I Can’t Correct My Nieces’ Potty Mouths Because They’re Just Too Funny

potty humorI find myself getting in a lot of trouble these days. Every time my nieces open their mouths with some sort of “potty talk,” I cannot help but laugh and get immediately called out on it. Whether it’s the 5-year-old talking about her “vagina cheeks” or my 2-year-old niece getting in trouble for saying “stinky butt” at school, I am unable to keep a straight face. I know I’m supposed to correct them and make sure they know that those words are inappropriate, but I just find it so funny.

Their comedic timing is on point. Also, I’m a little confused as to which words should be taboo. Is “butt hole” really that bad of a word? I think “vagina cheeks” is actually quite clever. I never thought of them that way.

I am aware that my laughing is not helping their parents when it comes to getting them to stop. I do reprimand my nieces on the rare occasion they say something not so nice about someone else in public. Such as, “look how fat that lady is.”

They are the sweetest girls so I know they aren’t really trying to be mean — but more trying to see what my reaction will be. But when it comes to being in the comfort of their own home, and talking about what goes on in the bathroom, I don’t find it all that bad.

I know talking about body parts and bathroom functions is a stage that most kids go through and eventually outgrow. But I apparently haven’t completely outgrown potty humor. I still can’t hear the word “fart” without laughing.

My nieces call farting “pumping” as in pumping gas. It’s absolutely adorable. Especially when they ask each other “Did you pump?” It’s also good for when we’re in public. It keeps people from being aware of what they are actually talking about.

They’ve also made up a song called “American Armpits” which, I believe if given some publicity, would be a hit.

I often find that I revert back to my 12-year-old self when I’m around them. Whether it’s playing on the swing set or having a dance party. I enjoy being a “fun” aunt. I do have to try to find the balance of being the friend and the disciplinarian. On the rare occasion, I am successful.

I was babysitting for them recently and while I was able to get the 2-year-old to bed without incident, I kept hearing laughing coming from the bedroom that my 8- and 5-year-old nieces share. I walked in and was told by my eldest niece that her younger sister was being crazy and keeping her up.

I looked at my niece and said “please be quiet and go to sleep. You are going to wake your sister up.”

She looked at me and said, “OK, Mrs. Long Boobs.”

I was proud that I was able to wait until I walked out of the room and got downstairs before bursting out laughing.

My brother and sister-in-law also have the moments when they can’t help but laugh. But for the most part, they tell them that that’s not a nice way to speak and to stop. I guess if I was with them everyday, I would surely get sick of all the bathroom and body part humor.

I do understand that my laughing is just encouraging them to continue and therefore not helping the situation. It’s something I’m working on. Right now I just need to try to hold back the laughs. Like the next time one of them moons me, I’ll try to think of something that makes me angry or sad so they don’t see me crack a smile.

So as of right now Mrs. Long Boobs is going to take this opportunity to work on her poker face.

(photo: Gladskikh Tatiana / Shutterstock)

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  • Amanda Low

    Mrs. long boobs. That is priceless!!

  • sid

    I think that anyone who really thinks people outgrow the potty humor stage doesn’t work with 99% men. Fart jokes, belching, and whoopie cushions abound.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jessica-Weber/1149485644 Jessica Weber

    My kids don’t curse a whole lot but when they do it’s hard to correct them because, yeah, it’s hilarious and usually in perfect context. Like the time I accidentally missed a curb in the dark and sailed the car off the edge of a parking lot and my two year old daughter in the backseat yelled “Holy S#!T.” She took the words out of my mouth!

    • LiteBrite

      My sister told me of the time their basement flooded. A few days later, her then four-year-old daughter dropped something and yelled “Oh shit!!!” My sister of course did the proper mom thing by telling her not to say that, but she did admit given the crap my BIL was yelling in their flooded basement she was pretty surprised it was just “shit.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/LilyAnneMichellesmommy Kirkley Brown

    eh, i think i’ll be more about teaching that body part and bodily function humor is meant for the house.. not public. they’ve gotta get their giggles out about it. body parts are weird and awkward and confusing when you’re discovering them.. gotta release the stress of it all with giggles and get them used to using the words. i’m sure my once my baby grows up and realizes the thing between her legs isnt a “nine” she’s going to laugh her fool head off at the word “vagina” but it’s an important word to know :P let them laugh! good job auntie!

