Another Teen Girl Dead Because Her Sexual Attack Was Posted Online: RIP Audrie Pott

Teen Gang Rape Audrie Pott It’s happened again.

I don’t think I’m being alarmist when I ask you all to talk to your teens and your younger relatives today. It’s Friday. All over kids will be telling their parents they are going to a movie, or sneaking out of the house, or lying about spending the night at a friend’s. It’s what teenagers do. It’s what I did. There’s nothing new about this. But now we have another suicide due to the fact a teen girl was sexually assaulted and the boys who did this to her took photographs of the attack and posted them on the internet.

From The Gilroy Patch:

Three teenage boys were arrested at school today in connection with the alleged sexual assault in Saratoga last fall of a 15-year-old girl who later committed suicide, a sheriff’s spokesman said.

Two of the boys were taken into custody this morning at Saratoga High School, and the third was arrested at Christopher High School in Gilroy, Santa Clara County sheriff’s spokesman Deputy Kurtis Stenderup said.

All three were booked into Santa Clara County Juvenile Hall.

The boys, all age 16, were each arrested on suspicion of two counts of felony sexual battery and a misdemeanor — all related to the alleged assault, Stenderup said.

 

In early September of last year, 15-year old Audrie Pott attended a party at a friend’s house while her parents were out of town. The teens, between 8-10 of them at the party, drank hard liquor mixed with Gatorade. Audrie passed out and at least three male teens performed various sexual acts on her. Someone took at least one photo of the assault on Audrie, which was spread around via email and text before it was finally posted on Facebook. She wrote on her Facebook page:

 The whole school knows…My life is ruined.

 

She never told her parents what had happened. She told one friend about the attack. Audrie was a soccer player, a gifted pianist, and was known for her kindness and sense of humor. Eight days after her assault, Audrie hung herself.

Her parents are seeking to sue about 10 people, including high school students and some parents, in connection with the assault. They also want Audrie’s name associated with legislation named after her that would seek to prevent cyber bullying.

This isn’t about me but it’s about me and every other girl who was young and stupid and who did young and stupid things as a teen and who should have had the worst fate she encountered at the end of the night be a terrible hangover and a strict grounding from her parents. I don’t know how to stop this.  I don’t know how we stop boys from raping girls and posting the photos online. This has been happening far too often lately, and I’m sure there are many cases we still don’t know about. Because sex education is rarely taught in schools, rape education is never taught. I know as a parent I talk to my eldest son about these things and I will talk to my daughter about these things when she is older, even though I know my son is a smart, gentle kid who would never do anything like this, I talk to him about it anyway because I HAVE to. We all have to. I don’t know what else to say about this but my heart is broken.

Please talk to your kids. This is an emergency.

You can make a donation to the Audrie Pott Foundation providing Art and Music scholarships to Students in the San Francisco Bay Area by going here.
(photo: facebook)

Share This Post:
    • http://www.facebook.com/valerisexton.jones Valeri Jones

      This is just awful!!!! Every day, I hear my teenagers (who are boys and can be quite the little jerkfaces sometimes) come home and make fun of some girl. Usually it’s because she’s “fat” or “ugly.” I’ve had so many talks with them about how it is NOT okay to talk to or about girls like this and that they need to respect everyone. For now, I am thankful that is all that I have to talk to them about. (They are too shy to ever talk to a girl, much less have a girlfriends.) But after reading about poor Rethaeh Parsons, we sat down and had the sexual assault talk with them.

      Why is talking not enough, Eve?! Why aren’t examples like Steubenville enough to stop this kind of behavior?! Why is this allowed to go on by God or the Universe or whatever?! These poor young girls. :(

      • http://www.xojane.com/author/eve Eve Vawter

        I don’t know. I’m really devestated by this. It truly breaks my heart. It’s gotten to the point where we have to sit down with all of our kids and distinctly say to them

        DO NOT RAPE GIRLS.
        and
        DON’T GO TO PARTIES AND GET DRUNK BECAUSE YOU WILL BE RAPED
        and
        IF YOU GET A PIC OF A NAKED PERSON TELL AN ADULT RIGHT AWAY
        Every day we have a new case. I wish I had answers. It’s just awful.

      • EmmaFromÉire

        It just makes me so disillusioned that it’s at the point where we’re actively warning girls about going to parties with people who are supposed to be their friends. That’s the biggest frightening factor here- it’s not some random aggressive stranger on the street, it’s people these girls felt comfortable around and happy hanging out with.

        It’s hitting a point where conservative media (that i’m seeing anyway) are treating these cases as correlation equals causation- these silly slutty bitches got mega drunk and passed out legs open, they deserve what they got, and now the attention they’re bringing to it will ruin the rapists lives.. Utterly sickening.

