• Wed, Mar 6 - 11:00 am ET

My 5-Year-Old Daughter Is Still Breastfeeding And I Don’t Know How To Stop

breastfeeding childMayim Bialik‘s 4-year-old finally weaned himself.

I’m jealous.

Because my daughter just turned five, and she’s still going strong.

I know what you’re thinking: I’m just doing this for myself. You thought that about Mayim too. And that mom on the cover of TIME. But if you think giving a preschooler access to my boobs is something I do for myself, well, you’ve obviously never done it.

And why should it be about me? Our culture is perfectly comfortable with child-led achievement of other milestones (potty training? walking?), so what makes breastfeeding different? Why is it a good idea to let a child decide when she wants to quit diapers but totally inappropriate to let her decide when to quit the boob?

I’ll be honest: I’d love to let my daughter decide when to stop. But at this point, I’d also be happy to take the lead myself.

I just can’t figure out how.

It’s not that I can’t tell her no. I do all the time (she doesn’t have ice cream for breakfast, and she doesn’t watch TV all day, although she begs to do both). It’s certainly not that I’m clinging to her babyhood (I’ve got a younger baby who is also breastfeeding). It doesn’t help me lose weight (quite the opposite), and I don’t particularly enjoy it.

And I know she doesn’t really need it anymore.

It’s just that she still thinks she needs it. And like any other step toward independence, I’m not sure she’ll really thrive without it until she decides for herself that she’s ready.

She always enjoyed breastfeeding more than the average baby. As a newborn, she latched on within minutes and barely unlatched for a year. At her first birthday, when many of her peers were weaning, she was cutting back to once every two or three hours. Back then, nursing a toddler didn’t faze me. Most of the time I liked it. It was a powerful parenting tool. I could stop a tantrum mid-scream, end a fight instantly, or put her to bed in seconds, all with the magical power of mama milk.

But by the time she turned two, I was getting tired. She still nursed at least every three hours, more on some days. She could go without it — she went to preschool two days a week and managed just fine — but if I was around, she wanted my boobs.

So I added limits. I established a “nursing chair” and told her that was the only place we would nurse. Instead of grabbing my shirt and whining, she learned to climb in the chair and ask politely, “May I have mama milk now?” We stopped nursing in public, and I began to hope that maybe, soon, she’d be ready to stop.

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You can reach this post's author, Lisa C. Baker, on twitter.
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  • alice

    “It’s just that she still thinks she needs it. And like any other step toward independence, I’m not sure she’ll really thrive without it until she decides for herself that she’s ready.”

    eh, i’m no expert, but this seems like the wrong way of looking at it.

    child development (“independence??”) does also have a lot to do with their first integration into society. how they work with their peers. how they learn from themselves and their peers (the outside world) more than they just learn from you. how much do you think she’ll thrive when she quickly realizes that no one else in her peer group is still nursing?

    • http://www.facebook.com/houde.veronique Véronique Houde

      I agree with you totally, alice. on top of that, if my teenager constantly needed a bedtime story, I would be more concerned about underlying anxiety at bedtime and try to address that. No, I would not read my teenager a bedtime story. nor would most people. Haha imagine her wanting ME to read her her french homework? no way ;) I

    • alice

      seriously. i would’ve never worn clothes and literally have been carried everywhere till i was five, if i had my way.

      “mama, pick me up”
      “NO! YOU’RE NOT A BABY ANYMORE. YOU CAN WALK ON YOUR OWN!”

      see how easy? :)

    • http://www.facebook.com/houde.veronique Véronique Houde

      and if you let boys decide when they want to stop diapers, most of them would still be pooping in them until middle school lol

    • http://twitter.com/lisacbaker Lisa C. Baker

      Would you think better of me if I told you that this same daughter was out of diaper at 18 months? LOL. True story.

    • Andrea

      TRUE DAT!!!!!!!!!!

    • http://twitter.com/lisacbaker Lisa C. Baker

      Alice, great point! I have mixed feelings about it, I guess. I DO believe in it…or, well, back when she was a baby I totally believed in letting her wean herself and was determined to do that. I just thought it was gonna happen sooner. So I guess I’m questioning it — but mostly because of what other people think, not because *I* have a problem with it.

    • alice

      Yeah, i can see that. I’m sure a lot of the flack you’re getting here is because it wasn’t really clear that you hadn’t decided if you had a problem with it or not yet. It seemed like you had decided you *did* have a problem with it, but would do it anyway. Cue us all saying “be bad cop! be bad cop!” :)

  • Kate

    Breastfeeding isn’t my thing…but my friends who have. Just stopped. They cut back much the way the author has but finally (around 3 or 4) they just said no. Took a few weeks but eventually toddler figured it out…and everyone moved on. I think it’s perfectly acceptable if mom is over it…that toddler (or taller toddler/smaller human) will adjust. I think this is more like binki/bottle than the author realizes. Mom/Dad decide this isn’t working for us anymore and make the change, children adapt and move on. If it’s not something mom looks forward to anymore, it’s time to move on.

    • Smalls

      Agreed. In this case, breastfeeding has become a pacifier, it seems like – and at five, it’s more than okay to take away the pacifier and replace it with other methods of soothing.

    • http://twitter.com/lisacbaker Lisa C. Baker

      Oh, it’s totally a pacifier. No question. :)

    • Rachel

      Lisa, you sound like a loving and caring mum who would never deliberately hurt your daughter. BUT you are hurting her by not allowing your daughter to grow. Your job is to help your daughter grow not to keep your little girl a baby for your own reasons. I believe you are soothing yourself not your daughter. Self weaning is ok as long as she does appropriately. Would you have allowed her to be in nappies until 5 if she hadn’t self TT herself?? NO because you would have deemed it inappropriate. Guaranteed within a couple of days (or even a day) of OOps no more milk left, how about you drink milk from a cup and we have cuddles and mummy sing to you, your daughter would move on immediately. At five she understands the concept of empty and gone! I believe you are doing this for your own comfort at the expense of your daughters social and emotional development. It’s time for you to put your mummy pants on (in Rachelle’s words above) and help your daughter get ready for the big world. She is not a baby any more, she is a big girl. Trust me there are so many other bonding moments you will have with her without nursing which are even better!!

    • http://twitter.com/lisacbaker Lisa C. Baker

      Ha! I am definitely not doing this for my own comfort!