    • http://fairlyodd.net Frances Bean

      I agree, this is what I do with my kids and it has worked so far. They routinely call each other butt cheeks and use other bathroom words. They know not to do this in public and I think it gets them used to the actual words (like vagina and penis).

  • KT

    My friend has a 2-year old and she was having problems with him saying the ‘S’ word. She would reprimand him each time, and so NOW he says “Me don’t say shit mama. Shit is a bad word.” LOL. Sweet, little minds.

  • Andrea

    I have a hard time not getting down to the level of my OWN two sons when it comes to bathroom humor. I have NO idea why I never outgrew this and my sister never did either. I try hard and my husband gets pissed (for some reason he doesn’t find it funny AT ALL) and I never encourage it in public. But what can I say, I find it hilarious for some reason.

  • http://www.facebook.com/courtney.wooten Courtney Lynn

    I think anyone not amused by a little toilet humor is not someone I want to be around and they need to pull the stick out of their ass. I can’t stand tight-assed people.

  • Justme

    Long boobs? Have the girls been watching Chelsea Lately?

  • LiteBrite

    “I know talking about body parts and bathroom functions is a stage that
    most kids go through and eventually outgrow. But I apparently haven’t
    completely outgrown potty humor. I still can’t hear the word “fart”
    without laughing.”

    Neither can I actually. I know I should be all proper and stuff and teach my kid not to do it in public and all that, but sometimes it’s just so damn funny. Like the time my five-year-old just let one rip in the middle of the shoe department at Kohls. I mean, it was LOUD, and three people turned to look at us. Of course the kid starts laughing and says “Excuse me”, and then everyone else started laughing, and how in the hell could I help but laugh?

  • CrazyFor Kate

    I fully expect an American Armpits franchise in my local mall by next week.

  • Jazzmine_Stylez

    I don’t find this to be a joking matter in fact, I take this situation quite seriously and mature. Its NOT cool nor is it cute to even allow your young child/ren to curse. Yes, the fact of it is that little kids’ brains are like sponges, they ABSORB almost anything and everything they hear and see. But rather than laughing at the situation, you are only encouraging them to do/say worse. I feel that parents need to be more on the stricter side of it all but SUGGESTING their kids to use substitute words rather than use the inappropriate ones. Don’t react to what they just said, rather than ignore and they will soon realize that the attention they are craving is NOT working. Use the ‘old school’ approach with the Swear Jar, ANYTHING that’ll get them to STOP! and lastly DO NOT LAUGH. I know a relative whose children says truck in such a way that it sounds like the F- bomb. She thinks it’s a riot now and even encourages them, but it won’t be funny in the future!

    • http://www.facebook.com/courtney.wooten Courtney Lynn

      I guess I don’t need to ask who is voting down all the comments. My kids will know there is a time and place for joking like that. I’m not going to get my panties in a twist over some cursing nor do I plan to filter my own mouth. I curse and the truth is, so do many very FUNCTIONAL members of society. People should really just, well, get the fuck over it!

    • http://www.facebook.com/courtney.wooten Courtney Lynn

      Don’t you also think this is pretty hypocritical for someone who cursed in some of their comments?

    • http://twitter.com/ptownstevesgirl Ptownsteveschick

      I don’t expect my child to be sucking on a binky, sleeping with a teddy bear or shitting in a diaper their whole life, and along with that, I don’t expect her to be inappropriately shouting oh shit all the time either, teaching boundaries when the appropriate understanding is there is part of parenting.

    • Toby

      Have a sense of humor. There are many more topics in life to be serious about!

