• Thu, Feb 14 2013

Anonymous Mom: My 7-Year-Old Kissed Another Boy And His Mom Freaked Out

kids kissingAnonymous Mom is a weekly column of motherhood confessions, indiscretions, and parental shortcomings selected by Mommyish editors. Under this unanimous byline, readers can share their own stories, secrets, and moments of weakness with complete anonymity.

My 7-year-old little boy and his 6-year-old friend were caught kissing by the other kid’s mom. And she’s freaking out!

I get a call from my neighbor one afternoon as I’m getting ready for work. She calls and tells me, “I need to talk to you!”

I calmly say, “OK.” Then she proceeds to tell me that she was walking down the hallway in her apartment and saw her son and my son kissing. On the lips.

At first I’m thinking, “what has my son gotten into now?” Then as she tells me she herself and her live-in girlfriend are bisexual and are in a mature relationship. Then my mind is shifting and I’m wondering why is she so upset by this. Our kids kissed, so what? I wasn’t really bothered by it. I was more bothered by how she was reacting.

So then she explained that I NEED to talk to my son and tell him that he’s not allowed over to play with his friend and that his friend is not allowed over to my house as well. I respectfully agreed not to let my child nor her child in the same room together.

This started making me mad. But I listened, I became the bigger person, and told her I would “handle it appropriately.”

So, my son came home a few minutes later and I called him in the back bedroom where myself and my husband were discussing this sensitive issue. We asked my son what had happened. He said that they kissed. And I asked him more detailed questions related to the “incident”:

1)Who kissed who first?
2) What did his mom do with you once she saw it happen?
3)What did his mom do with your friend?
4) Do you understand why you can’t go over to your friend’s house anymore?
5) Did you like kissing your friend?
6) Do you like kissing boys or girls?

So my son responds:

1) He kissed me first
2) She sent me home
3) She spanked my friend (this is what made me frustrated and mad. I don’t get it. His mom is a bisexual female, yet isn’t approving of her son’s behavior?)
4) Yeah , because we kissed
5) No
6) Girls

When I asked him separately if he liked boys or wanted to date a boy his reaction was “no way!” And you should’ve seen his face, it was funny!

So, I further explained that you can’t go around and kiss your guy friends like that. Especially at your age. To a lot of people out there this is a sensitive subject. Not everyone agrees with it. I told my son that he’s NOT in trouble, and NO I’m not going to spank him. If anything I felt bad for his little friend. I explained that when he gets older he can make his own decisions regarding who he wants to date and/or kiss. I even told him that he can kiss girls his age now, if he wants to.

I learned a few weeks later that his friend was spanked excessively for kissing my son. I asked my child and he says his friend was spanked about 20 times. Bear in mind our children are in the same first grade class together so they tell each other EVERYTHING!

To this day I don’t even want to talk to his mother. I just don’t get it. This was a harmless kiss. Kids at this age will experiment. This is how they learn who they are and who and what they like. But the way this other mother reacted was not what I expected.

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(photo: Zurijeta / Shutterstock)

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  • Fabel

    So wait, you told him he’s allowed to kiss girls at this age, but not boys? I don’t get this rule.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jessica-Weber/1149485644 Jessica Weber

      The author didn’t understand it either. She said it to save her son and his friends from parents like the one his friend has. I never got the impression she believed in a double standard.

    • Sarah

      Whether or not the author believes in a double standard, she is sending a mixed message to her child. Forcing sexuality upon a first grader seems a little ridiculous to begin with – how is a first grader to be certain who they are or will be attracted to? Why did she need to ask him twice? While I completely understand the author’s intentions in telling her son not to kiss boys so that no one else’s feathers will be ruffled, it might have been more appropriate just to tell him not to kiss any of his peers. My children are much younger than this, but we always communicate to them that kisses are reserved for family – who is to say that prepubescent girls want little boys kissing them? It might be just as awkward for his female friends to be kissed as it would be the boys. I am by no means trying to criticize the author, but I worry that saying it’s ok to kiss one sex and not the other may send the wrong message to a child who you want to grow up feeling comfortable about their own sexuality and attractions.

    • Fabel

      Exactly, that’s why I was confused. Why did she have to ask him if he liked kissing girls or boys better? And then why say it was okay to kiss girls, but not boys? Even if she’s just worried about others’ reactions, she’s still sending the wrong message.

    • Nonny

      Not a parent here, but I agree with you. Personally I would be fine with my kid kissing some other kid as long as everyone involved was okay with it (I’d prefer to teach my kid about consent rather than why you shouldn’t show affection in public), but as long as there’s no double standards happening you can do whatever you’re comfortable with.

    • http://twitter.com/EmilyClocke Emily Clarke

      I think a better lesson is you can kiss whomever you want AS LONG as the other person-boy or girl, says its okay to do it.

