• Thu, Mar 21 2013

When I Was Pregnant, I Had Sex Every Day

sex while pregnantMy best friend was in stitches when I told her, “I don’t think I can have sex tonight.”

She replied, “Oh my god. Your sex life cracks me up.”

I had just told her that I had sex with my fiancé the night prior, and then that day, before my friend forced me to go with her to a spin class. Right before that I also had a Brazilian bikini wax, so my vagina had gotten a lot of attention in those 24 hours. I haven’t done a spin class in months, and anyone who has done a spin class for their first time, or their first time in many months, knows your vagina does kind of get bruised.

Basically I told my friend, “My vagina is done. It’s out of business.” After two rocking, and pounding, sex sessions, a Brazilian bikini wax, and one spin class, the last thing I wanted was sex.

“My vagina needs a break!” I told my friend, who was laughing her ass off.

I’ve become sort of a freak of nature amongst my friends when it comes to sex. It all stems back to when I was pregnant.

I had sex every single day of my pregnancy. This is not an exaggeration. In fact, it’s not even an exaggeration to say that sometimes we did it TWICE a day when I was pregnant. I love my fiancé and so we do it a lot. Obviously, I’m very attracted to him. I guess I also like sex. He DEFINITELY likes sex and I often joke to him that he has a sex addiction problem, because if we go ONE day without doing it, which rarely happens, he’ll say something like, “We haven’t had sex in a while.”

To which I respond, “What the fuck are you talking about? We had sex yesterday afternoon!”

To which he’ll respond, “Oh, right!”

But my friends are still amazed that we did it every day during my pregnancy, up until the day I gave birth. Literally, we had sex the day I had my baby. I wasn’t scared that the baby would be hurt.

There’s this funny joke that I mention in my book, Knocked Up, that I love. It goes something like this, “A baby is born and the parents are thrilled. As soon as the father picks up the baby, though, the baby punches the father in the face and says, ‘Now you know what it feels like!’”

Once I realized that we had sex for six months of my pregnancy, with no days off, I wanted to keep going. My fiancé and I still talk about this. “How could you have sex with me when I had gained 50 or 60 pounds?”

His response is, “I don’t know. It’s so weird, but I never saw you as being pregnant or that big.”

I also WAS very horny during my pregnancy. Yes, I was like a horny whale. But I do know that sex is very important in a relationship. My fiancé actually thinks it’s the most important thing to keep couples together, but of course I think you could also add, “communication,” and “always figuring out fights,” and “treating each other with respect.” He agrees with that too and tells me so, especially while we’re having sex (HA!).

I’ve recently become obsessed with asking married couples how often they have sex. The answers sometimes amaze me. I’ve never heard one of my friends answer, “Every day.” The best I got was twice a week, which I thought was pretty good for 13 years of marriage. I’ve also heard, “Um, maybe every three weeks.” And I’ve also heard, “Only on vacations.” (What? You only have sex like once or twice a year?) What saddens me the most are my friends who actually admit to me that, “If he even wants to touch me, I’m repulsed.”

Of course I side with my girlfriends, because that’s the type of friend I am. And some of them tell me, “Talk to me in five years. You’ve only been together with him for two and a half years.”

Why, just because we are mothers, does the sex stop? Stupid question, I know.

We are tired. So tired. But, when you think about it, and I hope my fiancé doesn’t read this, sex lasts about 15 minutes. Sometimes when I’m not in the mood (and, yes, sometimes I’m not in the mood when I consent to sex) I just tell him he’s going to have to fuck me, but do all the work.

Maybe it’s true that I will get sick of having sex with him as time goes on. I hope not. After all, if I could have sex every single day throughout my pregnancy (that’s, like, nine months, every day) I certainly can continue having sex while not being pregnant — when I can actually lie on my stomach.

So, yes, while my friends think I’m a superstar, or a freak of nature, for having had sex all through my pregnancy and still every day now, I really am curious about how often married couples have sex. Is there a norm? Should there be?

