• Thu, Feb 7 2013

Anonymous Mom: My Boyfriend’s Ex-Wife Is Going After My Money — In Their Divorce

exwivesAnonymous Mom is a weekly column of motherhood confessions, indiscretions, and parental shortcomings selected by Mommyish editors. Under this unanimous byline, readers can share their own stories, secrets, and moments of weakness with complete anonymity.

I’m going to get slammed by mentioning the ex-wife. People don’t like when you talk poorly about ex-wives, especially when children are involved. But it’s kind of like childbirth. No one can really explain to you what you are getting into just as they can’t really tell you what you are getting into with a man who is battling, or in the midst of a divorce, with their ex. Every birth is different as is every divorce. I’ve been through a divorce. And, yes, I’m going to bitch about the ex-wife.

The ex came after me in the most ridiculous way. Not in calling me any names, but in, what I found, a completely surprisingly threatening way. Everyone knows, especially if you’ve been through a divorce that no one wins (except the lawyers.) You often know that your divorce is final not just by signing the legal documents but by walking out after signing thinking, “I’m not that happy with this outcome,” while your ex is also thinking, “I’m not that happy with this outcome.” When both parties are not happy with the outcome, then you know you’ve finished your divorce. There are no winners in almost all divorces.

People also don’t like talking about money. I don’t either really, but finances are a part of life and something that everyone worries about. Even Oprah once said she feared she would become a bag lady. In any case, I worked (and work) hard for my money. Often, I get up at five a.m. so I can get some e-mails sent out before my children wake up. Before our daughter was born – while my boyfriend was shelling out money to lawyers to get a divorce – I had saved up 20,000 dollars just for her future education. How? I cut back on non-necessities and put in more hours at the office. I never spend more than I can afford. I am not in any debt. So when my boyfriend’s ex-wife threatened to bring my finances into their divorce I was incensed.

First off, it is not MY divorce. I’ve already been through one, thank you very much, and I don’t want to go through another. Her argument is that her soon-to-be ex-husband “obviously” has a lot of money because he goes on vacations (most of the time with his children.) The fact is I usually pay for our vacations. I do not pay for him or his children’s airfare, but I do pay for the hotel. That’s because my one love is travelling and that’s the one thing I generally save my money for. I’m not sure it’s even legal for someone to bring in another person’s finances into their divorce, but I’m sure it could be a possibility.

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  • Mary

    Been there and does it suck!!
    My husband was in the middle of a divorce when I had met him and had only one child with his ex. She tried to bring my finances into the child support agreement. The judge said he didn’t even want to look at my tax return (her lawyer had obtained it somehow) because their daughter was not my financial responsibility. That was over 10 years ago, it may have changed.

  • K.

    I’m curious about this because I’m pretty sure that in my state, child support is a done deal based on a percentage of whatever the non-custodial parent makes. Doesn’t matter what the marital situation is of either party–you had a kid with this person, you are contributing money to help raise the kid. It doesn’t matter if you make $20K and your ex makes $20MM, or the other way around. It’s a percentage contribution based on YOUR earnings. And basically the thought behind that is that it doesn’t matter whether your ex married someone and became a millionaire, you still owe it to your CHILD to help pay for their expenses.

    Alimony, however, is another issue. You can cite an exes’ financial status through marriage as a reason to stop alimony payments–which to me, makes sense.

    • K.

      oh sorry–just to be clear I recognize Anon is the (future) step-parent in this case. I was using “you” to refer to the biological parent.

  • Stephen

    Could not agree more. This woman trying to bring you into this shows nothing but pure greed. People have no shame.

  • Lena

    Maybe you should have waited until the divorce was finalized before getting involved? This just sounds like a lot of drama whining. There’s no point that applies to anyone else. Save it for your friends.

    • Ipsedixit

      Yea, I don’t know why the author is so incensed when it seems like it was only a threat and she hasn’t even talked to a lawyer. Seems like the ex is blowing hot air. Nothing to get crazy over. Plus, the author and her boyfriend aren’t married. Im pretty sure a judge won’t give a flying fig about her finances. There’s no legal relationship there and she can walk away at anytime.

      But, an easy way to avoid the drama is to not involve yourself with someone not totally divorced yet. Having his baby before he’s no longer legally married just makes it all the more messy.

