• Thu, Apr 18 2013

Anonymous Mom: I Like One Of My Daughters More Than The Other

favorite kidAnonymous Mom is a weekly column of motherhood confessions, indiscretions, and parental shortcomings selected by Mommyish editors. Under this unanimous byline, readers can share their own stories, secrets, and moments of weakness with complete anonymity.

A cardinal rule of parenting is not to compare your children.  Every child is an individual and needs to be accepted and loved for who they are – not judged against one another.  As a parent, you should never say, “Why can’t you be more like your sister?’  And I never say that. But sometimes, I think it.

My children are the lights of my life (cheesy but true) and I would do anything for any of them. I love both my daughters and my son equally and intensely.

But I definitely get along better with one of my daughters than the other.

My older daughter is a tough cookie and has been from conception.  My pregnancy with her was difficult and her delivery was very long and painful.  When she was a baby, she was horrible sleeper and was cranky and miserable during her many hours awake.

My second pregnancy was easy. I delivered her in four hours (no pushing, just a cough and she was out). She slept a 10-hour night at six weeks.  For my older daughter, I would dance and sing and put on puppet shows and she would look at me unimpressed.  For the younger one, I would say “hello baby” and she would burst into a smile and belly laugh like I was the funniest person on the planet.

With my older daughter, I felt like a failure.  I tried so hard and she was never happy.  Every place she went – relatives, Mommy and Me, the park – people would see her crying and say, “poor baby.” And I would think, “poor baby?” – how about “poor mommy!” In contrast, everywhere I went with my younger daughter she delighted audiences with her cheerful disposition.  People would say, “What a good baby!” and inside I heard, “What a good mommy!”

As the years passed, my older daughter became an interesting, eclectic, intelligent person.  I love her intensity and creativity.  Her interests are not those of an average teen (she reads about Darwin for fun). She sees things like no one else and is one of the most compassionate people I know.

She is also really hard to get along with, especially for me. She is stubborn and only wants things her way. She wants everyone to accept her for the individual she is and yet she is very judgmental of others.

I try to encourage her uniqueness and support her passions. But her passions are not my passions and I have difficulty connecting with her.  Some days, when I don’t think there is a cloud in the sky, she seems to bring them. She is not depressed – she is just not a happy-go-lucky person.

Conversely, my younger daughter is happy a lot. Her interests are more typical and more inline with my own.  We laugh a lot and almost always have a good time together.  She doesn’t expect everything to be perfect.  When I give her advice, she doesn’t always take it, but she does really listen.

I hardly ever argue with my younger daughter but I often argue with my older daughter.  I wish my relationship with my older daughter had the easy flow that I have with my younger daughter. I worry sometimes that my older daughter is jealous of the relationship I have with her sister.

The funny part is that my older daughter is a lot like me – especially when I was younger.  She is creative and compassionate, just like me.  But she also has a lot of the personality traits that I really dislike in myself. Looking at her is like looking in a mirror (ironically we also look alike) and that may be why it is hard for me to get along with her.

I love my daughters equally – but there are days where I like one of them more.

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(photo: jannoon028 / Shutterstock)

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  • http://sarahhollowell.com/ Sarah Hollowell

    I’m not a parent, so my opinion probably doesn’t mean a lot, but I get it. I think it’s fine that you find it easier to get along with one of your daughters over the other when you still so obviously love both of them.

    …Also, I kept thinking that it sounds like you’re raising Daria and Quinn.

    • Blah

      Daria reference!! :D

    • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

      i was thinking that too. I was always the Daria type myself so I have sympathy for the daughter as well as the mom. It’s probably hard for the kid too, seeing as her mom has a hard time understanding her (as much as she obviously loves her).

  • http://www.facebook.com/RetiredSceneQueen Emmali Lucia

    I’m pretty sure EVERY parent has a child that they like more. As long as you love them ad care for the equally I think they’ll end up just fine.