    • Renise

      Have you spoken to anyone who has breastfed their child for the same amount of time? Or even to someone who themselves was breastfed until that time? Jamie Grumet (lady on the cover of that time magazine) was breastfed until she was 6. She’s not crazy. She’s has lots of friends and is a wonderful wife and mother. Perhaps talking to someone who has been where your daughter is now might be useful. – you can find her blog at – Iamnotthebabysitter.com

    • http://twitter.com/lisacbaker Lisa C. Baker

      Yeah — my sister! She breastfed till 4.5. :)

    • http://www.facebook.com/jenna.alive Jenna Ali

      Is it “okay”? Yes. Is it right for the writer or her child? That’s really not our call.

  • msenesac

    “Why is it a good idea to let a child decide when she wants to quit diapers but totally inappropriate to let her decide when to quit the boob?” Since when was potty training the kid’s decision? Parents are supposed to wait until the child is developmentally ready and willing but that doesn’t mean they necessarily WANT to (especially the boys). It’s our job as parents to transition kids to the next step in their development. It sounds, to me, like you don’t want to be the bad guy and tell your child no. I feel really bad that you are nursing her and don’t really want to. For your sake (and for the sake of your children’s development) tell her no. Big girls drink cow’s milk, not breast milk.

    • alice

      This, exactly. “I sank deeper in my chair and contemplated switching churches while I
      prayed desperately that no one would figure out exactly what she meant
      by “mama milk.â€

      Author is exhibiting all the signs of someone who is 100% against this, and even ashamed by it, but is willing to continue because she can’t stand up to her five year old girl and say NO.

      That’s a quick way to create a spoiled, demanding, child. Not exactly the recipe for “thriving independence”

    • http://www.facebook.com/jenna.alive Jenna Ali

      So because someone dreads the judgment that comes from a society at large that barely tolerates breastfeeding to a full year, much less into toddlerhood and beyond, means they are ashamed and 100% against it? No.

    • stephanie

      Well, no, dreading societal judgment does not equal being embarrassed by what you’re doing. But admitting “She wasn’t embarrassed at all. But I was.” kinda signals actual embarrassment, don’t you think? ;)

    • http://twitter.com/lisacbaker Lisa C. Baker

      Lol. You guys are analyzing my phrasing more than I did when I was writing. ;)

    • Jennifer

      To me, the fact that we as a culture think drinking milk from a cow is perfectly normal is bonkers. We are the only species that drinks milk from another species. Big girl may drink cow’s milk, but that doesn’t mean that’s ok either.

    • raeronola

      Why is it bonkers? People have literally been drinking animal milk for THOUSANDS of years. pretty much the minute we figured out it was possible. Almond milk wasn’t a thing until the early middle ages, and even then they used it for cooking more than drinking.

      While goat and sheep’s milk is more nutritious than cow, the fact that MOST people are able to properly metabolize and digest cow milk products indicates that it’s acceptable for humans to consume.

    • Melanie Makin

      Most people are NOT able to properly metabolize and digest cow milk. Most WHITE people are able to properly metabolize and digest cow milk. Not the same thing.

    • Di

      We are the only species to drink other species milk – is probably the dumbest argument I’ve ever heard, and I hear it from anti-milk people all the time. We also have opposable thumbs and cognitive intellect and speech and can do things no other species does. We are the only species to make cars, too, but no one is shaming anyone about driving.

    • alice

      hahahah so funny. so funny and so true.

    • once upon a time

      Took the words right out of my mouth. We also wear clothes.

    • Stephanie

      Ha! We also have jobs and eat some foods just for fun, not purely for nourishment as most other species do. Maybe we should be ashamed of that too.

    • Stephanie

      Why bonkers? Is it any more ridiculous than making “milk” out of soy or almonds? I don’t mean this comment to be argumentative, I just really want to know why drinking cow’s milk is such a crazy idea.

    • http://twitter.com/lisacbaker Lisa C. Baker

      I think the truth is that I’m not sure if I want to quit or not. I need to make up my darn mind. :)

    • angie

      As a mom I can relate. this is your issue not hers. You need to let go of the nursing and find another mommy time with her. No judgement here.

    • Erica

      I don’t judge you. We all parent differently, but there will be a point when one of her friends says, “Ewww, gross. You do what?” And she will stop instantly. But instead of it being a natural end, it will become shameful to her. Something like this happened to me and it took years for the embarrassment to fade. IF she did become embarrassed by breastfeeding I hope she doesn’t bring those feelings with her into her own journey to motherhood. Best wishes to you.

  • salemwitchchild

    My son is two and like you I’m more than ready to quit. But my son isn’t and I don’t want to take that away yet. He still nurses many times a day and night. At 5 I can’t imagine still breast feeding though. I get what you’re saying. She draws comfort from it and you don’t want to take that away. I’d perhaps try to encourage her to have some water instead of milk; not ice cream. Or try a favorite storybook or game instead of nursing.

    • http://twitter.com/lisacbaker Lisa C. Baker

      Haha! At 2 I couldn’t imagine still breastfeeding at this age either!

    • salemwitchchild

      What matters is that bfing is no longer mutually beneficial to you. I personally don’t care what age others bf to. I’m not sure when I will stop nursing my son, but I hope he decides on his own. If the time comes where I need to wean him, it will be before 5 though.

  • Khyraen

    @msenesac baby cows drink cow’s milk. human young drink breast milk. the fact that you could type that and not realize how ridiculous it sounds shows how far we have come from understanding biologically normal parenting thanks to 3 or 4 generations of experts who pretend to know better than mom’s instincts.

    • Khyraen

      PS: children physically outgrow the ability to breast feed when their “milk” teeth are replaced with their “adult” teeth. Since this happens around the time their immune systems are fully functioning–between 5 and 7–, I’d say that our biology knows what it’s about. If you don’t want to nurse anymore, then do what millions of other moms have done, and wean. There are tons of books on it and its not that difficult (except perhaps emotionally.) If you want to let her wean on her own, then know that you have maybe 2 more years max before your child won’t be able to draw milk from the breast and will be weaned by nature (if she does not decide to do so sooner or if her mouth doesn’t change sooner due to her permanent teeth coming in.)

    • http://www.facebook.com/valerisexton.jones Valeri Jones

      The thing about the “milk” teeth and permanent teeth is actually a pretty good point. Not that the little girl wouldn’t still be able to nurse with permanent teeth if she wanted to – as another commenter stated, my husband could and did drink my breast milk once. Just the the natural replacement of milk teeth seems to be nature’s way of saying, “nursing time is definitely over.”

    • msenesac

      I’m obviously not debating whether a 5yo can drink breast milk or not. My husband could drink my breast milk if he really wanted to. What I was saying was that the author needs to tell her daughter that big kids drink cow’s milk. It’s a point that even the author made. And obviously the mom isn’t comfortable giving it anymore.