    • Maggie

      Why are you turning this into something that’s her fault? My parents
      were legally separated for 8 years before their divorce could be made
      official, and both dated other people. A full, legal divorce can take a
      long time, so what are they supposed to do, wait x number of years
      before having another relationship? She also says that she and her
      boyfriend had their daughter a year ago, which indicates they’ve been
      together a long time, and the ex is only now getting vindictive.

      Good job for being snarky bitches, though!

    • Ipsedixit

      Well, I said it makes it “messy” to involve yourself with someone who is still legally married…which it does…or else she wouldn’t be writing about this situation, correct? Having a baby with someone who is still legally married makes it even messier, especially if it a contested divorce rather than a dissolution. Emotions run high and people do crazy things.

      As for being together “a long time,” thats possible. Or they were having an affair (which lead to the divorce), or he and his wife were separated but hadn’t filed yet, etc. Either way, he was still married during the time they’ve been together. With that comes baggage which she should have expected.

      It’s not her “fault” that her boyfriends wife (not divorced, not an ex-wife) is bananas. However, people can threaten to do anything. That doesn’t mean they can actually do it. I don’t see the need in getting worked up over a threat with little possibility of succeeding..

    • K.

      “I don’t see the need in getting worked up over a threat with little possibility of succeeding.”

      I read it over and I totally agree. There’s no legal situation in which an ex-spouse (or soon to be ex) can lay claim to their ex’s boyfriend or girlfriend’s finances, or that bf/gf finances can factor into “cost of living” arguments for spousal and child support.

      And for the record, I don’t find what you said (or really what most people said) on this thread snarky or bitchy at all–simply to the point and accurate. If you don’t want drama in your life, then don’t have a child with a married man. She’s got the right to complain about the drama, but so far, it’s pretty much complaints about a threat that hasn’t actually been realized (she hasn’t even seen a lawyer herself) that result from a situation that she helped create.

    • Byrd

      a quote from the article “And now a woman, who I have spent no more than 30 minutes talking to in
      two plus years is threatening to go after me because I save money?”
      if the child is 12 mos + 9mos of pregnancy sounds like this relationship came along pretty fast

    • Andrea

      Well, in the sense that she could have TOTALLY avoided this situation by…oh…I don’t know..maybe NOT getting involved with a married man and bringing another child into an obviously messy situation?

      Yeah and you are not doing to shabby either in the snarky bitch department either. Keep up the good work!

    • http://profile.yahoo.com/3IY44OA2MWHBV766SV4OGKJQ2A Miki

      ” so what are they supposed to do, wait x number of years
      before having another relationship?” Um- yes. That is exactly what they are supposed to do. If you are a person of integrity, of course.

    • Canadamama

      I guess that I was the “bitch” in my case. My husband and his first wife were not divorced when we got together, even though they had been separated for a few years. She was living with someone else and pregnant with that man’s child (she went on to have two more children with him), but my husband and I were supposed to wait until she decided to stop fighting a divorce so that we could start a life together? I call bullshit!

    • Andrea

      Ya know I was thinking the same thing. I don’t get this. And of course everyone is gonna jump on me for being “judgey” but whatever, anon posted it for everyone to see.

      This right here would be reason number 37365 not to get involved, much less OMG! have a CHILD!, with a person who is still, technically, married to someone else.

    • CrazyFor Kate

      Wow, you are judgmental. Divorces can take years. Are you supposed to do nothing the whole time, even when your marriage is over in all other ways?

    • Andrea

      I don’t know about “nothing”..but I certainly wouldn’t move in and have a child with someone that is still technically married…and then bitch because there is drama. You bet there is drama, they are not divorced yet!

    • BDHA

      She’s not bitching about the drama that comes along with a divorce. She seems to understand that, having been divorced herself previously. She’s upset because his soon to be ex-wife is trying to bring her personal money into it. Yeah, it wouldn’t have happened if she had waited until the divorce was finalized. But that wasn’t her point. What if someone could legally claim your hard earned money just because you were involved with someone they knew?

    • Lawcat

      Yea, but they can’t legally claim it. The wife hasn’t made any motions to bring it in and the author hasn’t even seen a lawyer yet. She’s bitching about something that has 0% of ever succeeding. And my guess is, if the wife brings it up with her lawyer, s/he’s going to say its not possible.

    • Afraidtoshootlemons

      Andrea – I pity the man that thinks he loves you.