    • Desilu Crossman

      I think the author said what she did so that her son would feel comfortable because of his preferences at the time. If you read further she did say that she mentioned to her son that when he is older and wants to kiss a girl or a boy he is most welcome to, it is his choice.

    • TeddyRoosevelt

      Fabel, what in the hell kind of name is that???? Are you from south america? Do you have greasy black hair and a sanchez moustache?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jessica-Weber/1149485644 Jessica Weber

    My son (all of 3 years old) recently hugged another little boy on the playground. His mom freaked out, fortunately not to me or my son, but I got to listen to the horrible lecture the kids mom gave him. Apparently my 3 year old, who loves hugs, is horribly inappropriate and should be avoided at all costs. I couldn’t even say anything I was so shocked and angry. I can’t believe people apply their biases and fears to innocent actions of toddlers.

    • Tinyfaeri

      Oh Noes! Hugs! How horrible! Someone better call the affection police STAT. Sigh. Some people are idiots.

    • http://www.facebook.com/alice.longworth.7 Alice Longworth

      Guess the slogan has changed to “Drugs Not Hugs?”

    • Annie

      I want that on a t-shirt.

    • Amy

      People are too crazy when it comes to affection anymore, and the schools are picking up on it too. When I was in kindergarten and my brother was in first grade, he used to walk me to my class every day before he went to his own. Outside the door he’d give me a hug and a kiss. About 3 weeks into the school year, my school called my mother and told her that he wasn’t allowed to do it anymore because it was inappropriate.

      Needless to say my mom had some choice words with the school and he was allowed to continue walking me to my class.

  • K.

    Any way to get the kid (or you yourself) to talk to the teacher about the spanking incident or maybe you can? Teachers are mandated reporters, which means any suspicion of abuse would trigger a formal investigation.

    Couple of other things:

    1. I wouldn’t want my kid over at that woman’s house after this anyway. She sounds like a horrific influence on your son.

    2. I agree with other posters–I think that it’s not okay for your son to be kissing girls if it’s not okay for him to be kissing boys.

  • Cee

    So you’re son can kiss girls if he wants to, NOT if they want or if it mutually agreed upon (which is also problematic) yet he cannot kiss boys? I think you have some apprehensions about having gay/bi child yourself.

    It is actually not too odd for an lgbtq parent to not want their child to have non straight leanings. It is a hard life at times, especially growing up if you are not in an accepting neighborhood. I am a lesbian and if I had wanted to have kids, as supportive, understanding and loving as I’d be if my child were gay, I would be very scared for him or her as well. I know what it is like to grow up gay and how odd it is even now as a professional worker at times. To be honest, when I hear hetero couples say they want a gay child, it makes me want to slap them because they do not understand the hardship that growing up gay, especially in school during their fragile teenage years can be. Gay students make up a small percentage of a school’s population and it can be very lonely and scary at times. I mean, there isn’t a week where you don’t read about a gay child committing suicide or being banned from something. It is tough.

    That being said though, I would never try to squash or in this case spank the gay out of my child if he showed signs of it. To worry is one thing, but to refuse to understand your child’s same sex attraction, something that is innate to you as well is just..awful.

    • Cee

      your*

    • http://twitter.com/babaloomaloo babaloo maloo

      I thought this was a little much also. Aside from the fact that he didn’t initiate the kiss or enjoy it. Why the hell should it be ok for him to kiss girls at the age of 7 ” If he wants to” and not boys? Why make it an issue at all? Why not say, “When you’re a little older you can kiss who you want provided they want to kiss you back.”

  • lickerofpeni

    So? I sucked my best friends penis when I was 7

    • Receivedthelick

      Teeheee.
      I know- wink wink

    • Chuck Hurst

      OMG! What is the world coming to?
      Serious question- I am married but I feel this overwhelming urge to meet a man to make sweet sexy love too. I work around sweaty dirty construction guys all day; I don’t work because I am lazy and think I’m better than everyone around me. Truth be told, I hate my wife. She is a b*tch; half black too so that may be the real reason I hate her. I also suffer from short man syndrome. But I want to be gay with another man so bad. I watch videos online all the time; it is so hot.
      What do I do?????

      Chuck Hurst
      Pasadena MD

  • Byron

    The way this sounds, it was NOT a first occurrence. The way the mom of the other kid reacted tells me it had happened in the past. That’s the only way I explain jumping to spanking the kid before his friend even left. Naturally if it was the first time this happened the woman would have tried to talk to her son about this whole deal, she wouldn’t just spank him instantly, he wouldn’t comprehend why he deserved it if she did that.

    No, this sounds like “I told you you can’t kiss boys for the last time Billy, now you’re getting it…and if you like it you’re grounded!”

