• Wed, May 1 2013

I’m Scared That My Stepchildren Will Let Me Down This Mother’s Day

stepmother

My friend refers to Mother’s Day as “The Biggest Let Down of the Year.” I see her point. What one of us mothers has not wanted a “re-do” Mother’s Day? This is why I’m very PROACTIVE when it comes to Mother’s Day.

My 9-year-old daughter’s father knows the day is important to me and, in the past, I have said things to him like, “She said she really wants to buy me a new Prada purse for Mother’s Day! Okay?” Or, because my daughter can now speak, I’ll get her to say to him, “It’s Mother’s Day in one week and I have no money, so can you buy a present for mommy from me? She is the best mommy ever!” And, just in case my daughter’s father forgets about Mother’s Day (he hasn’t ever yet, but you never know) I’ll also go out and buy myself something, because FUCK, IT’S MOTHER’S DAY AND MOMMY DESERVES A NEW PURSE.

Now I have stepchildren in my life and I’m not really sure what to expect, or how to be proactive when it comes to my two stepchildren. I don’t want to feel like Mother’s Day is the Biggest Let Down of the Year. I know I shouldn’t EXPECT anything. And while I don’t really, I can’t help but know my stepchildren are in my house 50 percent of the time.

Though I’m not their “mother” I’m a female figure in their lives, who spends half the week with them, buys them food, provides a roof over their head, lets them raid my closets for clothes, takes care of their dog, watches them play soccer, hangs out with them, and listens to their problems, kind of like…a mother. But there’s no day called, “Adult Female Figure Day.”

Frankly? I like presents. I like to be acknowledged and appreciated for being a mother…at least once a year. Yeah, yeah. It’s a Hallmark holiday. But I care! And you’re either a saint or a liar if you say you don’t.

One of my friends actually receives flowers from her stepchildren’s biological mother on Mother’s Day. She had had a horrible Mother’s Day one year (because her husband didn’t acknowledge it at all even though they have a son together as well.) She came home after dinner to see flowers at the doorstep.

“I thought, ‘Okay. He’s redeemed himself,’” she said before bursting out into laughter. “But the flowers weren’t even from him. They were from his ex-wife! The card said, ‘Thank you for being such a wonderful person in my children’s life.’” My friend laughed and cried at the insanity of having the father of her child not do anything, but the MOTHER of her stepchildren step up to the plate on Mother’s Day.

I found it so touching and thoughtful that a biological mother was acknowledging my friend, the stepmother.

I don’t think my fiancé’s ex will be sending me anything, at least anything that smells or looks pretty. (And for all of you who keep wondering, no he did not cheat on her with me. I met him on a blind date AFTER they had separated and he had moved on and out.) She hates me, or the idea of me, which I can grasp, even though The Bitter Ex is not a very good look on anyone.

Because my stepchildren are old enough to have their own phones, and also know it’s Mother’s Day, I can’t help but think, “I wonder if I’ll get a call from them on Mother’s Day.” Or will they do something for me before Mother’s Day? They will be spending actual Mother’s Day with their mother.

Stepchildren open up a whole other possibility of Mother’s Day becoming The Biggest Let Down of the Year when you are invested in them, which I am.

I think what will happen is that my fiancé will step up to the plate, and he’ll probably buy something for me and put their names on the card. Or will he just sign our son’s name and not his daughters? See? This is why it’s easy to see how Mother’s Day can turn into the Biggest Let Down of the Year. It’s best not to think about it at all.

But because I DO think about it, it’s best to be proactive. So, this year, I think I’ll be SUPER proactive and buy myself a number of things because I am not only a mother, I am a stepmother. And I don’t want this day, this year, to be the biggest let down of the year.

(photo:  Africa Studio / Shutterstock)

You can reach this post's author, Rebecca Eckler, on twitter.
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  • Jessie

    Lower your expectations. I can’t see your step daughters calling you on Mother’s Day when they are celebrating with their mother, especially since the Mother doesn’t like you. It puts them in an awkward place. Let them celebrate with their mom and don’t put so much pressure on them, I’m sure they feel enough as it is. Poor girls. It must be so hard on them. It must be hell to have two mothers to disappoint.

  • ChopChick

    I can’t help but notice how all your posts seem to revolve around you and other people acknowledging you and how great you are, and celebrating yourself, etc. etc. I really think you need to take a step back and reevaluate how you view yourself and how you want others to view you. Yeah, it’s true, it’ll suck if you’re not acknowledged but something about your posts tell me that you crave a lot of validation from those around you and maybe you should try to find away to get that fulfillment in other places.

    • CW

      Sometimes I wonder if she is really so self-centered or whether it’s just her “persona” that she has created for her blogging.

    • ChopChick

      That would make me feel better, actually.

    • Andrea

      It wouldn’t make me feel better. All that means is that she’s just creating that persona we all love to hate for the sake of increasing readership. Even lamer.

  • Liz

    Honestly? If my stepmother called my mom a “bitter ex” on a popular website, I’d be pretty pissed. As someone’s stepdaughter myself, I can’t help but feel bad for these girls. It’s not all about you- let them be with their mom on Mother’s Day without guilting them into buying you stuff.

    • rebecca eckler

      It’s about them all the time. Don’t worry about that aspect. Of course they should be with their mother on mother’s day. Don’t and never will have a problem with that. As for the bitter ex? Well, if it walks like a duck, and talks like a duck…

    • Robbie

      “It” is not a duck. She is their mother, regardless of how you feel about her. Frankly, if my stepmother spoke about my mom the way you speak about their mom, in a PUBLIC setting, she would be lucky to be acknowledged.

    • rebecca eckler

      I think the kids, really, are too buys to read a site for mothers. They are too busy with, um, teenage stuff like Instagram. I don’t even think they know what a “blog” is. And, yes, “It” it is! If you were in my shoes, and saw how “it” treated her ex, well, I think you would not judge. End of story.

    • Robbie

      No one deserves to be called “it”. This is what you want your children to learn? That it is okay to blast someone you don’t like online to thousands, so long as there is a fairly good chance that your loved ones don’t see it? That is sad.

    • Makabit

      I agree that trashing this woman online is not a good idea. That said, ‘if it walks like a duck’ is colloquial, not calling the kid’s mother ‘it’. ‘If she walks like a duck’ would make no sense at all.

    • CrazyFor Kate

      Rebecca, a public blog is not the place to air your family laundry like this, especially if it will upset the kids. Normally I give your articles a chance, but this is a new low. Being a stepparent is extremely delicate, and you should be trying your very hardest not to pull crap like this.

    • Gayle

      why don’t you step parents go away!!!! I really don’t remember my ex’s new wife being in the bed when I conceived both of my children.

    • CrazyFor Kate

      Er, was that directed to me? Because I’m not a stepparent. Or a parent. Or married. Or even in a relationship.

    • ChopChick

      Riiiight. Cause teenagers dont enjoy mocking their parents and calling them jerks. You know who they enjoy doing that to even more? Their stepmother who spends all her time blogging about how great she is and how much sex she has with my dad.

    • Liz

      I don’t care if she punches you in the face every time you see her. Your just don’t talk shit about someone’s mom. Espeacially your step-kid’s mom. Do you honestly believe that a teenager has never googled their parents/step-parents? You must not be close with your family at all. If you were close with your own family you’d realize that you can’t insult people’s loved ones, even if they allegedly don’t know about it. I admire these girls’ mom- I sure as hell wouldn’t be nice enough to let my kids around someone who acts like this.