  • Cascade

    This is so much like my situation. I have 2 daughters, 6 and 4 and the oldest, while she was an easy baby, became very moody, clingy and generally grumpy in my presence at about 1 1/2 yrs old. It feels like 90% of the time she is throwing me dirty looks at whatever I say. She is stubborn and nothing seems to please her. And yet, at school, the teacher says she is happy, independent, has lots of friends, etc. It seems she is this other person at home…. a lot of the time. My younger daughter, on the other hand is and always has been, joyful, cheerful and lighthearted. She rarely has/had tantrums and is generally much more agreeable. I too feel like I prefer to be with her more because it is more enjoyable and easier. I feel a lot of guilt about this. But having said this, both daughters are compassionate, love each other and for the most part, get along well together. I have to remind myself that my eldest’s personality has it’s good and bad points and as she gets older, some of the qualities that I find difficult to handle, may serve her well as she grows up.

  • The Stubborn One

    Growing up, my grandmother didn’t like. I was a lot like your older daughter, stubborn as hell, only interested in things that I was passionate about, while dismissing anyone other’s interests, “different.” My grandmother and I fought constantly, and I know she liked my little sister better. As I got older, I realized the same thing you did, that my grandmother and I were actually very much alike, and that’s what was causing a lot of the friction. As a child, we didn’t get along, but as an adult? We’re really close. Even though we fought all the time, I knew she supported me, and she knew I love her, so there’s no resentment or anything on either side. So have hope! You may not be close at this point in your lives, but that doesn’t mean that you’ll never be. Just keep being there for her, keep trying, and eventually, it’ll work.

  • http://www.facebook.com/valerisexton.jones Valeri Jones

    It is completely possible and okay to not like one of your kids or like one more than the other. As long as you love them and care for them equally, then okay. I have two step sons that live with us full time. I get along great and have an easy relationship with the younger one. The older one’s attitude sucks, his grades suck, and he’s very immature for his age. I love him unconditionally and will always be there for both of them, but his dad and I actually sat down with the older one and told him last week that we loved him, but we just didn’t like him very much. I know it hurt his feelings, but at he same time, it has helped SO MUCH with his attitude. He is finally starting to realize that he needs to respect other people and not throw such ragey unholy fits when he doesn’t get his way and that it’s NOT okay to constantly make fun of other people. Also, his grades have been constantly improving as well as his attitude and helpfulness at home. Sometimes, ya just gotta be honest with your kids.

  • Elissa

    This situation is very familiar to me, except I’m your older daughter.

    My Mother loves me but there has been a subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) undercurrent to entire relationship when it comes to “who I am.” She never managed to 100% hide the fact that I’m not exactly what she had in mind when it came to having a daughter. I’m feminine, but not girly. I’m happy, but not go-lucky. I’m social, but I need a lot of time alone to recharge.

    We’ve butted heads for my entire life and even though I’ve made some concessions I can’t help but feel that it will never be enough until I magically transform into whatever vision she had in her head. I love my Mom, but 26 years of her trying to change me in every little way took its toll on our relationship and I don’t think it will ever be as good as it could have been.

    What I’m trying to tell you is that even though you may not always agree with/understand/get along with your daughter, please don’t make the mistake of thinking that something is “wrong” or that she’s unhappy because she didn’t fit the mold you had in mind. I know you love your daughter and the best way you can show that is to support her for who she is and love her for what she loves.

    I’m sure I’m projecting a little bit here, but I really hope this helps.

    • Victoria

      Ditto here, and amen.

    • RockyMissouri

      WELL SAID…!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/paul.white.3532507 Paul White

    It sounds like sucks, but I’m not sure this sort of thing is avoidable; you mesh better with some people than others, even within your immediate family.

  • http://illegaljesus.wordpress.com IndieGoddess

    We know you do. – Not the favorite.