      • michelle pittman

        i’ve told my 11 year old son that if anyone sends him a picture without any clothes on (boy or girl) he needs to tell me asap…what a world we live in…so heartbreaking!

    • Blueathena623

      My husband doesn’t believe me when I say that we will be having multiple, multiple, multiple rape talks with our son. He thinks one or two will be ok, but when I asked what he thought he would say, it amounted to the typical stranger rape talk. So fine, he can do some stranger rape talks, and I’ll do a million other talks about respecting women and drinking and photographing and not telling adults, etc.
      It made me sad though because I’ve also been talking with a few male friends who are also parents and asking them what they will teach their sons about rape, and its all the stranger rape scenario. I don’t know if they are that out of touch with the world OR (and this is what I fear/suspect) that having the “taking advantage of a girl” talk hits a little too close to home.

    • BR

      My son is four, but rest assured, when he gets to middle school we will have this talk. I don’t know if it is the “rape talk” but this will certainly be the, “a partner cannot give consent to sexual activity when she is passed out” talk, and I will let him know that if she doesn’t give consent I, his own mother, am going to consider it rape.

      This is about respect for other people and standing up for yourself and for people around you. Teens are scared, they want to be accepted by their peers, but they need a moral compass. We go crazy now with the pictures in our society and take them all the time without the subject’s knowledge but naked pictures are something else! Sexual activity is something else too— taking pictures of it can be considered pornography.

      All right. Enough of my rant. I just feel SO HELPLESS! I am going to make a donation.

      And parents, tell your kids that they have to tell you if they are ever assaulted. I understand that teens want privacy and their own secrets, but they have to tell you if they are hurt! No judgments on them—- it MUST be reported

    • TngldBlue

      I did not make the smartest decisions when I was a teenager-I was reckless and stupid at times, as many teenagers are. I can think of multiple times at that age where I put myself in situations that could have easily resulted in rape or some other horrible ending. But it never did. I’m sitting here trying to figure out what changed from my generation to this generation. Is it social media? Is it advertising & TV? Is it parenting? I so desperately wish I had a solution. As the mother to a sweet little girl I can’t imagine the pain of knowing something hurt her so badly suicide was the only way out.

      • BR

        I am wondering the same thing. All I can think of is that teenagers can be damn mean. Now they can be mean over the internet without a trace– no accountability. They can be vindictive and evil. Thanks to social media available over cell phones it can also be unrelenting! So, we’ve got a teenage girl who is naturally a bit insecure, wants people to like her, all the stuff we are as teenagers. Pile on top of this sexual assault, then add invasion of privacy with the picture and sever humiliation. Then add the unrelenting nature of teasing and taunting. It might have set me over the edge too. The only thing I can think of is that we need to spend some time with our teenagers, let them know how much we value them as people. But is that enough?

      • EmmaFromÉire

        I think you’ve hit the nail on the head there. The anonymity means people can be so cruel without really fearing repercussions. When I was in secondary school, there was an online forum for secondary schools in Dublin called HateBoard, where people could type out all sorts of abuse about people in their school.

        I’m a young person, and I feel weird saying this, but I think the accessibility of internet in my generation has a LOT to answer for.

      • BR

        Yeah, but that doesn’t mean that keeping people away from the Internet is the answer. The Internet is here to stay, so we have to learn to deal with it.

      • EmmaFromÉire

        But that doesn’t mean we should bury our heads in the sand about it either. People would think twice about posting cruel, damaging or false things about people if the post was linked to them. Having no accountability for things you post makes it far too easy to run away with it- if you went to a site like facebook now you could find hundreds of pages dedicated to ”teenage sluts” or ”hipster sluts” (basically any prefix to slut, and you’re there). It’s degrading and humiliating, so I think we should hold the poster accountable. Put their details up, show them as the page founder, direct all comments to them. I think learning how to actively discourage this sort of this is the priority. [Unless I misunderstood what you said, in which case sorry for the rant!!]

        You”re right about rape education. There was quite extensive sex education in my school, but rape was never ONCE mentioned. Not once. And the juvenile defense? It riles me up beyond belief. This was an adult attack. The steubenville rapists? Hell, they were nearly legal adults, they knew what they were doing and hid behind their sad excuses. The man responsible for the site Megaupload was subject to more judicial scrutiny than two teenage rapists, and that turns my stomach.