    • brebay

      You don’t think teens know what a blog is? And it sounds like you have a really special relationship with them if the most you can guess about them is that they probably like instagram. News Flash: HOW YOUR EX DOES OR DOESN’T TREAT HER CHILDREN’S FATHER IS NOT YOUR BUSINESS! WORRY ABOUT YOUR OWN KIDS!

    • True Disbeliever

      Exactly. My husband’s ex always used her kids for leverage. I sympathized with my husband, but it was really none of my business!

    • True Disbeliever

      Teenage stuff, like Instagram??? I know a lot of adults who are serious about photography, but also enjoy posting on Instagram and looking at other photos on there. There happen to be some really professional looking pictures on there.

      BTW, since you and your “fiance” and “ex” (was he a husband or another baby daddy?) seem to be so well off, you should really get yourself a decent editor/proofreader. You’re a professional writer? Sheeesh…

    • Sandy

      You dont think they will google names? Its like the number one passtime of teens these days.

      Honestly – you sound like the bitter one here

    • Michelle Pittman

      for the record — no matter how evil or mean their mom may or may not be, it wouldn’t hurt to take the high road…BE the rational adult…encourage them to be kind to their mom and dad…and DON’T TRASH THEIR MOM ON A BLOG…if she is as bitter and evil as you insinuate, you can bet your ass that she reads your blog and she also probably prints out all of the comments as the majority of them are negative towards you…i would…and i would laugh with glee and think to my self, “see, she really is a bitch — NO ONE likes her, not even her readers”…and then, if she wants to be extra bitter/mean — she can show them to her TEEN daughters…

      i’m just saying – as a STEPDAUGHTER — i love my stepmom (both of them actually since i’m on my 2nd)…and she absolutely NEVER said a word about my mom…EVER…and if she would have…i wouldn’t have had a shred of respect for her…

    • Jenn

      are you sure? 17 this year and I’m reading about you complaining.. so clearly, teens do read.

    • TngldBlue

      That’s rich. Insulting their mother in public articles is the
      opposite of all about them. If you cared about her kids as much as
      you say you do you’d keep those thoughts private out of respect for
      their feelings. And teenagers grow up and become adults, the internets is forever. Be the bigger person for once, it might be a nice change.

    • brebay

      Then you do what’s right for the kids anyway, it’s called being the grown-up.

    • Julie

      For the record, I don’t buy for a second that any of these kids have no idea what a blog is. My 6 and 7 year olds know what a blog is. So they will very likely see all this business one day (if they haven’t already). And just another thing to think about, you better believe that their mother definitely knows what you do for living. And if she really hates you like you say she does… putting all this business out there is not something I’d do if I were you. It’s asking for trouble. For you. For your “fiancé”. And if you this ex is as horrible as you are making her out to be does it not stand to reason that she would take great delight in showing this to her kids? I would totally snoop on the blog of the current gf of my ex-husband/father of my children. Who wouldn’t?

    • drinkpepsi

      Eckler certainly puts the “me” in Mommeeee.

      If there’s any wonder why your fiance’s Ex may dislike you, take a look at just a few of your headlines:

      Get What You Want This Mother’s Day. Twist The Ex’s Arm.

      When I was Pregnant, I Had Sex Every Day

      Yes, I Let My 9-Year-Old Watch Horror Movies

      I Steal Money From My Kid

      With My Huge Blended Family, I’ve Resorted To Labeling My Food

      I’m So Scared of the Dentist, I Haven’t Taken My Daughter in Three Years

      My 8-Year-Old Comes With Me to All My Waxing Appointments

      If My Daughter Vomits, She’s On Her Own

      Yes, you sound like a normal, selfless, empathetic mother. I can see no reason why anyone would question your parenting ability or be uneasy about leaving their children in your care.

    • nice

      SICK!!!

  • Justme

    Somebody get the marshmallows and chocolate because Rebecca is about to get roasted on this one.

    • Andrea

      I almost hesitated to click on the comment section on this one. But gawd almighty she’s a train wreck I can’t seem to stop watching.

      I feel so sorry for all the children in her life.

    • http://www.facebook.com/valerisexton.jones Valeri Jones

      I agree completely. I feel sorry for her stepchildren, especially, after she publicly bashes their mother on a blog. And she says that they don’t read the blog, that they’re more worried about Instagram. @f5a2d9edc5893304cafa3b6e695440e1:disqus – do you not realize that these kids will read this blog one day? do you not realize that when you talk about their mother the way you do, that you are hurting THEIR feelings? They have no control over how their mom treats your boyfriend or you, so why is that even relevant in this situation? And do you realize that one day they might read this particular blog and get their feelings hurt again because they either DID get you something for Mother’s Day, but you took to writing to whine about how you expected them to “let you down” or because they don’t get you something, so you’ve basically bashed them on a website as well? You are incorrigible and definitely not deserving of any love you get from those kids. And your own kids? Well, they’re gonna grow up and either hate you or be just like you, from the sound things. Poor kids. Also? It’s no wonder your boyfriend won’t marry you.

  • Sara

    Okay, not to get all After School Special on you, but for a lot of women I know (including myself), Mother’s Day really isn’t about the presents. My husband (my daughter is only 18 months old) shows his love and appreciation for me every day, and so holidays like Mother’s Day and even Valentine’s Day don’t really hold a whole lot of significance. We might give each other cards and a small gift, and go out on a date. Other than that, it’s just another day where we say how much we love each other, how much we each appreciate what the other does, etc. You know, all the things we do the other 364 days of the year.

    You are clearly really, really into material things and measure the love from important people in your life–at least in large part–based on what they buy you. That’s fine. We all get our jollies from different things. But I think you may be vastly overestimating the degree to which everyone else looks at the relationship between “stuff”, happiness and love the same way that you do.

    And as far as being “proactive” when it comes to your boyfriend’s children (they’re not your stepchildren, so I won’t be referring to them that way), how about just letting them process what is undoubtedly already a complex holiday for them in the way that works FOR THEM? They don’t owe it to you to make your Mother’s Day special, especially since you’ve already said that they won’t even be with you. If they give you a card, great–that’s lovely. If not, that’s okay too. It shouldn’t affect the way you see them, nor should the fact that they’re “in my house” 50% of the time have anything to do with it. Just chill out, try to have some compassion for the difficult situation they’re in, and sure, if it will make you feel better, go buy yourself a purse or three.

    • Rebecca Eckler

      And that’s exactly what I plan to do! Thanks for sharing!

    • Sara

      Well……except that you titled the article “I’m Scared That My Stepchildren Will Let Me Down On Mother’s Day”. Which clearly indicates an expectation that they’re going to do SOMETHING for you that’s up to whatever standard you’ve set, otherwise the term “let down” wouldn’t apply. Would it be lovely if they did recognize you on Mother’s Day? Of course, but they shouldn’t be placed in a position where if they don’t for whatever reason, they’re “letting you down” and the 50% of the time they spend in “your house” (as opposed to THEIR home that they share with their father and where they should feel welcome) is going to be awkward because their Mother’s Day observance didn’t rise to the level of veneration that you expect.

    • rebecca eckler

      I don’t write the titles. Sorry!

    • Sara

      You don’t at least get any say over them? Well, that’s good to know, although it kind of sucks for the writers on Mommyish. I retract my comment about the title.