  • http://www.facebook.com/KateReimer Kate Reimer

    You do what works for you and your children. That’s just what it boils down to. If you really Want to stop nursing, go for it. If you don’t want to stop nursing more than you want to enjoy the experience of comforting your daughter with nursing, don’t stop nursing. I know our culture generally frowns on extended nursing but, like you said, you’ve stopped nursing in public, the only people this is going to affect are you and your family. Good luck (whatever you decide)

    • alice

      Our culture definitely shuns extended nursing. And if the author was 100% behind it, then I would be behind her.

      But I feel like there’s something off, and even creepy, about drawing a line and saying “this act can only be performed secretly in our house now.”

      I dont know. I just get a very strong sense that the author is ashamed by it. Which makes it really disturbing for me that she gives into it.

    • Megan

      Exactly. The real problem isn’t so much the extended nursing (though personally I can’t do it) it’s the fact that the mother clearly doesn’t enjoy this anymore and keeps trying to wean her 5 year old kid. She does mention having a younger child who she is currently breast feeding so why not pump and put your breast milk in a glass for the older child if it’s an issue of wanting to continue the benefits of breast milk?
      My own personal opinion is to tell the five year old to grow up. I assume the kid uses a cup for other drinks. Because I can see this eventually turning into enabling from the mother, attachment issues and possible ridicule/teasing when the child is older (not much older!) from peers who have no problem pointing and laughing and saying “ew!”
      The point is that, as the parent, you have the power to draw the line when you want a behavior to stop. If your kid holds the power at age five….well you’re possibly in for some trouble down the line. Good luck.

    • http://www.facebook.com/jenna.alive Jenna Ali

      Wait, so you’re saying setting boundaries is creepy? That’s bananas. Everyone I know who has nursed for any extended period of time has set boundaries. First only at home, then only at bedtime, etc. It’s about gradual transitioning, not about secrecy and shame. You’re projecting some very weird stuff onto this author.

    • alice

      of course boundaries aren’t creepy. but this is an issue of intent.

      the author (who has since clarified in the comments) first gave the impression that extended breastfeeding was not *her* choice nor *her* desire, but the choice and desire of her daughter. she gave this impression from the title of the piece, thru the repeated and conflicted rationalizing, thru the admission that she’s trying to convince her daughter to stop, thru the admission that she was embarrassed, etc. The title alone indicates a sense of shame and a desire to stop.

      in other words: the author did not, in the original piece, appear to represent the willful Extended Breastfeeding Community, but instead appeared to be a reluctant captive of it.

    • http://twitter.com/lisacbaker Lisa C. Baker

      Haha! I think it would be more accurate to say that I started out as a willful and proud member of the EB community…and now I’m having second thoughts after kind of putting myself here willingly, if that makes sense. I started out totally determined to breastfeed till SHE stopped, and now I’m thinking, Really? Still? Because I assumed she would stop before now.

  • whiteroses

    Look, if she’s old enough to remember breastfeeding, she’s too old to do it. Open your mouth, tell her that you still love her but that Mommy won’t be nursing her anymore, and don’t do it again.

    I’m all about kids letting you know when they’re developmentally ready for the next step. But you’re arresting her mental and emotional development. Say no. It’s not the first time you’ve said it, and it surely won’t be the last.

    • faifai

      “if she’s old enough to remember breastfeeding, she’s too old to do it”. Agree with this completely. Furthermore, once she grows up, she is going to be HORRIFIED at the memory.
      On the other hand, it’ll be a great blackmail weapon when she’s a teenager. “Now you listen to me girly, you go clean that room or I’m going to tell your boyfriend how you breastfed until you were 7 years old!”

    • Tinyfaeri

      I’ve known people who were breastfed until they were 5 or so. They’re fine, no issues from it. In other cultures, children are routinely breastfed until they’re 3, 4, 5 or even older. Not saying it’s for everyone, just that the idea that breastfeeding an older toddler or young child is traumatic or damaging to the child somehow is not true.

    • whiteroses

      I agree. But my original point still stands. If you’re old enough to remember breastfeeding, you’re too old to do it. Other cultures notwithstanding, it’s not completely socially acceptable in America to nurse a child that can walk up and ask to be nursed. Otherwise, the Time cover wouldn’t have been controversial.

    • Tinyfaeri

      The people I’ve known as adults who were breastfed later than “normal” were all American. There have been a lot of things in our history that have not been completely socially acceptible, that doesn’t make them wrong any more than something being socially accepted makes it right. The Time cover wouldn’t have been nearly as controversial if they hadn’t decided to have her standing hands on hips with the caption “are you mom enough?” next to it. If it had just been a picture of her sitting in a chair with her son breastfeeding, I doubt it would have made such a splash.

    • whiteroses

      Sure. And, conversely, several people I know who were breastfed later than “normal” who are also American have turned out to be total messes. Six of one, half dozen of the other.

      I’m not saying extended breastfeeding is wrong. Heck, if you’ve got a one or two year old who wants to nurse and you’re fine with that choice, more power to you. But that doesn’t change the fact that most people think it’s odd when a child who can spell “boob” is breastfeeding. And to be honest, the Time cover probably would have had the same impact no matter if she was sitting down or not- inasmuch as that child looked like he was ready to go out for a game of kickball.

    • http://twitter.com/lisacbaker Lisa C. Baker

      How does breastfeeding arrest her mental and emotional development? There have been studies that breastfeeding longer improves IQ. Just saying. :) That seems like a pretty extreme statement with very little basis.

    • whiteroses

      It arrests her development because she seems to be perfectly fine with it- even when you say that you’re embarrassed by it. She’s not a baby. She’ll always be your baby, but she’s not a baby anymore. It arrests her development because if you can’t eventually tell her no, you’ll be nursing her when she gets home from school. Hey, if you’re not embarrassed by it, then keep on keepin’ on and it shouldn’t matter what I or anyone else thinks. But it seems odd to me that you say you’re embarrassed by it, then defend yourself in the comments.

      My mother was into attachment parenting before it was a hip term. I was nursed until I was two. But I have absolutely no memory of it- and there are other ways to be close to your toddler.

    • Rachelle

      Here’s an interesting paper on the effects of breastfeeding on child development (educational, communication, emotional). They speak of “prolonged breastfeeding” as being more than 6 months, but it’s proven that breastfeeding does have significant positive impact on BOYS within mental and emotional development. Breastfed girls didn’t show significant improvement, which is really intriguing. All in all, yes, breastfeeding is awesome. Just how long should one breastfeed, though? To each his own I suppose.

      http://cdn.intechopen.com/pdfs/31651/InTech-The_long_term_effects_of_breastfeeding_on_development.pdf

    • AP
    • Carm

      I think a nine year old fondling her mother is TOTALLY different from this situation.

