living the same thing. When Daddy is around, Mommy is as good as a lamp, something that is in the room but not needed. Which if I really think about it should hurt my feelings.

I’m the one home with the dude all day. I’m the one that makes sure he naps, eats, has his diaper changed. I do the grunge work, the unappreciated grunge work that keeps him alive! Daddy just comes home from work and, um, Mommy is totally forgotten about. (I won’t get into the fact that Daddy didn’t have to carry baby for almost 10 months either!)

My fiancé does not like that our son has Daddyitous. He doesn’t find it endearing. He finds it kind of annoying. He finds it fucking annoying. I can see why. My fiancé, when he is home, can’t even go to the bathroom without taking our son with him.

I think my feelings don’t get that hurt because it’s a great excuse for me to have some Mommy Time. Hey, the kid doesn’t want me! He wants Daddy! What can I do? Literally, my fiancé will be chopping up vegetables for dinner and our son will be hanging off his leg for dear life. Even though I am WAY better at putting our son to bed, if my son starts to talk like, “I ONLY WANT DADDY TO PUT ME TO BED,” well, I think I’ll be just fine with that. Changing him, trying to get him into his pajamas, feeding him a bottle, reading him a book isn’t exactly my ideal of fun every single night. My fiancé may get annoyed that our son has Daddyitous, and I MAY pretend to be upset.

I have said, “Why doesn’t he love me as much?” pretending to be hurt while really thinking, “Thank God, I get a break!”

“I don’t know what to tell you,” I’ll say to my fiancé. “He just really loves you. You should be so happy!”

Yes, I’m trying to get my fiancé to look at the positive of Daddyitous so he won’t get so annoyed and I can enjoy some free time. When Daddy is not around, my son DOES want Mommy. It’s kind of like getting a silver medal instead of a gold. But I think silver is just fine (except when it comes to jewelry.)

I’m going to enjoy this time while my son has Daddyitous because it doesn’t last forever apparently. And, as sappy as it sounds, I love seeing how much my son adores his dad.

(photo: MCarper / Shutterstock)

You can reach this post's author, Rebecca Eckler, on twitter.
Share This Post:
    • SDA

      Sometimes I feel like my daughter feels this way about her sitter. It is all fun and games and she is completely spoiled rotten there. When she comes home, it is all high chairs, and feeding, and bed time (although I make sure to have an hour of play with her a night). I just try to be very happy she feels that loved there, but c’mon girl, throw me a bone!! (Of course, my Saturdays and Sundays are full of “mamamamamamas” so that does help)

    • Blueathena623

      Yup, this is the attitude to have. My son is seriously in love with my husband, despite me staying home with him. Mommy is no more once daddy walks in the door. At first it really hurt my feelings for him to literally push me out of the way once his dad got home. Its hysterical and heartbreaking how frantic he gets when DH even goes to the bathroom. But then, like you, I realized that its actually kinda great that I can go to the bathroom and not come out to a sobbing toddler. Its awesome I don’t have to hold him all the time so he doesn’t get hysterical. On the weekends we trade off taking care of him, and by the end DH is always exhausted. I also have a lot more freedom in my “off” time because my kid doesn’t care if I breeze in and out of the room doing whatever. With DH, however, we (I?) decided that during his “off” time, once he leaves the room he needs to stay out of the room because I am not going to deal with a tantrum every few minutes. So he’ll be upstairs in his office, texting me if its safe for him to come downstairs and get a drink, and when you think about it, that has got to SUCK.

    • Anne Cordelia

      Amen, sister! This whole “Mommyitous” thing is one of the many reasons I decided not to breastfeed my son. I’ve seen so, so many breastfed babies that can’t be comforted by anyone but mommy, who want only mommy, mommymommymommymommy!!! I’m certainly not saying that all breastfed babies are like that at all, but I certainly didn’t want to take the chance. My husband and I are partners in life, and it would totally gripe my ass not to have that reciprocity when it comes to our child. Who, incidently, most loves whomever is closest. It’s a win-win; time to myself, but with lots of love, too.