    • http://www.facebook.com/jeffrey.jernigan.31 Jeffrey Jernigan

      Divorces take years if there are unsettled issues. Not a good time to have a baby with someone else IMO.

  • ted

    My husband’s ex tried unsuccessfully to bring my finances into the child support issue and I agree with anon’s back the fuck off statement. My money-not his. Not my issue that you choose to work 27 hours a week and didn’t go into a field that paid more. They’re his kids, not mine. I love and support them and pay for all kinds of things for them but my money should absolutely not come into account. Good thing the judge thought so too.

  • WhatWouldMommyWear

    It is the most infuriating thing when an ex tries to drag the new wife or girlfriend into their situation. I was actually on friendly terms with my ex husbands-ex wife (whew, mouthful) until she demanded that I get a job (I had just had a baby) so she could have more child support. That was the end of our friendliness.

    • MsLady

      I can totally relate to this. My s/o has a ‘baby mama’ who’s already taking half his paycheck and wants more. She made the comment that I “take care of him” so that he won’t have to work so much and can’t pay child support. We are not married because I refuse to take on his child support debt via the IRS snatching MY tax return. I have my own 2 children to worry about.

  • EMB

    In the state of FL, This is the rule regarding alimony and child support. A new spouse’s income CAN and WILL be used in in calculation of determining child support and alimony. Yes, you read that right folks. If you marry someone and they have kids and an ex-wife — look forward to having your paychecks and bank accounts be a factor in paying the ex-wife. Ridiculous but it’s the law. So, if you don’t wnt your money to become the ex-wife’s money– don’t get married to a guy that has been previously married or who has children. Also — what is the author thinking having a child with someone who isn’t divorced? The ex-wife may be shady for going after her money but the author was complicit with adultery and reproduced with the guy! I’m not sorry to say I’m judging that piss poor behavior.

    • LAwcat

      That’s only for a “spouse.” The author and her boyfriend are not married. Right now, her paycheck would not be factored in.

    • Andrea

      But if the wife is already threatening, you can bet that she will be bringing it up when/if baby momma marries him.

    • Lawcat

      Oh yea, that’s why people wait to get married if the one spouse is paying child support (but they usually wait until the others divorce is final until having a baby). But, think Of it this way, if I’m paying child support to my ex, then get married to wife #2 and stop working because we can live off one income, then my personal income is $0 while our family income is $100k. I’m not entirely sure, but that could be the logic why the calculate a new spouses income for hold support payments.

    • Andrea

      I’m sure you are right, but I also seem to remember that different states have different rules regarding family income vs bio-parent income.

      While I think it sucks, I also think there is some logic to bringing the step-parent income into the situation. But then again, new spouse shouldn’t be burdened with kids that aren’t his/hers. The whole thing is horrifically complicated and not something I would even consider doing.

      If for some reason I ever find myself single again..I will stay single and just sleep around :p Wouldn’t care for this kind of bullshit

    • http://profile.yahoo.com/5WYYMC5UKL4FTOTS3B5QS72JFY Sarah

      That’s why, in most states, if you voluntarily (and sometimes non-voluntarily) leave your job, you are still ordered to pay the same amount of child support as the court system feels you are capable of making payments. There is no reason, ever, that the step-parents income should factor in. Ever.

  • http://twitter.com/SkinnyPhoenix Kirsten

    The state that I live in does not even take into account anyone else’s income but the parents. When it comes to finances only the legal parents are responsible in child support. I am not sure what state this anon lives in, but since she is NOT married to this man, I do not think by law that her income can come into play here. But every state is different.

  • Madame Ovaries

    Clearly the ex is a psycho and you are doing everything you can to keep things civil. Given that there are children involved, it is tragic that she isn’t doing the same. I sincerely hope her bizarre attempt to involve your finanaces in her divorce is twarted. Having said all that, I have to ask…how long has this divorce been going on? You have a 12 month old with a man who isn’t divorced yet? Were they separated before your relationship with your boyfriend began? Just suggesting that she may have some other issues with you that aren’t entirely unfounded.

    • http://fairlyodd.net Frances Bean

      I was thinking the same thing.