    • AP

      It is. But you don’t know how the kid is going to feel about it in the future. Maybe the kid who wrote into Dear Prudence’s mom really didn’t do anything wrong, either.

  • Rachelle

    Forgive my “sanctimommyism”, but 1) the fact that she’s embarrassed about it, 2) the fact that she contradicts herself by saying it’s NOT about her and that she doesn’t enjoy it, but then goes on to list the reasons why she just loves that cuddle time and the way her daughter looks like a baby when she breastfeeds her and how she loves that her daughter considers it the way her mom shows her love, and 3) when it stopped being breastFEEDING and became breastCOMFORTING and breastPLUGGING > it’s time to pull up your mommy panties and assume your role. Yes, your daughter will have a fit. But you don’t deal with tantrums by temporarily plugging your child’s mouth with your breast, you actually have to deal with the reason the tantrum is happening. Oh… and really? Ice cream before bed instead of “mama milk”? Again, this is my naive opinion, but isn’t that setting up a lifetime of dangerous association between food and comfort? Anyways, time to deal with your child having a fit. She’ll get over it.

    • Sarah

      ^^^^THIS.
      It’s not the issue of breast feeding a 5 year old. it’s everything you just stated.

    • http://www.facebook.com/kelly.justus Kelly Ann McDonnell Justus

      the one child I nursed for only 4 months with bottles is my only over weight child. Breast babies are less likely to be over weight then bottle babies

    • Rachelle

      You misread me. My comment does not link food + comfort to breastmilk, but rather using ICE CREAM before bedtime in lieu of breastfeeding to comfort before sleeping. THAT is the dangerous habit that I’m referring to.

    • Zoe

      Hear hear.

      The issue of extended breastfeeding was brought up on the radio in Melbourne a couple of years ago. I remember one caller who said her 6-year-old had a classmate whose mother would visit the school at lunchtime andbreastfeed her son. When the school administrator told her she couldn’t do it any more because it was inappropriate and offered counselling, she kicked up a huge fuss then continued to breastfeed by standing behind the school fence at break times, pushing her breast through a hole for the 6-year-old boy to suckle.

      The radio presenter asked the caller what the kid was like. She said, “what do you think? He’s a weird kid. Really, really weird. And on top of that, the other kids think the nursing is creepy, because many of them have little siblings and they know breastfeeding is for babies. None of them want to play with him.”

      I don’t know whether anyone reported this woman, but I can say that using your breasts to soothe your 5-year-old is inappropriate. She’s too old. It should never have continued after her brother was born.

    • Rachelle

      That’s crazy.

    • http://twitter.com/lisacbaker Lisa C. Baker

      Even I am disturbed by THAT story! I promise I will never push my boob through a fence for my kid. Oh lord.

    • Zoe

      Lol, I would not have thought so!

      Seriously though, good luck in your weaning! I’m sure it will be easier than you think.

    • Rachelle
  • http://www.facebook.com/jenna.alive Jenna Ali

    Reading these comments, I would just hope that people keep in mind that for every nimrod who would walk up to a complete stranger and make some boneheaded comment about formula use, there are hundreds of us who are just trying to normalize breastfeeding and make it both possible and socially acceptable for those who DO want it. And yes, we want you to want it, but that’s really up to you.

    Remember that those who have time to harass people via internet comments, etc. are usually people who need to get out more, and live their own lives instead of telling other people how to live theirs. And people who would walk up to complete strangers and presume to tell them how to parent, well… Obviously not awesome people. Don’t take them as representatives of “lactivists.”

    I absolutely consider myself a lactivist. I do everythinig I can to normalize breastfeeding and educate people. But I don’t shove anything down anyone’s throat, and if someone is formula feeding their kid, they have their reasons and those reasons are no business of mine. Even as a lactivist, I want to high five that guy who told the bossy troll at Walmart that his wife was dead, hahaha. That’s exactly the kind of reality check people need.

    We DON’T know everyone’s situation. Our job as lactivists is to support and educate, and let people make their own supported, educated decisions. Sure, we can have feelings about those decisions, but we can put on our grown up pants and keep them to ourselves.

    All that being said, more pertinent to the original article, I applaud this mama for her clarity of purpose and I am truly sympathetic. I had to force my 2.5 year old to wean against her will because it became excruciating when I was pregnant with my son. It was a really hard thing, and definitely for me, not for her. So many of these sacrifices we make are unpleasant at best and maddening at worst, but keeping the perspective that this is a teeny blip on the timeline of our lives and their lives is important. It’s such a small thing in the long run for creating the relationship we want in the long run. Kudos to you, Lisa Baker!

    • http://twitter.com/lisacbaker Lisa C. Baker

      Thank you Jenna!!!

    • Jenpen

      Beautifully said. Kudos to you Jenna Ali :)

    • once upon a time

      I absolutely loathe the argument that internet commenters have nothing better to do than ‘harass’ people. When you post something in a public forum, you are inviting comments and yes, even criticisms. Now, I don’t believe that the mere act of public posting means that you deserve trolling, but nobody in this comments thread is trolling. Disagreeing with a blogger does not equal harassing.

    • Rachelle

      For the record, the title of this post invites comments and asks how to stop, so the “clarity of purpose” cannot be applied to her situation and our opinions are welcomed, but maybe I misunderstood the title and text. :) That being said, I also breastfeed, am totally pro-breastfeeding and agree that mothers should be free to breastfeed as they feel necessary and within the realm of their own parental judgement – I would not however call myself a “lactivist”; I’m just a mom who breastfeeds. My comment refers to the author’s contradictions and use of breast”feeding” as a pacifier and my own personal experience. I do have a life, I have a child, I get outdoors and socialize. And I enjoy blogging and commenting online. So your call for “non-judgementalism” is pretty judgemental. But that’s okay.

    • http://twitter.com/lisacbaker Lisa C. Baker

      Yes, I was totally inviting comments. And advice. And “facepalm” is my favorite so far. Not offended by anybody criticizing. Believe me, I’ve heard it before!

