• Wed, Mar 20 - 9:30 am ET

The Ugly Aftermath Of Steubenville – Can We Stop With The Girl On Girl Crime?

mean girls“Ugh you guys have GOT to stop calling each other sluts and whores because it just makes it okay for guys to call you sluts and whores!”

— Ms. Norbury, Mean Girls

Now that the verdict is in for the Steubenville case there is this huge divide amongst people who have been following the case, those who feel justice was served with the trial and who want to give their support to the rape victim, and those who aren’t happy with the outcome and want to express their feelings that the rape victim is a “slut.” The Steubenville verdict reactions are all over the place. You mainly see these sentiments expressed on social media or in the comments section of articles.

I like to think I am privy to a lot of what goes on with this case because I have been following it a long time. I have seen people, some men included, but I’m not focusing on men here, say really awful things in regard to the Steubenville case. The two teenagers who have been arrested with making threats to the Jane Doe victim were BOTH girls. 

Yesterday Lee Stranahan, and it is no secret that Lee and I don’t see eye-to-eye on many things, posted that Jill Watkins, a resident of Steubenville has been the recipiant of threats of rape and murder.

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Some of you may be familiar with Jill, because she went on Dr. Phil and spoke about the “Desk Children.”  I am familiar with Jill, because I made a parody video of her appearance on the Dr. Phil show, because I couldn’t find any evidence of high school students urinating and vomiting on themselves in a desk city.

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I removed this video yesterday. It had a LOT of views, many positive comments, including one from Jill herself, and we started talking after she emailed me after viewing the video and we both spoke about her town and the case and being moms. And even though the idea and video and comments about DESK CITY that came after Jill’s talk show appearance served as a joke during a very ugly and serious rape trial, I was sickened and appalled that she had actually received death threats and threats of rape after appearing on the show. When I said this on twitter, a few people asked me:

Eve, can you really believe anything Stranahan says?

 

And ya know, I don’t care what Stranahan claims, because I choose to believe a woman who says these threats were made, because isn’t that sort of what a huge component of what a lot of crime cases involving women are? People not believing women. I believe these threats were made to her, and I believe that the police will find out who made them, because they should be able to trace phone calls. I also believe that NO WOMAN should ever be threatened like that, ever. It’s enraging and disgusting.

Another recipient of some really ugly vitriol is Alexandria Goddard, aka Prinnie, aka “The Blogger Who Started It All.” I consider Alex my friend. I admire her, not only for writing about the Steubenville case, but because she is smart, and funny, and kind, and even when things get really ugly and trust me, they have been soul-crushingly ugly for her at times, we can still talk about nail polish and dogs. Alex gets comments like this:

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From an adult WOMAN. Who says she is a grandmother.

Now, I’m not going to re-hash all of the name-calling and ugly comments a lot of people have received because they dared to suggest that “Hey, a young girl shouldn’t have been raped.”  or “Hey, I think those boys were innocent.” I know see it happening on both sides and it is depressing me to no end. What I am going to ask people to do, especially women, is to stop making nasty comments and insulting each other because you don’t agree.

I’m sorry, it’s disgusting. And how can we teach our own sons and daughters not to call other women “whores” and “bitches” if people turn around and do the same thing on the Internetz? Now, yeah yeah, people may not agree with my pleas for solidarity and unity but I believe it is imperative, if we want to stop the rape culture that is so prevalent all over the world, if we want to raise all of our children to quit raping and bullying and being so awful to each other. We are the adults here, it has to start with us.

(Photo: Mean Girls)

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  • Tinyfaeri

    I’ve disagreed with you once or twice, but somehow never managed to even think that you were a bitch or a whore, or anything other than someone who either had a different opinion or went about it in a different way than I would have. There must be something wrong with me… :)
    The internet makes people stupid. The anonymity (or perceived anonymity), the idea that what goes out on the internet stays there and doesn’t impact anyone’s life (including the typer), and the pack mentality of seeing others say things in print that no one would ever dream of saying to someone’s face. Sort of like one idiot does it, so everyone else thinks it’s OK. At some point, hopefully sooner rather than later, laws will catch up with the technology and there will be the same consequences for doing things online as there are in real life. Or at the very least, some kind of socially imposed consequence for being a mean idiot. Like the two girls getting arrested – that was awesome.

    • whiteroses

      When I was a teenager, a teacher I really respected told us all in Computer Science class that this Internet thing was awesome, but also really new. Then she quoted Spiderman- with great power comes great responsibility. That always stuck with me. I have never presented myself online as anythong or anyone other than what I am because of that. I am also proud to say that I have never said anything on the Internet that I wouldn’t say to someone’s face.

    • Justme

      Ha! I tell the kids that are disruptive in class but still leaders among their peers to “use their powers for good and not evil.”

  • Justme

    I actually had this conversation with my volleyball team a few years back when I was having some girl drama between players. I didn’t use Tina’s exact words (because I wanted to KEEP my job) but I echoed the sentiment. I told them that as young women there were a lot more challenges waiting for them out in the world and that there were going to be a lot of people against them, so why add other women to the mix? We already have to fight against so much why give ourselves another enemy by fighting with each other!? I ended with….you don’t have to like each other, but you do have to RESPECT each other.

    • http://www.xojane.com/author/eve Eve Vawter

      OK rewrite this comment so I can get it in tattoo form

    • Justme

      If it helps….that team went on to win a district championship that year. :)

  • chickadee

    As long as girls perceive that other girls are ‘competition’ for male attention, and as long as that male attention is perceived as more important than female friendships, you will have girls who are happy to tear down other girls using whatever terms make them most appealing to guys. And make their targets least appealing.

    And I am 100% in agreement with Tinyfaeri about the internet making people ugly and mean. It’s a sense of anonymity and the power that goes along with that.

  • Cee

    Fuuuuck..here comes another high school sexual assault with people attacking the victim. Hello, Torrington High School *sigh* http://registercitizen.com/articles/2013/03/20/news/doc51493e14b1a0a944806262.txt#photo1

    • Blooming_Babies

      Right because a thirteen year old girl can’t have a crush on an eighteen year old football player without asking to get raped. Disgusting.

    • whiteroses

      I… what? Damn it. Really?

    • chickadee

      Why, what a surprise. The accused is an outstanding football player….

  • canaduck

    Internalized misogyny is a bi–I mean…er…it’s the worst. :/

  • Ana

    I remember once when I was younger my sister and I were talking about a girl and referred to her as ‘Jappy’ (we’re also Jewish). My mom overheard and told us it was a horrible, sexist and anti-Semitic word and she didn’t care how common its use was, she expected us to never use it again. Ever since then I cringe when I hear the word, ashamed that I once said it do casually. Luckily my mom never had a reason to call us out on any other derogatory language. I think most people become so de-sensitized to a word’s use they just don’t stop and think how offensive it is and how easily someone else could attack them using the same language.