      • sparklesmcgee

        Wait, you chose not to breastfeed because you didn’t want your kid to be too attached to you?

      • LET

        I agree, WTH??
        I BF’d & was a single mom til my son was almost 3, but my son still loves my DH (adopted father) as much as me & sometimes more. The idea that one shouldn’t BF to avoid mommyitis is asinine.

      • whiteroses

        Yeah, that’s confusing. My son is formula fed and for the last month and a half nobody on earth has existed but me. He spends a ridiculous amount of time with his grandmother and grandfather as well. And I hate to burst your bubble or “gripe your ass”, but as your child grows he will occasionally prefer one parent over the other. Children aren’t really known for their sense of equality. Fairness, yes, but equality, not so much.

        Try explaining to a feverish three year old “No, baby, Mommy was here an hour ago and Mommy and Daddy are equal partners.” You know what that’s going to do when your child’s wanting comfort from whatever parent isn’t closest?

        I agree with LET. Not BFing to avoid mommyitis is asinine.

      • SDA

        Yeah, choosing to BF or not probably won’t affect if your child has “Mommyitous” – pretty much depends on the child and also their developmental stage in life.

    • Lashatumbai

      I wish mine would have a little more daddyitous sometimes…

    • LiteBrite

      For the first year, my son was all about Mommy. Then, right around age 1, he made the switch. Suddenly, Daddy was the shining star. Only Daddy could put him to bed. Only Daddy could read him a story. Only Daddy could fix the Lego tower. It went like that for a good couple of years, then just as suddenly he switched again and was all about Mommy.

      Right now, he’s in his Daddy phase once again, to a point where on a recent outing with just the two of us he refused to get ice cream because he wanted to check with DH first to make sure it was okay. (Seriously kid?) I admit I get a little jealous and annoyed over his Daddyitous, but it’s a great way to get some guilt-free Me time. Yeah, it stings a little when he wants Daddy and not me, but the boy has an awesome male role model in DH, and I’m glad he trusts his father as much as he does.

    • Margaret

      Really? “Most mothers know the term “Mommmyitous?” Huh. Four kids, never heard of it. If you’re trying to coin something here, maybe it’s Mommy-itis? Daddy-itis?

    • Maria Cooker

      This is my testimony about the good work of a man who helped me….My name is maria cooker … My life is back!!! After 8 years of marriage, my husband left me and left me with our three kids. I felt like my life was about to end, and was falling apart. Thanks to a spell caster called papa ork who i met online. On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet, I was searching for a good spell caster that can solve my problems. I came across series of testimonies about this particular spell caster. Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he restores womb, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce and so on. There was one particular testimony I saw, it was about a woman called grace,she testified about how papa ork brought back her Ex lover in less than 72 hours and at the end of her testimony she drop papa ork e-mail address. After reading all these,I decided to give papa a try. I contacted him via email and explained my problem to him. In just 3 days, my husband came back to me. We solved our issues, and we are even happier than before. papa ork is really a talented and gifted man and i will not to stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man…If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve that problem for you. Try the great papa ork today, he might be the answer to your problem. Here’s his contact: orkstarspell@gmail.com Thank you great ork. Contact him for the following:

      (1)If you want your ex back.,
      (2) if you always have bad dreams.
      (3)You want to be promoted in your office.
      (4)You want women/men to run after you.
      (5)If you want a child.
      (6)[You want to be rich.
      (7)You want to tie your husband/wife to be yours forever.
      (8)If you need financial assistance.
      (9)Herbal care
      10)Help bringing people out of prison
      Contact him today on:
      orkstarspell@gmail.com

    • nate

      “I’m the one home with the dude all day. I’m the one that makes sure he naps, eats, has his diaper changed. I do the grunge work, the unappreciated grunge work that keeps him alive! Daddy just comes home from work and, um, Mommy is totally forgotten about.”

