Dear Mansplainers And Others, I Get That Underage Girls Shouldn’t Be Drinking – Still Doesn’t Excuse Rape

steubenville underage drinking I have such a fucking headache. You all have no idea how many people have messaged, and tweeted and talked to me (Off the internetz) about the Steubenville rape case, and about how maybe this all could be avoided. I’m not going to name names regarding this argument being presented to me, but it has been presented to me, and it goes a little something like this.

EVE WHAT YOU ARE NOT UNDERSTANDING IS THAT TEENAGERS SHOULD NOT BE DRINKING AND MAYBE IF THIS GIRL HAD NOT BEEN SHITFACED SHE WOULDN’T HAVE BEEN RAPED AND IF YOU GO GET DRUNK YOU CAN EXPECT BAD THINGS TO HAPPEN TO YOU AND MAYBE IF SHE WOULDN’T HAVE SNUCK OUT OF HER HOUSE AND GONE TO A PARTY AND DRANK THEN SHE WOULDN’T HAVE BEEN ASSAULTED BY THOSE BOYS AND GO MAKE ME A SANDWICH AND YOU ARE A CUNT AND A WHORE AND A BITCH AND A DRAG QUEEN!!1111!!!!111ELENTYONE!!11111

 

I may have added the “make me a sandwich part” and the punctuation but not the insults that have been lodged at me. And this argument has also been presented to me in a more articulate way, but it’s still the same argument. Minus the insults. But that sort of happens to any woman who dares to make the suggestion that maybe rape isn’t a “girl problem.”

I believe that any person of legal drinking age should be able to get totally wasted without being raped. That is my stance. Women over the age of 21 (and men too, because men do get raped) should be able to get drunk without being raped. I do not want people to get drunk and drive, but if someone wants to get drunk and take a taxi or get a sober-ride then they should be allowed to without getting raped. End of story. Women should not be raped, no matter how drunk they are, or what they are wearing, or who they are with.

Teenagers and kids shouldn’t be drinking so much that they lose consciousness or are unable to make “good decisions.” Not being able to make a “good decision” means not digitally penetrating a girl who is passed out. I have said before that on occasion I have given my own children sips of alcohol, mainly my 16-year-old because my younger ones have zero interest, but my eldest son has had a shot glass of wine at holidays, if he has wanted one, mainly to make a toast. I’m not going to demonize alcohol. I love alcohol. I don’t drink that often but when I do I enjoy it. But I am an adult, and I am allowed to drink if I chose to.

There were many “bad” decisions made in Steubenville. Other than the crime of raping an unconscious girl, I think everyone agrees that those kids should not have been drinking. None of them should have. I think most parents, well, maybe not some of the parents in Steubenville, talk to our kids about underage drinking and the dangers of alcohol consumption and how they should never get in a car with someone who has been drinking. We remind them that if they are at a party and with kids who have been drinking that it’s illegal, but if they need a ride that it is imperative that they call us for one. For a lot of parents, that is our rule:

I won’t be happy if you get wasted before you are 21, but if you do, if you don’t call me for a ride I will kill you.

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    • chickadee

      None of those people should have been drinking in an environment like that. My younger sister held an alcohol party when she was a high school senior and my parents were away for the weekend. She didn’t get away with it because no fewer than 5 neighbors intervened because of noise and because my parents let them know they would be gone. Where were the neighbors? Where were the responsible citizens?

      So now we are back to my favorite topic– the assistant coach whose sister gave the party. What idiot who works for the public schools leaves his teenaged sister alone at home in a town that clearly condoned teenaged booze parties? It would be bad enough if the guy dint work with some of the kids who were drunk at his house, but how does he not call the police when he gets home and finds this mess? Why didn’t he ask his neighbors to call if an unusually large number of drunk teenagers showed up at his house?

      • http://www.facebook.com/paul.white.3532507 Paul White

        I don’t know that any town of any size doesn’t have some teenage parties going on at least some times. I didn’t even grow up in a city and we managed to do some crazy parties…no rapes or assaults AFAIK at any of them, but we did have alcohol and a few fist fights.