  • Gangle

    I don’t think this is bad. You obviously love your children very dearly. My mum says that you always fight the most with the child that resembles you the most.
    My husbands younger brother is the ‘family favourite’ with his mother. This isn’t to say that she does not love my husband equally – she absolutely does, and would drop everything just to help him if he needed it. She loves him the same amount, but different. It is just that she always gets along with the younger, her and my husband do knock heads from time to time. But the resemblance in personalities is uncanny! Both hold quite strong opinions, and can be quite passionate in defending them, both hold strong personal values and both are incredibly stubborn. Also, I think both have a dare-devil streak. No wonder they butt heads! The younger brother is more interested in keeping the peace, and always plays it safe, so of course he fights less with their mother.

  • EmmaFromÉire

    I get it! I mean, you love your daughters, but you don’t have to like them all the time! I was kind of the opposite as a teen, I was very, very introverted. I was an absolute Hermione, always buried in my books, but because I had to commute to school I didn’t have many friends where I lived. My younger brother, however, was a bit of a mommas boy, and they were always seeing movies or going to the park together, and I got pretty jealous. I was always by myself and didn’t really know HOW to converse with my parents, I just didn’t know what to say to them. It felt like my brother fit in with my mother’s preconception of him, but I was slightly out of sorts with it.

    I’m in my early twenties now and my mother and I are really, really close now. We talk endlessly, it’s almost like making up for lost time. It gets better, it really does! I think the biggest thing that changed for us is I became a lot less introverted, especially in my final years of school, and when I started college. I think that’s when your personality really starts to cement itself. You’re less…flighty? Can’t think of a better word, but it’s easier to find a middle ground, and things you have in common.

    Your relationship with either daughter will never be identical. They’re going to be different, no matter what. Different people, different styles, but both equal.

  • thethreeamigos

    I have three kids and I love them all equally, but sometimes they’re in a “difficult phase” and I know it’ll end, but doesn’t necessarily mean that I doesn’t go through times that I prefer one kid to the next. My oldest son has been showing some attitude lately and I have to close my eyes and count to 10 quite a few times every day. Oh the other hand, my daughter (who is almost 4) has gotten into a super sweet, cuddly phase and she (even as I type this is snuggled into my lap holding my hand) is SO easy to love right now. I KNOW this will change and in a few months they may be a complete 180 fromt today.

  • Sandy

    Well since shes a lot like you, you should have insight knowledge as how to approach her. How would you like your mother to be around you when you where a kid?

  • Emma

    Trust me, your eldest daughter knows the younger one is the ‘favourite’. It can be hard to treat both daughters equally as you expect a smile from the younger one and a frown from the elder, and so you might gravitate towards spending the good times with your youngest. But please recognise when you do this. My mother doesn’t and it kills me how she has a such an interest in my little sister’s life and not much in mine at all.

    • RockyMissouri

      That’s horrifying..! A mother should NEVER let those feelings be known……

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Devrie-Paradowski/519479611 Devrie Paradowski

      Well, there is a stark difference between butting heads a little and not having an interest in a child’s life.

    • RockyMissouri

      Butting heads is ok….not having an interest in your own child, sad…

  • Kat

    I like one of my boys more than the other, and they’re still under five. I love both to death, and both impress and inspire me more every day. When it comes to relax and chill time, though, there’s a clear favorite. I feel guilty sometimes too, and for a while I wouldn’t admit it. Then I thought, you know, it’s just like anyone else you interact with every day. You just don’t click with everyone. We love our kids, and as long as they know it, I think we’re okay.

  • Smalls

    While I don’t know if it’s avoidable, it does have an impact on kids as they grow. I did not have the easiest relationship with my mother when I was growing up. We have a good relationship now, but it’s very obvious that my brother is her favorite out of all of us. I still have yet to really understand that it doesn’t mean anything about me, and that people just mesh more naturally with some people over others.

    In other observations, is this an oldest child phenomenon – the rocky relationship with a parent while another is the favorite?