As for me, I’m happy to say my vagina is back in working order.

(photo: Ivanova Natalia / Shutterstock)

You can reach this post's author, Rebecca Eckler, on twitter.
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  • Marina

    Congratulations?

  • jsterling93

    This made me laugh. My friends are the same. They can’t believe it that I complain that being pregnant means our sex life has slowed down to only 3 or 4 times a week instead of everyday. And I do sometimes consent when I am “not in the mood”. I do it because I know my husband needs to feel close to me and for him that means sex. And yeah it isn’t that hard to lay back for 10 minutes or so. Besides my husband’s idea of post sex cuddling includes giving me a back rub so I’m generally all for it.

  • chickadee

    Why does anyone need to know this? Have you no maturity or filters at all?

    • Jane

      The answer to this question is “no”. Her blogs are the most vapid, self-absorbed dribbles of doggy diarrhea on the web. I think she gets off on the negative comments and writes in such a way to collect as many as possible.

    • Justme

      So she’s “getting off” on these negative comments?!

      AGH!!!

      WE ARE CONTRIBUTING TO HER ONCE (AT LEAST!) A DAY SEX LIFE!!!

      OMG. It’s all coming full circle…we give her negative feedback, she gets off, has sex and then writes a column about it….so we can give her negative feedback.

      Mind. Freaking. BLOWN.

    • http://www.facebook.com/paul.white.3532507 Paul White

      Mind. Freaking. Bleached.

    • rebeccaeckler

      why do you read my posts or so many others? You “chickadee” must have so much time on your hands. I have never encountered ANYONE ever who has commented on every single post on a site. Ever. Get a job. Like, a real one. Or at least spend your time volunteering..

    • chickadee

      I guess I hit a nerve. I have a job, actually, but thanks for caring. See, as I’ve mentioned before, I teach freshman composition. I shop around this site looking for good and bad examples of internet writing. I use your stuff a lot to show disorganized thought patterns and a lack of critical thinking.

    • rebecca eckler

      so where Chickadee do you teach?

    • chickadee

      You don’t need to know that.

    • whiteroses

      Why on earth would she give that information out on the Internet?

    • Ordinaryperson

      Now, when you say you take examples of writing from this site, do you mean just the articles, or the comments too? Because I didn’t know I was being marked. Does spelling count? Is this going to be on the test?

    • chickadee

      No comments, just articles! You guys aren’t fair game.

    • Ordinaryperson

      Thank goodness, I don’t have time for the extra credit work to pull my grade up.

    • Tea

      Are you seriously going after someone who comments frequently and is an active reader? Nice job biting one of the many hands that feeds you.

    • rebecca eckler

      Ah, I could do without her. Someone who has posted more comments than the days this site has actually been up and calls it “part of her job” should save it for her students. Because, yes, I’m sure they are learning A LOT from her. I would shake in my shoes if she were my mother/teacher. And I’m pretty damn sure she’ll never say what school she actually teaches at. Let’s hear it Chickadee? You are SO proud to be a teacher, so share where? Maybe I’ll send some aspiring writers your way, since you know so much! xoR

    • chickadee

      You are clearly jealous of my ability to multitask.

      I’m sorry I hurt your feelings. :’(

    • rebecca eckler

      Yes, I’m crying. Pass a tissue please.