      • chickadee

        I guess I was lucky to grow up in a neighborhood where we knew each other and cared about each others’ children. And in the neighborhood we lived for the past ten years (and in my daughters’ friends’ neighborhoods) we kept an eye out for possible illicit parties. My town was 20000 and the one we left was over 100000, so I guess we were fortunate in our neighbors.

      • Justme

        Yes, but were any of them at the homes of your teachers? That’s a BIG problem.

    • meah

      Well said, Eve! I often wonder what these “mansplaners” would say if it was a boy who went to a party with friends, got drunk (or drugged?) and then was digitally penetrated by several of these “friends” while passed out and unable to defend himself. Was he asking for it?

      • allisonjayne

        That’s what I keep thinking too. That if this happened to a dude, people would be reacting REALLY differently (especially if he was raped by other dudes! Oh I can just imagine the reactions we’d be hearing to that!).

      • Andi

        Mansplainers would probably blame the gays in that situation.

      • Tea

        I can say from very unfortunate experience that if you are male, and sexually assaulted by another man, that yes, they will say he asked for it.

        First, they will blame the perverted “Faggots” because clearly gay people can’t control their urges. If you happen to be queer and assaulted, they will say you “tempted” them, or were “asking for it,” and that you were lucky they didn’t beat you too, no matter if you were just waiting for the bus or in sitting in a bar, or jumped on your way home from school.

        If you are queer, raped, and unload your feelings on another gay person, they usually say ” Shit, I’m sorry… that really sucks man, I’ll buy the next round.” And you usually get a hug. Damned queers and their compassion and hugs.

        (In case the sarcasm-o-meter is broken, this was written by a bisexual guy who unfortunately has experience as a rape survivor, male on male, and was about the victim’s age at the time. And yes, people have told me I seduced him. He has a family and kids now, I was the one who “turned him astray.”)

      • meah

        I am so sorry that happened to you. I hope you know you are in no way to blame, and those suggesting you are to blame are wrong. I wish you the best, and I am sorry if my comment made you feel belittled. I see now that it might have come off as flippant about man on man sexual assault, and that certainly was not my intention. I get so fired up about this stuff. Rape and sexual assault are about power and control, not sex, and those who commit those crimes are the ONLY ones to blame.

      • Tea

        No, no, you’re fine. I didn’t find it belittling, I was more just trying to say that no matter what sex you are, It can feel like no one’s on your side when it comes to rape. Male-Male It’s either “the gays are evil” or ” If you’re queer you must have liked it.”. If it’s female on male, you were “a weakling and not even a man who couldn’t handle a girl” or “You deserved it because you’re a man and she’s empowered (People. Have. Said. This.) If it’s female-female, no one thinks it actually exists. It sucks all around because not only were you violated, but you’re shamed for it too.

        I’m pretty open and vocal about same-sex rape, especially involving the LGBT community because it is often swept under the rug, or you’re accused of having been secretly wanting it in the same way a lot of women are also accused.

        So yeah, my end point is that your post was fine and didn’t upset me at all aside from some memories I don’t like, but the world’s stance on rape of any gender combination is woefully unsupportive for victims.

    • Blueathena623

      No teenager should be drinking. However, both parties were drinking. The parties were at different levels of intoxication, but they both chose to drink. If you* want to put blame on Jane doe for deciding to drink, ok, but where is the personal responsibility of the guys who chose to drink? Do you really think that was the first time they had a drink? Do you really think that was the first time they did something (because there is no way in hell you can convince me they went from perfect gentlemen to what they did with no inbetween)? Where was their personal responsibility to say “hey, I turn into an asshole when I drink, so I shouldn’t drink.”
      I’m just sick of it all. If a man is drunk and a woman is drunk, and they have nonconsensual sex, the response is always “she shouldn’t drink! He was drunk! He didn’t know!”ok boys, then how about you don’t drink so you’re better equipped to tell what is and is not consensual sex?

      • Tea

        I still have no idea where the media concept of ” If a man is drunk, it’s okay to rape because of man urges/sex drives/*grunt grunt caveman noises*/ and women should be prepared for that”.

        I don’t know what they’ve been drinking, but when I drink, I become a chatterbox who tries to drunkenly work on household projects or maybe start a bad game of cards or just get kind of hooligany with my mates.