      • BR

        Why the boys who did this, however, did not fear repercussions is beyond my understanding. Did they not know that this is illegal? Did they think, “It’s not right, but no one is going to rat me out, so it’s OK?” Were they just not rational and thinking only with the lower half? That I don’t get either. What is the appeal of having sex with someone who is passed out? There is so much of this I just can’t “get”

        We need rape education in schools. We also need to let teenagers know that they can be held legally accountable for their actions– the juvenile defense is not always valid.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Erica-Mathis/100002238870948 Erica Mathis

        Maybe wait until there’s a trial and first see if those “boys” get convicted of any crime. Don’t just assume they are guilty of rape, That’s why we have a legal system.

      • BR

        Yes, you are right. There should be a trial.

      • whiteroses

        The problem with that is that when photographs are taken of an assault and posted online, it’s not alleged anymore. Honestly- if someone was beaten up by another person and had a photo posted online of the attack, would you still call it “alleged”? No. Because there’s proof. There’s PROOF THIS HAPPENED, and you still think they might be innocent? Really?

      • Obvious

        You mean the photographic evidence that proved they raped an unconscious woman? I pray you don’t have daughters.

      • LoveyDovey

        They knew damn well it was illegal, but rape culture being what it is they felt comfortable taking the risk, because most of the time it pays off for the rapists.

        As for the “appeal”, it’s a power thing. They’re making themselves feel better at the expense of another. That and they don’t want a fight.

      • Fabel

        This is what I’m wondering, too. I have done many drunken things as a teenager, resulting in me passing out around boys—boys I’ve flirted with all night or had even hooked up with at an earlier time—& they DIDN’T RAPE ME. Why is this happening so much?? I mean, is it just that these instances are finally being called out? (The technology makes it worse in a way, but also easier to find out about)

      • KC

        You were very fortunate– probably about 1 in 6 or 1 in 7 women are raped at some point in their lives. I think it very much is that people don’t talk about it, and when they are brought to trial, it is very hard to get a conviction. Even in these cases where there is photographic evidence, the prosecution has a very difficult time getting a conviction.

      • Kat

        One in four…

      • Makabit

        I think this has always happened, but we’re being hit with two things–one is that for all the victim-blaming, we now do identify this as a crime, and two, the technology factor.

        As for your teen experiences (and mine), so much of it seems to have to do with the specific culture of a town or school as to what is acceptable within a peer group, whether kids will monitor each other, contact adults, etc.Interpersonal dynamics are a big part of it.

      • http://twitter.com/Mama_Dish Heather E

        I think the difference lies in parenting. Our generation learned right from wrong. Our parents were parents, they weren’t trying to be our friends. When I messed up in school, my parents took the teacher’s side. I was punished. Sure, I towed the line like all teenagers do, but I never did anything that was truly “bad”. Nowadays, so many parents put their kids on pedestals; kids start to think they can do no wrong. That no matter what, Mom and Dad have my back and I don’t have to be accountable. It’s BS. At 4 years old, I am teaching my son the foundations of being a good person. First and foremost, respect for all people, and especially authority. I want him to know how to make good decisions and that when they don’t, there will be repercussions. When he gets a little older, we will talk specifically about what’s acceptable behavior towards women and what is not. I will not expect him just to know. And if I have to remind him every couple of months, I will do just that. Because it’s my responsibility.

      • Amber

        Rape is not new. It happened in your generation and every generation. You just got lucky. You hear about it more now because more people actually care about the rape victim instead of calling her a stupid slut who had it coming like they did 40 years ago.

      • TngldBlue

        I wasn’t implying rape is new. But the gang rape of a teenage girl by her peers and the subsequent bullying that leads to the victim committing suicide happening every damn week-that’s new. I was commenting more on the lack of moral compass young men seem to have these days compared to my generation. I was lucky that I was surrounded by boys that had enough integrity to
        know that taking advantage of a girl in that state was wrong.

      • LiteBrite

        I too made really stupid decisions when younger. In fact, when I think about the ridiculous crap I did while drunk (or even sober), I cringe. But I don’t think I escaped rape (or worse) because it was less prevalent; I think it was more because I was damn fortunate.

        I really don’t think anything has changed, to be honest. I was a teenager than later a college girl in the 80s and 90s, pre-Internet. Today we live in the information age where everything is shared online. We hear about these stories more because there are much more effective ways of getting that information out there.

      • jessica

        I used to think that the way that every little event can be so permanently documented for eternity on, say, facebook was strictly hilarious. I was specifically thinking about what is going to happen when teenagers now grow up and try to run for president or something only to have their entire campaign ruined when someone whips out a print out of all the stupid things they did and said on the internet when they were younguns. But now it is clear to me that this whole thing isn’t quite so funny. People don’t just rape, they take pictures of themselves doing it and forward them to everyone they have ever met before with a simple, easy, click of a button. And that results in pure, unadulterated hell for the victim. An additional hell on top of the original trauma. Not laughing quite so much anymore. (Though I still love the internets obviously.)