      But still, the article itself is full of allusions to this fear that your boyfriend’s children will somehow let you down. Some aren’t even allusions–they’re just flat-out statements. It’s admirable that you say you want to be patient and understanding and let your boyfriend’s daughters take the time they need to process this complicated situation in the way that’s comfortable and appropriate for them. I think, though, that if this article is representative of the way you approach your relationship with them in general, you may not be doing as good a job of it as you think you are.

    • Amber

      You said it in the article too.

  • Angela

    What is it that you really want? I’m not saying it to be snide, just wondering. It seems that even if your fiance does get you a gift on their behalf you’ll still feel let down. Are you hoping they’ll take initiative on their own to get something for you? Would a card be enough? Or are you hoping they will pick out and/or pay for a gift on their own. It sounds like a phone call on Mother’s Day would put them in an awkward spot with their mom so it’s really not fair to expect that. You could tell your fiance upfront how you feel and get him to spell it out to his girls that even though they already have a mom you still really care for them and it would mean a lot for them to acknowledge you in some way (unless you think this might cause resentment). Or maybe you could take the reins yourself. Plan a mother-daughter spa day where you can all get pampered together. Maybe you could even acknowledge them with a card explaining how glad you are to be a part of their lives.

    • rebecca eckler

      Great idea! And I’m going to do that! Thanks for this!

    • faifai

      When my mother first married my stepfather, she called me up before their first Father’s Day and told me that she wanted me to send him a Father’s Day card because she thought it would be nice. I was 16, mad as he11 at her (see the mommyish article on borderline personality disorder in parents) and didn’t even know the man since she’d been dating him in secret & the day she announced their marriage was the first time I’d met him.

      This is not the same situation as the author. She has, in effect, partial custody. Understood. However, if I were one of the girls, being told that someone who’s not even related to me *demands* a nice gift would make me put on the breaks and dig my heels in out of sheer “how dare you” contrariness.

      If you don’t have a good relationship with the girls, just continue being a good person and a good role model, and in the end you’ll have that good relationship and they’ll want to give you presents of their own volition. Be patient, and have no expectations. (And a group spa day sounds like an awesome idea.)

  • Michelle

    Oh jeez, this is just too much…

  • Blueathena623

    Not going to touch the step child thing since I don’t have step kids, but I am also being proactive in trying to make Mother’s Day not be a let down. Ill be sending my husband a very detailed email about what needs to be done (since I don’t think my 15 month old can handle it all). It’s not about material things — I don’t want presents — but damnit, I work hard to make my own birthday enjoyable, the birthdays of others enjoysble, and I work hard to make Christmas and other holidays enjoyable, and I want to enjoy Mother’s Day. If it were left up to my husband I might get a card. I’d rarther be proactive and tell him exactly what I want then try to fake happiness over something . The whole “it’s the thought that counts” only matters when actual thought is put into something.

    • Rebecca Eckler

      Amen!

    • k_milt

      I can’t agree with this. If my husband presented me with a detailed list of what he ‘needs’ me to get done to make Father’s Day or maybe his birthday live up to his standards, I would laugh in his face and very gleefully do zero of those things. I make Christmas special because I want to, not because I expect anything in return. Nobody owes you anything. Not a darn thing. If you do so much for people and it’s not reciprocated, just don’t do it anymore. Being a martyr and expecting everyone to jump to your demands is pretty ridiculous.

    • Blueathena623

      I’m glad you are not married to my husband then, since he is the one who asks for lists. And good for you for being so above it all that your feelings would not be hurt one iota by not having your husband say “happy mothers’s day” ( that was on the list, by the way. I included no material things except I asked for a card if he has the chance to pick one up). I make holidays and birthdays special because I want people to enjoy them and it makes me happy to see the people I love happy. The fact that you would laugh in your husbands face and do nothing that he asks for on Father’s Day makes me a little sad.
      Maybe my husband would have instinctively thought of everything on my list (please make the breakfast I want, please make the dinner I want, please watch the baby all day, please say happy Mother’s Day, please get me a card if you have time, please don’t get me any presents). I’ve asked him to make me a list for Father’s Day and his birthday because I want to make sure that I’m doing what he would like, so why is it awful if he asks the same of me?

  • Julie

    Good lord. You are unreal. You trash their mother on a website regularly and you expect for them to spoil you on mother’s day?! You don’t deserve for these girls to treat you like a mother (which you are not by the way). These kinds of things are much more meaningful when they happen organically and not forced by being “proactive”. My husband bought me a beautiful tree for our front yard last year. It was sweet and very meaningful. I didn’t have to ask for it. Sulk. Write anyone lists. Remind anyone. Was it a PRADA purse? No. The price of a gift does not make it more meaningful. If I want an expensive purse I can just go get it myself.

    • rebecca eckler

      Um, and that’s what I’m doing. Sounds like you have a very nice man.

    • Blueathena623

      Did you want a tree?
      What if Rebecca wrote about wanting a non-material item — would asking, writing lists, or remaining people be bad? Or is it just because its an expensive purse?

    • NotAmused

      It’s because to Rebecca here, it’s all about what she can get out of the deal. all she did this thread was whine about the lack of people buying her things.

  • Julie

    Oh, and you’re not their stepmother anyhow. Last you mentioned your so-called fiance wasn’t even divorced yet. You’re not a stepmother until you’re married to their father IMHO.

    • drinkpepsi

      Eckler is just jealous. The fiance’s “ex” is a gorgeous, accomplished business woman.

      She looks like a model. Must have the patience and virtue of a saint since she does not slag Eckler publicly (even though Eckler trashes her regularly). She probably outearns Eckler as well.

      If I was the ex, I would take a few of Eckler’s “articles” to a family court judge and make sure my kids were never in that woman’s presence again.

      Poor guy. I’m sure he regrets his choice every day but feels stuck because of the baby.

    • True Disbeliever

      Her “fiance” (baby daddy) doesn’t have an “ex.” He has a wife.

      How do you know what his wife looks like and her accomplishments?

    • drinkpepsi

      That’s why I used “ex” in quotation marks.

      Personally, if a newly separated man approached me – especially one with young children – I would tell him to wait a while before dating.

      Some couples separate but work it out eventually and get back together.

      I would feel awful if I came between parents with little kids. Plenty of single guys to date. Would never want to inject myself into a family like that…and then she has the nerve to complain.

  • http://twitter.com/marisasaystweet MarisaSays

    I’m just going to say this: My husband and I don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day, and don’t put stock in Hallmark holidays. I’m not a saint or a liar. It’s just the truth. Mother’s Day is completely a Hallmark holiday to me, and I don’t imagine that changing when I have a child.

    • http://www.facebook.com/courtney.wooten Courtney Lynn

      Ditto. The most we do for Valentine’s Day is go to dinner. Whoever has the most on them pays the tab! LOL. Usually I just buy juicy steaks and we stay home and enjoy a delicious meal. I hate commercial holidays with a passion and I definitely don’t consider myself a saint and I’m not very happy about being called a liar, either.

    • hexxuss

      Yup, the most myself & my S.O. do is say “Happy Valentine’s Day” lol

    • k_milt

      We don’t celebrate most ‘holidays’ either. We do Halloween and Christmas (I really love the decorations), and certainly the kids’ birthdays, but that’s it. We don’t do anything for our anniversary, we don’t celebrate Easter, Valentine’s day or St Patrick’s day, and adult birthdays MIGHT inspire a card, but not usually. Mother’s/Father’s days are not real things. No sainthood or lying involved – I just think most holidays are stupid.