        The need to go stick it in someone who can’t consent isn’t exactly a normal one. Picking out some boozed up guy/gal and raping them never crossed my mind, even if sexual tension was high. I’ve been too drunk to stand and never looked at a passed out person and thought “Hmmm…”

        So seriously media/mansplainers/internet dicks, what kind of drunken urges are you guys having? Because I can say as a man, raping wasn’t even close to being on the list.

      • Gangle

        Right!? The single guys I know that get drunk usually bustle about trying to impress women with witty (slurring) banter and smooth (daggy) dance moves. Sometimes, to their surprise (and mine) it even works. The times it doesn’t? I dunno, they drink some more or go home and have some quality time with themselves. I think the actual thought of rape in that condition (or any condition) would probably quench any and all amorous thoughts. But then, I am talking about guys who actually LIKE women and would want the possible chance of being able to have sex with them again.

      • whiteroses

        Yeah, pretty much. One of the things that made me absolutely fall in love with my husband was when we were at a bar with a friend of his, and his friend was getting so sloppy he passed “drunk ” a few hours before. He started hitting on a girl who was clearly not interested. My husband, who was not exactly sober himself, stepped in and said, “Mate, it’s not on. She said no, she meant it.” His friend tried to punch him, and my husband deflected it and told him in not so many words that if he didn’t go home right then, he’d regret it. His friend then proceeded to throw up on himself, so yeah- super sexy. For me, though, there was nothing sexier than hearing some feminism out of the guy with the Aussie accent. I was all about my husband after that. The next day, his friend came by and thanked him for getting him out of a potentially sucky situation.

        My husband was barely nineteen at the time, and so was his friend. So I don’t really buy that these guys were too young/drunk to know better.

      • Tea

        Yeah, exactly. There’s a huge difference between peacocking it up while drunk, or just being a bit of a nuisance, and deciding you’re going to go drag/lead off some unwilling girl/guy.

    • Fabel

      Wtf, it’s like these people think “getting raped” is an inevitable consequence to drinking too much. “Don’t get too drunk, you’ll become raped!” Do they not realize that rape is an action? A terrible action that terrible people choose to do? It isn’t something that just HAPPENS as soon as your BAC reaches a certain level.

      • alice

        The comments about how Jane Doe must take/share “responsibility” for her own rape (bc she was drunk, bc she snuck out, bc she had been previously “sexually adventurous”) only illustrate just how much people still view rape as NOT A CRIME. Or more specifically: “Rape by someone you know” is NOT A CRIME, but simply a calculable inevitability based on a series of behaviors. Those too stupid or reckless to modify their behaviors, should anticipate their own rapes. Simple as that. So yes, that’s exactly what those people you talked about think.

        But for things we universally view as crimes, such as murder, there’s not nearly this much victim blaming. A college student goes missing, presumed dead, in Aruba. Last seen at a local party spot, drinking with men she just met on vacation. Do we use that as a talking point to (re)educate our daughters about the importance of buddy system? Of course. But only the most callous and ignorant would make a statement that that murder was a calculable inevitability because she was drinking in a foreign country with a strange boy, and therefore she should “share responsibility” in her own murder.

        “I feel like there’s all this focus on the murderer, but what I’d like to talk about, is the dead girl. I mean, she really needs to take some responsibility for her murder that night. It’s not all the murderer’s fault that he chose to kill her.” – said no one, ever.

      • Jendnuc

        THANK YOU. I’ve been trying to make that same point for a while now, you did it a lot better than I did.

        But seriously now, that guy gave money to charity. He was clearly adking to get robbed.

      • alice

        “Your Honor, she *DID* choose to take the shortcut through that dark alley by herself that night, effectively taunting my client to assault her.”

      • Alexis

        I haven’t gotten very far in the comments (yours was the second one I read), and others are probably (hopefully) saying roughly the same thing. However, I just wanted to say thank you. All night I have been reading horrible blogs and posts and I have literally given up on the world. You have given me back my tiny glimmer of hope that maybe people are actually okay.

        Seriously. Thank you thank you thank you.

    • michelle pittman

      what is also mind blowing to me (other than all of the victim blaming that is) — she was 16 years old — 16!!! these aren’t two random guys who picked her up while she was hitchhiking…she KNEW them and had been FRIENDS with them — what teenage girl thinks her friends are capable of raping her???