  • Mary

    When I first read the title, the judgy mom in me thought, “just quit!” and that’s from someone who nursed her daughter until she was 3.5! But I read on and LOVED and related to everything you wrote.
    You don’t seem to be dealing with anyone other than your own self. I had my family and husband telling me and asking me when I was quitting daily. I didn’t care though, I loved it and so did she and I knew we would stop when she was good and ready.
    I never really had a plan but both my kids stopped nursing when we went on vacation and it just happened. My son at 18 months and my daughter at 3.5. At the time of our vacations, they were just nursing about 2-3 times a day. Both the trips were at Disney World (keep in mind these are two separate trips). They never had time to nurse (we were out all day long into the evening). Thinking back, they may have nursed just before they went to bed the first couple of nights. But the fun was so distracting to them, they really forgot about nursing for a whole week. When we got home, I committed myself to not letting them anymore. I just would say, “no, no” and distract them with a toy or something.
    My my kids are older now and I miss it, I admit it, I LOVED to nurse. It was hard for me to stop but I knew they were ready by how easy it was after the week vacations. If there was some anxiety or stress shown by either of them, I probably would have kept doing it.

    • http://twitter.com/lisacbaker Lisa C. Baker

      Love this. Thanks for sharing.

  • Chelsea

    At 4 my mom said “there’s no more milk” and i just walked away and got juice. You never know.

    • http://twitter.com/lisacbaker Lisa C. Baker

      Haha. Don’t think that would work too well when I then turn around and nurse her little brother!

    • Dr. Karanski

      Stop making excuses Lisa. You really should seek some guidance as this is not healthy socially or emotionally for your daughter. it is time to stop.

    • Katiaa

      her daughter sounds pretty great to me! Back up your claim,dr

    • http://twitter.com/lisacbaker Lisa C. Baker

      If I thought this was detrimental to my daughter I would have no problem stopping! I would have already stopped.

    • http://www.facebook.com/valerisexton.jones Valeri Jones

      Here’s another thought: Do you ever think there might be some kind of jealousy issue between your daughter and son over the breast? Like maybe your daughter sees you nursing your son and she is jealous that he gets to do it, so she continues to because of that? Maybe using more “Mommy & Me” activities with the daughter, as I suggested earlier, and just point out to her that those are things only she gets to do with you and not her little brother.

    • jill_sandwich

      Gotta love fake doctors on discussion boards.

  • Anna

    I have tears in my eyes over the fact that your daughter knows and announced publicly what a gift mama’s milk is. My almost 11 month old daughter sounds like yours at this age. She never took to a bottle or pacifier and is a great little nursling. I agree with all the benefits you mentioned. I hope you follow your heart and mommy intuition. I don’t believe you’re overly indulging her by letting her continue to nurse. Mama’s milk is more nutritious than cow’s milk for her both physically and emotionally. Don’t let societal pressure taint how you feel about this special time and connection with your daughter.

    • http://twitter.com/lisacbaker Lisa C. Baker

      Thanks, Anna! Good luck with the second year of nursing. ;) Haha. 18-24 months was actually the hardest time for me for nursing. That’s when I started needing limits!

  • noelle

    I totally understand how you feel, although my late nurser was nearly three, not five. He loved to nurse so much that I hated to take it away. However, there comes a time and place to explain to a child that they got too old. I explained to my boy that he was a big boy and big boys do not have mommy moo-moos. When he would ask to nurse, I would remind him that he was a big boy and we would go do a big boy activity together, like read a book or play baseball or shoot baskets. Your daughter is old enough to understand that her time is over, but you can replace it with other things you two do together. Besides, there is nothing worse than sharing your body with a child when you don’t want to anymore. When I started resenting my boy’s invasion of my body, we were done. Good luck!

  • Daisy

    First off, I understand that a) every kid and every mom is different, and have to do what’s right for them, b) it is not as easy as just saying “no,” and c) you are trying really hard to navigate a tricky situation and do the right thing. So I will not comment on any of that, because it’s not for me to say and you seem like you’re already pretty self-aware of all that.
    All I will say, then, is that someday you WILL be 100% sure you’re ready to put your foot down, and I worry that the longer you put it off, the harder it will be. (Then again, maybe your kid will suddenly decide on her own, out of blue, that she’s done, but that doesn’t appear to be likely, given everything you said.) That is the only two cents I will put in about why now might be better than later. Everything else is more of a judgment call on your part, I think.

    • http://twitter.com/lisacbaker Lisa C. Baker

      Thanks, Daisy! Thoughtful advice.

  • Ap

    You are the parent. You are in charge. Not her.

  • Akstone

    My 2yo loves to nurse. I don’t see her stopping anytime soon. I wish society was more supportive of breastfeeding. My daughter won’t drink cow’s milk or any other milk. I think it is funny that society thinks cow’s milk is so much better for kids than mama milk. I support your choice for doing what is best for you and your daughter. Life is short. If my daughter wants me to read her a story when she is 16 I will. No kid will ever say my parents read to me too much, I was carried too much, I was loved too much, I drank too much breast milk, or I was held too much. Keep up the good work mama!!

    • http://twitter.com/lisacbaker Lisa C. Baker

      Thank you!

  • Madame Ovaries

    This is why I feel like breastfeeding into toddlerhood is not a great idea. Doesn’t it make more sense to cut your baby off when they are still more or less a baby (like, around age one)? Then when they don’t like the fact that you are denying them boob, all they can do is cry instead of asking you why. That seems like an easier problem to solve for everyone involved.

    Also, I realize any decent mother knows that sacrifices and putting your child first are part of the deal, but don’t your own feelings and comfort come into the equation at some point? Being a good mother doesn’t mean completely abandoning your body to the whims of your kid. The author is clearly embarrassed when other people find out she is still breastfeeding her daughter, and given that she is breastfeeding and caring for a younger baby (which means she was nursing her older child through the whole pregnancy), her body must be pretty taxed. There are no medals for indulging your child at the price of your own well-being.

    • http://twitter.com/lisacbaker Lisa C. Baker

      Well, I always wanted to go at least till 2, which is the WHO recommendation. So hat put her well past the baby stage. And I *completely* agree that it should be mutual. But I wouldn’t say it’s physically taxing for me. I have a serious oversupply of milk, always have, so it was actually helpful for me, from a physical standpoint, to have the bigger nursling. She cured my mastitis twice. The baby waking at night is way more physically taxing than anything the older one does!

    • http://www.facebook.com/valerisexton.jones Valeri Jones

      I agree with other commenters who say that you are very brave for putting your mixed feelings out there for the sanctimommies to comment on. And also for doing extended breastfeeding when society as a whole seems against it. It seems to me that you are confused as to why your 5 year old hasn’t weaned herself yet when most kids her age do. The fact is, this is one activity she can share with mommy that no one else (except her younger sibling) can and it’s special to her. For her to be able to recognize that as a young age shows a lot about your daughter’s character. Maybe you can find some other “Just Mommy & Me” activities for you and your daughter to do – a shopping trip, a spa day, whatever – and replace the nursing. It sounds to me as if your daughter just wants time alone with Mom, which there is nothing wrong with. Remember to give her lots of cuddles and love along the way, but don’t be afraid to just tell her no.