      • LiteBrite

        I think the Internet is both heaven and hell. It makes it easier to get stories like this out to the rest of society and certainly makes it easier for us to have discussions about it. That’s a good thing. However, this same effectiveness also makes it very easy for stories like this to occur.

        On the flip side, it also makes it a little easier to prove when a crime like this happens.Documenting a rape certainly provides quite a bit of evidence for the prosecution.

      • jessica

        That is true. Very true. And I’m assuming to cops and prosecutors have a way of making sure all of the images sent out get deleted either through threats or whatever. Well at least there is that.

    • LoveyDovey

      This makes me so, so upset. I have two little girls. I myself have been raped and abused. At this point I’m fairly certain if anything like that happened to them I would end up in prison for murdering whoever did it.

      I’m trying my best to educate my husband because I know I’ll need his help in modeling how a man is supposed to treat women, and because he hasn’t always reacted the best when I told him about harassment I got while out and about. I think it’s helping. . .

      This breaks my heart. The only good I can see is that maybe, just maybe, the increased attention will start something. Maybe we’ll see a proper backlash against all this misogyny and hatred.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Erica-Mathis/100002238870948 Erica Mathis

        My parents never had any such “discussions” with us six kids, I’ve never
        had any “discussions” of this type with my three, now college age, kids.
        I mean this stuff is not teachable stuff! This is common sense human
        morality stuff. If you have to “try” and teach kids this stuff,
        something is wrong. If they don’t just know by nature this behavior is
        wrong, I doubt trying to lecture them is going to make them understand. I
        mean when it comes to the big stuff, you either know right from wrong
        or you’re in for a tough life. That’s it. No one had to teach me or my
        siblings or my kids “no means no” or “boundaries” or “personal spaces”. I
        mean, really? This is human nature stuff!

      • LoveyDovey

        Obviously not, or we wouldn’t be reading about rape and its afteraffects.

        It all stems from sexism, the idea that women are less than men, therefore we’re not equal humans deserving of boundaries or personal space. The lessons are subtle but they’re there- that women are trophies for the football star or the nerdy guy to acquire, that women are to be conquered, that our lives and opinions and feelings don’t matter.

    • Goodieb

      My son is about to turn six and already we’re having the discussion about “no means no and stop means stop”. My husband and I are starting with this discussion in reference to personal space and boundaries (rough housing, etc.) but it will segue into the more serious discussions relating to sex and relationships. My daughter, now three, will also be having this discussions with us. It’s important!

      • LiteBrite

        We have been having the same discussions, so you’re not alone. My son went through a phase where he liked to tickle people and would keep doing it even if another child didn’t want him to. We had to have several conversations about space, personal boundaries, and “no means no” and will continue to have these conversations. We are trying to lay the foundation for much bigger conversations as he gets older.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Erica-Mathis/100002238870948 Erica Mathis

        My parents never had any such “discussions” with us six kids, I’ve never had any “discussions” of this type with my three, now college age, kids. I mean this stuff is not teachable stuff! This is common sense human morality stuff. If you have to “try” and teach kids this stuff, something is wrong. If they don’t just know by nature this behavior is wrong, I doubt trying to lecture them is going to make them understand. I mean when it comes to the big stuff, you either know right from wrong or you’re in for a tough life. That’s it. No one had to teach me or my siblings or my kids “no means no” or “boundaries” or “personal spaces”. I mean, really? This is human nature stuff!

      • Goodieb

        I think we fail our children and society in general when we adopt the opinion that things are common sense, and basic morality. I don’t think trying to teach boundaries means there is something wrong, or any type of immorality. And who said anything about a lecture?

        I think you need to pass on the judgement and ask yourself, what did your kids do in high school and college that you didn’t know about? If you’re so filled with judgement I bet there are a lot of things you don’t know about in their lives that may fall beyond your “basic morality” that they probably couldn’t talk to you about. Especially if they were supposed to inherently ‘know’ things to be basic morality, they probably didn’t get the answers from you. I bet a lot more people could have used a little talk on “no means no and stop means stop”. As parents it is our DUTY to have these talks. It’s a problem when parents make assumptions of what their kids know and FAIL to address the big issues. It’s more your discomfort with the issues than it is some inherent knowledge you and your kids have.

      • LiteBrite

        Cool story, bro.

        And ditto what Goodieb said.

      • KC

        It is absolutely teachable! Our culture basically tells boys that as long as a girl doesn’t say “No” it means yes, this leads them to honestly think that if she’s passed out (and therefore cannot say “No”) then it’s fair game. It is up to parents to push back against this culture by telling boys that this is not an appropriate way to think about consent.