      • http://www.facebook.com/paul.white.3532507 Paul White

        statistically, aren’t most rapes either friends or family members (which is all sorts of horrifying).

      • Victoria

        I had to have this talk with my little sister this week. “Your friends, the ones you trust and hang out with, might be the most likely ones to rape you and laugh if you get drunk with them.” It was strange to tell her that it’s no safer to have fun and get drunk with your buddies than with strangers.

      • Tea

        Unfortunately, what Paul says is right. Very few rapes are ever just randomly selected and never knew each other.

      • Justme

        And I think that’s why people get so offended when the statement is made about teaching boys not to rape women.

        There is still a myth out there that a rapist is a man that hides in the bushes at night in the park and accosts women jogging by. Of course we’re going to try and raise our sons NOT to be that guy!

        But that’s not the majority of rapes. We have to be teaching our young men to respect women and the choices those women make with their bodies.

        It’s not about teaching them not to be the man in the bushes, but instead to be the good friend at the bar, or the gentleman on the date. THAT’S where our focus needs to be with our sons regarding preventing rape.

      • whiteroses

        And in a way, that makes it so much worse.
        When I was fifteen, my father sat me down and said, “When it comes to alcohol, you can’t trust ANYBODY- not even people you’ve known for years.” We talked about statistics and it was such an important conversation to have. It’s a talk I wish every parent had with their kids. Most don’t think they’ll ever have to.

      • http://www.facebook.com/paul.white.3532507 Paul White

        Yep. The guy that stabbed me was a friend, and drugs were involved (on his part, not mine). It sucks.

      • Makabit

        You can’t win with the mansplainers. If you trust men and boys and get raped, you should have known that all men have these urges, and if you let your guard down, you’ll get raped, and that’s just how it is, heh, heh, heh, even if the feminists want to pretend different.

        If you are cautious, of course, you’re an uptight, paranoid feminist who imagines that all men are rapists.

        No winning.

    • C.J.

      How many people can really say they never had a drink as a teenager.

    • Andi

      When I was a teenager I got very drunk and fell asleep in a nightclub. Waking up to find a sexual act being performed upon me. Of course I totally blamed myself for being stupid enough to fall asleep in a sleaze hole like that. My female friends , who found me afterwards, throwing up in the parking lot, had the same reaction.

      “What were you thinking? falling asleep around drunk guys… Don’t do something that foolish again. Mistake made, lesson learned” Etc…

      A couple of months later a (male) friend of mine asked why I didn’t go out at night anymore. So I told him. Expecting the same “tut tut silly girl” reaction I’d gotten from my girlfriends. I finished my story saying I didn’t feel like I could trust myself not to be stupid and drink too much.

      His reaction floored me:

      ” You have the right to get drunk and pass out anywhere you f***king want without walking up with a C**K in your mouth! What are we? Animals?” He then suggested I go to the police ( which I never did of course).

      So a teenage boy, the demographic I had been most afraid of, knew the score. They are not animals. We need to expect better from them. Rape culture teaches us to expect the worst.

      • http://www.xojane.com/author/eve Eve Vawter

        andi, I love your comment, but maybe like you shouldn’t have been getting your mouth in the way of that boy’s dick and it wouldn’t have fallen into your mouth, next time close your mother, mmmmmkay?

        sorry to make light of it, am just so appalled at this type of reaction, and it breaks my heart that you never told because you blamed yourself, which is totally a common reaction with women. I’m VERY sorry you went through this, and no way in hell did you deserve it.

      • Gangle

        This. Just this. To be honest, I am shocked at the amount of victim blaming and slut shaming that goes on between WOMEN. Why are we STILL so intolerant or intimidated by our own sexual freedom? Why are we so suspicious of each other? Why the FUCK do we ‘ladies’ still have such a terrible madonna/whore complex? We seem to still question each other and ourselves over whether or not our behaviour was the cause of that rape or assault.

        Don’t we deserve better than this? Of course certain behaviours are possibly best avoided.. but the reasons should have to do with self-worth and health, not because we should be afraid of rape or slut shaming.

    • Blooming_Babies

      The number of comments I have read on this case that make me want to vomit is astounding. Nobody is ever asking to get raped, you can not take personal responsibility for being raped because it is always the responsibility of the rapist. Not complicated.