    • Leigha7

      I know a few older children who are the favorites, though it does seem to be less common. I think it’s just personality. There are far fewer oldest children (in a family of four, there’s one oldest and three others), so it makes sense that they’d be less likely to be the favorite.

  • Cat85

    Thank you so much for writing this… I can relate to a good bit of it. Even though (as my mother’s oldest, and least favorite) I’m on the other end of this story, it still warms my heart to see a parent who’s still trying, and still loves her child regardless. My mother always made it clear that my sister was the favorite– to the point of feeding me less, physically abusing me, and locking me in the basement sometimes. I was always confused by this because she was my favorite person in the world– I always smiled when she came into the room, I did everything she told me, and I never argued (even as a teenager). My sister argued and screamed at our mother all the time, and couldn’t care less what she thought or wanted.

    It’s not wrong to have a favorite, but I just wanted to know that my mother loved me; I said “I love you” all the time, but I’ve yet to ever hear it from her (she always said it to my sister). Children can tell when you have a favorite. But most don’t get jealous about your relationship with the other child, they just want to know that you love them too.

  • Temperance

    Your older daughter knows. I know that I did, and still do. Except now that I’m older and successful, I more or less cut my mother out of my life and am much happier that she’s not involved in it.

    You say that your older daughter is “judgmental of everyone else”, but did you ever stop to think that it’s a reaction from being treated so poorly for so long? I know that I lashed out at people who fit my mother’s description of what I should have been because I wasn’t that, wasn’t going to pretend to be that, and had no interest in it.

    (I’m a liberal atheist who is about to graduate law school, and I’m 29 and without children; my mother dropped out of high school because being a housewife was the only thing she cared about, and she thinks I “ruined my chances” by going to law school and I only did it because my now-husband didn’t want to marry me or give me a child.)

    • Leigha7

      There’s no indication that her daughter has ever been treated poorly. Maybe she does make her preference obvious, but we can’t tell that from what’s written.

    • Natasha Tyrell

      I’d say constantly arguing with older daughter and having happy giggly time with younger daughter is the same as being treated badly. The stark contrast casts deep scars and kids are very perceptive, they (we) sense we are not liked, and that in itself is the same as being treated badly.

  • MB

    “She is stubborn and only wants things her way. She wants everyone to
    accept her for the individual she is and yet she is very judgmental of
    others.” Sounds like the fruit does not fall far from the tree. How disgusting that you talk about your pregnancy and birth and your daughters BABYHOOD, all of which she could NOT control, as a negative. Maybe your relationship sucks because of YOUR negativity toward your daughter. You may be “anonymous” but your daughter knows just how you feel.

    Read more: http://www.mommyish.com/2013/04/18/i-have-a-favorite-kid/#ixzz2RJThrVzc

    • Leigha7

      I think that’s a little unfair. She never blamed her daughter for the difficult pregnancy or infancy, but it understandably seems to have made it more difficult for her to bond with her. It makes sense that you’d be more irritated than overjoyed with a baby that does nothing but cry all the time. Studies have shown that your personality as a baby tends to carry over even into adulthood too, so it’s not surprising that a not-super-happy baby is a not-super-happy teen (though it could be argued that, as you suggested, it’s a result of parental interaction).

      Regardless, people have personality types they can’t get along with. I know lots of people who would never even consider being friends with their family members if they weren’t related, but they love them because they’re family, even though they also don’t really like them. Sometimes it’s siblings, sometimes parents, and sometimes (unfortunately) it’s your children. As long as you love them and do your best to get along with them in spite of your differences, I’m not really sure what more you can do.

  • PSG

    Situations like this make me glad I only have one child to care for, and that we have such an easy time together. I can imagine my anguish, if I couldn’t ‘join’ with my daughter on some level.

    It’s obvious to your older daughter that the younger one is favored – that isn’t something someone can hide – and she probably does hold some resentment toward you. She’s a teenager, after all.
    Does this affect her relationship with her sister? Her father?
    Have you at any time sat down with her and tried to speak truthfully about your complicated interactions, and that you love her despite the difficulties?
    Have you, or would you, discuss ways that you could both meet minds and share some quality time together doing something (anything) that could be a shared interest? Anything?

