• Sun, Mar 31 2013

Justin Bieber Is A Terrible Monkey Daddy – Can We Start A #FreeMallyBieber Campaign?

justin-biebers-pet-monkeyJustin Bieber had to leave a monkey in quarantine in Germany because he did not have the necessary paperwork to bring the monkey into the country. The tiny capuchin, a gift from record producer Mally Mall, is probably all scared and cold and alone in Germany. Maybe he will just give the baby monkey away to a fan like he did his pet hamster!

Now, now, before I get a ton of really angry monkey owners commenting about how wonderful they are as pets, I’m going to warn you that I won’t be swayed on his subject. Monkeys are adorable! But they shouldn’t be kept in captivity, especially by a pop star who doesn’t understand simple things like the necessary paperwork required to bring an animal into another country. Maybe Justin will just return the monkey to Mally, because looking at Mally’s twitter feed he has some weird zoo in his house comprised of cheetahs and mountain lions and lots of other monkeys. Mally posted this along with a bunch of RIP caplock messages, so I think this is one of his bigger cats who died.

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I am just like any other human who sees images like this and I am all I WANT A BABY MONKEY I WANT A BABY LYNX – or whatever the hell breed that cat is, it looks to big to be a serval, gosh, what am I? A Zoologist? But like even I know that despite how adorable and awesome all of these animals are, they should not be kept as pets. Capuchin monkeys like to live in packs. They can transmit diseases like hepatitis to humans. They have to wear diapers all the time. And a lot of capuchin trainers kindly suggest having their canine teeth removed so their owners don’t suffer from really nasty bites from them.

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And now this baby monkey is in monkey jail and when these tiny primates are taken away from their mothers they have to be bottle-fed and held and kept warm and they get scared very easily and I can’t even imagine how traumatic this whole thing must be for this little guy.

Do the right thing Justin Bieber! I am begging you as a middle-aged woman who can possibly name two of your songs and how knows next to nothing about you other than the fact your mom is happy she didn’t abort you! Turn the baby monkey over to a professional who can rehabilitate it to live amongst other monkeys or put it in a safe zoo environment or something! #FreeMallyBieber!

(Photos: Instagram)

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  • Blueathena623

    Bad Justin, bad. Get an expensive weird dog or something.

    • http://www.xojane.com/author/eve Eve Vawter

      Why does he get all the cool stuff? we would be MUCH better monkey mommies

    • Blueathena623

      I could cuddle the hell out of a baby monkey.

    • http://www.xojane.com/author/eve Eve Vawter

      I bet you would also greatly research the correct monkey for said monkey to enter said countries if traveling with said monkey :(

    • Blueathena623

      Me, neurotic about research? Never! ;)

    • chickadee
  • http://www.facebook.com/iwill.findu.90 Iwill Findu

    I always feel so sorry for exotic animals that are forced to become pets. Can their owners really provide the type of environment that would make them really happy, most of the time the answer is no they can’t and so often you hear about exotic animals killing someone and then having to be killed. It’s so sad if people really loved these animals they would leave them in the wild and enjoy watching them at the zoo. Poor monkey.

    • Kat

      Wait… Why is the zoo okay?

  • Tea

    That’s a caracal :)

    I love exotics, and plan to start a caribou farm and get a few more parrots some day. I already keep arthropods and a chinchilla. I also used to work at a parrot rescue, and have seen a lot of what poor keeping can do to an animal, often for life. t I am staunchly against getting exotic animals that you cannot throw yourself into and devote proper time and care to. The woman who ran the parrot sanctuary even had to take vet-tech courses because some of our birds were so aggressive to strangers or claustrophobic that she had to handle more basic care herself under a vet’s supervision, when dealing with a palm cockatoo who can, and had, crippled fingers and was terrified of confined spaces. I tend to endorse responsible ownership and adhering to guidelines to keep such critters.

    I’m wondering if he even has the required permits for it based on his official home location. And primates and parrots are horrible animals to need to quarantine, it can really mess with their mental well-being, especially at a young age.

  • Annie

    Ugghhh. People who keep wild animals. H8.

  • A-nony-mous

    I loathe idiots who think it’s fun and cool to keep wild ‘exotic’ animals as pets. You want a pet then get a cat, dog or a hamster. Stop trying to be badass by owning lions, tigers, 20 foot long pythons, zebras, primates and whatever else comes into these idiots minds. There’s even a youtube clip about a baby giraffe being sold at a US livestock auction. There’s more tigers in US backyards than there are in the wild now.

    It never goes well for the animals. They’re fun, cute and easy to handle as babies but then they turn into adult monkeys that can be viscious or 500 pound tigers that eat 20lbs of meat a day. This is why so many die horrible slow deaths in basements and crates or are abandoned onto zoos and sanctuaries.

    And every time a celebrity gets some sort of ‘exotic’ people want to emulate. When Paris Hilton bought what she thought was going to be a purse-sized ‘teacup’ pig, lots of people rushed out and bought pigs too. But there’s no such thing as a ‘teacup’ pig. They’re just young Pot Bellied piglets. And now there’s a half dozen sanctuaries that have had to come into existence, each with up to a hundred or more pigs, PURELY to cope with the abandoned former pets of idiots who emulate without research or thought. I’m sure zoos will be getting a lot of monkeys soon of idiots who emulate Justin.

    Justin himself is a terrible pet owner and shouldn’t even own a pet rock. Does anyone remember how he just thrust his hamster onto a random fan? The poor thing could’ve easily been dropped and died from the fall or been trampled or had a heart attack from the noise and stress. How do we know he won’t just thrust the monkey at a random fan who’ll gladly take even his boogers because “It’s Justin Beiber!!”

    Stupid. Glad to see more and mores states banning this idiocy since humans won’t self regulate. If someone is cute as a baby they’ll buy it and then force someone else to take responsibility for it a few months later when it grows up.

  • SusannahJoy

    I love animals. I love exotic animals. Prior to moving to Hawaii I kept and bred dart frogs and chameleons and geckos and stuff. But! I stuck with small ones that do well in tanks, actually took them to the vet when they got sick (I seriously don’t understand why this surprises people. I’d take my cat to the vet if she stopped eating and got all lethargic, why on earth wouldn’t I take my turtle?) and only buy ones that were bred in captivity. One of the biggest problems with all these exotic animals is that they’re being taken from their native home at rates that they can’t possibly sustain. I’ve seen frogs totally flood the market so they only cost like $5 each, and then the next year, they’re all gone. None in the wild, and none being bred in captivity either because so many people view a $5 frog as being completely disposable. I used to want a pet monkey. And then I read about how sweet they can be as babies, and how aggressive they are as adults. I read about how hard it is to keep them happy and healthy and how much work they took. I read about getting all various permits and how to find a vet that can treat them. And after all that reading (which actually only took like 20 mins anyway, its not like any of that is a secret) I decided that monkeys are best left in the wild, or at the very least with someone who actually knows what they’re doing.

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