      • Victoria

        This is so beautifully and simply put. I’ve never heard it said better.

    • Jen

      I hear “personal accountability” a lot in discussions of this case. How the victim needs to take personal responsibility for getting so drunk she didn’t know what was going on around her. What about some “personal accountability” from the two kids convicted of assaulting her? What about some “personal accountability” for penetrating an unconscious female, urinating on her and ejaculating on her? What about some “personal accountability” for all those people who watched, recorded and photographed these incidents but failed to report it? Oh that’s right…personal accountability is only expected by victims…never by perpetrators, because they are just young boys who are too dumb to know what’s going on, but a girl who is the same age should KNOW if she drinks too much she is going to be raped. I mean duh!

      • Commonsensical

        No, but she should be intelligent enough to know that to get blindingly blotto is risky behaviour, and that “depending on the kindness of strangers” is not a great strategy for self-preservation. Now, with the perpetrators having been convicted (in a word, “blamed,”) can the victory lap be over? Can you get back to publicizing Kim Kardashian or something equally female-empowering?

      • Tinyfaeri

        Victory lap? No one won here. Two boys were punished (if not severely enough) for having committed a crime, more will hopefully be punished for doing nothing to stop it and then posting pictures and videos on the internet. No one’s saying that it’s a great idea to go get smashed and everyone should do it… just that it’s not her fault she got raped while intoxicated (with indications that she was drugged, not drunk), and that passing out for any reason is not sign language for “please penetrate part of me with something.”

      • LoveyDovey

        And those boys should have been intelligent enough to know that assaulting someone who is passed out is a crime and that “I didn’t know it was rape” is not a great strategy for self-preservation.

        I can play this game too!

      • http://www.xojane.com/author/eve Eve Vawter

        Here, go comment here, this lovely man obviously shares your views and beliefs: http://officialblog.michaelcrook.org/2013/03/travesty-of-justice-in-steubenville.html

      • Commonsensical

        Even a mouth-breathing “mansplainer” can recognize satire, no matter how hamfisted.

      • Amanda

        I couldn’t even finish that article, it was such crazy bullcrap. What the heck? The boys were helpless to their hormonal urges? Look, I’m pretty moderate in everything, including my feminism, but you can not excuse rape (and the idea that rape doesn’t even exist?! I… I am speechless at the idiocy).

      • http://www.xojane.com/author/eve Eve Vawter

        But this is exactly how some people feel. And no, it’s not “satire”… according to that guy’s website and his Twitter this is how he feels about rape.

      • alice

        I like how there’s this momentum to simply ignore the fact that RAPE is a REAL CRIME. Like actually recorded in our laws. Like actually something you can go to jail for. You know, not just a moral quandary based on personal ethos that is fun to debate over wine or blogs.

        At this point, I almost refuse to argue with people because I realize I’m arguing with someone who simply doesn’t UNDERSTAND THE LAW.

      • alice

        whoa whoa, this isn’t some girl who decided to drop acid by herself in central park. she was drinking (like everyone else) with her friends (read: not strangers.)

        and for the millionth fucking time: exhibiting poor judgment has never been, and will never be, tantamount to waiving away your rights as a human being.

        that should be your “commonsensical” tidbit for the day.

      • Blooming_Babies

        No those boys were convicted not blamed, convicted of a crime, the crime of rape. I’m speaking very slowly here so you’ll have a shot at understanding. She was at a party with friends, she was with a boy she knew, a boy she thought wanted to date her. This is not a victory lap, it is an important discussion on the commonplace crime of rape. This is a huge sigh of relief that these boys were actually convicted, something that rarely happens to rapists.

      • Andrea

        I hesitate to feed the obvious troll, but: screw you.

      • whiteroses

        The hole in the logic of that is that the victim knew these people. They were her friends. She trusted them. I’m damned pleased that these jerkwads have recieved the judgement they so richly deserved. But nobody won here. Why is that so hard for you to understand? The girl didn’t win because she was raped and demeaned and degraded, and people still think she asked for it. She will spend the rest of her life recovering from this. The boys didn’t win because they ruined their lives. They could have gone on to do some good in the world, inasmuch as neither of them strike me as intellectually stunted, and they pissed that away. The parents- anyone’s parents- didn’t win because now they have to either spend the rest of their lives helping their daughter ATTEMPT to have a normal life and trust men again (and that’s not a given by any means) or they have to spend the rest of their lives wondering where on earth they went wrong while raising their sons. The coach didn’t win because if there’s any justice, he’ll lose his job. The bystanders didn’t win because now they get to live the rest of their lives knowing that they could have prevented this, and instead they stood by and did nothing.