    • Hannah

      I was thinking the same thing. If the woman who posted this had sex with the wife’s husband before the two were separated, then the “evil” ex-wife might have some legitimate issues with her. Being her husband’s mistress (and possibly destroying a marriage and making a more difficult future for their children) gives her the right to be angry at you. Sorry, but it’s true. If that’s a problem, then you shouldn’t have had sex with someone who was cheating on his wife. (If they were separated when your relationship began, then yeah, she’s a psycho. Still, it’s strange that they haven’t divorced, when you’ve been with this man long enough to have a 12 month old child.)

    • http://www.facebook.com/logan.taylor.395017 Logan Taylor

      Ever heard the old saying, “assuming makes an a** out of you and me?” Divorces can last longer than a year, mine did.

  • CaneCorsoMom

    Oh hon. Take a good, long look, because it ain’t gettin’ any better. EVER. I am 5 years in, getting married soon, and the ex has just gotten bat-shit crazier and crazier the long we have been together, the better we are doing, and the happier we are. We only have 6 more years….

  • Kate

    Yeah, sorry, I’m judging too. You have a CHILD with a man who is NOT divorced. You keep referring to this woman as his ex-wife, but she is actually his wife. Did you really think there would be no drama?

    • http://fairlyodd.net Frances Bean

      I agree. Personally I think she isn’t even that worked up over it and this whole article was just an excuse to make herself feel like a better person. Sorry hun, but technically you’re an adulterer, regardless of how long they’ve lived apart. I have NO sympathy.

    • torako

      uh, whether or not she is an “adulterer” is not the issue, nor should it be. the issue is that her finances are being dragged into his divorce. she is not married to him (as everyone here is so obsessed with saying) so her finances have nothing to do with him, legally.

    • Guestofaguest

      Hell yes. Anyone dumb enough to have a baby with a married man then complain when his wife gets pissy isn’t getting any sympathy from me. You chose to have a relationship with him and with that comes drama. The other woman is his wife, not his ex. She’s not an “Ex” until the papers are signed. You’re just a girlfriend/baby mama. He could drop you tomorrow and you’d be a single mom. Then we’d see how you feel about child support.

    • seriously

      Don’t apply your own baggage or bitterness to an issue of right and wrong. She didn’t father those children therefor bringing her finances in to the child support equation is wrong.

    • http://www.facebook.com/logan.taylor.395017 Logan Taylor

      amen

    • GuestMcGuesterson

      Is it bad I thought this was a Rebecca Eckler piece based on the family dynamics?

    • Andrea

      I thought the same thing. The situation is exactly like hers; thing is Eckler wouldn’t have posted anonymously though. She’s mighty proud of her lifestyle.

    • GuestMcGuesterson

      She is, but maybe because a court case is involved, she didn’t want to write about it publicly in a way that could be easily traced back to her.

    • Andrea

      Didn’t think about that..could be. But Eckler has a son by baby daddy #2, not a daughter and I think he is younger than 12 months. But maybe you are right and she just changed the specifics not to be easily recognized. Wouldn’t surprise me in the least. This article reeks of her arrogant and offensive style.

    • once upon a time

      Nah, Eckler doesn’t even know how to spell ‘work’. If this were by her, it would read more like, “I paid someone a lot of money to go to work on my behalf!”

    • Andrea

      Too funny.

  • northwoodsgirl

    I understand how irritable this makes the girlfriend feel.
    I only work a part time job because that is what my husband and I decided was best for our family. He has two teenage boys from his first marriage. Our income allows us to support them (50/50 custody) but doesn’t allow for much extra spending. Our younger boy is turning sixteen this year. His mother bought his older brother a car and is planning on buying him one too. But she told my husband that I need to get a better job because we have to buy the younger one a car since she paid for the first. He told her right out that our income/job situation was none of her business and that we weren’t buying him a car, that he could use one of ours when he needed to. Some exes just don’t like that they can’t control what goes on in the other house.

  • truth

    Anyone who legally entangles themselves romantically with someone who is still married is a freaking idiot and deserves everything they get.

  • Stephen

    Wow what a load of judgemental people. Firstly stop saying she’s stupid for having a kid with this guy, that’s a living breathing child and your talking about erasing her from existence. Not to mention we don’t know how long this man and his wife were separated, hell maybe the wife is planning to get married too? Your telling me when two adults love each other, are financially able to, and are ready for it, they should not have a kid because of a not yet completed divorce that can take many years.

    Not to mention she is not complaining about drama at all, she accepts that. Am I to assume all you guys judging live perfect lives? It sure sounds like it. Grow up a little and stop judging people without full knowledge of events. Also remember there is a living breathing child here, not just some thing you can talk about as if she was just a “thing”.