    • JLH

      I don’t know if I could make that assumption. This mother sounded genuinely freaked out. She may have assumed much the way some parents do when their kids so something truly dangerous that a harsh punishment will curb them from doing it again…ever. I know my own parents prescribed to this method if me or my brother did something that endangered us. There was no “this is dangerous” it was “Holy Sh*t you could have been HURT! I’m gonna bust your butt in the hopes you remember this part at least and don’t do this dumb thing ever again”.

  • Tea

    Just tell him he’s too young to be kissing any of his friends on the lips, especially if they don’t want him to, and that he is allowed to say no to kisses. And there you go.

    His mom’s reaction does seem really… weird. She may be scared of him being stigmatized or bullied at a young age, that if he’s “too gay” now he’ll have a very hard road ahead. And then she blew that fear way out of proportion.

  • Liz

    I’d bet this month’s rent money that the mom who spanked her son had a tough time from her family and/or friends when she came out as gay/bisexual. Or her girlfriend did. Unless she’s a child-beating monster on a regular basis, something in her past (or present) relating to her same-sex inclinations was/is extremely painful, either emotionally or physically (or both.) She’s ‘beating it out of him’ so he doesn’t have the same problems. NOT that I’m excusing her but if I’m right, she needs counselling, like, yesterday and she has my sympathy. My Dad was worried I was gay when I was a teen, as I was pretty late to the Hormone Party (Late bloomer) . He wasn’t worried about ME (not the slightest bit homophobic – He actually helped an army-buddy come out to his family.), he was concerned about the issues I’d have to face from other people’s judgement if I was a lesbian. He never hit me over it or anything like that – But it was a fear he had. Then, I met my first boyfriend when I was 18 & he was relieved until moments later when he resisted the urge to punch my very-lovely boyfriend in the face, like a normal protective father. (He did make up some funny, kinda-derogatory nicknames for him though.)

    And, yeah – You are supposed to ask if it’s OK to kiss someone, although them’s not the rules of Kissing Tag. But, if the girl you’re chasing ‘trips’ or runs slow, it’s a good indication that she wants you to give her a smacker. ;-) And I think what you meant by ‘don’t kiss boys’ (besides the obvious not wanting this situation to happen again) is that you asked him if he liked kissing boys, he said no so you said then don’t do it – cos you don’t have to (and shouldn’t) do things like that if you don’t like it. Badly worded but I believe I get your meaning.

    • meg

      “And, yeah – You are supposed to ask if it’s OK to kiss someone, although
      them’s not the rules of Kissing Tag. But, if the girl you’re chasing
      ‘trips’ or runs slow, it’s a good indication that she wants you to give
      her a smacker. ;-)”

      How about we start teaching our kids about respect and consent at a very early age instead of just dismissing it as cute?

    • Liz

      Fair enough, I WAS attempting some levity with that comment as I remember playing Kissing Tag (and the like) before EVERYTHING to do with growing up (inc. various hugging/kissing etiquette mistakes) was such a Big Deal. But ‘serious issue needs to be taken seriously’ so – you are completely correct. In a perfect world, the kisser should always first ask the kissee if they’d like to be kissed but – we don’t live in a perfect world. You don’t, I don’t & your kids don’t. Even if you’ve explained this to them beforehand, they may forget their heads now & then. It happens, they’re figuring things (like boundaries) out.

      But yes – You are essentially right.

  • http://www.facebook.com/Kwhite1980 Kristina White

    How about a broad “We don’t kiss our friends cause you’re too young for that right now” statement? I don’t want my kid being 6,7, or even 12 kissing anyone. While I know it will happen in the future, kids need to be kids, not worrying about kissing.

  • Marrnne

    Can you perhaps change the “Anonymous Mom” series to “Anonymous Moms That Can, at the Very Least, Write at a 9th Grade Level?” This is like a mangled, long-winded Facebook post. What made someone think this was worthy of posting?

  • w knight

    you shouldnt freak out its innocent plus he is to young to know what he is just relax 7 year of age is too young to tell at the moment. i knew a kid that was doing that that his mother and dad beat him but when the kid got older he left his parents and never laid eyes on them again. all i can say just be careful how you talk to a child and how you tell them not to do something. cause one day you will end up regreting it and i know you dont want that to happen.

  • chaircover66 .

    Uhhhhhh….you all are some disgusting pigs. No damn way I want my son kissing a damn boy. What a disturbing world we live in today. I don’t blame her for telling her son to kiss girls. He’s a BOY, you morons!!!!

  • Hmm

    Well..I’d be super pissed whether he kissed a boy or girl….but especially a boy. Children should not be acting in this way especially at 7. I never acted or thought of acting in this way at that age…..

  • B-hole toucher

    I touched my b-hole, swirled my finger around and my friend kissed my dirty finger. He’s gay, so that was okay. I didn’t feel bad but I never could get the stink out from under my nail. Should I use Clorox?

  • Sue

    That is sick. I would never want a child near yours again.