        Are we happy they were found guilty? Speaking for myself, you better believe it.

      • Makabit

        No, I’m going to do another couple of victory laps. Not just for this victim, but for the girls before her who never reported. You think this is the first time these boys assaulted someone? I don’t.

        Go ahead, be passive-aggressive. I like it when criminals go to jail. I find it wonderfully society-empowering.

      • Gangle

        Actually, you great git, these WERE people she knew, and thought she could trust. They were not strangers to her.

        Teenagers (and yes, I get teens should not be drinking) don’t know or understand limits. That is why they are still CHILDREN. It is common for teenagers to partake in risky behaviour. It is part of growth and development. But I guess you would prefer to think of women as sluts who have it coming. Too bad that just isn’t an attractive quality.

      • Imalia

        Hell to the no. I’m going to keep running victory laps until idiots like you understand that rape is never ok, never excusable and never a mistake. I will not stop talking about this case or any other, I will not shut up and go away and I will never accept that one persons risky behaviour excuses another persons crime. Not until the endemic rape culture and victim blaming stops.

    • peggy

      I didn’t think this whole story could make me any more depressed; alas, I was wrong. Continuing to victim blame/shame this poor young woman is just so sickening.

    • Tea

      I can’t decide if I want to man-pologize for some people’s behavior, or go introduce him to a few nice bear gentlemen I know who have also been date-raped and could tell tales that will knock the color out of you.

      Or just wail on them with a white cane, but I’d want to be slightly more productive. It’s utterly ridiculous, and making a poor descision should not equal having your life fucked over. And if anyone pipes up that these boys “Only made a poor decision too.” Seriously guys, white cane and scary stories from Bears. Big-ass difference, and I can say for sure that while I wanted to drink as a kid, I didn’t want to go raping other girls and boys. This is NOT a normal thing you just ponder doing in a drunken stupor, I should know, I’m in them a lot.

      I’m sorry to hear the onslaught of douchecanoes has turned into a full-on doucheregatta.

      Other dudes, Man to man, knock this shit off.

      • http://twitter.com/babaloomaloo babaloo maloo

        Best comment ever!

      • http://www.xojane.com/author/eve Eve Vawter

        Tea, you are the best, as usual.

      • Andrea

        Will you marry me?

        Just kidding, I’m already married. But you just won the internet today!

      • Lisa

        Thank you. You are an example of a real man and human being. A few neanderthals who call themselves men cannot speak for all men nor can a few neanderthals who call themselves women speak for all women. I have seen horrible behavior from both genders that shows this is not a gender issue but a societal one. I have a son and deplore some commentary from males explaining this behavior as typical along with comments from some horrid females who excuse it. We do not need to “teach” our sons not to rape. We do not need to teach people males are animals who cannot help themselves. That is insulting to all males! We do not need to teach male or female [males are raped too] who are victimized somehow deserved it. We do not need to teach children its a dog eat dog world and winning is all. We need to teach male and female children to have empathy and compassion for others then there would be no need to teach them anything else.

      • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

        *snorfle* @ “doucheregatta”

      • Gangle

        I think I may love you, Tea.

      • Jo

        “the onslaught of douchecanoes has turned into a full-on doucheregatta.” Absolutely brilliant. Laugh out loud plus clapping. Right on

    • CrazyFor Kate

      Not to mention, how many of the people saying this drank underage themselves? I’m willing to bet it’s a significant number (especially since the US drinking age is later than when most young people move out), and many of them probably got stinking drunk at some point before 21 (or whatever your legal age is), too. I did. Most of my friends did. Do they deserve to be raped, then? Do I? Did this girl? Of course not. Drunk means no, no matter how old you are, and everyone should be taught that repeatedly.