    • Andrea

      I think if someone posts something so incredibly personal and quite frankly, pretty controversial, they lose the right to privacy and non-judgement. If you don’t want strangers having an opinion on your lifestyle, here’s a news flash: don’t post it on the internet. What is the point of this article? Yeah I judge, so freakin what. I am sure that if I posted my lifestyle all over mommyish plenty of people would judge..because, well, IT IS POSTED for people to comment. Since, for one, I care not a jot what strangers think of me, and for two, I kinda like my privacy, I don’t post shit I don’t want people commenting on.

      If anon thought people would sympathetic of her adulterous situation, I think she doesn’t know reality.

    • Stephen

      Ahh the typical “everybody else does it so why not” defence. It’s like being in a schoolyard, just because people can judge or say hurtful things doesn’t mean they should…. It just amuses me that the only difference between the playground and here is age. I’m glad your so proud about the fact you judge.

      Thank god I was raised better then to openly judge others when I do not know the whole story. Bullying is not just for kids it seems.

      I enjoyed this article, congratulations to the author.

    • Andrea

      Um no. I judged because I judged. I judged because it is posted with a comment section right underneath for me to post my opinion (which is, of course, “judgey” because this is mommyish and we judge those that judge). I care not a flying fig what anyone else is doing.

    • Stephen

      Then why is it that YOU were the one to talk about other people. You brought up the fact that if you had posted about your life others would judge. So you only care about others when it helps your case? May I ask why you openly judge in this way? We’re you not taught to not say anything at all if you had nothing nice to say? Or is it like 99% of the people here, you do it because you can hide behind the Internet?

    • Lawcat

      Umm….aren’t you judging the “judgers?” Thanks for the laugh.

    • Andrea

      I do it because I can. Anon posted an article..that article has a comment section underneath it. Hence I will post my opinion..if it is judgey, so freakin be it. I think what she is doing is wrong in many levels and so I say it. If she didn’t want opinions (which of course, they are judgey) she shouldn’t have posted. And people that know me, know that I don’t need to hide behind anything. I’d say this to her face.

      However I get the feeling that anons never read the comment sections. Or maybe they aren’t allowed to comment on them, I don’t know. It always surprises me when they don’t comment.

    • Stephen

      Why would they read comment sections with the way the Internet is now days? Just because you CAN doesn’t mean you should. I’m just happy I was raised differently. And no I’m not judging the judges, I’m defending somebody. The comment section is just one giant pit of filth. Just because you can say things that aren’t nice doesn’t mean you should. Do we not raise kids to be nice to each other? Why should we use any other standards?
      The thing that makes me laugh the most is the amount of Christian women I find in these threads who are just as bitchy. Are you guys religious at all?

    • Lawcat

      I’m sorry, can you point out the Christian women in this post? Please make a list. No one has spouted off about God, Jesus, or the Bible.

      If they were to bring Christian values into it, the “two adults who are financially stable and ready for it” argument isn’t going to fly in any church where one party is still married. Heck, in some denominations a legal divorce isn’t recognized and the husband and wife are still married before God.

      And honestly, quit the high and mighty act. You’re making weak passive aggressive remarks in a comment thread. Defending someone and judging others isnt mutually exclusive.

    • Once upon a time

      You understand what blogs are, right?

  • Not That Rebecca

    This is pretty incoherent. First of all, it sounds as if she’s trying to get more information on her husband’s (not ex-husband’s) finances. She’s entitled to do this. If she’s curious about his travel habits and suspects he’s withholding information from her on income or assets, then yes, knowing that you’re paying would establish that he isn’t using money she doesn’t know about. She’s legally his wife still, get it? And her lawyers would be pretty half-assed if they weren’t pressing to get an accurate picture of his finances before finalizing anything.

    Second, are you shocked that getting knocked up by and moving in with a man who’s still married is messy and complicated? The two of you seem not really to get this, but it’s a lifelong commitment. I would hope throwing in the towel wouldn’t be simple, particularly with (sounds like) at least five children involved all in all. Maybe if you had some self-awareness about your actions you’d perceive hers differently and be in a better place to establish a good relationship with you baby daddy’s wife.