  • Cliff

    Wow…. If you think thats potty mouth never visit Ireland. I coochie cooed my friends two year old yesterday and was told

    ” F**k off would you?”

  • mompham

    I learned in a child development class that ‘potty humor/potty talk’ is actually a normal phase that the preschool age endures. The phase usually passes but is completely normal, and I have my own child who is presently going through this phase. Children are naturally curious about body parts and functions and they like to joke about them. But regarding this article, a huge reason her nieces continue to say crude things and have more potty humor is because this aunt encourages it by laughing and thinking it’s cute. As a parent, I admit that when my daughter makes herself burp on purpose I can’t help laughing. This only encourages her to burp more of course. At this age, what is encouraged at home, they do in public because they think it’s okay or it gets them attention or approval. But I think as parents, we need to be careful about how they talk at home or else they will talk the same in public or at their friends’ houses or at school. For example, calling me “Mrs. Longboobs” like in this article would be crossing a line of respect because I think that is totally disrespectful. I wouldn’t allow that for myself and I wouldn’t want to encourage her to say that to others. But if my child just says “I need to go poo poo” then that’s okay. And the question should be “Where are children hearing these phrases?” because usually they say what their parents say. I’m glad my daughter says ‘bottom,’ ‘boobies,’ and ‘toots’ because that is what I’ve modeled and said in front of her. I’m glad she’s not using other words…because otherwise she would have to suffer from it later on, and so would those she tells it to. It won’t be ‘cute’ in a couple of years…

    • http://twitter.com/ptownstevesgirl Ptownsteveschick

      I agree with you on the respect aspect, I wouldn’t be cool with name calling even if it wasn’t a dirty themed name.

    • Toby

      I think Mrs Longboobs is a sign of love, not disrespect.

  • Amber

    Eh, it’s been my experience that those who find foul mouthed young children adorable are the same people griping about disrespectful teenagers. So good luck with that.

  • http://fairlyodd.net Frances Bean

    This entire piece made me laugh out loud numerous times. I’m a mother of three and I still struggle with not laughing when my 4 year old calls our 2 year old a “butt cheek”. I just laughed while writing that. Vagina cheeks made me giggle uncontrollably. Basically I can’t wait until they are old enough for Monty Python.

  • allisonjayne

    What the hell is wrong with vagina cheeks? I heard a story about a little girl who got in trouble for telling her teacher her vulva hurt. Um….that’s what it’s CALLED, what the hell else was she supposed to say? Oh right, I guess she’s supposed to say that it ‘hurts down there’ and be vague and weird about it like most grown-ass women.
    I do admit having a really hard time not laughing the other day when my almost-two year old said “I farted” when she burped.

  • Toby

    So funny and well written!! Your nieces are lucky to have such a great aunt!! Also they sound like really funny girls!

  • http://www.facebook.com/coffeeestrumpet Mary-Lynn Jeppi Ragot

    No worries. I’m the “fun” mom. And the parents of my teens’ friends regularly commend me on my nice, mannerly kids.

  • gothicgaelicgirl

    i had the joy of having to explain exactly what sex was to my 9 year old stepdaughter…she stayed over in a friends house and was allowed to watch a friends marathon. of course it would be the episode where ross is trying to spice up his sex life… my partner was lying on the bed with a migraine. i was wearing a crop top (after my workout and shorts) i leaned over to kiss his forehead when i heard a giggle and a little voice asked are you and daddy having sex??? i totally lost it, i couldnt stop laughing. very awkward conversation but totally worth the growing look of horror on her face.

    two days later she asked me does every woman have to have a baby? i said no of course not, why? she said i dont want a bloody baby, imagine it ripping and tearing and blooding out of your HOO-HAH! i bet it fucking hurts! not gonna lie i nearly died laughing. i said well i ve never had any so thats something you’ll have to ask a mammy. and she said no feckin way.

    we do curb the language but it was the HOO-HAH that did it for me!