    I wish the best for you all.

  • Jenny

    When it comes to it, I know my mom prefers being around my older brother. That’s okay though, because I know she loves me and would do anything for me and we do get along. I love her and would do anything for her too. Some personalities just mesh better than others, it’s nobody’s fault. You can either get past it, and enjoy what you have or be bitter about it. Life’s a lot easier if you choose the first.

  • Bwin51

    She’s like you. That’s the key. It’s difficult to face your own weaknesses. I have the same problem with my oldest daughter. Sigh. However, I was also a victim of parental favoritism, and so, I know the devastating effects of favoring one above the other. I’m in my 60s and haven’t recovered from that, but the lesson has been learned. It’s a tightrope this parenting business.

  • Wendie Tobin

    You use your birth experiences and their differences as some sort of personality measuring stick. You assume your infant daughters’ temperments as a reflection of YOU. The one you are more bonded to and get along with is the one who is least like you. The one you “like less” is the one who, according to you, is “a lot like me…She is creative and compassionate, just like me…But she also has a lot of the personality traits that I really dislike in myself. Looking at her is like looking in a mirror (ironically we also look alike) and that may be why it is hard for me to get along with her.”

    I think you answered your own question. I think YOU are the one with the problem. You make everything about YOU. Happy, smiling, well-behaved child means you are a good person. A child that reflects YOU equals a child you can’t connect with and don’t like as much. The older child doesn’t give you the endless personal validation you seem to need; she holds the mirror up to you and you don’t like what you see.

    My advice? Get yourself some counseling and start working on whatever it is that you don’t like about yourself. Why should your daughter pay that price? [Also, don't kid yourself: Your daughter KNOWS she's on the losing end of this mother-daughter triad.]

    • ABrooke

      THANK YOU! You read my mind…

  • Ruthied

    In my family, all of the children are different, but my middle brother was the happy-go-lucky one. Easy baby, easy personality. My youngest brother and I were the harder ones. My mother is kind, gentle, a bit nervous. I was precocious, loud and forward. I always felt less connected to my mother than most girls to their mothers. We shared a lot of similar interests, but HOW we consumed them was very different. Now that I am in my thirties, I see places where we could have connected on a deeper level. In fact, we could have used each other’s company and support over the last 10 years, when both of us went through separate struggles. Many years I mourned a lack of maternal connection. I remember being invited to a wedding shower and sobbing thinking, “What do you bring to a wedding shower? How do women just know these things?” I didn’t feel close enough to my mother to ask.

    I would gently plead that despite your differences, you make an effort to find connection between you and your older daughter. Remember, she is a unique person, not a copy of you. Your children are supposed to be their own people. But that connection is real, important, and vital. Find it in your heart to build these connections now. Your daughter will need them later in life.

  • Sneha Krishan

    Ugh. You should love both children equally.

  • zzzz

    I hope your older daughter never reads this article because you can’t imagine the pain you would be causing her. I’m 30 now and for years I’ve perceived in my mother exactly the same treatment your describing towards you older daughter. So sad, so obscure….Anyway I respect your opinion even though in my mind that is not something I would do, nevertheless post an article on the web about it

  • Lucy

    I’m a daughter and I am having issues with my mom. Try and meet her halfway and try andremember how hard it was when you were her age. She probably feels left out and like, well, her mom likes her little sister more. Try to connect with her more and listen to her. Be patient with her, give her independence. At least this is how I feel, so it might help.

