Oh Dude I’m That Mom Totally Telling My Kids About Getting High Behind The Dumpster

shutterstock_110412152Yesterday the lovely and talented Miss Lindsay Cross wrote about how she felt the new study out about not telling your kids about your past drug use is bogus and I totally agree, mainly because I have made that mistake with my own kids so many times. I am always talking about drugs with my eldest son who is 16, and I know his younger siblings have overheard these conversations. I just always sort of assumed yeah, my kids WILL do drugs and no matter how mumsy I get with my view on them doing drugs it won’t matter anyway.

I’m not suggesting my kids will be doing lines of coke on their Algebra books or stealing my  Blu-Ray player to hock to buy some rock (see what I did there?) but I guess I just sort of assume that at some point, between the ages of 15 and 40, they may get high. Now, I do not really want them to get high, but I also don’t want them to get married or have sex or move out of my house either. I know that there are many parents and people out in this world who have never touched a drug (My ex-husband is one of them) and I would like to think that my own kids won’t either, but the simple fact is they probably will. So when one of them asks me about a drug, I’m always the mom who is like “Well, some people like pot, a lot of people, but for me it always made me really hungry and then super sleepy so for me it just wasn’t the best drug ever, I have always been more into drugs that make you sort of speedy and have more energy and….”

And then I realize what I am saying and I STFU.

I worry about what pot does to your brain cells, and this is where you lovely readers can throw me all sort of statistics on how pot doesn’t really harm your brain, but then I also worry a fuckton about what alcoholism does to your sanity cells due to a family history of alcoholism, so for me it’s sort of a toss-up. I tell all my kids that they have brains and bodies that are still growing and that I really don’t want them doing drugs, but I especially never want them driving while doing drugs or getting in a car with someone who has been doing drugs, or drinking. And I warn them about how sometimes if you smoke pot that it can be laced with something other than pot, and that can be a very dangerous thing and can totally mess them up. And how some drugs can do even worse things to them.

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  • http://twitter.com/TwAlexLee Alex Lee

    Such a sobering (ha) article. I’m also trying to educate my kids about the risks of drugs and alcohol. Hopefully, they’ll make it through high school and college without incident. It’s good that your words have the backing of real-world experience. In this area, I’m parenting with science and anecdotes.

    My mom used to smoke in the car and the filters would burn in the ashtray – what a god-awful stench. Never saw the appeal after that. I won’t say no to an occasional warm cup of sake or a finely-constructed mojito, though.

    Oh, get them out of the house and married, Eve. Think of the gorgeous grandkids!

  • chickadee

    I guess my problem with this is that Mommyish usually adheres to the policy that anecdotal evidence doesn’t stand up against scientific studies. Now it sounds like research is only correct when it agrees with your parenting techniques….ymmv, I guess.

    • http://www.facebook.com/paul.white.3532507 Paul White

      What about conflicting studies? Are there any?
      I mean don’t get me wrong, I fundamentally agree with what you’re saying here. And it isn’t like Mommyish linked to any research with a different conclusion or research that would indicate that the negatives of being honest are outweighed by the positives in this case. But this doesn’t yet seem like its really a settled topic as far as research goes.

    • chickadee

      Well, that’s the thing–both articles say here’s the study but based on my experience I think it’s wrong. I am not arguing the research; I am pointing out a flaw in logic.

      Regarding the study and its findings, it seemed pretty clear that for middle-school-aged children, the best approach was to deter, rather than share Tinies about, drug use. It also cautioned that flat-out lying about part drug use was a bad idea, but that volunteering it wasn’t a great approach. The researchers noted that their sample population was primarily white and Hispanic, and that the resulta might vary for a different demographic. All this is to say that the study appears to be reliable and if the only objection one can raise to it is that it seems bogus or like BS based on your own opinion, then that’s preferencing personal over researched evidence.

    • LindsayCross

      I get what you’re saying. And normally, I really don’t like to dispute research with anecdotal evidence because I realize how illogical that is. I guess for me, and what I tried to explain in my post, is that I didn’t think that a middle schooler agreeing drugs were bad necessarily meant that they would have a healthy relationship with vices of whatever kind when they were older. And I feel like there’s a lot that can be achieved by having these conversations that might not have been captured in this particular study.

    • chickadee

      Yes, although you did oversimplify the study’s findings by saying that it equated that saying drugs were super bad in middle school meant that the kids would have a healthy approach to substance abuse later on. That is not what the findings indicate, so I think you misinterpreted the results to some degree.