Anonymous Mom: My Boyfriend’s Ex-Wife Is Going After My Money — In Their Divorce

exwivesAnonymous Mom is a weekly column of motherhood confessions, indiscretions, and parental shortcomings selected by Mommyish editors. Under this unanimous byline, readers can share their own stories, secrets, and moments of weakness with complete anonymity.

I’m going to get slammed by mentioning the ex-wife. People don’t like when you talk poorly about ex-wives, especially when children are involved. But it’s kind of like childbirth. No one can really explain to you what you are getting into just as they can’t really tell you what you are getting into with a man who is battling, or in the midst of a divorce, with their ex. Every birth is different as is every divorce. I’ve been through a divorce. And, yes, I’m going to bitch about the ex-wife.

The ex came after me in the most ridiculous way. Not in calling me any names, but in, what I found, a completely surprisingly threatening way. Everyone knows, especially if you’ve been through a divorce that no one wins (except the lawyers.) You often know that your divorce is final not just by signing the legal documents but by walking out after signing thinking, “I’m not that happy with this outcome,” while your ex is also thinking, “I’m not that happy with this outcome.” When both parties are not happy with the outcome, then you know you’ve finished your divorce. There are no winners in almost all divorces.

People also don’t like talking about money. I don’t either really, but finances are a part of life and something that everyone worries about. Even Oprah once said she feared she would become a bag lady. In any case, I worked (and work) hard for my money. Often, I get up at five a.m. so I can get some e-mails sent out before my children wake up. Before our daughter was born – while my boyfriend was shelling out money to lawyers to get a divorce – I had saved up 20,000 dollars just for her future education. How? I cut back on non-necessities and put in more hours at the office. I never spend more than I can afford. I am not in any debt. So when my boyfriend’s ex-wife threatened to bring my finances into their divorce I was incensed.

First off, it is not MY divorce. I’ve already been through one, thank you very much, and I don’t want to go through another. Her argument is that her soon-to-be ex-husband “obviously” has a lot of money because he goes on vacations (most of the time with his children.) The fact is I usually pay for our vacations. I do not pay for him or his children’s airfare, but I do pay for the hotel. That’s because my one love is travelling and that’s the one thing I generally save my money for. I’m not sure it’s even legal for someone to bring in another person’s finances into their divorce, but I’m sure it could be a possibility.

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    • Mary

      Been there and does it suck!!
      My husband was in the middle of a divorce when I had met him and had only one child with his ex. She tried to bring my finances into the child support agreement. The judge said he didn’t even want to look at my tax return (her lawyer had obtained it somehow) because their daughter was not my financial responsibility. That was over 10 years ago, it may have changed.

    • K.

      I’m curious about this because I’m pretty sure that in my state, child support is a done deal based on a percentage of whatever the non-custodial parent makes. Doesn’t matter what the marital situation is of either party–you had a kid with this person, you are contributing money to help raise the kid. It doesn’t matter if you make $20K and your ex makes $20MM, or the other way around. It’s a percentage contribution based on YOUR earnings. And basically the thought behind that is that it doesn’t matter whether your ex married someone and became a millionaire, you still owe it to your CHILD to help pay for their expenses.

      Alimony, however, is another issue. You can cite an exes’ financial status through marriage as a reason to stop alimony payments–which to me, makes sense.

      • K.

        oh sorry–just to be clear I recognize Anon is the (future) step-parent in this case. I was using “you” to refer to the biological parent.

    • Stephen

      Could not agree more. This woman trying to bring you into this shows nothing but pure greed. People have no shame.

    • Lena

      Maybe you should have waited until the divorce was finalized before getting involved? This just sounds like a lot of drama whining. There’s no point that applies to anyone else. Save it for your friends.

      • Ipsedixit

        Yea, I don’t know why the author is so incensed when it seems like it was only a threat and she hasn’t even talked to a lawyer. Seems like the ex is blowing hot air. Nothing to get crazy over. Plus, the author and her boyfriend aren’t married. Im pretty sure a judge won’t give a flying fig about her finances. There’s no legal relationship there and she can walk away at anytime.