    • http://twitter.com/EpicAdventurer_ The Epic Adventurer

      Thank you. I would add that when we put the onus of avoiding crime on the victims and not the perpetrators, we essentially “give” our public spaces to whoever is most aggressive and intimidating. When we say that women can’t drink without asking for rape, we hand over our public spaces to the rapists and meekly try to get out of their way. I want public spaces, whether they be parties or bars or sidewalks or the internet, to belong to the people who can most handle them responsibly, not perpetrators of violent crime.

      • Blooming_Babies

        Yes. Thank you

    • http://www.facebook.com/paul.white.3532507 Paul White

      Please don’t call them mansplainers. They’re just assholes. There’s nothing “manly” about what they’re doing or saying.

    • Makabit

      Let’s turn this around. You have to understand that it’s very dangerous for teenage boys to drink at parties, because alcohol lowers your inhibitions, and encourages you to do stupid things. Maybe if those boys hadn’t gone to that party, and started drinking, they wouldn’t have raped that girl, and then they wouldn’t be going to jail. Let’s hope that these young men have learned a valuable lesson from what happened to them!

      No one is arguing that teenage girls getting shit-faced at parties is a good idea. But teenage boys committing sexual assault and being covered for by their classmates is patently a far worse one.

    • K.

      There was a video project on sexual assault out of Emory University by called “Project Unspoken,” in which the directors interviewed a bunch of men and then a bunch of women with a simple question:

      “What do you do on a daily basis to prevent yourself from being sexually assaulted?”

      And just hearing the difference in response between men and women illustrates why the perspectives voiced by “11″ or whatever that dumbass was called are completely wrong.

      Here’s a link to the video on that particular segment: http://feministing.com/2012/11/08/project-unspoken-it-should-be-a-right-to-walk-down-the-street-and-be-safe/

      It’s a pretty amazing project.

    • Teal

      One of the things that really saddens me about this whole story is that we seem to have no faith in our young men anymore. I mean, what does it say when we imply, or even state outright, that men are just victims to their baser urges. Shouldn’t we have more faith?

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    • Mother’s Heart

      EVERY SINGLE person; male & female are guilty as NONE of them helped her, none! That speaks VOLUMES people as not a one kid from any of the 3 parties that they dragged her to thought to get help, call their parent, police or go to her aide? No, instead they offered $$ at one point while she sat throwing up, for someone to piss on her, her shirt was taken off, she was laying on the curb and NO ONE helped her, NO ONE!! They all had phones, anyone could have gotten her help at anytime, nope as they both males & females decided to take pictures of her and post them on social media sites, commenting how funny it was, how she was going to “get it tonight”, passing it all over the school, friends, and so on and so forth. Parent was home at the house that she was raped the first time, coach heard about it and told them to NOT tell anyone anymore. He was too worried about his precious football team! Parents, stores that sold liquor to their “almighty” team members as how proud they were of them, numerous kids and NO ONE DID ANYTHING, except to try and cover it all up, ignore, look the other way. Beyond vile, disgusting and sickening and I believe they should all be held accountable. Obviously that will never happen but more are being investigated so here is hoping more are found guilty. Two girls were arrested after the guilty verdict was heard as they felt bad for the “boys” and got on social media site to taunt this young lady, to threaten her life, then went on rants about how “she deserved it, was/is a whore, etc..” The one year, as well as the two years that this monsters got is NOT ENOUGH nor good enough! They belong in the bowels of hell where they cometh from! And their “proud” parents should be as well. Sorry but this is UNACCEPTABLE! On a positive note: This young lady who has endured all of this, rape, pictures, stories, fingers pointing, who lives thankfully in another state and comes from REALLY good folks (father hugged and forgave the boys in court) had to go through the school year with this trial as well. She got straight A’s and made the honor roll. SHE DESERVES SO MUCH MORE but that also SPEAKS VOLUMES of her spirit and I pray that she will succeed in life with whatever she decides to become and/or do, that she continue to get the counseling to understand that regardless of her bad choice to sneak out, drink underage, that it has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with being raped by MONSTERS! As for them, I say throw away the keys to hell and let them wallow in their own filth for all eternity! I cannot be as forgiving, I am a parent and I WOULD SEEK VENGEANCE if it were my loved one, and before anyone judges me for speaking from my heart, STOP please!