    • http://twitter.com/lisacbaker Lisa C. Baker

      Valeri, thank you! You are right — I’m kinda puzzled that she hasn’t weaned herself yet. :) One friend of mine suggested having a tea party instead, which she loves. Although then we’re back at comfort food again. Although I drink tea for comfort food, not gonna lie!

    • http://www.facebook.com/valerisexton.jones Valeri Jones

      Everyone has a “comfort food.” There is a line between having something that you like to enjoy from time to time and using food to suppress all negative feelings or whatever the case may be. She’s 5, so I seriously doubt throwing her a tea party rather than nursing is going to culminate into obesity because she eats when she gets sad. Kids are super resilient! And they are more adaptable and flexible than we adults give them credit for. Hang in there, Momma!

  • facepalm

    congrats, you are winning mom of the year. get a life.

    • http://twitter.com/lisacbaker Lisa C. Baker

      This is my favorite comment. Sorry to all you readers who posted thoughtful, in-depth replies. Facepalm makes me laugh every time I scroll past.

    • facepalm

      Glad I could be of help with your first world problem.

  • facepalm

    There’s something very disturbing about the concept that your daughter will be able to remember sucking on your breast. that’s not asking for problems AT ALL. you really do need to stop before you are breastfeeding a middle-schooler. learn how to be a parent and say NO. and don’t try to claim that you don’t get something out of the breastfeeding experience. obviously you need therapy to break that one down. but just because you are fucked up doesn’t mean your daughter needs to be fucked up too.

    • jill_sandwich

      They’ve actually done studies where they interviewed preschool age kids who were still nursing about it. The kids had overwhelmingly positive things to say and many people who are now grown adults who were breastfed into their preschool years look back on it fondly. Your crappy comments about extended nursing are the product of your own hangups and assumptions, and don’t really have anything to do with the psychological states of this author or her daughter.

    • Zoe
    • http://twitter.com/lisacbaker Lisa C. Baker

      My sister remembers breastfeeding. She quit at 4.

    • noelle

      I weaned my kids at 23 months, 28 months, and 35 months. My longest nurser is now nearly four and he remembers nursing. There is nothing sexual about extended breastfeeding! I weaned my boy because I was tired of worrying about taking medicine and sharing my body with my child. It was a selfish decision that was right for me. As soon as the mother is uncomfortable, the time should be over. As for the mom getting something out of it, the only thing I got out of nursing EVER was the satisfaction that my child was being given a quality food, similar to the happy feelings I get when my kids eat brocolli. My children, on the other hand, got quality food along with special time with mommy, comfort when hurting, sucking needs met, antibodies, protection from allergies, and an excellent aid to falling asleep. Moms need to stop judging one another!

  • Talon

    I just wanted to hug you and sympathize. Chibi had a hard time learning to nurse (disorganized latch) but once we got it down, we were a nursing pair for almost three and a half years. Then I got really sick and I discovered that doctors don’t ask if you’re still breastfeeding if your baby is a toddler.

    I had to wean her before we were both ready, despite the fact that she was toddler nursing…once or twice a day…sometimes skipping a day. I had to go on medication and my condition was so painful I couldn’t hold and cuddle my baby.

    I always said that if my disease hadn’t flared when it did, Chibi would totally be the kiddo nursing at age 5. I can see myself in your shoes if circumstances hadn’t conspired differently. She would have totally announced it in public; I can see her doing that. I know you wanted the floor to swallow you, but I couldn’t help but giggle a little.

    Chibi took the “no more mei-mei’s” well…better than I did, probably. But I didn’t like that we’d been forced into the decision through circumstances beyond our control.

    I wish you luck, Mama…however this turns out.

    • http://twitter.com/lisacbaker Lisa C. Baker

      Haha! Yeah, I had the shocked doctor when I got my wisdom teeth pulled an I asked if the meds were ok for nursing. Back when she was 3.

  • http://www.facebook.com/shaketa.abramovitz Shaketa Lavinia Abramovitz

    have to comment there is absolutely nothing wrong with extended breastfeeding. If the author is truly uncomfortable with her 5year old still actively breastfeeding she can always start pumping and keep a supply in the freezer or refrigerator for her to warm up for her daughter to drink. There are quite a few health benefits for children and even adults drinking human breast milk if anyone doesn’t believe me just Google it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/shaketa.abramovitz Shaketa Lavinia Abramovitz

    we are pretty much one of the only nations that feels that breastfeeding a child up to 5 or 6 is wrong many places do it without the stigma as it is healthy even for children as old as 5 or 6

    • once upon a time

      That’s because the majority of countries where extended breastfeeding is the norm as third world or developed nations. If your family is struggling to afford food for everyone, extended breast feeding is the most cost effective solution.

  • Sophie Lizard

    Lisa, you are AWESOME! Not for the breastfeeding (it’s normal – the global average age to quit the boob is 3 to 5 years), but for publicly sharing your mixed feelings and uncertainty about it. It takes more guts to lay your honest thoughts open and get judgmental comments from the mom police than it would to cut your daughter off from her mama milk. I salute you!

    • http://twitter.com/lisacbaker Lisa C. Baker

      Thank you!!! Thanks for understanding why I wanted to write this post! We’ve set ourselves up into camps on the mom wars, and the issue is so much more complex than that.

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  • Kim

    It’s not really the same but I can relate on some level to my son and his dummy. It was a quick fix for lots of tricky situations, a nice easy way out for me. I came to realise that it was me who was most addicted to it. What we did when he was 4 plus years old was tell him that the dummy fairy would bring him a gift if he left his dummy in a bag by the front door, he happily picked out his own toy and got it the next morning. This was followed by about 3 days of whinging for it, the amount of whinging diminished some what every day then he never looked back. I was scared on how I would cope without it as a bargaining chip but I managed. Any way, that’s what we did. Everyone’s boundaries and limits are different. If you are happy to keep feeding by all means do it, you can’t worry about judgy people’s readily given opinions. Do what you feel is right for you and your family :) .

    • http://www.facebook.com/valerisexton.jones Valeri Jones

      This is great advice for parents struggling with pacifier-addicted children. I’ve used it several times myself with nieces, nephews, children of friends. Works every time. :)

    • Kim

      I should add that I do realise one can’t leave one’s boobs in a bag by the front door so your situation is a fair bit trickier :) . Only meant is as a possible technique you could adapt. General rule of thumb is that is takes 3 to 5 days to break a habit, this has held true with my kids. I fed my kids for quite a while too, such a complex decision to wean. On one hand I was glad it was over, but I was quite sad about it at the same time. Best of luck with what ever course of action you decide to take :-) .