        But, an easy way to avoid the drama is to not involve yourself with someone not totally divorced yet. Having his baby before he’s no longer legally married just makes it all the more messy.

      • Maggie

        Why are you turning this into something that’s her fault? My parents
        were legally separated for 8 years before their divorce could be made
        official, and both dated other people. A full, legal divorce can take a
        long time, so what are they supposed to do, wait x number of years
        before having another relationship? She also says that she and her
        boyfriend had their daughter a year ago, which indicates they’ve been
        together a long time, and the ex is only now getting vindictive.

        Good job for being snarky bitches, though!

      • Ipsedixit

        Well, I said it makes it “messy” to involve yourself with someone who is still legally married…which it does…or else she wouldn’t be writing about this situation, correct? Having a baby with someone who is still legally married makes it even messier, especially if it a contested divorce rather than a dissolution. Emotions run high and people do crazy things.

        As for being together “a long time,” thats possible. Or they were having an affair (which lead to the divorce), or he and his wife were separated but hadn’t filed yet, etc. Either way, he was still married during the time they’ve been together. With that comes baggage which she should have expected.

        It’s not her “fault” that her boyfriends wife (not divorced, not an ex-wife) is bananas. However, people can threaten to do anything. That doesn’t mean they can actually do it. I don’t see the need in getting worked up over a threat with little possibility of succeeding..

      • K.

        “I don’t see the need in getting worked up over a threat with little possibility of succeeding.”

        I read it over and I totally agree. There’s no legal situation in which an ex-spouse (or soon to be ex) can lay claim to their ex’s boyfriend or girlfriend’s finances, or that bf/gf finances can factor into “cost of living” arguments for spousal and child support.

        And for the record, I don’t find what you said (or really what most people said) on this thread snarky or bitchy at all–simply to the point and accurate. If you don’t want drama in your life, then don’t have a child with a married man. She’s got the right to complain about the drama, but so far, it’s pretty much complaints about a threat that hasn’t actually been realized (she hasn’t even seen a lawyer herself) that result from a situation that she helped create.

      • Byrd

        a quote from the article “And now a woman, who I have spent no more than 30 minutes talking to in
        two plus years is threatening to go after me because I save money?”
        if the child is 12 mos + 9mos of pregnancy sounds like this relationship came along pretty fast

      • Andrea

        Well, in the sense that she could have TOTALLY avoided this situation by…oh…I don’t know..maybe NOT getting involved with a married man and bringing another child into an obviously messy situation?

        Yeah and you are not doing to shabby either in the snarky bitch department either. Keep up the good work!

      • http://profile.yahoo.com/3IY44OA2MWHBV766SV4OGKJQ2A Miki

        ” so what are they supposed to do, wait x number of years
        before having another relationship?” Um- yes. That is exactly what they are supposed to do. If you are a person of integrity, of course.

      • Canadamama

        I guess that I was the “bitch” in my case. My husband and his first wife were not divorced when we got together, even though they had been separated for a few years. She was living with someone else and pregnant with that man’s child (she went on to have two more children with him), but my husband and I were supposed to wait until she decided to stop fighting a divorce so that we could start a life together? I call bullshit!

      • Andrea

        Ya know I was thinking the same thing. I don’t get this. And of course everyone is gonna jump on me for being “judgey” but whatever, anon posted it for everyone to see.

        This right here would be reason number 37365 not to get involved, much less OMG! have a CHILD!, with a person who is still, technically, married to someone else.

      • CrazyFor Kate

        Wow, you are judgmental. Divorces can take years. Are you supposed to do nothing the whole time, even when your marriage is over in all other ways?

      • Andrea

        I don’t know about “nothing”..but I certainly wouldn’t move in and have a child with someone that is still technically married…and then bitch because there is drama. You bet there is drama, they are not divorced yet!