  • http://twitter.com/MissColeman3 Miss Coleman

    You are the most selfish woman I’ve ever “met.”

  • CrazyFor Kate

    I’m sure you don’t endear yourself to her by publicly blogging about how she’s “The Bitter Ex”. My mom has two stepdaughters and is always happy to hear from them on Mother’s Day, but would never expect them to do so, especially since they have their own mother to celebrate. If it’s going to lead to tension, you should just graciously step aside – it will do a lot more for your relationship with the girls than demanding acknowledgment.

  • http://twitter.com/KatyWelte Katy Welte

    I read the title and I knew, I KNEW, it was Rebecca Eckler. I’m gonna make “Guess the author by the title” into my new favorite Mommyish drinking game.

    • ChopChick

      I’m in.

    • http://twitter.com/KatyWelte Katy Welte

      Cheers!

    • CG

      I’ve actually been playing this for weeks now without the drinking, but I think that would make it even better.

  • Ana

    I wouldn’t expect anything at all. It sounds like you have a decent relationship with them and it is sweet that you think of them as your step kids, but you haven’t been in their lives for that long and they have their own Mom. Especially since the relationship with her is “delicate”, I would just forget about it and enjoy your own 2 kids. Imagine yourself in her place if your daughter’s ex had a new lady and she expected to be acknowledged by her on Mothers Day.

  • Amber

    You’re afraid that your stepchildren will “let you down” on Mother’s day? Something is very wrong with the way you think. Please seek therapy before you damage your stepchildren.

    • brebay

      couldn’t have said it better, what a mess!

    • Julie

      I know. Letting you down would imply they owe her something. Which they absolutely do not.

  • brebay

    Damn, lady you have more issues than Newsweek. And your whole “Mommy deserves a new Prada,” is beyond obnoxious.

  • brebay

    Happy Mother’s Day, Stepmommy. Thanks for calling my mother a horrible it creature and for publicly airing our family business. P.S. Our stepsister is a raving brat who acts just like her mom! Kisses!

  • True Disbeliever

    If you are NOT married to these children’s father, you are NOT their stepmother!!! You have NO connection with them whatsoever… other than being the unwed mother of their half brother! (I could not tell whether your own child is a boy or a girl, your diatribe was so confusing.) I have been a stepmother for 37 years, and I have never EXPECTED a thing from any of them… for Mother’s Day or otherwise. I don’t even EXPECT anything from my own children (who are also the children of their father)… and we were married for 34 years before he died. You are truly disgusting. You ought to wake up and get over yourself.

    • rebecca eckler

      Well, tell THAT to my stepdaughter who just made me the nicest piece of art work, just for me. Yeah, she HATES me! And, yes, we do have a connection. A very good one. If I don’t have any connection, then neither do you.

    • True Disbeliever

      You’re a total moron… If you have such a good connection, what the hell are you ranting about??? You have no LEGAL connection. I actually do. (And your unwed status is really setting a wonderful example for these girls. Can you explain why you can have a child with your “fiance” and want a connection with his children, but you can’t take the time to get married?)

    • Andrea

      In her defense: she can’t marry him. He’s still married to his children’s mother. :p

    • True Disbeliever

      LOL. Her post was so convoluted with his kids, my kids, our kid… I finally figured that out.

    • brebay

      What’s the hold up?

    • Andrea

      She claims divorce really does take a long time. *shrug*

    • True Disbeliever

      I guess you can claim to be their father’s girlfriend…. Is he divorced? Are you divorced? You’re a pig and your actions are affecting children all over the place.

    • jasdfgh

      I got it! She is their father’s mistress! She totally deserves presents.

    • Andrea

      She was never married. He is not divorced yet; apparently he is, however, separated.

      Like I said, a train wreck.

    • True Disbeliever

      So her “ex” was never even her husband? She has 2 “illegitimate” kids? (No judgment of the kids!)

    • Andrea

      Correct

    • http://twitter.com/mariaguido Guerrilla Mom

      This may be a generational thing that you aren’t understanding. Not everyone gets married anymore. I don’t think it’s fair to bash all relationships that aren’t “legal.” I’m seriously surprised you are getting so many upvotes for such an archaic way of thinking. Many people have wonderful relationships with the children of their partners. You’re being really mean.

    • Andrea

      I got nothing against people not getting married. I got a problem with people that diss marriage as an archaic, old fashioned, useless “so 2006″ institution and then saying yes when they finally they get boyfriend to propose to them. I got a problem with people who live AND reproduce with someone who is married to someone else. I got a problem with people that call their SO’s their “fiances” when they claim they got no intention of marrying them.

      If you want to live with someone and have children with them and never get married, that’s your choice. But don’t even pretend you don’t “believe” in marriage when in actuality you are only saying that because you cannot, in fact, marry that person. Since you know..bitter exes (who are not exes) get in the way.

      In Eckler’s now infamous words: “if it walks like a duck, an talks like a duck….”

    • Andrea

      And Guerrila Mom: sorry, I just remembered that you are Maria. Didn’t we convince you to marry that mom on your last article? LOL, I’m teasing. Your situation and hers are NOT AT ALL alike.

    • Andrea

      That MAN..SORRY NOT mom!!

    • http://twitter.com/mariaguido Guerrilla Mom

      Hahaha! I feel like I am married to my mom right now – we’ve been staying with her for a couple of weeks while we wait for our rental to be ready. Oh my god – what a long few weeks it’s been…

    • True Disbeliever

      I might be really mean… and archaic. I know in your eyes I’m probably an old fogey. I don’t give a damn whether her relationship is legal or not. But I strongly suspect that Rebecca is 14 years old and really enjoying the firestorm she’s started. She’s pulling your collective legs — and appears to have bren doing so for quite a while. Notice how she hasn’t been around lately? Busy with homework? She just loves her imaginary life… diamonds, Prada, a trip to paradise for Mother’s Day! I, for one, am out of here…

    • Andrea

      Guerilla Mom is around the same age I am (if I remember correctly from her articles on this site). I dunno about a generational thing. We aren’t exactly in our 20s.

    • ChopChick

      You realize you sound like a teenager, yes?

    • brebay

      So you’re bragging about that fact that she’s more mature than you? I guess her horrible mother raised her right, huh?

    • k_milt

      I literally laughed out loud at this. You are so, so awful. It boggles the mind that there’s a man out there who wants to spend his life (well, kind of, if he can ever be bothered to get rid the original model) with a 12-year-old girl.

    • CrazyFor Kate

      Umm…really? I don’t see what the issue is with her boyfriend still being technically married. If he was still with the first wife that’s one thing, but they are clearly long separated. If the marriage is over, then it’s over, and a piece of paper isn’t going to make any significant difference. Divorces can take YEARS to figure out. What are people supposed to do in the meantime – crawl under a rock somewhere? I have criticized Eckler for other things on this site, but these Moral Guardians jumping down her throat because she’s with a separated-not-divorced guy really piss me off. Her fiance’s marital status is really not an issue if the people involved don’t think it’s one.

    • True Disbeliever

      I truly doubt that any of these people have enough “property” for their divorces to take YEARS. Does it piss you off that she had a baby with this guy and there seems to be at least 4 children affected by this crazy lady? (I have known people who have been with separated-not-divorced guys. If they’re old enough to have some brains, they don’t have babies with the guy, and they usually have nothing/very little to do with his children until all divorces are final.) I really don’t understand why she spends so much time with his children. That seems to says something about him and his wife.