  • Dianne Frederickson

    I am the older daughter in this situation. Just so you know, it is often less us trying to hurt you and more us trying to have a mom who cares about US, not the standard you expect us to be.
    One of my earliest memories is the day before my fourth birthday. I was so excited because I was convinced that four was the age when everything would change. Mom would love me like she did my little brother, I would be closer with her, and I would have friends. The next day, a large portion was devoted to making sure my little brother (he’s two years younger) was fed and happy. I could definitely tell that there was an imbalance, and I realized that nothing would change. Now, I’m fighting for a mother-daughter bond that I never had since I cut myself off and pretty much raised myself in the field of love, interest in my life, self-confidence, etc.etc.etc. I couldn’t handle the pain of going to her for comfort or praise only to find nothing there, so I put up a wall and cut her out of my life. I’m only now deciding that yeah, my friends are amazingly supportive, but I want a MOM. It’s a struggle every day, as she seems physically incapable of looking at things from my perspective, and has done little to meet me halfway, or even 25-75. We’ll probably never be entirely successful, though we’ve come a long way. I wouldn’t wish my experience on my worst enemies.
    Long story short, seeing your daughter as the person she is (instead of feeling sorry for yourself that she isn’t a perfect model of the daughter you wanted) will go a long way into improving your relationship, and will also earn her respect. I know you’ve said that you do so, but the fact that you see her as a ‘problem’ instead of as a person shows that you have more learning to do.
    And please, never ever EVER bring up that you like her less. I don’t care what she says or does. She is your daughter and I can assure you that telling her you don’t like her is going to do nothing but assure that she pulls away from you and begins fighting even more, simply to protect herself from needing your love and not finding it. She is good enough, and she should be loved even if you can’t muster up enough to love her as much as her sister.
    And really, it’s a learning experience. Why is it that you have no trouble mustering up enough love for the ‘easy’ child, but when one is more difficult, you decide it is her fault and give up? That is no way to be a parent. Motherhood isn’t easy, and that’s what makes the bonds you can get out of it so special. They’re forged in hardship.
    I can promise you that if you can unconditionally love both your daughters, you will form bonds stronger than steel. Especially with the one that seems to have to be cultivated more.
    Apologies for the long post, but this is my life. I’ve had many thoughts on what I’d tell my mother if I could speak to her anonymously (and she’d listen) while she was living with childhood me. I hope my experiences could keep others from committing painful mistakes.

  • Nora

    Hi, I am a girl at the age of 15, who is probably in the very same position as your older daughter. I am considered different from other girls my age because I am in a way individual, unique, very creative and intellectual. I am telling the truth when I say that I am mostly considered highly intelligent. I also know that I don’t only have these shining traits, but that I can be very stubborn, sensitive, unruly disobedient at times. i also have the tendency to be depressed.

    My sister is a lot simpler than me, which is nothing negative. She could be considered normal for her age, she is thirteen years old. I am also considered character-wise the splitting image of my mother. She at least claims that she was a lot like me, never fitting in anywhere because she just was entirely different from other kids her age, having different interests.

    At home, we have a similar situation like you describe. The thing is, I really feel that my mother prefers my sister over me, even though she loves us the same. I know she does. Even though I know that for a fact, I can’t help doubting this at times, and it hurts me. It hurts me to see my mother and my younger sister having fun together whilst I kind of do my own thing. Sometimes I get angry because I feel like my mom is unfair, even though I think she can’t help it. My sister gets very taunting at times, picking on my weaknesses, and my mother never quite knows who to believe since my sister lies a lot.

    I don’t know about your daughter, but since I am so different from other kids and since I have so very different interests, I sometimes find it difficult to bond with other people. I do have very good friends, but these are people just like me, of whom there are very few. Therefore, it is a lot more important that I can rely on my mother. If you and your daughter are so very alike, introduce her to some things you liked, and converse with her on an intellectual basis. For example, if you have read the biography of Catherine di Medici for example, give it to her to read it and have elaborate conversations about this very prominent figure in history. This can be genuine fun, this exchange of opinions.

    I hope this advice is not too late! Kind Regards.