      • BDHA

        She’s not bitching about the drama that comes along with a divorce. She seems to understand that, having been divorced herself previously. She’s upset because his soon to be ex-wife is trying to bring her personal money into it. Yeah, it wouldn’t have happened if she had waited until the divorce was finalized. But that wasn’t her point. What if someone could legally claim your hard earned money just because you were involved with someone they knew?

      • Lawcat

        Yea, but they can’t legally claim it. The wife hasn’t made any motions to bring it in and the author hasn’t even seen a lawyer yet. She’s bitching about something that has 0% of ever succeeding. And my guess is, if the wife brings it up with her lawyer, s/he’s going to say its not possible.

      • Afraidtoshootlemons

        Andrea – I pity the man that thinks he loves you.

      • http://www.facebook.com/jeffrey.jernigan.31 Jeffrey Jernigan

        Divorces take years if there are unsettled issues. Not a good time to have a baby with someone else IMO.

    • ted

      My husband’s ex tried unsuccessfully to bring my finances into the child support issue and I agree with anon’s back the fuck off statement. My money-not his. Not my issue that you choose to work 27 hours a week and didn’t go into a field that paid more. They’re his kids, not mine. I love and support them and pay for all kinds of things for them but my money should absolutely not come into account. Good thing the judge thought so too.

    • WhatWouldMommyWear

      It is the most infuriating thing when an ex tries to drag the new wife or girlfriend into their situation. I was actually on friendly terms with my ex husbands-ex wife (whew, mouthful) until she demanded that I get a job (I had just had a baby) so she could have more child support. That was the end of our friendliness.

      • MsLady

        I can totally relate to this. My s/o has a ‘baby mama’ who’s already taking half his paycheck and wants more. She made the comment that I “take care of him” so that he won’t have to work so much and can’t pay child support. We are not married because I refuse to take on his child support debt via the IRS snatching MY tax return. I have my own 2 children to worry about.

    • EMB

      In the state of FL, This is the rule regarding alimony and child support. A new spouse’s income CAN and WILL be used in in calculation of determining child support and alimony. Yes, you read that right folks. If you marry someone and they have kids and an ex-wife — look forward to having your paychecks and bank accounts be a factor in paying the ex-wife. Ridiculous but it’s the law. So, if you don’t wnt your money to become the ex-wife’s money– don’t get married to a guy that has been previously married or who has children. Also — what is the author thinking having a child with someone who isn’t divorced? The ex-wife may be shady for going after her money but the author was complicit with adultery and reproduced with the guy! I’m not sorry to say I’m judging that piss poor behavior.

      • LAwcat

        That’s only for a “spouse.” The author and her boyfriend are not married. Right now, her paycheck would not be factored in.

      • Andrea

        But if the wife is already threatening, you can bet that she will be bringing it up when/if baby momma marries him.

      • Lawcat

        Oh yea, that’s why people wait to get married if the one spouse is paying child support (but they usually wait until the others divorce is final until having a baby). But, think Of it this way, if I’m paying child support to my ex, then get married to wife #2 and stop working because we can live off one income, then my personal income is $0 while our family income is $100k. I’m not entirely sure, but that could be the logic why the calculate a new spouses income for hold support payments.

      • Andrea

        I’m sure you are right, but I also seem to remember that different states have different rules regarding family income vs bio-parent income.

        While I think it sucks, I also think there is some logic to bringing the step-parent income into the situation. But then again, new spouse shouldn’t be burdened with kids that aren’t his/hers. The whole thing is horrifically complicated and not something I would even consider doing.

        If for some reason I ever find myself single again..I will stay single and just sleep around :p Wouldn’t care for this kind of bullshit

      • http://profile.yahoo.com/5WYYMC5UKL4FTOTS3B5QS72JFY Sarah

        That’s why, in most states, if you voluntarily (and sometimes non-voluntarily) leave your job, you are still ordered to pay the same amount of child support as the court system feels you are capable of making payments. There is no reason, ever, that the step-parents income should factor in. Ever.

    • http://twitter.com/SkinnyPhoenix Kirsten

      The state that I live in does not even take into account anyone else’s income but the parents. When it comes to finances only the legal parents are responsible in child support. I am not sure what state this anon lives in, but since she is NOT married to this man, I do not think by law that her income can come into play here. But every state is different.