      P.S. I don’t give a damn if she wants a separated-not-divorced “fiance.” I’ve been there, done that. I’d never been married, had no children. Didn’t call myself or him a “fiance.” Just don’t involve children in your life… or call yourself a “stepmother” — an honorable calling — or EXPECT anything from them. Narcissistic crazy lady.

    • Andrea

      I don’t know about pissing me off. Says a lot about her though.

      What pisses me off is she used to regularly diss marriage as an old fashioned useless institution that she couldn’t care less about (“so 2006″ were her words”…until she finally got herself proposed. Then she went on to say that she had no interest in actually getting married…yet accepted a proposal to do so. I guess she can’t actually get married due to the pesky “he is still married” thing, she can delude herself with that kind of attitude. My guess is that she can’t run to the altar fast enough and “bitter exes” (who are not yet exes) keep getting in the way.

    • True Disbeliever

      A man who is still married to another woman has NO business proposing marriage to anyone — or procreating! My late husband waited until his divorce was final (1-1/2 to 2 years) to officially propose to me… and insisted on buying me a ring at that time. I guess I belong in the Stone Age. I got married in 1976. We waited another 3 years to have children and were happily married for 34 years! The “fiance” is no prize either. But I really feel sorry for all the kids involved.

    • Beagle321

      Exactly. Everytime she says “fiance,” I cringe. She has stated that she has no intention of marrying this guy, so how is he her fiance? Oh wait. He bought her a diamond ring. THAT’S what it’s about.

  • Diana

    What a cunt.

  • DMH

    Wow. I’m speechless. I mean, here I am out of state for an Army school and haven’t seen my husband and 10 month old son in over two weeks. I have yet another three weeks before I see them again. Do I bitch about getting anything for Mothers Day? No. But stop the presses, Rebecca freaking Eckler wants a Prada purse. Hell, all I want to do is see my family. How about trying to be a little less selfish and just enjoy the fact that you can actually be home for the holiday.

    • Beagle321

      But she’s not! She’s taking a week-long vacation at a carribean island for Mother’s Day. Yet she still wants MORE. The self-absorption of this woman is truly mind boggling.

    • DMH

      Wait wait wait… This woman is going to the Caribbean? For Mothers Day? And that’s not good enough? Wow. I don’t even know what to say.

    • Andrea

      Oh yeah..she even bitched about having to deal with the headmistress of her daughter’s private school since it involved pulling her daughter out of school for a week. Apparently paying 30 grand a year for private school entitles you to treat its employees like hired servants,

    • CortCab

      Oh my gosh! I had completely forgotten about the planned vacation even though I read that article. That makes this one seem especially ridiculous. “I hope those other kids in my life acknowledge me enough while I’m on a week-long vacation with my princess.”

  • TaiDollWave

    You blatantly asked for Prada purses for Mother’s Day? You bait your daughter into telling your ex what you want?

    I guess I thought a gift from the heart meant more. I was mistaken.

  • http://www.facebook.com/eryn.stilp Eryn Stilp

    I couldn’t even get through the entire article- my skin was crawling too much.
    Disgusting.
    And actually, I DON’T care about a made up holiday like mother’s day. Yes, I am a mother. And no, I’m not a liar or a saint. It’s just stupid.
    You sound awful.

  • http://www.facebook.com/RetiredSceneQueen Emmali Lucia

    I think you should be proactive and go buy your fiance’s ex flowers and a card thanking her for bringing such wonderful children into the world. If she doesn’t thank you (or worse) throws a fit of some sort, that’s her problem.

    Be a good person this year! Buy every mother flowers

    • http://www.facebook.com/valerisexton.jones Valeri Jones

      Pfft. Rebecca, doing something for others? Unheard of!

  • NotAmused

    How materialistic of you. “it’s just a hallmark holiday” then “me,me,me, i want a prada purse… presents, shop, spend” Jeez woman… the woman it’s such a let down is you are a bitch. All I need from my kids is a kiss, a hug and a “I love you mom” You need to learn some lessons. Also, why should they bother getting you anything since you’re buying it yourself ahead of time. I would NEVER try to use my children to force presents. That isn’t a gift. gifts are given with love from one to another. Not nagged and goaded. YOu are insulting your daughters father, your daughter, your fiance, your step children (actually, since he’s your fiance and not 2nd husband, they’re not even your step kids yet) and the woman he had 2 kids with. Next mothers day, I would not be surprised to hear your sob story of how you are alone. And if you think kids don’t know what their “upper management” is up to, you need a whole different kind of help.

    • Sara

      You know, I actually don’t think it’s so bad that Eckler wants more than a kiss, a hug and “I love you, mom”. It’s lovely that that’s plenty for you, and it is for a lot of other people too. But many people want something from their kids and spouse that takes more time and thought than that. Like someone else said below, “the thought only counts when actual thought was put into it.” Truthfully, my feelings would be hurt if my husband didn’t do ANYTHING for me on Mother’s Day or my birthday that required any advance prep or thought.

      The problem I have here is that Eckler seems to be COMPLETELY focused on the material side, with no regard for anything else. It doesn’t matter where the new purse comes from, as long as she gets it. Going out and treating yourself to a new bag because you work hard and feel you deserve it is fine, I’m just not understanding what it has to do with love and appreciation from others on Mother’s Day. And the idea of being “let down” by getting the items you want from people who aren’t even obligated to get you anything in the first place is…..well, questionable.

      You’re right that the whole point of a “gift” is that they’re meant to be freely given and gratefully received, never expected or used as fodder for guilt trips. We’ve become such a “gimme” culture that scheming and fishing for presents has become completely acceptable to some, but it’s really not.

    • brebay

      SHE’S NOT THEIR MOM! SHE’S NOT EVEN THEIR STEPMOM! She is their married father’s “fiancé” and mother of their illegitimate half-sibling. Does that require a gift from the children whose mother she makes a living bashing? I think not.

    • PSG

      I think this article was a set-up. By writing this, she has now forewarned her man that she’s buying herself an exorbitant purse (because!) and that she expects something from his daughters.
      That she caused a flurry of comments…eh. We’re here reading her velvet-lined diatribe, aren’t we? Mission accomplished.

    • Andrea

      Like I said train wreck. No one even comments on her lame ass articles unless she posts crap like this. I wonder who even pays money to buy her books. But some people must if she can afford the luxury of monthly vacations and 30 grand a year private schools.

  • True Disbeliever

    I am totally skeptical of anything this woman says. She’s never even seen a Prada purse. Ask her why she didn’t bother to ask for a Hermes. Didn’t know how to spell it? She’s a bored housewife (!) or teenager, having a grand old time.

    • Aldonza

      I keep wondering about the teenage thing. I mean, her posts really do sound like an immature teenager. It really makes me think that we’re all being punked.

  • Sarah

    You expect your ex husband to pay for a prada purse for you!?!? I have been married for 7 years and will be thrilled if my children make me a sweet card or buy me flowers on mothers day. When did mother’s day become a second christmas. do you need expensive gifts to feel valued as a mother?

    • sarah

      To further follow up on this, I feel it necessary to clarify that my husband is not a deadbeat. I just feel that mother’s day is about celebrating the relationship between children and their mother, not how much their dad spends on you (ESPECIALLY IF HE IS AN EX). Any gift you receive should be chosen by your children (unless they are too young to choose) and should be a simple token of appreciation. Certainly not a pricey gift that you fish for. I was disappointed when my mother asked me to buy her favorite perfume for Mother’s day this year (I’m 30). I’ll gladly buy it because I do love her, but I feel like thoughtful heartfelt gestures are far more special. Your step children owe you nothing, but a simple “Happy Mother’s day” or a card should be enough. I seriously believe that you have so many self esteem issues if you feel like you should be celebrated for being in a relationship with someone’s dad.

