• Sat, Feb 9 2013

Mayim Bialik ‘Reluctantly’ Stopped Nursing Her Four-Year-Old Son – Mom Judgers Commence To Judging

mayim bialik 030112Mayim Bialik, actor, author and attachment-parenting advocate announced that her four-year-old son Fred has stopped nursing according to Mayim’s blog on the Jewish parenting website Kveller. As a mom who breastfed all of her kids, I really don’t see what the big deal is. I agreed with so many aspects of attachment parenting but the main reason I breastfed, well, other than the fact I felt it was best for my babies’ health, was because I was damn lazy. I wasn’t about to wake up at two a.m. and prepare a bottle and stumble around my kitchen in the middle of the night and I always thought formula smelled bad. Like, really bad. To this day if I am around a formula-fed baby I always try to hand them off when it comes time to change their diapers. But I don’t care how any mom feeds her baby, as long as she feeds her baby. Nursing was just what was right for me and my children. From Mayim’s post:

Well, nay-sayers, prepare to be proven wrong. All of you snarky mamas who glared at me nursing my 3 1/2-year-old on the NYC subway, prepare to be amazed. And to all of my family and friends who wanted to chastise me about nursing a walking, talking, thinking, laughing little man named Fred, thanks for holding your tongues.

Because we did it. Fred isn’t going to nurse on his way down the wedding aisle or at his high school graduation. I didn’t need to break him of a “habit” and teach him “who’s in charge.” I didn’t need to set boundaries you thought I should have set when I didn’t want to set them.

Because we did it: Fred weaned.

I love this so hard. Good for her for waiting until her son was ready and not caving to all of the mom-judgers out there who felt they knew better than she did. I really believe the only people who can determine when it’s time to stop nursing are a mom and her child, because one of them is done with nursing. Not friends, not family, not even the child’s pediatrician, unless, of course, the doctor says the child is “failing to thrive” and is alarmingly underweight. I never even give stuff like this a second thought. It’s not my business, and as long as a mom is not abusing her child than why do we feel like it’s okay to judge her on how she is feeding her child? It’s not. We shouldn’t care.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss being able to latch him on and make it all better. We have other ways to soothe Fred now. When he’s very very upset or very very hurt, we lay on the couch where he nursed countless mornings, afternoons, and evenings, and we rock and I sing to him his favorite lullabies. And he holds me tight, and I hold him tight, and I know that there was never ever ever anything wrong with nursing Fred. Even when he was in 4T jeans. With a mouth full of teeth. Even when people laughed and sneered and accused me of horrible things no mother should ever be accused of when tending to the normal and beautiful needs of her mammal child. It was never wrong and it was always right.

Go out into the scary wonderful crazy broken world, sweet tender Fred. Take your fear and conquer it, and come back to me when it’s too much for you. I may not have milk to give you, but I have a heart forever etched with your name, your face, your eyes, your impossibly stunning tapered lashes that hold the tears only you can cry.

Thank you, Fred, for being my nursling.

That is amazingly beautiful. Congratulations Mayim and Fred, and thank you for making me all teary-eyed at such a lovely statement about your nursing experience. And to all you judgey moms out there, don’t you think you can find something else to snark about? As long as all of the kids are loved and healthy and happy, it really shouldn’t matter how we choose to feed them.

(photo: Wenn)

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  • Blueathena623

    Honestly, I’m jealous of the moms who could nurse that long. I always had supply issues, and by 11 months, my kid was no longer really interested, and it wasn’t worth pumping every few hours to maintain the itty bitty supply I had left just so he could nurse once a day. So more power to her!

  • Mary

    I don’t think she has to explain anything to anyone. It’s her personal business.

  • Raero

    Whoa there, Blossom. Calm down. I will be grossed out by you nursing a 4 year old boy if I want to, just like you have every right to nurse your 4 year old.

    Breastfeeding is great. Do it longer than most people deem normal and you’re gonna get weird looks and criticism. It’s gonna be ok. Get over it.

    • http://www.facebook.com/alice.longworth.7 Alice Longworth

      Agree. 4 years give me “icks” – so I won’t do it. Her kid, her boobs – she does what she wants. However, the treacly pap she writes (“sweet tender Fred?” is he a capon? And WTF doe “the tears only you can cry” mean?) really makes me gag. She should stick with BFing and wean off the writing.

    • meteor_echo

      Don’t forget “with a mouth full of teeth”. Teeth and breasts DO NOT COMPUTE, and I want to clutch my own like pearls when I think of it. Euuuurgh/

    • justhypatia

      And I’ll continue to be grossed out that judgmental people like you still exist.

  • K.

    For the sake of all the women who don’t breastfeed, breastfeed for 3/6/9/12/16 mos.,7 years, whatever, the women who EP, women who do the goatmilk thing, women who use other women’s breastmilk, I’m gonna say: Great, Mayim.

    Valid choice, just like all the rest.

  • Katia

    I love that she put this out there! And she says it so beautifully.
    I get so disturbed when people try to knock extended breastfeeding, with all the problmems in the world sacrificing for or taking care of your kid should never be a problem to anyone.my kids weaned around 18 months (my choice, they werent too happy about it) and I had to deal with people telling me “they’re too big” or “it’s weird to them”

  • CrazyFor Kate

    Honestly, my opinion on BFing is “whatever works”. If you nurse for a few months, a few years, or not at all, for whatever reason, great. As long as you’re taking care of your kid, it’s really not going to be a big issue.

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  • stillamommy

    I love this. Thanks, Mayim, for being a shining example of a loving mommy, and blazing trails for those of us who don’t go with everyone else’s flow. We don’t all necessarily want to nurse until our sweeties are four, but lots of us don’t want to stop when they’re ___ (fill in the blank for whatever nosey nellie thinks is right) either!

  • Annonymous

    Hmmm the way she says “I may not have milk for you…” Makes me wonder. When sweet tender Fred has his heart broken by a girl at 16 will she nurse him then if she has milk? She way to weird for me.. Something about the way she defends BF as being so NATURAL is completely NOT natural

  • My Oubliette

    Great for her and her kid. But could her writing style perhaps be a little more flowery? I don’t think I’m dripping with quite enough sap yet.