    • Madame Ovaries

      Clearly the ex is a psycho and you are doing everything you can to keep things civil. Given that there are children involved, it is tragic that she isn’t doing the same. I sincerely hope her bizarre attempt to involve your finanaces in her divorce is twarted. Having said all that, I have to ask…how long has this divorce been going on? You have a 12 month old with a man who isn’t divorced yet? Were they separated before your relationship with your boyfriend began? Just suggesting that she may have some other issues with you that aren’t entirely unfounded.

      • http://fairlyodd.net Frances Bean

        I was thinking the same thing.

      • Hannah

        I was thinking the same thing. If the woman who posted this had sex with the wife’s husband before the two were separated, then the “evil” ex-wife might have some legitimate issues with her. Being her husband’s mistress (and possibly destroying a marriage and making a more difficult future for their children) gives her the right to be angry at you. Sorry, but it’s true. If that’s a problem, then you shouldn’t have had sex with someone who was cheating on his wife. (If they were separated when your relationship began, then yeah, she’s a psycho. Still, it’s strange that they haven’t divorced, when you’ve been with this man long enough to have a 12 month old child.)

      • http://www.facebook.com/logan.taylor.395017 Logan Taylor

        Ever heard the old saying, “assuming makes an a** out of you and me?” Divorces can last longer than a year, mine did.

      • H.A,

        Due to fouled up paperwork, missed court dates, and an extremely unethical lawyer, my divorce lasted 17 years. In that time I was engaged to, and had a child with, someone else. You don’t know where someone else’s moccasins have been.

    • CaneCorsoMom

      Oh hon. Take a good, long look, because it ain’t gettin’ any better. EVER. I am 5 years in, getting married soon, and the ex has just gotten bat-shit crazier and crazier the long we have been together, the better we are doing, and the happier we are. We only have 6 more years….

    • Kate

      Yeah, sorry, I’m judging too. You have a CHILD with a man who is NOT divorced. You keep referring to this woman as his ex-wife, but she is actually his wife. Did you really think there would be no drama?

      • http://fairlyodd.net Frances Bean

        I agree. Personally I think she isn’t even that worked up over it and this whole article was just an excuse to make herself feel like a better person. Sorry hun, but technically you’re an adulterer, regardless of how long they’ve lived apart. I have NO sympathy.

      • torako

        uh, whether or not she is an “adulterer” is not the issue, nor should it be. the issue is that her finances are being dragged into his divorce. she is not married to him (as everyone here is so obsessed with saying) so her finances have nothing to do with him, legally.

      • Guestofaguest

        Hell yes. Anyone dumb enough to have a baby with a married man then complain when his wife gets pissy isn’t getting any sympathy from me. You chose to have a relationship with him and with that comes drama. The other woman is his wife, not his ex. She’s not an “Ex” until the papers are signed. You’re just a girlfriend/baby mama. He could drop you tomorrow and you’d be a single mom. Then we’d see how you feel about child support.

      • seriously

        Don’t apply your own baggage or bitterness to an issue of right and wrong. She didn’t father those children therefor bringing her finances in to the child support equation is wrong.

      • http://www.facebook.com/logan.taylor.395017 Logan Taylor

        amen

      • GuestMcGuesterson

        Is it bad I thought this was a Rebecca Eckler piece based on the family dynamics?

      • Andrea

        I thought the same thing. The situation is exactly like hers; thing is Eckler wouldn’t have posted anonymously though. She’s mighty proud of her lifestyle.

      • GuestMcGuesterson

        She is, but maybe because a court case is involved, she didn’t want to write about it publicly in a way that could be easily traced back to her.

      • Andrea

        Didn’t think about that..could be. But Eckler has a son by baby daddy #2, not a daughter and I think he is younger than 12 months. But maybe you are right and she just changed the specifics not to be easily recognized. Wouldn’t surprise me in the least. This article reeks of her arrogant and offensive style.