    • Andrea

      You’ve hit a new low…even for you…

    • alice

      im a big fan of yours. i know your writing isn’t supposed to be newsworthy or journalistic. you do more slice of life (granted, it’s from a cake that most will never eat.) & i don’t really understand the eckler bandwagon negativity; certainly you’ve become a blogger ppl love to hate. for lack of a better expression

      all that being said: you shouldn’t really be taking a toe-to-toe position with any of your readers. chickadee shouldn’t feel goaded into revealing personal information about herself to satisfy some made-up interwebz beef. /.02

    • rebecca eckler

      you are correct. it’s supposed to be humorous and get a convo going. Do others have sex while pregnant? How much sex occurs in a marriage? I’m just interested. She is VERY interested in my life. VERY. So I think it’s fair for a so-called “professor” – oh wait! She’s NOT a professor! to OWN up to who they are, especially if she “teaches” writing. Does she not also teach, while talking about blogs, that she comments without her real name? So brave! I’d really like to know, in all seriousness, if Miss Chickadee has had anything published besides negative blog posts. I have a very “specific” tone to my writing, which people love or hate. I’m very well aware of this (I do not live under a rock!) She seems to read them anyway and ALWAYS ALWAYS has something negative to say. And I’m convo-ing with you Alice, not her. She means nothing to me, and I don’t feel goaded. In fact, I love her responses. I like to goad her! She’s like my biggest fan apparently!

    • chickadee

      Professors teach, you know.

    • rebeccaeckler

      enough. we both know who you are. not looking at comments anymore on this one from you!

    • Kate

      I hope chickadee knows who she is…

    • alice

      hmm, this is totally unsolicited, i know, but: if you want to generate a real convo on those topics (how much sex do preggos have? and after baby?) i would probably frame the article with those questions up front, and continually throughout, instead of as an endnote. when you leave them as an endnote, readers spend most of the article feeling as if they’re eavesdropping!

    • Psych Student

      Doesn’t it seem like a lot of the other authors on the site do this as well? Maybe that’s what her editors want her to do?

    • whiteroses

      Also, I’m sorry, but if you have so much issue with people reading and commenting on your work anonymously, then perhaps asking the Mommyish editors if they can disable comments under your posts wouldn’t go amiss. If this is going to degenerate into a conversation about whose profession is better, then I’d prefer to leave the sandbox-speak to my toddler, thank you.

    • CrazyFor Kate

      Rebecca, you are a bully. Your articles are one thing, but to go after someone like this because she doesn’t agree with you is just awful. You’re a professional – act like one.

    • whiteroses

      She’s kind of petty— had no idea. Her articles annoyed me, but I didn’t know she could be this vindictive.

    • Avodah

      Right. She is not a professor. I know several ta’s and lecturers who are working on PhDs or MA’s. it doesn’t mean they are knuckle draggers, they just aren’t professors *yet*. FWIW- I would NEVER share my place of employment on th comment section of a blog.

    • david

      Ms Eckler, you are so self-absorbedly and professionally antagonistic that I don’t believe a word you write. I think you make it all up.

    • Psych Student

      I’m so glad someone else likes Rebecca’s articles. I don’t see the point to bashing people who live a different life than I do. I get the impression that Mommyish aims to present different experiences from different women. If every person who writes for the site has had the same experiences, that’d be pretty boring. And I think that one of the other points of the site is to encourage discussion. The other authors seem to ask questions at the end of the their posts, and then encourage more discussion in the comments. If that’s the point, isn’t it helpful for Rebecca to pose questions. Even if they are just thought questions?

    • Star138

      Excuse me, why would she NOT be proud of being a teacher. What a noble profession.

    • whiteroses

      I’m not trying to be snarky here, but really? The old “I’m sorry for your children/students” trope?
      Speaking as a former teacher (as I have been my entire professional life- currently a SAHM) I’m glad she’s proud of it. But the reasons why she’s probably not revealing information about where she teaches most likely have more to do with her student’s privacy and less to do with the idea that she needs to prove anything to anyone. Most of us who take our profession seriously aren’t going to throw that information out on the Internet where anyone can see it. This isn’t a private message board.
      I don’t have a dog in this fight. Just my perspective on the matter.

    • Sara

      I have to agree. I would never, in a million years, reveal personal info like my place of employment on the Internet on an open comments forum. In fact, I’m pretty sure doing so (aside from being unbelievably stupid) would be, if not a breach of policy at my workplace, at least viewed as very unprofessional and deeply frowned upon.