  • sarahhas7@gmail.com

    I breast fed one of my 7 daughters until she was 7, and then I just said no more. She really just wanted to be close to me, and needed mommy time. I got tired of it, and her teeth when she fell asleep. If your are no longer up to it, just say “no” but still hug her and hold her, that comfort and closeness of you is what she really needs. It may take a few weeks, but she will get used to it. And don’t feel guilty.

    • BatesMotel

      Norman Bates needed his mommy time, too. And 7? You should feel guilty.

  • BP

    No, no, no and no again.

  • Kristi

    I know it may seem like a good idea to let her continue until she is ready to quit, and right now while she’s young she may enjoy getting mommy milk, but she is also getting to the age where we have memories of our childhood. I for one would NOT want the memory of latching onto my moms breast to travel with me for the rest of my life. Not that my mom raised me, but that’s beside the point.

  • annie

    I think the real issue is this mom is a major pleaser parent. If it seems difficult to set this limit, I wonder what other limits have or will have similar issues. I really hate judging another mom, but I am a pleaser, too, in many ways wishing I could hang on the baby-ness of my children, thinking love means giving them what they ask for, when I’m learning this simply isn’t true. She’s not doing something she’s comfortable with, and she’s letting her child run the show. If she felt differently herself about extended breastfeeding, I’d say go for it. But she’s embarrassed and using bribes to get out of the situation and I really have a lot of sympathy for how hard it is to get out of patterns like this.
    Lisa, if you can be clear on what you want, and are clear with your child, it doesn’t mean you love her less, or that there aren’t equal ways of showing love within the limits of what makes YOU comfortable. Don’t teach your daughter to sacrifice herself for the sake of another’s happiness. It never works anyways.

    • http://twitter.com/lisacbaker Lisa C. Baker

      Ha! I can totally see how you got this impression from this post…but I am NOT a pleaser or a self-sacrificing type. Quite the opposite. Ask my husband. ;)

  • Deb

    I told my younger daughter your story. She is 7 and weaned a couple months before turning 5. I asked her what advice she might give you. She told me that you should tell your daughter that there is milk in the fridge. Then she said that the fridge milk doesn’t taste as good as “boob milk” which is the best stuff in the world. And she is still sad that she can’t have “boob milk” anymore.
    But, seriously, the way I finally weaned my youngest was to throw her a “weaning party”. I made a cake in the shape of a dachshund (her request) and she got a present. She still complains occassionally about weaning and is totally boob-obsessed, but she is healthy, happy and well-adjusted. And extremely cuddly! I just have to remind her frequently not to grab mommy’s breasts!
    Take care and good Luck!

    • CaneCorsoMom

      Most 7 year olds should have an appropriate sense of boundaries – you don’t grab people’s breasts or genitals. So I’m going to go ahead and say that your daughter is not “well-adjusted” if she is “boob-obsessed” and keeps grabbing at yours. Just a thought.

    • Deb

      LOL! Her older sister is equally obsessed with breasts-but that’s because she is starting to bud. She’s 10 and already comparing her growth to that of her friends. But, the younger girl’s breast-grabbing is rare and a joke (and always corrected!). Same with her age-appropriate obsession with fart humor and burping. She’s silly, I’m silly, we are a silly family.

    • http://twitter.com/lisacbaker Lisa C. Baker

      Oh, this is the best comment ever! Advice from another nursling! I love it! :)

  • kristen

    I personally don’t have anything against breast feeding but this actually grossed me out. I would only nurse until my child could walk. I just don’t think that a toddler should be sucking on your boob when they can walk, talk, run, etc. To me, this is just like walking in the mall and seeing a 5 year old drinking a bottle or with a binky in their mouth, you know everyone’s like “wtf”? She seems too dependent on you honestly.

    • http://www.facebook.com/valerisexton.jones Valeri Jones

      I find this to be somewhat immature and uninformed. I wish people would stop using the phrase “sucking on the boob” to cast breastfeeding in a negative light. There is nothing sexual about for the parent or for the child.

    • aliceblue

      You might not care for her opinion but you can not lay the boob blame on her. (Nor did I read any sexual inference) Nursing moms are always talking about their babies being “on the boob,” “boobie monsters” and about “sticking” or “popping” their boob in their kids mouth (presumably to be sucked on). The comment below mentions a kids referring to “boob milk.” No, the terms are not elegant and perhaps you’d prefer nursing or feeding be used, but if you consider it sexual or distasteful I suggest you talk to the “keepers of the boobs” about it as well.

  • http://www.facebook.com/kelly.justus Kelly Ann McDonnell Justus

    I nursed my last baby for 3 years and 3 months. At two she still wasn’t eating. In a day she would have a green bean a lick of ice cream and 5 cherios. Other women would say just stop and she’ll eat. So when she was 2 and a half. I left friday morning and came back Saturday night. I had to pump myself in the bathroom every few hour just to stay comfortable. While I was gone she still did not eat. Struck down that myth. I loved that all her growing was because of me. When she was born she was 6 and a half pounds and at 2 weeks she weighted 9 and a half. She never had a bottle in her life and no passy ever. As she grew up I would simple said you are too big for this. She would look at me like she was thinking about it. I cut down on the feedings one by one. at 3 it was only once a day and then once every other day. Each time I would say just matter of factly “you are getting a little big for this” One day she decied that I was right and that was the end of it. No big deal. No we hear that if you breastfeed over a year you get all kinds of benifits to the brain. She is 23 years old now and out on her own and wears a size 4.

    Te first I stopped at 7 months because the doctor suggested it since I was pregnant again. She didn’t mind at all but I did.

    With the second it was 4 months because I took birth contol pills (big mistake) and introduced the bottle. She liked it because it was so much easier to eat. She is heavy set. I really think the lack of breast milk had a lot to do with it.
    I went to LLL when I was pregnant with the third and I am glad I did. I learned a lot.
    Don’t listen to women who have never even tried breastfeeding, you don’t know what they are talking about

  • Jjbee

    I can totally see how this could happen. My son just turned three, and he stopped nursing only the week before Christmas. I loved nursing my son, and he loved to nurse. Sure, we had rough patches, but it was generally such a special time that allowed me to feel really connected to my child.

    I ended up going under general anesthetic right before the holidays for day surgery and that was how we ended up ending our nursing relationship. I was a bit embarrassed to ask the doctor if it was okay to nurse my almost three year old after having general anesthetic and taking some powerful antibiotics, so we just stopped nursing.