      • LiteBrite

        Not only that, but I also want my son to understand that he too has boundaries and he too has the right to say “No.” I’m not just talking about molestation (although that’s a big part) but also about another kid doing something innocent such as roughhousing or tickling.

      • http://www.xojane.com/author/eve Eve Vawter

        YES.

      • Debi

        Erica Mathis, For you to say “this stuff is not teachable” Bologna! It
        actually says more about your hang ups, than anything else like common
        sense. No one is born with your idea of ‘common sense’. Sounds like
        your own childhood (parents UN-willing or unable to discuss sex) set you
        up to be just as embarrassed or uncomfortable to discuss human nature
        with your own children. This isn’t a judgement on your parenting skills,
        G-d knows kids don’t come with a book of directions. I feel bad
        because my own parents believed just as naively “sshh, maybe if we
        don’t talk about it, it won’t happen.” My Dad always told my
        brothers “You never hit women” Funny but he never mentioned “You
        don’t sexually assault or rape women” One of my brothers went on to do
        just that. Parents often forget one of the biggest things that
        influences all kids. Teenage Hormones. Drives kids nutty the way their
        emotions are so out of whack. Throw in the booze & drugs &
        guess what? This has been going on forever. Only difference, we didn’t
        have the Internet back in the day. So when a girl’s reputation at school
        got ruined, it was strictly by word of mouth. Now multiply that by who
        knows how many millions & one can easily understand why these young
        girls are so freaked out & overwhelmed. Bless her family &
        please people, talk to your kids.
        It doesn’t have to happen immediately
        with the big stuff at first. Just get the lines of communication open
        with some ‘common sense talk’ to start. Sorry Erica but kids aren’t
        ‘born with common sense’. They learn by many ways, esp by example too.
        Every day we make 100′s of choices, teach your children to
        know that they can come to you with ANYTHING. If these girls knew the
        depth of their parents love & their willingness to understand &
        forgive (no matter how embarrassing it might feel) Who knows how these
        situations might have played out.
        Be sure your kids
        understand..THERE IS NOTHING that could be that bad, that it’s worth
        taking your own life, NOTHING. Our capacity to love & forgive, must
        be paramount. Lastly, for those that posted the pictures on the
        Internet. There’s an old saying “A picture speaks a thousand words”
        Before you post anything, ask yourself…”Would I want to see this
        online, if it where a picture of me?…Peace

      • Obvious

        Oh my god, if I hear one more idiot say “teenage hormones” and “alcohol” creates a rapist I might just lose my shit. No! Most men and most boys are not rapists. Alcohol does not magically turn a teen into a rapist. Hormones do not make a rapist. When’s the last time you got drunk and horny and raped someone? Exactly.

      • whiteroses

        The thing is, our kids live in a different world than we did. With the advent of social media and the idea that you can say anything you want on the Internet without repercussions, our kids make decisions and choices that can and do follow them permanently.

        Why do you think that racism gets perpetuated? Why do you think that, statistically, children who are abused are much more likely to abuse others themselves? Go see the movie “42″ about Jackie Robinson. A young baseball fan yells racial epithets at Robinson because his father did- only stopping when he sees one of his heroes put his arm around Robinson.

        Furthermore, how else do you think kids learn morality? Yes, by watching and observing the adults in their lives, but also by having parents who are willing to sit them down and have hard conversations with them. As the mother of a son and the godmother of a little boy, I have the responsibility to lead by example, but you can bet they’ll be getting the “no means no” talk from me. And my son’s godmother will hopefully be giving him that talk as well. We have to teach our kids respect for themselves and others. It doesn’t happen by osmosis.

      • http://www.xojane.com/author/eve Eve Vawter

        That’s VERY interesting, because I was talking to my husband last night and his parents never had the “rape” talk with him either, he just instinctively knew about consent. And when I posed a hypothetical to my younger son he knew you never touch anyone without permission. I think it also has to do with how you are raised regarding rough housing and bullying and all that, those lessons transfer onto teenagehood.

      • Ice.The.Queen

        The problem with that attitude is there are too many people who have no common sense or common decency anymore. Too many people do things because they believe they won’t get caught or they won’t have to face any consequences even if they are caught. Teaching a child right from wrong is the parents responsibility, and that doesn’t always mean that they’re lecturing them constantly. How the hell do you think you learned right from wrong? You took after your parents. Too many people think that teaching something means you have to hit someone over the head with it. No means no, has to be said at least once and then enforced in order to be learned. Personal space has to be taught, everything has to be taught in order for children to become decent adults.