  • True Disbeliever

    This year, I actually told my two grown daughters that I don’t need any gift from them (or my grandchildren) other than their company. They have enough to take care of for their own families. I think every day is Mother’s Day! (However, I wouldn’t be surprised if they take me out to dinner or invite me over for a bbq. ;))

  • hexxuss

    Wow – just wow… and here I use Mother’s Day as an excuse to spend an entire day with my son & am quite happy with just that, a hug & a Happy Mother’s Day… plus, I only need 1 purse, which I have already.

  • Sandy

    Youre the stepmom. They HAVE a mother! Take a tissue and stop whining! You deserve squad from them and should they decide in the future that they want to give you a token of apreciation thats good. But that should NOT be expected! You are NOT the primary female figure in their life! YOU ARE NOT THEIR MOTHER!

    • Mel

      She’s not even their stepmother. She’s just the self-centered bitch dating their married father and pushing out illigitimate babies.

  • PSG

    Ick.

  • drinkpepsi

    So you want your stepkids to treat you like a mom and spoil you on Mother’s Day?

    Didn’t you just write about the fact that you are heading to the Bahamas for some mother-daughter bonding time?

    I suppose you’re treating all THREE of your daughters to the trip then?

    I didn’t think so.

    You spoil your daughter and treat your stepdaughters like second-class citizens.
    You keep referring to your house as your home – as if it doesn’t belong to their dad or the girls at all, even though you say the girls live there 50% of the time.

    You’re like the stereotypical evil step-mother.

    I feel sorry for your kids. All four of them.

    And I feel really sorry for your fiance’s ex-wife/still wife. She doesn’t seem to talk about you in public forums, yet you feel it’s okay to bash her online. Shows your maturity level.

    Have fun with your Prada bags. I have a feeling that’s the only thing you’ll be clutching on your death bed. People like you always die alone.

    • rebecca eckler

      Sweetheart…..I DID invite my stepchildren. Guess what? THEIR MOTHER said no. This is why I think she’s very bitter. Yes, she REFUSED on NO GROUNDS that her children could not come to an amazing place where they would have an amazing time. AND YES I WOULD HAVE PAID FOR THEM. So shut up with your unfounded judgments. PEPSI SUCKS!!! Diet COKE all the way!

    • drinkpepsi

      IF that’s even true, perhaps she just doubts your parenting ability and is worried for the safety and well-being of her children.

      1. You are the same woman who wrote about the fact that you allowed your daughter to take off with complete strangers while on a recent vacation, right? So that you could enjoy some alone time by the pool… Very responsible.

      2. You’re also the same woman who thinks it’s okay to bash the mother of your stepchildren in a public and permanent forum, right? Again, great judgment.

      3. You’re also the same woman who abandoned her 10 week old baby because your desire to have a vacation was more important than your newborn’s need to be close to his mom.

      And did you really offer to pay for their trip, Rebecca? Really?

      Or is that just something you’re saying now, after the fact. Because inviting them to go is not the same as inviting them and offering to pay.

      Do you offer to pay $30K per year so that they can go to private school too? Or is private school just reserved for your daughter…not his?

      You do realize that you can’t have your kids living in the lap of luxury and leave his out in the cold.

      If you can’t afford to treat all four kids to something – then none of them should do it. This may mean cutting back on your monthly vacations, dear.

    • Andrea

      Are you the ex (who still not the ex)? if you are, you deserve a million hugs. As far as I am concerned YOU deserve that whatever purse and anything else you want for Mother’s Day. You have my most extreme sympathies for being forced to put up with that witch on a regular basis. Bless you.

    • http://www.facebook.com/valerisexton.jones Valeri Jones

      I will be waiting with baited breath for the answer to this question.

      I, for one, would LOVE to read a blog entitled: Rebecca Eckler’s Boyfriend’s Wife – Trying to Prevent the Influence on My Daughters.

    • drinkpepsi

      No, thankfully I am not the lady still married to Eckler’s boyfriend.

      If you enjoy having a laugh at Eckler’s expense, check out:
      ninegrambrain’s Twitter feed:

      @ninegrambrain

      (Eckler used to refer to her baby daughter as a Nine Pound Dictator.)

      I think referring to Eckler’s brain as nine grams is being generous.

    • DMH

      Rebecca, sweetheart… I think you’re better off just shutting up.

    • k_milt

      Goodness, what a lot of capital letters. You sure showed her. And that thing about the diet Coke? Ooooooh, burn! Now all that’s left to do is put gum in her hair and make out with her boyfriend and you will totally, totally win this argument. You’re really good at debate, you know that?

    • drinkpepsi

      The sad part is, Rebecca is so obtuse and has such an elevated sense of self, she will assume that you are actually congratulating her and will not realize that you’re merely mocking her.

    • k_milt

      I want to disagree with you. I really do. I can’t do it, though, because you are ten kinds of right, and that is a very depressing thing.

    • drinkpepsi

      And what kind of woman tries to take her stepkids away on vacation on Mother’s Day? (If they are gone for a week, I assume they will miss all or most of Mother’s Day).

      Of course the real mom said no. She likely wants to spend Mother’s Day with her girls, rather than shipping them off with Miss Eckler on some island, so that Eckler can work on her tan and ignore the kids or schlep them off with strangers.

      I wouldn’t leave my dog with Eckler. Or my pet rock.

    • k_milt

      Agreed. Spending time with this woman sounds bad for one’s mental health and self esteem.

      For Mother’s Day, at least with smaller kids, you can expect macaroni picture frames, bizarre string creations or a cut and paste construction paper blob they tell you is supposed to be a robot. They will be ugly, but you will display them in your house anyway because you’re a mom and that’s part of the deal. From older kids you can expect maybe breakfast in bed (or so I’m told), but more likely a card and some serious eye rolling when you attempt to hug them. If I were those girls’ mother I’d give that vacation a resounding “oh HELL no” too. I want my macaroni frame!

      No, but seriously, a Prada purse? Like, for real? Jesus wept.

    • drinkpepsi

      One year Eckler didn’t even want to spend Mother’s Day with her kid. She wanted to spend the day at the spa (and forced her Ex to pay for it).

      I can understand wanting or hoping for a spa day for Mother’s Day. Just can’t imagine going ON Mother’s Day (being away from the kids all day). What the heck does your young child do when mom takes off on Mother’s Day?

      It’s like choosing to spend your anniversary away from your partner.

      Messed up.

    • k_milt

      Useless. Why have kids when your only solace is the idea of not being around them? And why date a guy with kids without at least giving a passing thought to how that will affect your life? Obviously they have a mother, and your opinions will not always jive. And guess what, pseudo-stepmom? Her not liking you isn’t because she’s ‘bitter’. It isn’t because she’s jealous. It’s because you’re really really awful, but she is still obligated to hand her kids over to you on a regular basis. So yeah, I bet she’s pissed. She’s pissed because she’s stuck with a self-centred twit in her and her daughters’ lives forever – a twit who makes it very obvious that her kids will always come second and there’s nothing she can do about it.

