• Fri, May 10 - 3:50 pm ET

The Top 8 Worst Mother’s Day Gifts

bestmomplagueWhile some mother’s are plotting ways to piss off their families during Mother’s Day celebrations, others are getting crappy gifts. And no, I don’t mean a simple bouquet or a thoughtful spa certificate or a nice lunch with relatives you can or cannot stand. I mean CRAPPY gifts. We are committing to the word here, people. CRAPPY.

Rinky dink crafts and yet another drawing for the fridge don’t even count. We’re talking light years beyond kitten sweaters — which are actually pretty cool — and even a semi inoffensive letter opener. Think the gift equivalent of attending a Mother’s Day garden party only to have 150 guests come down with epic food poisoning — cucumber sandwich style. That’s kind of where we’re at.

There’s no saving these eight items from a Mother’s Day shit list unless you’re personally crafting an Ugly Mother’s Day Collection in your closet. In which, case by all means, get your Pinterest clicker ready.

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  • DMH

    Maybe I’m just easy to please, but I’m not against a teddy bear or something cute like that. Especially if it came from my son.

  • http://www.xojane.com/author/eve Eve Vawter

    Hilarious

  • LiteBrite

    None of these items are my style in the least, but if it came from my son I’d cherish it forever. Except for that last one. That one would have to get tossed. Sorry kid.

    • CortCab

      When my dad first started dating my stepmom, he got her some earrings that said “Love” and were veryyyy reminiscent of that lovely necklace. My sister and I, both teenagers at the time, just shook our heads–”Oh, no, Dad. Just no.”

  • Rachel Jones

    I would be thrilled to get any of that stuff. I’m sure this year I’ll get the same thing I’ve gotten for the last six years I’ve been a mother, jack. This article article almost made me cry :( Oh well, my kids are the best gift, right?

    • http://www.xojane.com/author/eve Eve Vawter

      Omg Rachel I wanna have a Mother’s Day for you!

  • Helen Hyde

    I have a teddybear that says mum on it, and a necklace that says mommy (in an etsy way) and I love them both. I’d love the mug next time. It’s the thought that counts!

  • Tea

    I’m making my mom some dark chocolate vodka!

    • Annie

      Can I adopt you?

    • Tea

      Aww! You can totally have my recipe, though! This is pretty much a life-saver, I keep a honey jar of it on top of my fridge.

      Ingredients: 2 bars/3 ounces Chocolate (Any kind, without nuts/crunchy nonsense, use the eating kind, or add sugar at step 4 for Baking choloate), Vanilla Extract, Vodka (Room temperature, 2 cups should do). Opt Add-ins: Cinnamon, Mint Extract, Orange Extract.

      1. Melt chocolate in a double-boiler.
      2. Agitate the chocolate, be sure it’s melted and in a nice, even layer.
      3. Slowly pour in vodka, while whisking, just a few splashes, then whisk more. Whisk until incorporated. Add vodka until desired consistency or booze-to-chocolate ratio is achieved.
      4. Add in your extras, if you have any, and whisk more! Use a spatula to get any off the bottom.

      Enjoy hot or room temperature. It’s amazing served hot in a tiny cordial glass with a shot of cream and marshmallows.

    • Annie

      I actually started flapping my hands and squealing when I read this. Thanks! :D

  • Annie

    I love the expression on the breastfeeding sculpture’s face. Don’t tell me she’s enjoying that shit. =__=

    During my petulant teen years, I got my mom a mother’s day bouquet with a pin reading “A clean home is a sign of a wasted life”.

    Yeah, she’s severely obsessive-compulsive and can’t sleep when she can hear the house being dirty. A decade down the line I feel bad about that, but at the time it was pretty funny. #assholeteenager

  • keelhaulrose

    I love it’s a man modeling the sweatshirt.

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