      • lily

        You have to remember that we grew up in a very different world to the one kids are growing up in today. We were never exposed to so many different things, people, ideas and ways of living. Our parents didn’t need to have “discussions” with us, but we undoubtedly did learn our morals & values from them, as well as the other adults around us. But now children are learning not only from their families, but from TV, the internet, songs, video games & all the other kids they meet at school who may come from vastly different backgrounds & home/family situations. And let’s face it, there are some really sketchy family situations out there! So responsible parents today must find new ways to raise their kids to be responsible adults themselves one day, which is why I think we should applaud these parents for talking to their children about these issues, and from such a young age too! My only word of advice to them would be to make sure they practice whatever they preach to their children so they will learn from them by example as well.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100004248960055 Stephie Stephster

        change that discussion to ‘only (an enthusiastic) yes means yes’ –
        because a lot of boys seem to think that if a girl is unconscious and
        can’t say no, it’s not rape.

        and teach your daughter the importance of self-preservation. in all of these cases, have you noticed the girls were doing some hardcore drinking? check in with your
        daughters often – and not by text. make sure you hear their voices and ask them questions to try to determine their state.

    • Tim

      I know how to stop it… Treat them as adults on the crime. What if a grown man had done this to her? Is it any less egregious that they were under 18? I think not. Kids have grown up a LOT faster than from previous generations. Let’s treat them like we would grown men. This is poor or non-existent parenting. Let’s hold parents responsible for the actions of their children But, I don’t know how to convince another parent that their precious baby is a demon. Or, how do you convince them that they are responsible for their child’s upbringing? Let’s make an example!

      • jessica

        Seriously. Nothing makes me more angry then when people say “Well they were drunk too…” or “Well they are just kids and their little brains are still forming…” There is a range of things that can be considered mistakes that teenagers are apt to make due to their lack of maturity. Disregarding curfew to spend an extra couple of hours with friends would be an example. Or spending money foolishly. Even some experimentation with drugs, alcohol, sex. Violent and predatory behavior is absolutely not included. By elementary school most kids understand that hurting other people is wrong and by high school they absolutely do and in a very nuanced way.

      • whiteroses

        Yes. Teenagers need to understand that the choices they make now can affect the rest of their lives. For some of them it’s the college they go to. Others have to decide whether to keep their baby, abort it or give him or her up for adoption. We can say they’re “just kids”- but the fact is they make adult decisions every day.

    • Sarah

      What the hell is wrong with teenage boys? I am so horrified by all these stories coming to light recently. Please, moms of boys, teach yours to not only not rape people, but to be the ones that are man enough to step in and stop something like this if they see it happening!

    • michelle pittman

      these stories are breaking my heart…a beautiful gifted girl…LOST…because of animals…ever since steubenville (which is how i became addicted to your blogs to begin with) i have been talking to my 9 year old and 11 year old sons about this…we need to go beyond just telling them to not rape girls…we also need to teach them to be strong and courageous — to be the one who steps in and stops it…be the one who sticks up for her…there needs to be a change…since normal morals, ethics, compassion and empathy are obviously NOT being taught at home we HAVE to do something…how do we go about getting rape, rape culture and bullying (ALL types, not just physical and words) added to the curriculum at schools? Most kids seem to start health class in the 6th grade…this needs added to health class…NOW (if anyone has any ideas or wants to start a group or just DO something please get in touch with me – michellepittman0621@gmail.com)

      • Kathleen

        It’s not just teaching boys to be respecting of women, either. It’s teaching women to be respectful of women too. How differently would this have turned out if instead of getting shamed for the video, everyone–guys and gals alike–who saw the video shamed the boys who committed the assault?

      • http://www.xojane.com/author/eve Eve Vawter

        Totally, we need to bring back the buddy system. You don’t leave a friend who may be in trouble.

    • KC

      That bit in the article about how she did a “stupid thing” really rubs me the wrong way. Why don’t you say the boys did a stupid thing? They are the ones who did something wrong, not this girl. Sure, drinking underage is not something she should have been doing. But the drinking wasn’t why she was raped. She was raped because there were rapists present.

      • Sutro

        It’s stupid to incapacitate yourself so she indeed did something stupid. I wouldn’t call what the boys did stupid. Their actions were criminal, a completely different level of conduct.

      • http://www.xojane.com/author/eve Eve Vawter

        Thank you. and I have talked so much about how it is NEVER the girl’s fault no matter how drunk she is, I sort of assume that people who follow my writing know this. They are criminals, but in light of all these awful cases it has gotten to the point where kids can’t even be young and stupid and get drunk and make mistakes. As long as they aren’t driving, I don’t think a kid getting drunk as a teen once or twice is the end of the world. It used to be driving we worried about, now we have to worry about terrible crimes.

      • Izza

        It really rubs me the wrong way that we apparently can’t suggest teenage girls be more careful without being accused of victim blaming.