    I told my son that mommy had taken medicine that made my milk bad and that soon there wouldn’t be any more milk. We had one last nurse after the antibiotics and everything were out of my system and that was it.

    The last nurse was important to me and (I think) to him to just say good bye to this very special part of our relationship. Ending it is definitely a weirdly bittersweet thing.

    As for the author’s daughter, she’ll get there sooner or later too.

  • ss

    thats absolutly disgusting! shouldnt she be in school!? r u going to come to her school during breaks and let her suck on ur breast?? seriously woman grow up! my kids where off all that at 1 its called being a parent whos in charge u or her> and u should be embaressed i have a 6 yr old and id be mortified if he wanted to suck on my breast!! disgusting!! he doesnt even see me naked hes at the age where he needs to know boundries and privacy! no way she still needs to breastfeed at 5!

    • http://www.facebook.com/houde.veronique Véronique Houde

      I think you should be mortified of your writing skills. Did you know that people will take you more seriously if you use proper punctuation and capitalization?

  • Mom1

    Personally when a kid is old enough to pull the breast out themselves it’s time to stop. Older kids don’t need to be breast fed, that’s why they grow teeth. The benefits of breast feeding are beyond a doubt, but ONLY for babies. I think extended breast feeding is borderline abusive and more about an insecure mother than the child.

  • Taylor

    Oh my gosh, I’m almost in the same boat. I think my 4yo will never wean. Ever. And I only read one comment, about how it not being about the mama, yet the mama thinks about how the nursling is like a baby still, and that contradicts. But its true, and actually not contradictory, though I’m not sure the best way to articulate it. I think maybe this (breastfeeding a preschooler) is one of those things you don’t ‘get’ all the dynamics/dimensions of unless you’ve done it.

    • http://twitter.com/lisacbaker Lisa C. Baker

      Yes! It’s much more complex than people realize. That’s exactly why I wanted to write this post.

  • http://alittlepracticality.blogspot.com/ AmyK

    I shouldn’t judge, since I’m sure things I do are completely wrong. But, goodness. Five. Just, she doesn’t need it anymore. Let her rant, let her scream or cry, whatever. I occasionally feel very guilty for having to deny my children something they want, or punishing them for unacceptable behavior. I’ve seen both of my daughters tremble with rage and tell me they hate me. But I’ve also been told “You’re the best mommy ever.” Quitting the breastfeeding thing cold turkey with a simple “You are too old for this.” is not going to kill her or scar her for life. And since I’m being judge-y…ice cream before bed is not a good idea either.

  • Rachelle

    Lisa, thanks for bringing this discussion up, as controversial as it is. After wondering why my initial reaction was so strong, you inspired me to do research and actually talk about my breastfeeding desires with my husband last night.

    That then led to this. Which I thank you for. http://whatwouldshethink.com/2013/03/08/considering-extended-breastfeeding-who-me/

    • http://twitter.com/lisacbaker Lisa C. Baker

      Love love love this!!!

    • http://www.whatwouldshethink.com/ Rachelle

      Who thumbs down a thank you note?! Seriously, trolls…

    • http://twitter.com/lisacbaker Lisa C. Baker

      Apparently that was me, on my phone, trying to thumb up it and hitting the wrong on with my fat thumbs. Sheesh. Lol.

    • http://www.whatwouldshethink.com/ Rachelle

      LOL!!!! Wll that makes me feel better. ;)

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  • Dee

    I suppose I’m just really old fashioned, but at this point it’s not about giving a child comfort, it’s teaching them to respect another person’s body. It’s not HERS, it’s YOURS and she needs to see you set firm boundaries. That it’s HER body and she gets to say who uses it and when. Quite frankly, no, I wouldn’t read a story to a teenager. They can read themselves and should be.

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  • BatesMotel

    Everything you’re doing right as a mother is totally negated by the fact that you let a preschooler suck your breast. Can you say Norman Bates?

  • Megz

    I’m sorry, but it’s nobody’s business how long someone else breastfeeds. It’s a very personal decision and no one has the right to criticize another mother’s feeding choices, whether those choices include extended breastfeeding or no breastfeeding at all. I am currently still breastfeeding my 21 month old son and often feel the need to hide the fact that he’s still breastfeeding because of the completely out of whack views on breastfeeding here in the US. Women should be encouraged to breastfeed as long as it is still comfortable for her and her child. At no point does breast milk become less healthy for a child, and breastfeeding longer has been more the norm through human history than cutting it off young. We make decisions as parents based on what feels right for our children…I did not plan on breastfeeding my son past 18 months, but here we are, still going strong. I will stop breastfeeding when I feel it’s time, not when anyone else thinks he’s getting “too old.” Shame on all you haters, we should be encouraging each other, especially when it comes to breastfeeding.

    • erin

      This is exactly the situation I’m in. I planned to breastfeed until at least a year. But then it didn’t make sense to me that the pediatrician said my son would NEED cow’s milk, when I could just keep nursing. So that’s what I did, assuming that by 18 months my son would be done and would self-wean (my mom claims that my brother and I both just “lost interest” so I guess I was expecting that to happen). Only that didn’t happen. We weren’t breastfeeding in public anymore, but still before nap, after nap, before bed, once in the middle of the night, and in the morning. So at 18 months, I cut out the AM feeding and then, eventually, the post-nap feeding. That post nap feeding was brutal to cut out–10 + days of sobbing and screaming upon waking up, for 15-20-30 minutes or more, despite anything I offered him (quesadillas, ice cream, TV, noodles with pesto, crackers)– awful. It really made me question what I was doing if it was so upsetting for my son. Now, here I am and he’s 2 years old and still nursing at least 3 times a day, only at home, only in his room. He is definitely not interested in quitting yet. And I’m still OK with it for now. I just never thought this is what I’d still be doing. I just hope he decides to quit sooner rather than later (and yeah, I get comments from family members– my mom mostly– about how long we’re going to keep at it. ugh) and I take solace in the fact that worldwide the weaning average is so much later than here in the US. But if he makes it to 5 and still shows no signs of quitting I’m going to feel really conflicted.

  • Devon

    We had a bye bye boob party for my toddler wen she was 2.5 years old. It was like a birthday party, and close bf supporting friends came and we told her a week up to party about the situation and told her she was transitioning to being a little girl. It worked v well and she went from 3/4 times in 24 hours to none and went to sleep onIy with cuddles and a few complaints. Maybe building up to it and talking about it was also what made it work. Good luck with whatever you do!

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