    Not sympathetic, sorry. I don’t wish you any particular grief, but you’re simply not entitled to a painless and clean resolution when you make the life choices you’ve made, any more than you’re entitled to have gravity take a vacation if you jump off a cliff.

    • Amie

      That still doesn’t entitle “wifey” to look at her finances.

  • Hannah

    This is a terribly-written piece, and I don’t feel particularly sorry for the author.

    • ridiculous people

      You’d feel awful if your man’s ex was coming after your money…..where in this story does it say I had sex with a married man and had his baby now his wife is coming after my money…..I don’t see that anywhere….sounds to me like you filled in the blanks for yourself as did most on here….

    • Jessie

      Ummm, because your boyfriend is NOT divorced, which means he’s married and you two have a child together. Logically that means you slept with a married man.

  • Lasha Tumbai

    I shouldn’t be hurt by the things said on a comment thread but I am hurt by this one. I have been with my fiance for six years and have a beautiful three year old daughter with him. His marriage is irretrievably broken but his divorce is not uyet final. It hurts me to see that my relationship with thw man I love is is stupid and invalid in the eyes of so many. I guess I will just have to accept that I am nothing but a dumb baby mama in your eyes.

    • jessica

      Been through all of that- but from a child’s perspective. My mom had mental health issues that prevented her from working so my dad chose to leave her but not divorce her so she could remain on his health insurance. Otherwise she would be destitute and end up committed somewhere horrible. So, they are still “married” but my stepmom (dad’s gf) is a wonderful person who has been in our lives for over 15 years now and helped raised me. I don’t know what I would have done with out her. Don’t worry what other people think. You and your fiancee are happy in your relationship and thats what matters. Only your opinion and his.

    • Eapple

      I am reading the comments and that is not what I am seeing people think. They seem to be asking questions more than anything and wondering how long people were with each other before the breakup or are they part of the reason for it. Personally I feel sorry for anyone who is partly responsible (only party because it was going to happen sooner or later anyway) I have known a few who where the other woman or the other man and they ended up married. Of the 5 couples I know 4 had kids and 3 are divorced because of cheating which is what brought them together. I will say though cheating happens either way so does divorce. but, one saying seems to ring true, once a cheater always a cheater. Meeting them after they are separated is much different and the start of the relationship is even different because of the trust value, or so I have been told. Love is not stupid, it can be blind, it can be true, but it is NOT stupid.

    • Laurie Palmer

      Don’t put yourself down like that. We all fall for people that sometimes put us through a lot. My BFF split from her husband and didn’t get divorced until 12 years later (and she was with someone for 10 years, which just ended. I also know her former BIL’s divorce took OVER 7 Years to get! People get vindictive. So in. Yo eyes, you are a mother, not a “baby mama”. Which is so insulting to you!

  • http://www.facebook.com/jeffrey.jernigan.31 Jeffrey Jernigan

    Maybe part of the problem is that your boyfriend is still married. Had you refrained from getting in a relationship and having a child with a married man those issues would have been settled before you were in the picture. Generally unless the party to the divorce is choosing not to work his or her partner’s finances would not enter into the child support calculations. Every state has child support guidelines. You can probably find out about your state’s particulars by searching online. There are even online calculators that may give you an idea of what your boyfriend will be expected to pay.

  • AP

    The husband and his ex might already be divorced, but the ex is suing for an alimony/child support adjustment. My in-laws finalized their divorce in 05, but my MIL sued for more payment in 12, partially on the grounds that my FIL had taken a vacation and therefore, had extra money around tha she felt he “owed” her.

  • Malia

    You don’t need to have a lot of money to go on vacation so the whole premise is ridiculous. You want to go on vacation then you save period. Maybe they should stop taking her kids on vacation so she wouldn’t be so suspicious. This boils down to one thing, being a greedy bitch. It doesn’t matter when they got together her money belongs to her and his is his

  • http://twitter.com/AskGlitterBlog The Glitter Blog

    I’m sorry but if you don’t want to deal with other people’s divorces… don’t date married men and get knocked up with their babies perhaps.

  • Afraidtoshootlemons

    To those of you that say she should not have had a baby with a man that was still married – mistakes happen. Would you have condoned an abortion? Also, divorces can take years upon years to finalize. I know my mother’s divorce took roughly 6+ years because the ex husband would never agree to anything. In the meantime they moved far away and both had their own relationships with other people and the kids visited back and forth. Getting a divorce is far, far more difficult, costlier, and time consuming than obtaining a marriage license.