    • rebecca

      Dear Ex who – shockingly! – works at Pepsi, you are too obsessed with my life. You seem to know way more about me (most of it wrong!) than is normal. How would I ever FORCE someone to pay for my vacays? Not looking at this thread again.

    • Mel

      Reap what you sow, bitch.

    • drinkpepsi

      Who says I work at Pepsi? I happen to like Pepsi.

      Do you work at Coke?

      Oh – and you admitted that you “forced” your Ex into funding the Mother’s Day spa day in a piece you wrote titled: “Get What You Want This Mother’s Day: Twist The Ex’s Arm”

      On the plus side, at least you make it really easy on all your Ex-lovers. I’m sure your childish behaviour and ridiculous rantings extinguishes any ounce of regret they may have felt regarding the demise of your relationship.

      They’re likely more than happy to have survived and gotten away from you. Far, far away.

      Enjoy your spa days and your Prada purses. You have nothing, lady. Absolutely nothing.

    • http://www.facebook.com/valerisexton.jones Valeri Jones

      No one here is obsessed with your life, you crazy bitch. You plaster it all over Mommyish with self-important titles and the only reason we even look at it is because we’ve turned it into a drinking game. Rebecca, I can NOT stress this enough: Grow. The. Hell. UP!!!!

    • drinkpepsi

      Yes, I do seem to know way more about your life than is normal.

      Do you know why? Because you write about very personal things on a regular basis that no one should really know about or be privy to.

      Maybe stop sharing all the details of your selfish, self-centered life.

      Do you really think your daughter doesn’t get picked on at school because of your writing?

      You’ve revealed that the girl gets lice all the time. (You do realize that kids can be cruel and that other kids will avoid her or gossip about her, right?)

      You’ve said things like she wasn’t a cute baby and looked like a boy. Yet you say that your new baby is very cute. How do you think that’s going to make your daughter feel?

      You also openly criticize the teachers and staff at your daughter’s school, as well as the other parents. You do realize that you’re contributing to a toxic school environment for your daughter, don’t you? Genius.

      You come across as such a cruel, uncaring and harmful mother. And it has nothing to do with what others say about you…it’s all you honey! You do the writing and you reveal way, way TMI about you and your family (most of it bad).

    • Andrea

      LOL good luck on that breakfast in bed thing. My sons are 10 and 12 and I am yet to get anything beyond a cup of coffee. ;P

    • k_milt

      My son is 13 and knows how to make french toast and scrambled eggs. I will bet anybody a million dollars that neither of those things will present themselves to me in my bed, but a gal can dream, right?

    • http://www.facebook.com/valerisexton.jones Valeri Jones

      Thank. You.

      I was thinking the same exact thing. I think it makes Eckler even more of a cunt for wanting to take her boyfriend’s kids away from their actual mother on Mother’s Day.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=595404008 Trixie McGoodwell

      Can you honestly blame her? If I read a column about how my kids’ stepmother removes her tampons in front of her daughter, I’d have serious issues having my children spend time with you. Not to mention all the veiled complaints you make about them, and the outright awful things you say about her.

    • Andrea

      Yeah I would TOTALLY let me children go on a trip paid for by someone who hates me and publicly humiliates me so she can lord over me how much better of a “mother” she is to my children while holding the purse she forced my daughters to buy for her.

  • PSG

    Ick. My first thought, but now I’ll elaborate. And although this may come across as slightly saccharine, do not mistake me for fluffy kittens and inspirational meme.

    Mothers’ Day meant nothing to me prior to being a mother. I would make all attempts to show appreciation for mine, but to me it was just another made-up event to sell things. As illustrated here.
    Then I discovered that I would not be able to birth, after the harrowing experience of failed pregnancies and all that goes along with it.
    After adopting, that following Mothers’ Day, for the first time, it meant something.
    I had a child in my lap. I was a mother. The most precious thing I was given that day, in addition to every smile my daughter graced me with, was a simple card. A Mothers’ Day card.
    Because I was finally a mother.

    I can’t appreciate the GIMME tone of this article, because if I understand correctly, you already have your gift.

    • True Disbeliever

      That’s beautiful PSG. RIght on.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=595404008 Trixie McGoodwell

    What a complete asshole.

  • True Disbeliever

    OMG OMG OMG

    “Rebecca Eckler is one of Canada’s most well-known journalists. She has been a columnist with the National Post, Canada’s national newspaper, for five years, including a stint as a New York-based columnist and feature writer. She is the best-selling author of Knocked Up, Wiped!, Toddlers Gone Wild, How to Raise a Boyfriend and The Lucky Sperm Club. Rebecca lives in Toronto with her fiancé and family.”

    I had always thought more highly of Canada. She cannot possibly be a professional writer. She definitely needs an editor.

    (Older girls in pics don’t seem to be teenagers….) What a hot mess… putting all 4 kids into a picture as a gift for her baby daddy. One of those kids isn’t even related to him. Two of them, of course, aren’t related to her.

    • Mel

      Well known for being a train wreck. I wouldn’t consider that an accomplishment, lol.

    • Julie

      For the love of all things good and holy do not judge Canada based on this fool. And “one of Canada’s most well known journalists” is a gross gross overstatement.

    • k_milt

      She’s often mocked here in Canada as well, at least by those who have even heard of her. Nobody takes her seriously because her writing is beyond ridiculous and insanely juvenile. I’m a little surprised Mommyish didn’t research her better before giving her yet another venue to tell everyone how totally self-centred she is and all the reasons that she deserves to be.

    • drinkpepsi

      Very true. At one time, Eckler maintained a blog of her own – complete with scores of spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. It’s clear that her work is heavily edited (and still doesn’t read very well).

      Not sure how she ever got through journalism school, to be honest.

      I’m also stunned that no one in her family (the grandparents, ex-fiance,siblings, etc.) have told her that she should be more careful in protecting the dignity of her children. Her own dignity is a lost cause.

      If I were the ex-fiance, she wouldn’t be getting a dime of my money to blow on Prada purses until she agreed to leave the kid out of future articles. Especially articles that mock the child or belittle her.

    • True Disbeliever

      Do we know that Eckler went to any journalism school? Most journalists (including many good ones) haven’t. If she did, she probably majored in “Writing Like an Entitled Teenager.”

    • drinkpepsi

      Yes. Ryerson in Toronto. But I know many people in the industry (writers, editors, etc.). and have yet to find someone who likes and/or respects her.

    • CrazyFor Kate

      The National Post is an awful rag, it means absolutely nothing. Not surprised Eckler would work there. And authors always build themselves up.

  • http://www.facebook.com/valerisexton.jones Valeri Jones

    Rebecca – You talk about your boyfriend’s daughters an awful lot… How come when I look at your facebook, I see all kinds of pictures of YOUR kids, and of you and your boyfriend, but there are more pictures of the dog you babysat once than there are of those poor girls?

  • True Disbeliever

    Do any of these children have jobs? Do they earn any money? Anything that you receive from them would have been paid for by their fathers (or their mother… OMG), right? Exactly WHOM do you expect to bestow gifts upon you on Mother’s Day??? You’re such a faker!

  • SarahW.

    I found this article, because I’m a stepmom and a mom-to-be this Mother’s Day and was wondering if I should expect a card or anything. I am definitely a mother figure to my young stepdaughter, and her own mother has thanked me for it in the past. I don’t think my feelings will be hurt if she or my husband don’t think to acknowledge me… I know what I do for my stepdaughter is appreciated by her, her mom, and my husband. I will continue to be there for her and be a positive role model. Still, it would be an endearing gesture to be recognized on this day for the love and support I give my family (and that most definitely includes my sweet stepdaughter) and for the life growing inside of me, lol.

