I’m So Excited For The Suburban Life I Never Thought I Wanted

When did I start missing the suburban life I ran kicking and screaming from a decade ago?

There were clues. A lot of them. I was becoming nostalgic for the weirdest things. Driveways. Front yards. Wine aisles in grocery stores. When I saw any of these things on TV or in friend’s photos, I would get a faraway look in my eye. I remember those things…

There would be pangs of jealousy at the strangest times. A photo of a child’s room, a suburban parking lot, a folded stroller in the trunk of a car – all of these things would drive me into a spiral of why can’t I have that?

A few weeks ago I wrote about being a horrible city mom. On the whole, mothers in the city really with sympathized where I was coming from. It is pretty damn hard. There are also others that believe where there’s a will there’s a way. They would be right, too. Somewhere along the lines I lost the will to struggle to raise my child a “city kid.” Actually – I don’t think that will was ever there. I forgot how wonderful the quality of life in suburbia can be. Having kids forced me to remember.

It may be a small case of arrested development that led me to yearn for a simpler life so late. At 28 I moved to New York. I was a childless artist – with no idea what the future held. Probably the biggest thing I loved about my life at that time is that I had no idea what the future held. It was liberating. I was always able to get jobs to make enough money to get by – but I never thought seriously about my future or security in those days. And I don’t regret a minute of it. I just never realized how fast a decade could go by.

Fast forward 10 years, and now I am a mother of one with another on the way. I start noticing that when I look at friend’s photos on Facebook, I’m silently saying to myself, Wow, they are so adult. They have a pool. They have a stairway inside their home. They have backyards and pantries. Yeah. They are adults. They’re 40. I’m the only one still living like a 25-year-old.

It worked before I had kids. But now living paycheck to paycheck in a walk-up apartment with no amenities just so I can be in the “best city in the world” eludes me. Why am I doing this? If you can handle it and you love it, it’s a great way to live. If you find yourself daydreaming about the comforts of suburbia – it’s just stupid.

1 2 next

You can reach this post's author, Maria Guido, on twitter.

What We're Reading:

Share This Post:

LiteBrite

Living in the suburbs definitely has its pluses. I have a nice large yard and a two-car attached garage. It’s quiet save for the occasional police cruiser pulling over a speeder (which fascinates my five-year-old). Good convenient schools and ample parking in shopping centers also round out the benefits.

The minuses though are that someone needs to mow that nice large yard and keep it looking at least somewhat presentable. If something breaks in that house, we can’t just call the landlord to fix it. And as we realize every winter, the driveway ain’t gonna shovel itself. (Although you’re moving to Florida so won’t have that issue.)

There are pros and cons to both the city and the suburbs; it’s just a matter of what works for you at that time in your life. Who knows. Maybe in a couple of years you’ll be writing an article about how miss the city.
- Andrea
  
  She probably will. I know I wistfully look at city life. Even though I am pretty sure it would be a nightmare with kids and also astronomically expensive if I want to live the way I do now.
  
  But still there is something about it you know?
- http://twitter.com/mariaguido Guerrilla Mom
  
  I got here yesterday and I already miss it! But it was time. I’m sure eventually I’ll stop calling all my friends from the grocery store saying things like, “Oh my God. A GALLON of milk is three dollars.”
- AP
  
  Where did you move that a gallon of milk is $3? Next door to a dairy farm???
- Chariot7
  
  A gallon of milk is $1.79 in central IL. Love it!
- http://www.facebook.com/hollydoll85 Holly Murphy
  
  $3.49 in Baltimore
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1165875627 Jennifer Ives O’Meara

oh honey, the grass is not always greener.Your life sounds wonderful and full of its own charm. City living with less space causes you live differently than suburbia, where you can acquire more shit (that you dont necessarily need) and have a gas guzzling vehicle (where it costs more $ than you want to believe to fill up) then you will start to worry as you gain weight (gotta get that gym membership) because you won’t be walking everywhere. Mayb a happy medium? If you find that utopia, let me know.
- http://www.facebook.com/paul.white.3532507 Paul White
  
  Yeah but NYC is expensive and crowded as hell. it isn’t a black and white suburbs or NYC choice; there’s plenty of smaller cities that aren’t nearly as awful as NYC for housing cost.
  This was supposed to be a stand alone, not a response! sorry
Andrea

If you have a family (particularly small kids that aren’t self-propelling), suburban life can be a bliss. Plenty of room for the kids to play outside, plenty of parking, ease of movement, great schools (well, you gotta look into that- not all suburbs are created equal), and for sure you get WAY more for your money. Of course, almost anywhere in the continental US you get more for your money than in NYC.