      Rebecca, while I’ve had my disagreements with your articles in the past, I’ve never thought you seemed like a nasty person. But your comments here are really surprising to me. You come across as angry, hostile and really bitter. I’m sorry you have such a problem with what chickadee does for a living that you’re driven to do irrational things like demand to know where she works and attack her for not using her real name (if you’re going to attack her for using a pseudonym, you might as well do so with all of us who use them.)

    • jasdfgh

      I completely agree Sara. I have always been a bit neither here nor there with her articles (don’t get me wrong, I have always been completely aware that they are usually RIDICULOUS) but I never thought she was a bully.

    • david

      Sara, Becky is a self-promoter first and foremost. As well as a harpy, a nag and a scold. Probably a whole lotta OCD and self-entitlement tossed in. I stumbled upon this catfight and can’t believe it!

  • Armchair Observer

    humble brag?

    • http://www.facebook.com/paul.white.3532507 Paul White

      Brag, yes. Humble, no.

  • Rachel

    Would you like a cookie or a gold star?

    • Dani Douce

      Reeks of envy

  • http://www.facebook.com/paul.white.3532507 Paul White

    You know, I’ve rarely seen men talk about their sex lives with that degree of (kind of odd) candor or competitiveness.

  • Blueathena623

    Ok, so y’all have been together for 2.5 years . . . Out of curiosity, has your fiancé gotten that divorce yet?

    • rebeccaeckler

      and you care because….

    • Star138

      Probably because you are bragging about having sex with someone who is married to somone else.

    • Blueathena623

      And bingo was his name-o!

    • CrazyFor Kate

      Honestly, who cares? It sounds like they’ve been separated for ages. Eckler is not enabling this guy to cheat. The first marriage is over, all but legally, so it’s really not a big deal.

  • Tea

    The Eckler Formula™:
    Most moms do it _____ way but I don’t! I Do (Seemingly Outlandish Thing!)
    Pitch book.
    Fiance/ex husband input.
    Casually mention privilege.

    Comments section goes Bananas.

  • alice

    i kinda like the eckler articles. they have some weird stream of consciousness going on, where it reads like a hurried first draft. or a conversation on coke. or a hurried first draft on coke.

    nothing wrong with that. :)

    like i need to see the meme with her writing in the corner, smoking a cigarette, wearing nothing but a pair of louboutins, and the caption “And not a single fuck was given that day!” – - would be epic.

    • Blooming_Babies

      Legend… Wait for it… Dairy

      Totally epic and hilarious

  • Not a parent. MockMyInsights.

    Wow. The nastiness. Good for you @f5a2d9edc5893304cafa3b6e695440e1:disqus! Good for you for talking about sex (which is a normal, healthy part of life and needs to be discussed more) and good for you having a thriving sex life with your fiance. Rock on.
    And for all the nasties…seriously? Back off. Sex is awesome and we shouldn’t shame people for talking about it in a public forum. Maybe if we did talk about it more, we, as a country, wouldn’t have such weird hang ups about it.

    • Blooming_Babies

      Yes this! I also like most of what you put out there… from the comments this one looks to have gotten under your skin. Good for you… And haters gonna hate (lol)

    • whiteroses

      For me it’s not so much the fact that she talked about it in a public forum. Frankly, I could care less about that. It’s the fact that for some of us, sex is a private thing. If it isnt a private thing for us then it is the fact that we have partners (my husband is one of them) who are intensely private. And the fact that we DON’T want to talk about it in a public forum shouldn’t be shaming either. The idea that there’s something wrong with my relationship if I don’t have sex as much as my friends is extremely offputting. That could be where all these people are coming from.

    • Jen

      Agreed! As long as those participating (or not) in the sex are happy it’s no one’s business. I’m entering my counseling career now and I’ve had couples say “we are supposed to have sex x number of times a week!” So I ask “Says who?” I applaud Eckler and her fiancé for having a healthy (for them) sex life and kudos for being open to talking about it. But I would be quite offended if my friends felt my sex life was their business. and FYI from the couples I see, when they are honest…they say they have sex x times a week…but they aren’t.