  • http://www.facebook.com/kay.bin.7 Kay Bin

    Just like the author chose to have a baby with someone who isn’t divorced. The wife chose to financially depend on her husband. So its not the author fault that the wife does have the same means as her! So everyone had decisions in this equation. So if you choose to proceed with the tiring task of judging, …Do not just judge the author!

  • western ferret

    I admire the writer for being a friend to her boyfriend’s children.
    However, the man’s ex should not pick a legal battle that she should not be able to win.
    The income of the third party should be irrelevant to the pending divorce: In my opinion, that behaviour is harrasment and is morally wrong.
    Come on , “Mrs”, make a clean break and get on with your life!

  • ridiculous people

    People are entirely way to judgmental just because you don’t know the story of how this woman and her fiance came to be together doesn’t mean you put your own opninions of how it all went down and judge her based on things you have no clue of! Very little is said of the situation she is venting about which is the fact that the ex-wife (because whether it’s final at this point doesn’t completely matter she is the man’s ex and has been obviously for some time now) is going after her money is completely ridiculous because her money should NEVER be a factor in any case in any court in any way….because exactly like she said IT’S NOT HER DIVORCE!! Period! Nobody on here has the right to judge based off things they are assuming! I’ve seen divorces take 4+ years and I do not believe that people should be alone just because they’re dealing with a divorce not only that the people could be divorced yet still trying to divide debts assests ect. Shame on a lot of you for being so judgemental….

  • http://www.facebook.com/hjw1146 Heather Elder

    Everyone on here realizes that divorce laws vary from state to state right? In some states you have to be legally separated 2 years or more before divorce proceedings can even begin. Maybe some people don’t want to wait years to start their life over. Once he walked out on his wife- she became his ex regardless of whether she signed the papers or not. Once love and sex and cohabitation cease between a married couple- they are exes. But it’s nice to see that there are still flocks of bitter bitches out there who want to inflict their judgements on people they don’t even know.

  • MsLady

    This miserable shell-of-a-human wants to target you as if you’re to blame for the dissolution of her marriage to her soon-to-be-ex-husband, with whom you’re paired. She REALLY needs to move on. In reality, that man who chose not to be with her is just as much to blame as she is. If her current behavior tells anything about how she behaved during the marriage, I both applaud your boyfriend for getting out of the situation and wonder why he stayed for so long, because one minute would be too much for me. In my state, she can’t access your assets because you were never married to HER. But she may be insinuating that he’s putting all his dissoluble assets in YOUR name to prevent her from taking half of them. Whatever the situation, she has hella cohones. And she probably won’t win in court, but her sick nature will be satisfied with her attempt to “expose” you in the process.

  • hexxuss

    Nothing she can do, you’re not married to him. I don’t know of any place where a BF or GF can be brought into a divorce in the context of finances. She sounds bitterly jealous that you’re more successful than her really.

  • long time mommyish

    To my knowledge if you are not married, she CAN NOT touch your money. It has no bearing on their divorce and cannot be considered his income, even if you were married, your income would not be used to calculate child support, as only he is responsible. Now depending on what state you are in, and IF there was a relationship between you and he while they were still living together as man and wife, she can sue for alienation of affection and tack an amount on for pain and suffering…..

  • Sonja

    You keep refering to her as his ex wife, obviously they aren’t divorced yet so she is still his wife and he lives with and you 1 yr old child. And you are surprised by her wanting to einclude your finances into their battle. Did he cheat on her with you? Did you get pregnant as part of the afair? Did he leave her for you or does she even suspect that he di A woman scorned will hurt you anyway she can….. You shouldn’t have gotten involved with a man that was still married and you wouldn’t have these issues.

  • Laurie

    I don’t think she can do this nowadays. Also, you aren’t married to him, so combining your earnings to her benefit would end up hurting the children you has before you met him. I would Google your state and child support laws. I worked as a legal assistant for years, tho not in this area, and I recall it being discussed that you can’t punish someone who has nothing to do with your divorce. Also, the fact you aren’t married is a big plus in your favor. Don’t get married until this is settled and try to get the Judge to put in an order that your earnings, child support will not be used in any way to support his kids. With that said, remember after a divorce, women’s lifestyles decrease by something like 66%, while men’s increase. So try not to hate her.