But there are drawbacks: sometimes I feel like I am living in a cultural wasteland. Although I live in the suburbs of Atlanta (a city that most would say is fairly cosmopolitan – it ain’t no NYC of course, but what is?) and *could* drive 35-40 downtown and enjoy the arts, theaters, etc..I never do. Part of that may be the kids, but I know a big part of it is that after living in burbs for so long, the city intimidates me. I hate that there is nowhere to park, I hate the one way streets, I hate that I don’t feel safe.

All in all, I think you did it the “right” way (or what I would have done had I not married and reproduced so young): enjoy the child-free, care-free years in the most interesting city in the world and then come back to the burbs to raise a family. Seems like a great sequence to me.
- Blueathena623
  
  Atlanta suburbs represent
chickadee

I keep trying to say something balanced that doesn’t sound like, “for the love of god, don’t leave the northeast and don’t get too far from Cultural Civilization,” but I can’t. No balance for me on this issue.

For the love of god, don’t leave the northeast…..
http://twitter.com/MyPixieBlog My Pixie Blog

I feel as though I could have written this post myself I’m kind of over the city, for a while now, actually. I’ve been working in the city for 10 years and living in Hoboken for the past 6. Though it’s technically not the city, I still pay more than I should for a shoebox, have to rely on my own two feet to get everywhere, and hate grocery shopping (and then carrying everything up three flights of stairs). I TOTALLY get this.

As someone else said: grass isn’t necessarily always greener, but I think you do this for awhile, that a change is sometimes welcome. It sounds like you’re ready to embrace the suburbs and I say more power to you. It’ll be easier with a toddler and baby on the way for sure
http://www.facebook.com/paul.white.3532507 Paul White

I love it rural; suburbs suck. Cities suck. Sadly, I need to have a job, and well, rural jobs are harder to come by, typically nastier and don’t pay as well
PrairieCoast

Hmm, I have to agree with a previous poster who said it’s not necessarily one or the other. I live in a fairly small city (okay, really small by American standards) and I have an 1100 square foot house with nice little yard and driveway (even a garage!) located 1 block from an elementary school and two blocks from the community centre and park. The grocery store is a 20 minute walk away in one direction. A 20-minute walk in the other direction gets me to some of the trendiest restaurants in the city, a theatre, and an array of cool little shops. I don’t feel like I’m missing out on culture OR the advantages of the suburbs you list. There are lots of really awesome cities out there besides New York.
http://twitter.com/Melenanana melena gasper

We have a huge backyard and are still 10 minutes from a downtown and while suburbs used to make me twitch, we have EVERYTHING we need in a 5 mile radius. We plan on leaving for the city when the kids are grown but for now? It’s just EASIER.
Mary

I live in central NY. We live in the suburbs outside of a big city, we have a museum, a theater, the finest restaurants next to NYC, library, etc. We also visit NYC often and bring the kids (they LOVE it there). The last time we were there, as I was breathing in all the car fumes, I thought how difficult it would be to raise a child there. I don’t blame you for wanting to leave, just visit as often as you can.
http://twitter.com/wicked515 Amber Eastman

I loved living in NYC, but while trying for a family, I helped a mother with a stroller up 3 flights of stairs at the subway. It hit me. I DO NOT want to worry about being at a subway with no elevator and a stroller with a kid with a diaper bag. I now live in sunny FL in a 3 bedroom 2 bath house and am still paying less than what I paid in NYC. Makes for great stories for our future children though!
Portia

Maria, welcome to the suburbs! My husband and I moved to North Carolina from Chicago six years ago before we had our son. Initially, it was against my will. I didn’t even know where NC was on the map and I was terrified that rebel flags would be flying everywhere. Flash forward – we have great careers. We have a fabulous home that we’d never be able to afford if we lived in Chicago and our son goes to an awesome Montessori that he loves. Our quality of life is loads better (umm, read the news about Chicago of late?). Yes, I hate driving so much and I miss having a hipster restaurant right around the corner but the tradeoffs have been worth it to give our son the childhood he deserves and the life we want.
PS – a gallon of (organic) milk is $5.99 while regular is $4.99. WTF is up with that North Carolina?!
Riva

Not to sound like a stalker, but where’dya move to?
Pingback: Preparing For Second Baby: I Feel No Better Prepared