    • whiteroses

      Exactly. Besides, if your entire relationship is based around how much you have sex, then more power to you. I couldn’t do that. Sex is an important part of a relationship, yes, but if that’s all you’ve got? Wow.

    • whiteroses

      This. If sex is all you’re focused on in your relationship, then it’s a sad, sad state of affairs.

    • Charlotte25

      Oh come on, Rebecca.

  • Kate

    Erm… do you want a medal for that? You aren’t the first woman for whom their sex drive has gone through the roof during pregnancy. Honestly, when I was pregnant I was having sex or masturbating at least twice a day, minimum. It’s really no amazing phenomenon.

    As for how often married couples have sex, you can’t really compare that without comparing lifestyles. My husband works on a farm, he does physical work every single day, he is going to be physically, much more exhausted than someone who sits at a desk all day.

    My best friend has arthritis in her hips, no matter how much she wants to have sex, there are days when it would be too painful on her joints.
    My brother works in the mines, 3 weeks on, 3 weeks off. So yeah, going to say that it is completely believable that him and his wife can go three weeks without sex, because they are in different states.

    Not to mention that not everyone has a sex drive that is through the roof, there is absolutely nothing wrong with having a low sex drive, and having a partner who respects that is worth so much more than feeling that you have to have sex even though you don’t feel like it just because some childish individuals think that couples should be going at it like rabbits in order to have a decent relationship.

    Some people do only have sex once a year and are very happy with it that way. That makes much more sense to me than forcing it just to fulfil some kind of ridiculous social pressure.

    There is also nothing wrong with having a high sex drive, but it’s nothing to gloat about, it’s just life, it’s your hormone levels and your relationship. To think that everyone has to be the same and have the same urges as you is ridiculous and childish.

    • Sanjita

      well said Kate. Everyone’s situation is different. Just wait till you have a child(ren) running around, keeping you up all night. Sleeping in your bed or you sleeping in their bed. I had three in less than two years (one set of twins). Believe me when you are going on two hours of sleep a day sex is one of the last things on your mind! lol

    • whiteroses

      I’ve always felt that however many times my husband and I have sex is nobody’s business but ours. It’s a relationship, not a party. But then, I don’t know anyone who would a) have the stones to ask me how many times I have sex in a week and then b) expect an answer from me. I guess my friends just aren’t hip enough.

    • Leila

      I would say that your friends have class and tact, that would be why they don’t ask.

    • Dani Douce

      I highly doubt there are many men out there who are happy with once a year. Get real.

  • CrazyFor Kate

    Breaking news: someone wants to have sex with their partner, who is pregnant, so presumably they’ve had sex at some point already. Fascinating!

  • Ana

    My favorite part of Rebecca articles are the comments.

    I wouldn’t have wanted to every day, but I am a little jealous of pregnant women who say they have a great sex life because my husband was turned off by the bump and it made me feel so lonely and unattractive.

  • Harriet Meadow

    I also think it’s sad that people would be “repulsed” by their own partners. Then again, I think it’s sad that you would not be in the mood and tell your fiance that he can fuck you and do all the work if he wants (and that he might agree to it). I can tell you right now that my husband would be turned off by that, because ::gasp:: he wants us both to have a wonderful time when we do it. That said, though sex is still *wonderful* when we have it (even though I’m about ready to pop!), we’ve definitely slowed down the number of times that we have sex from when we met twelve years ago (the first five years or so we did it every day!). That doesn’t mean our relationship isn’t strong or that we don’t still have a great sex life, and we still very much turn each other on. Thanks for sharing your experience, Rebecca! I’m truly impressed by all the pregnancy sex, at the very least!