    • Guest

      In 37 years as a stepmother and, now, stepgrandmother, I have never received anything from those kids for Mother’s Day and never expected anything — so I was never disappointed or hurt. It never even occurred to me that they should give me anything! They have a mother! (It might be different if I were the only “mother” that they have.)

      However, the best gift I ever got from one of them: When she was about 22 and I’d been married for about a year, my oldest stepchild exclaimed: “You’re so much better for dad. He’s so much happier with you. I don’t know what he was doing with mom in the first place!” (Neither did anyone else who knew them.) I have never forgotten her comment and it “made” my entire married life! Our 3-year-old daughter, her half-sister, was her flower girl.

    • SarahW.

      That’s a nice way for her to show her appreciation to you as a better partner for her dad. My stepdaughter, who was 6 at the time, has said this to me before too, and I told her I’m glad I make her dad happy but that her mom and dad just weren’t right for each other and that she is a good and beautiful person too. “It’s not a competition” is what both her mom and I have told her. (Her mom is awesome, and we’re making her some cookies for mother’s day – my SD is so excited).

      My stepdaughter is 7, we have joint custody, and I am a 2nd mother to her and that bond will only get stronger. Just yesterday she said, “I love you Sarah. You’re the best stepmom!” It almost brought me to tears, lol.

      So while being a mother is not just about genetics, I guess only recognizing one’s biological mother is just inherent and not necessarily a slight to stepmothers who are also a big part of their stepchildren’s lives. I’m going to go get her ready for school now, and I’m sure when I drop her off she’ll tell me she loves me again – she’s the best!

    • whiteroses

      I’m so glad that you, your husband, and your husbands ex are keeping in mind how important your stepdaughter is in all this. She is very lucky to have so many adults in her life that love her and want to make her life as smooth as possible.

      I think your and the author’s situation is so very different. Being a mother definitely isn’t about genetics, and it shouldn’t be. I do think, though, that Mother’s Day gifts shouldn’t be expected just because of your proximity to a child in your life (as Eckler seems to expect them) but because you love your child- biology or not- and your child loves you.

      My husband and my mother don’t get along. He still sent her flowers for Mother’s Day because it was important to him that he acknowledge all she’s done for our family. I always try to acknowledge my mother, my mother-in-law, my grandmother, and one of my best friend’s moms on Mother’s Day. Two of those women aren’t biologically related to me. I do it because I love them and they deserve it. I don’t do it just because they deserve it.

    • SarahW.

      Also, I think my issue is really not getting appreciation from my HUSBAND for the big role I’ve taken on in his daughter’s life. I’d like a “thank you” every once in a while from him – that’d be nice.

    • True Disbeliever

      Only Mother’s Day gifts I ever got from my husband: First time, after the fact, when I learned I was pregnant with my first child. I got small diamond earrings to the “little mother to be.” No gifts when babies were born. First Mother’s Day as a mother, he asked what I wanted for Mother’s Day. I said I wanted a day off from being a mother (my daughter was 3 months old). He let me off the hook as much as he could. No gifts from him ever again. Only from my kids when they were old enough to do something by themselves.

    • SarahW.

      That is super sweet of him, True Disbeliever. Yes, it definitely should be on the hubby’s agenda to show his appreciation for you on Mother’s Day at least before the kids are old enough to even understand Mother’s Day AND vice versa on Father’s Day! Last year, I helped his daughter hand paint a matte board that I used to frame a picture of her giving her dad a kiss. He’s a sentimental guy, so when we gave to him on Father’s Day, he looked at me and said, “you’re gonna make me wanna be with you forever.” Haha! We were already engaged at that point, lol.

      I finally just came out and talked to him last night and said I’m happy to help take care of his daughter, but that I’d really like for him to show some appreciation every now and then… just a thank you or anything! His response, “you’re her stepmom; you’re supposed to do those things.” Needless to say, I stopped working on the Shutterfly photobook for Father’s Day next month.

  • True Disbeliever

    In 37 years as a stepmother and, now, stepgrandmother, I have never received anything from those kids for Mother’s Day and never expected anything — so I was never disappointed or hurt. It never even occurred to me that they should give me anything! They have a mother! (It might be different if I were the only “mother” that they have.)

    However, the best gift I ever received from one of them: When she was about 22 and I’d been married for about a year, my oldest stepchild exclaimed: “You’re so much better for dad. He’s so much happier with you. I don’t know what he was doing with mom in the first place!” (Neither did anyone else who knew them.) I have never forgotten her comment and it “made” my entire married life! Five years later, our 3-year-old daughter, her half-sister, was her flower girl.

  • a real mother

    I think step parents should realize they are not real parents and get a life!!!!!!!! My children hate their step mother. Let the real parents get the benefits, you are not a real mother/father and should not expect the rewards. Go away!!!!!!

    • True Disbeliever

      I am both a stepmother and a “real” mother (whatever the hell that is).

      Exactly what benefits and rewards should I expect? Nobody OWES me anything. Neither my children nor my stepchildren. However, you do reap what you sow.

      You have a serious problem with entitlement.

  • whiteroses

    I know I’m late to this dubiously named “party”, but…. holy Christ on a cracker. And that’s from an observant Christian.

    I don’t know if any of these comments ever penetrate your fog, Rebecca, but I hope you listen and pay attention to them. Your children- and that includes your “stepchildren”, even though they legally aren’t, but why be pedantic- owe you nothing. If they get you a gift for Mother’s Day, awesome. If they don’t, then they don’t. And the fact that you’re worried that your fiancés daughters, who you repeatedly rip in your columns, will forget or won’t get your presents? It makes you look shallow and materialistic. Even more so because you show such blatant disrespect for their mother on a website read by countless people. If one of those girls was me, I’d tell you to take your Prada purse and shove it. Especially since your “blended family” apparently includes very clear delineations of “your kids, my kid, our kid.” That’s not blending- that’s a bunch of kids who occasionally live in the same house whose parents happen to be together.

    I think that, as a society, we put too much pressure on Mother’s Day. It’s nice to be acknowledged, sure. But expecting something for doing what you should be doing anyway? Children get rewards for doing things so that they can learn maturity. If you’re over the age of eighteen and you expect rewards for your responsibilities, it makes you look childish. You’re going to have these girls in your life for as long as you’re with your fiancé, and if their father has any sense he has made that very clear to you. You’re expected to feed them, do their laundry, etc. because you’ve taken on the quasi-stepmother role. Mother’s Day is meant to show appreciation and love. As far as Mother’s Day gifts? You earn those through showing love and respect to your children and the adults who are important to them. If you haven’t gotten that far with your fiancés daughters, you have nobody to blame but yourself.

  • Lydia

    Omg, you’re a horrible woman. Feel so bad for your stepkids.

  • Tauren Stiles

    You don’t deserve flowers. You are a terrible stepmother

  • Liz Hanson

    Stepmother’s Day is officially the Sunday after Mother’s Day, so you won’t be ‘let down’ on Mother’s Day; you might be ‘let down’ a week later. As for being ‘proactive’, the relationship you will have with the children will be based on ‘reactions’ to each other that will evolve into a relationship over time. Their trust and respect must be earned, rather than demanded. You will be ‘let down’ if you start demanding their admiration. They may even fake it to keep you and hubby happy. Do you want the real thing? Let it come from them.