      • once upon a time

        Nah, Eckler doesn’t even know how to spell ‘work’. If this were by her, it would read more like, “I paid someone a lot of money to go to work on my behalf!”

      • Andrea

        Too funny.

    • northwoodsgirl

      I understand how irritable this makes the girlfriend feel.
      I only work a part time job because that is what my husband and I decided was best for our family. He has two teenage boys from his first marriage. Our income allows us to support them (50/50 custody) but doesn’t allow for much extra spending. Our younger boy is turning sixteen this year. His mother bought his older brother a car and is planning on buying him one too. But she told my husband that I need to get a better job because we have to buy the younger one a car since she paid for the first. He told her right out that our income/job situation was none of her business and that we weren’t buying him a car, that he could use one of ours when he needed to. Some exes just don’t like that they can’t control what goes on in the other house.

    • truth

      Anyone who legally entangles themselves romantically with someone who is still married is a freaking idiot and deserves everything they get.

    • Stephen

      Wow what a load of judgemental people. Firstly stop saying she’s stupid for having a kid with this guy, that’s a living breathing child and your talking about erasing her from existence. Not to mention we don’t know how long this man and his wife were separated, hell maybe the wife is planning to get married too? Your telling me when two adults love each other, are financially able to, and are ready for it, they should not have a kid because of a not yet completed divorce that can take many years.

      Not to mention she is not complaining about drama at all, she accepts that. Am I to assume all you guys judging live perfect lives? It sure sounds like it. Grow up a little and stop judging people without full knowledge of events. Also remember there is a living breathing child here, not just some thing you can talk about as if she was just a “thing”.

      • Andrea

        I think if someone posts something so incredibly personal and quite frankly, pretty controversial, they lose the right to privacy and non-judgement. If you don’t want strangers having an opinion on your lifestyle, here’s a news flash: don’t post it on the internet. What is the point of this article? Yeah I judge, so freakin what. I am sure that if I posted my lifestyle all over mommyish plenty of people would judge..because, well, IT IS POSTED for people to comment. Since, for one, I care not a jot what strangers think of me, and for two, I kinda like my privacy, I don’t post shit I don’t want people commenting on.

        If anon thought people would sympathetic of her adulterous situation, I think she doesn’t know reality.

      • Stephen

        Ahh the typical “everybody else does it so why not” defence. It’s like being in a schoolyard, just because people can judge or say hurtful things doesn’t mean they should…. It just amuses me that the only difference between the playground and here is age. I’m glad your so proud about the fact you judge.

        Thank god I was raised better then to openly judge others when I do not know the whole story. Bullying is not just for kids it seems.

        I enjoyed this article, congratulations to the author.

      • Andrea

        Um no. I judged because I judged. I judged because it is posted with a comment section right underneath for me to post my opinion (which is, of course, “judgey” because this is mommyish and we judge those that judge). I care not a flying fig what anyone else is doing.

      • Stephen

        Then why is it that YOU were the one to talk about other people. You brought up the fact that if you had posted about your life others would judge. So you only care about others when it helps your case? May I ask why you openly judge in this way? We’re you not taught to not say anything at all if you had nothing nice to say? Or is it like 99% of the people here, you do it because you can hide behind the Internet?

      • Lawcat

        Umm….aren’t you judging the “judgers?” Thanks for the laugh.

      • Andrea

        I do it because I can. Anon posted an article..that article has a comment section underneath it. Hence I will post my opinion..if it is judgey, so freakin be it. I think what she is doing is wrong in many levels and so I say it. If she didn’t want opinions (which of course, they are judgey) she shouldn’t have posted. And people that know me, know that I don’t need to hide behind anything. I’d say this to her face.

        However I get the feeling that anons never read the comment sections. Or maybe they aren’t allowed to comment on them, I don’t know. It always surprises me when they don’t comment.