    • alice

      “I think it’s sad that you would not be in the mood and tell your fiance that he can fuck you and do all the work if he wants” — whaaaat? oh man, i say that about once a week in my house. :) and sometimes HE says it. nothing wrong with being super tired but still not minding someone else going to town on you :)

    • Harriet Meadow

      That just seems not at all sexy to me. But hey, to each their own! :)

    • alice

      oh it’s definitely “to each their own” – but even more so: “to each relationship, their own” … how couples view their sex life is a mutual process for them. i’ve been in relationships where the “quickie” or “don’t do any work” would have been offensive to me. but i happen to be in a relationship now where it’s just a comical reprieve. there’s still plenty of sexiness and romance other days :)

    • Andrea

      You have to think of it a little differently. When I say that, what I mean is: “I am really tired, but I love you and I want to be close to you, so if you don’t mind warming up the engine for a while and I’ll be right there”. Some of us have a lower sex drive than others of us, but we still want to have an active sex life and most of all, we want to be able to fill the needs of our partners.

    • Harriet Meadow

      As I said to Lea above, there are ways of putting it (like yours) that don’t sound as awful as the way the author of the article put it! Trust me, I know all about lower sex drives…my husband has one! :)

    • lea

      I think you are putting an unnecessarily negative spin on what I personally believe to be something a partner can do for another out of love (the agreeing to sex when you aren’t particularly in the mood).

      Sex, for me, doesn’t always have to be about romance and “the mood”. It actually doesn’t always have to be wonderful or sexy for us either. Sometimes it is just the physical act, the physical closeness- and we both get something out of it, its a different kind of closeness from the kind you get from the really steamy, passionate kind. My husband is neither turned off, nor does it mean he isn’t interested in my pleasure, because he agrees to intimacy when he knows I wasn’t particularly “in the mood”. It can actually be quite a nice way to have sex, actually, as it (for us at least) usually starts with a bit of humour and inevitably ends with both of us satisfied.

      So don’t be sad for us, ok? :)

    • Harriet Meadow

      See, Lea, the way you put it was much better-sounding than “he’s can fuck me but he’s going to have to do all the work.” There have been times when one or the other of us hasn’t been particularly in the mood, but we start making out anyway and end up having a very nice time. :) But I would never put it as callously as it was put in the article!

    • lea

      Agreed.

    • Jean

      I don’t know about some other women, but I and some of my friendgirls, sisters, cousins, and the like, have all expressed being repulsed by our husbands when we are pregnant. I think it may have a something to do with harmones.
      We should never scold women for having different mental and physical cravings and yucky feelings doing pregnancy. Most time the doctor will tell you that it is normal.

      Men have got to get over themselves and stop expecting an uncomfortable, swollen, pregnant woman to be ready to throw down for some sex everyday. It’s not realistic, after all we tell wives not to nag their husbands, so don’t nag and scold us!!

  • Carm

    I should know by now to avoid your posts. I should also know that the comments we make ensure your job security. However, since I can’t avoid taking the bait… every day should be two words in the title. And I don’t feel great about quantity vs quality in the bedroom but either way hooray for you and I must be a shitty wife. Thanks.

  • jessica

    So…. does your husband have any brothers?

  • Cori

    I’d say it’s not exactly that you’ll get sick of having sex, but once you get used to the fact that you can and will continue having sex with this person for the rest of your life, it seems less urgent. My husband & I are normally pretty active, but we’ve gone through some slow spells where neither of us were too interested in the idea. Which is normal when you’ve got the rest of your lives to do it.

  • Ava Gina

    I see a lot of defensiveness and jealousy in these comments! Marriage and pregnancy don’t have to mean near celibacy. And yes, it’s okay to talk about it!

    • whiteroses

      Sure it is. But asking your friends about their sex lives isn’t exactly classy. And making people who don’t have the same sex drive that you do feel as if something is wrong with their relationship? Not exactly classy either.

  • Oz

    Cool story, bro.