        If you leave your house unlocked and go on vacation, you did something stupid. That doesn’t make the guy who goes in and steals all your stuff any less of a criminal.

    • Sutro

      “Because sex education is rarely taught in schools, rape education is never taught.”

      I grew up in California and went to public schools in the 70′s and 80′s. I had sex education in elementary, Jr. high, and high school. Both Jr. and high school sex education classes also talked about rape.

      • http://www.facebook.com/RetiredSceneQueen Emmali Lucia

        They don’t do that anymore. Now it’s a “Save yourself for Jesus. You lost it already? You’re a slut. Oh, you’re a guy? You go, Glen Coco.”

      • Makabit

        Me too (California, born 1973). We did talk about rape in high school, not earlier, although there was some pro-forma ‘if someone does bad touch, tell a grown-up’. I distinctly recall going over the ‘if she’s unconscious it’s rape’ material in class. Some boys tried to finesse around that, but the teacher told them to shove it.

    • http://www.facebook.com/iwill.findu.90 Iwill Findu

      What’s going on that teenager these days seem to think this is ok? Sorry baby you’re gonna stay in my womb until you’re 30.

      • http://www.xojane.com/author/eve Eve Vawter

        awwww, I feel you. I am all “can we buy an island somewhere with no other humans?”

      • http://www.facebook.com/iwill.findu.90 Iwill Findu

        Lets allow people that’s teach their kids not to rape on the island.

    • Disciple for Life

      Bring back the Bible! Absolute and perfect goodness, God’s goodness is the one answer to evil that overcomes evil.

      • LoveyDovey

        No.

      • http://www.facebook.com/iwill.findu.90 Iwill Findu

        As a christian let me say no. You can’t force your believes on another person and try to claim it as a moral high ground. I’m sure other holy books besides the Bible teach sound morals such as don’t kill steal or rape. (I’m not an expert and that’s just a guess) Christianity should be about a personal relationship with Jesus. If you want and try to bring it down to morals I’m pretty sure Buddhists or Muslims could also teach those same morals.

        Also if it only came down to history I’m gonna side with the Buddhists I don’t remember learning about them pulling stunts like the inquisition. So I would take their moral teachings overs the Christian churchs.

    • Pingback: Audrie Pott Alleged Attackers May Be Tried As Adults

    • gash

      Sadly Murica is catchin’ up to India

    • Zan

      Parents should not mention the word rape to their children, at all. They are children, and by you mentioning rape to them implies to them that you think they are capable of such.
      I am 28 and when I was in school, sex ed mentioned nothing about rape. We were told to be careful of the company we keep, watch out for each other, and stand up for each other even though it may be hard. Then I had my parents drill this in into my head since I can remember: to stand on my own, I am responsible for myself, I am responsible for my friends, don’t give into peer pressure, don’t care whAt anyone thinks, help the weak, and fight when my or other people well being is in jeapordy. And lastly, step in when needed as calling the police or parents can take too long and people can be hurt in the meantime.

      This leads me to my opinion of what is happening to today’s youth. No sense of responsibility by ways of excuses, education system and society. Society and the education system are telling the kids today that families are not important, someone is to blame for another persons actions, and if someone does something then it must be because some type of trauma happened to them earlier. These excuses now include prom queen types won’t go to prom with them, their parents spanked them when they did something dangerous, the teacher picked on them by asking them to participate in class etc. I am not joking.
      Also, did you ever think as to why so much bullying to suicide occurs? You can do a lot of research and come up with 8 million reasons. Or you can look at a time table. The time table clearly dictates that when schools started having students arrested for fighting. Good idea in theory, but it has serious consequences. By doing this, kids never learn the skills of protecting themselves and standing up for themselves. They are told to run and tell someone. Once againi a great idea IF they lived their lives forever in a protective school. Instead of let’s say a girl is being groped by a guy, she’s supposed to go tell a teacher. Okay, what does that do, it gets the kid and his friends more pissed off. She can still be groped of hit in a crowded hallway and she can never point out who exactly did it. It could get worse from there. She should have taken her book bag and hit him across his face the first time he did it, then went to tell someone. That way he and his friends know that she is not afraid and will not be a victim. There are those of you that are completely against violence, while I agree, it is not realistic in today’s world. The world is becoming a more violent and morally disconnected place, not safer. We have mor rules than when we did 10 years ago, and it is getting worse, what does that show you.