  • sou

    please don’t you ever say something like this in the future you should treat both of your daughters equally i’m an older sister i know how it feels to be the less favorite i admit that my personality is very different from my sister and my mother .i like to do things on my owns i’m little bit lazy i hate house working.. this things made my mother prefer my younger sister she sometimes says to me that she wish she never had me it really hurt me so much and break my heart into little pieces even though my mother is the most cherish and important person in my life but i don’t think she cares about me as much i do that’s why i advice you to love your daughter the way she is with all her qualities and defects because it will affect her life later on . you should show her that you love her no matter how she misses things and tumbles things down , you should support her with all her decisions and her choices because she can simply get jealous of her sister and by your acts you can spread hate between them . Just love both of them despite their different personalities

  • Leanna

    I’m creeped out by everyone jumping on the bandwagon here. Uh do you think that the fact you’re sort of in your mind blaming her for not sleeping as a baby or being a tough birth. WOW talk about not taking responsibility. Let me clue you in: baby #1 your body never had a baby so it was hard. Duh. Don’t you think she didn’t sleep and she was harder because you didn’t know what you were doing? This sounds narcissistic almost. How nice to have a baby strangers admired and how awful FOR YOU that your first child cried. This saddens me as my experience was so similar and I saw it as-look what a badass I am on kid #2 I got so much better!! I guess our priorities aren’t the same. I would look in the mirror. Subtle differences in how you treated them is probably why you don’t get along.

  • Cb

    I’m a little shocked by how many sanctimonious witches felt the need to jump all over this anonymous mom. My twins are only 2.5 years old but, sometimes, I totes like twin B more than twin A. And yeah, I wish A was chatty and mellow and smiley and fun-loving like her sister but she’s just not. A is difficult. Really difficult. Difficult like I can’t take her to the grocery store without backup. Difficult like she would rather perish than to arts and crafts. Difficult like her main form of communication is piercing screams and smashing her head into things. And, true story, she’s been difficult since conception. While B was doing cute fetus things like sticking her butt out and wiggling to music, A was fiercely kicking me in the cervix. All. The. Time. Having a child you can’t once tot is hard, ladies. And perhaps we should be supporting this anonymous mom intend of bashing her.

    Anonymous, I get you. Really. It’s ok. And you know what, you love your girls. That’s the most important thing. Obviously your kids are older so, you might have to tweak this a little but here’s what seems to help me: when A is really starting to make me question my sanity, I try to do something are go somewhere she really likes. Bringing out her best side helps us connect. And honestly, the things she likes are not personally thrilling to me. We spend a lot of time dropping pebbles in the sewer by our house. But, I love seeing how she shares with her twin and holds her hand while they walk.

  • Anonymous

    Your daughter sounds a thousand times more interesting than you and your bullshit happy baby. You don’t deserve a daughter so clearly out of your league.

  • likearadiowave

    You only like the “good” daughter because she makes you feel better about yourself. Seeing as though you see them as extensions of yourself and your own ego, it makes sense that your “unique” daughter doesn’t make you feel the same way, and therefore your “good” daughter is favored.

  • Ta

    I am definitely not my mother’s favorite. It definitely hurts, so maybe you should try harder as a mother to understand and get along with your daughter as you are the reason why she’s on this earth.

  • SuperSimoholic

    Your older daughter sounds like she might have some form of high functioning autism.
    Look into it, make sure you look into how it presents in females specifically, because it’s different from males.

  • joaniris baez

    Your a horrible person iam an older sister
    and the discripen of your older daughter fits me
    Perfictly i cry every night becuse my mom is like
    You it may not same like it but that ‘tough cookie’
    Exterior is the sell to a deprest little girl who needs
    Her mother but NO you just comper her to
    Her perfect little sister now iam just 11 but I
    Know that this is wrong! You don’t
    Diserver to have her she may
    not be a peppy little B!tch like the younger one
    But she is her self try to see her attributes insead
    Of her faults or when you need her she wont be
    There for you,you sorry excuse for a mother!