      That’s because you are always with him. DUH! He hasn’t seen his father all day so he is gong to be missed. He can’t miss you if you’re always there with him. It ain’t rocket science

    • Monica Roland

      I am Mrs. Monica Roland from USA, i want to share a testimony of my life to every one. i was married to my husband, and i love him so much we have been married for 5 years now with two kids. when he went for a vacation to France he meant a lady called Clara, he told me that he is no longer interested in the marriage any more. i was so confuse and seeking for help, i don’t know what to do until I met my friend miss Florida and told her about my problem. she told me not to worry about it that she had a similar problem before and introduce me to a man called Dr. Ibudu who cast a spell on her ex and bring him back to her after 3days. Miss Florida ask me to contact Dr. Ibudu. I contacted him to help me bring back my husband and he ask me not to worry about it that the gods of his fore-fathers will fight for me. He told me by three days he will re-unite me and my husband together. After three day my husband called and told me he is coming back to sought out things with me, I was surprise when I saw him and he started crying for forgiveness. Right now I am the happiest woman on earth for what this great spell caster did for me and my husband, you can contact Dr. Ibudu on any problem in this world, he is very nice, here is his contact: tinalovespell@gmail.com He is the best spell caster. call him on +2348078467513

    • Monica Roland

      I am Mrs. Monica Roland from USA, i want to share a testimony of my life to every one. i was married to my husband, and i love him so much we have been married for 5 years now with two kids. when he went for a vacation to France he meant a lady called Clara, he told me that he is no longer interested in the marriage any more. i was so confuse and seeking for help, i don’t know what to do until I met my friend miss Florida and told her about my problem. she told me not to worry about it that she had a similar problem before and introduce me to a man called Dr. Ibudu who cast a spell on her ex and bring him back to her after 3days. Miss Florida ask me to contact Dr. Ibudu. I contacted him to help me bring back my husband and he ask me not to worry about it that the gods of his fore-fathers will fight for me. He told me by three days he will re-unite me and my husband together. After three day my husband called and told me he is coming back to sought out things with me, I was surprise when I saw him and he started crying for forgiveness. Right now I am the happiest woman on earth for what this great spell caster did for me and my husband, you can contact Dr. Ibudu on any problem in this world, he is very nice, here is his contact: tinalovespell@gmail.com He is the best spell caster. call him on +2348078467513

    • Emma Jurgens

      • MY HIV DISEASE WAS CURED BY DR NICE, WITH HIS HERBAL HEALING SPELL/ (drniceharbelhealinghome@gmail.com).DR NICE is the only Dr who could ever get my HIV-AIDS cured with his healing spell, I have tried almost everything but I couldn’t find any solution on my disease, despite all these happening to me, I always spend a lot to buy a HIV drugs from hospital and taking some several medications but no relieve, until one day I was just browsing on the internet when I come across a great post of! Michelle! who truly said that she was been diagnose with HIV and was healed that very week through the help of these great powerful healing spell doctor, sometime I really wonder why people called him DR NICE I never knew it was all because of the great and perfect work that he has been doing that is causing all this. so I quickly contacted him, and he ask me some few questions and he said a thing I will never forget that anyone who contacted him is! always getting his or her healing in just 6 hours after doing all he ask you, so I was amazed all the time I heard that from him, so I did all things only to see that at the very day which he said I will be healed, all the strength that has left me before rush back and I becomes very strong and healthy, this disease almost kills my life all because of me, so I went to hospital to give the final test to the disease and the doctor said I am HIV negative, I am very amazed and happy about the healing Dr NICE gave to me from the ancient part of Africa, you can email him now for your own healing too at :drniceharbelhealinghome@gmail.com

    • Pingback: Competing Against Your Spouse For Your Baby's Love And Affection()