    • Zan

      Also, these rapists should be hanged, publicly. If your old enough to rape you are old enough to die. It may seem harsh, but it would put a stop to a lot of rapes once people knew they would not get the proverbial slap on the wrist. This should apply to those that kill someone while driving intoxicated, murder, child molestation, selling drugs and someone dies from it, etc. when people started to loose personal responsibility, and the lawyers and courts and teachers started providing excuses for everything under the sun so that criminals and future criminals knew that repercussions would not be that bad, society became immersed in that crap. Parents cannot parent anymore, you cannot discipline your own children by any means, teachers have to put up with being harassed, hit, ridiculed by students because they cannot discipline either, kids are allowed to dress very provocatively. Or have pants hanging around their thighs, IN SCHOOL. We need to start combating this problem head on and with force. The only thing human trash understands and respects is severe and I mean severe consequences. The world gets worse, common sense dictates you have to match or out do it so much that no one wants to be the next one to be in front of the firing squad. Rehabilitation does not work, horrible medicines do not work, they are a lost cause. The truth is ugly, and it is not nice. Some choose to ignore it and seclude themselves in their make believe world, and they wonder why they are sometimes the victim one way or the other.
      Call your reps and demand the death penalty for those that take lives or commit a crime that results in a life taken, like this poor girl.
      Also demand that parental rights are given back to those that deserve it and need it, the parents. Schools and local government need to keep their noses out of family lives, unless a obvious case of abuse etc is apparent. For Gods sake, we are prohibited to discipline our children while states are making marihuana legal…. How are we supposed to combat that?? Weed leads to more drugs, that is a fact, I know personally. I have seen it throughout my life. In closing, tell your children to stand up for their friends, even if it means they catch a beating. I tell my son and daughter the aforementioned in my other comment, as well as if they see anyone, anyone being beaten, raped or groped, to yell to someone to get help, then grab a chair and start swinging. And to their friends, never leave them alone, especially at a party, and if they see their friends doing drugs, kick them in their face and tell them they are stupid, then leave and never talk to that “friend” again, that one action may save that person from making a permanent mistake.
      Yes people, that is the world we live in

    • Rendiggy

      How unafraid of being charged are these kids if they are willing to photograph themselves in the act, thereby creating evidence? How piss poor are we at justice in rape cases when the criminals are not only documenting themselves in the act but DISTRIBUTING the evidence?!?!

    • http://www.facebook.com/victoria.cole.927758 Victoria Cole

      HELLO to my friends out there i am testifying about the good work of a man who help me it has been hell from the day my husband left me i am a woman with two kids my problem stated when the father of my kids travel i never help he was living but as at two weeks i did not set my eye on my husband i try calling but he was not taken my call some week he call me telling me that he has found love some where easy at first i never take to be serous but day after he came to the house to pick his things that was the time i notice that things is going bad i help he will come back but things was going bad day by day i needed to talk to someone about it so i went to his friend but there was no help so i give it up on him month later i met on the the internet a spell caster i never believe on this but i needed my men back so i gave the spell caster my problem at first i never trusted him so i was just doing it for doing sake but after three day my husband called me telling me that he his coming home i still do not believe but as at the six day the father to my kids came to the house asking me to for give him the spell work to said to my self from that day i was happy with my family thanks to the esango priest of (abamieghe)esango priest he his a great man you need to try him you can as well to tell him your problem so that he can be of help to you his content email is this esangopriest@hotmail.com indeed you are a priest thank you for making my home a happy home again. remember his email is esangopriest@hotmail.com

    • Bene Venida

      On May 1, May-Day or M’Aidez, I am committing to end my social network profile as an act of resonance for Audrey Pott and what we have in common. I invite all other women and men who have survived gang rape at a party, festival, or other venue of kinship, who have been betrayed by our friends and perhaps family, to also symbolically end one of your social network profiles.

      I have very mixed feelings about photographing the crime. As I was being gang raped at an outdoor festival in the 80s, one of the things I vividly remember was a flash going off repeatedly. When I was not believed upon reporting my gang rape, the memory of that flash going off again and again kept me sane through the years as I realized that someone, perhaps a few people, had the evidence of my experience. Thank God there was no internet then, but thank God someone took photos of my crime so that I knew it had happened, even though it still feels it never mattered at all.

      So, this May 1, 2013, in the essence of Audrey Pott and the girl of Richmond High and… my mom… I am committing to end my social network profile for Good. Not forever, but for Good.

    • http://twitter.com/Jamila269 Jamilah Muhammad

      I think that she is responsible for the endangerment she put herself in by getting drunk at a friend’s home with strangers. The situations that people put themselves in is what leads to potentially being taken advantage of. Parents should teach young adults to take responsibility for their actions in regard to this.

    • Guest

      uj

    • Pingback: California School District Monitoring Social Media To Keep Teens Safe

    • Pingback: Anonymous Vows To Help Daisy Coleman And Here's How You Can Help Too