    I’ve been with my partner for 16 years – high school sweethearts – and we have sex every day I’m not menstruating. Often twice. Honest and true.

    So… do I win?

  • ck1021

    I knew this was Eckler from the title alone.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jen-Clark/100000568225513 Jen Clark

    Well, I guess it’s nice you don’t have a selfish and ignorant partner like I do. Who tells me from time to time how gross pregnant women are, and if we ever have kids he wont even touch me let alone have sex with me, and how 9 months would be a long time so we would have to find an alternative, and by alternative he meant me giving him blowjobs for 9 months. This is why I can’t stand guys lol.

    • http://www.facebook.com/RetiredSceneQueen Emmali Lucia

      Sounds like your dating a little boy. Like a teenager or something.

      Time for you to find yourself a man. Or a woman, I don’t judge.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jen-Clark/100000568225513 Jen Clark

      He’s 26 surprisingly, I often wonder if he’s either extremely sexist and immature, or just a moron that likes to annoy people. lol

  • Dani Douce

    This is confusing to me why this struck a nerve with so many people. She’s not saying anything offensive. If she’s open about talking about her personal life then there’s nothing wrong with that. If you don’t want to talk about your sex life (or lack thereof judging from the sense of jealously being displayed) then don’t comment on it. To answer the question, I’m not married so it’s sporadic, but when I’m with someone, as often as I can!

  • Psych Student

    *puts on sex therapist-in-training hat* *I* want very much to hear about the sex lives of other people. I intend to make a living listening to people discuss and improve their sex lives. I *love* talking about sex. If someone is in a couple (or more) then balancing the sex drives of all involved is important and can be difficult. I am glad that Rebecca is able to manage the high sex drives of both her and her fiancé. I would suggest though, if you’re not in the mood, you can also masturbate him. Or hold him while he masturbates himself. Or let him perform oral sex on you while he masturbates himself. You don’t always have to get fucked (take it from the lesbian – penetrative sex isn’t always necessary for orgasms).

    It is also important to keep in mind that a woman’s sexual response cycle isn’t necessarily the same as that of a man. Sometimes women need to start foreplay and experience arousal before they have the desire for sex. That’s not to say that people should have sex if they don’t want to, that’s just to say that sometimes some kissing, making out, and some light touching might induce desire in someone who thinks they aren’t in the mood for sex. Being able to have reasonable conversations with a significant other about desire, lack of desire, and response cycles is important.
    Some people like to talk about their sex lives, some don’t. I worked with a woman once who *really* didn’t like to discuss money. When she asked me about my “boyfriend”, I explained to her that I don’t discuss that, like she doesn’t discuss money (not because I actually don’t like to discuss such things, but because I didn’t think she was gay positive and didn’t want to upset her and distract from the purpose of our discussion). It’s ok to have topics that you don’t like to talk about but that other people do, so long as you respect what is off limits to others.

  • married27years

    20 years ago, we went through the same thing. she was horny sometimes and i was horny all the time. after our first child, her interest in sex went away (i think its nature myself) but mine got stronger. it led me to infidelity, just for the sake of sex (dont blast me with vows and the sanctity of marriage). we survived it but my explanation was simple. i had an overpowering need for sex and her “i’ll just lay here and be a receptacle” was not helping..
    bottom line? she had hangups about sex. she resolved them on her own and with me. she then turned into a sexual being that i cant keep up with (sometimes i come up with reasons not to have sex, no joke).
    good for you in wanting and enjoying sex with your guy. it is just one of the key areas that will keep you guys together. if hes anything like me, once he blows his load, he has no interest in sex until that load builds up again. 15 minutes well spent that can help sustain your marriage

    • married27years

      sorry for the last paragraph. its how i explained it to my wife.

  • Tilly

    I’m a mom of 6 kids and honestly? sex gets kind of annoying now. Its great for you that you have then time to have sex everyday and all but I now find sex annoying and really I have no time for it when most of my children are 11 months old -13 years old.

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