In my years trying to conceive a child, I was pitched about a variety of supposed cures for infertility. I heard tips and tricks from every couple I knew. I received countless emails telling me that my long wait and struggle were over. From special diets to stomach-churning supplements, I’ve heard all about the miraculous inventions that non-doctors come up with. But none have been as ridiculous as this latest gimmick, ‘Snowballs,’ the male under-carriage cooling underwear.
Snowballs are exactly what you’re imagining in your head. It’s a couple sets of briefs with a gel pack that your husband throws in the freezer and then wears around between his legs. Because increased temperature is a factor in male infertility, this crude system just keeps your guy’s guys nice and chilly, hopefully helping their sperm count and mobility.
I’m still not convinced that this product isn’t a joke gift. Or a Funny Or Die skit. Or just the invention of some teenage kid who thinks that men walking around with frostbite on their junk would be super hilarious.
While the ‘Snowballs’ advertising crew is correct that male infertility accounts for 40% of infertility issues for couples, I’m not sure that they understand exactly how infertility treatment normally works. They don’t seem to understand that modern fertility specialists test sperm quality and mobility almost immediately before doing anything. Male infertility is easier to diagnose, and often less invasive to test, than female-based issues.
I guess what I’m saying is, if a couple’s problem conceiving comes from poor sperm count, a doctor would be able to discuss that with patients pretty early on in the trying to conceive process. And more than likely, that doctor is just going to laugh in the face of anyone asking whether or not they should wear a freezer pack in their pants. Then, the doctor is going to lay out a much more logical, viable plan of action.
Gimmicks like these ridiculous undergarments are not viable plans of action. They’re for the people who have nothing left to lose. They’re for people like me, who took three months of gross and disgusting natural fertility treatments because I needed to cling to the most distant hope out there that I might have a kid.
By the way, if you are one of those people, you can purchase your set of infertility gimmicks, aimed at taking advantage of desperate people who will simply try anything, from Kickstarter.