      • Stephen

        Why would they read comment sections with the way the Internet is now days? Just because you CAN doesn’t mean you should. I’m just happy I was raised differently. And no I’m not judging the judges, I’m defending somebody. The comment section is just one giant pit of filth. Just because you can say things that aren’t nice doesn’t mean you should. Do we not raise kids to be nice to each other? Why should we use any other standards?
        The thing that makes me laugh the most is the amount of Christian women I find in these threads who are just as bitchy. Are you guys religious at all?

      • Lawcat

        I’m sorry, can you point out the Christian women in this post? Please make a list. No one has spouted off about God, Jesus, or the Bible.

        If they were to bring Christian values into it, the “two adults who are financially stable and ready for it” argument isn’t going to fly in any church where one party is still married. Heck, in some denominations a legal divorce isn’t recognized and the husband and wife are still married before God.

        And honestly, quit the high and mighty act. You’re making weak passive aggressive remarks in a comment thread. Defending someone and judging others isnt mutually exclusive.

      • Once upon a time

        You understand what blogs are, right?

    • Not That Rebecca

      This is pretty incoherent. First of all, it sounds as if she’s trying to get more information on her husband’s (not ex-husband’s) finances. She’s entitled to do this. If she’s curious about his travel habits and suspects he’s withholding information from her on income or assets, then yes, knowing that you’re paying would establish that he isn’t using money she doesn’t know about. She’s legally his wife still, get it? And her lawyers would be pretty half-assed if they weren’t pressing to get an accurate picture of his finances before finalizing anything.

      Second, are you shocked that getting knocked up by and moving in with a man who’s still married is messy and complicated? The two of you seem not really to get this, but it’s a lifelong commitment. I would hope throwing in the towel wouldn’t be simple, particularly with (sounds like) at least five children involved all in all. Maybe if you had some self-awareness about your actions you’d perceive hers differently and be in a better place to establish a good relationship with you baby daddy’s wife.

      Not sympathetic, sorry. I don’t wish you any particular grief, but you’re simply not entitled to a painless and clean resolution when you make the life choices you’ve made, any more than you’re entitled to have gravity take a vacation if you jump off a cliff.

      • Amie

        That still doesn’t entitle “wifey” to look at her finances.

    • Hannah

      This is a terribly-written piece, and I don’t feel particularly sorry for the author.

      • ridiculous people

        You’d feel awful if your man’s ex was coming after your money…..where in this story does it say I had sex with a married man and had his baby now his wife is coming after my money…..I don’t see that anywhere….sounds to me like you filled in the blanks for yourself as did most on here….

      • Jessie

        Ummm, because your boyfriend is NOT divorced, which means he’s married and you two have a child together. Logically that means you slept with a married man.

    • Lasha Tumbai

      I shouldn’t be hurt by the things said on a comment thread but I am hurt by this one. I have been with my fiance for six years and have a beautiful three year old daughter with him. His marriage is irretrievably broken but his divorce is not uyet final. It hurts me to see that my relationship with thw man I love is is stupid and invalid in the eyes of so many. I guess I will just have to accept that I am nothing but a dumb baby mama in your eyes.

      • jessica

        Been through all of that- but from a child’s perspective. My mom had mental health issues that prevented her from working so my dad chose to leave her but not divorce her so she could remain on his health insurance. Otherwise she would be destitute and end up committed somewhere horrible. So, they are still “married” but my stepmom (dad’s gf) is a wonderful person who has been in our lives for over 15 years now and helped raised me. I don’t know what I would have done with out her. Don’t worry what other people think. You and your fiancee are happy in your relationship and thats what matters. Only your opinion and his.

      • Eapple

        I am reading the comments and that is not what I am seeing people think. They seem to be asking questions more than anything and wondering how long people were with each other before the breakup or are they part of the reason for it. Personally I feel sorry for anyone who is partly responsible (only party because it was going to happen sooner or later anyway) I have known a few who where the other woman or the other man and they ended up married. Of the 5 couples I know 4 had kids and 3 are divorced because of cheating which is what brought them together. I will say though cheating happens either way so does divorce. but, one saying seems to ring true, once a cheater always a cheater. Meeting them after they are separated is much different and the start of the relationship is even different because of the trust value, or so I have been told. Love is not stupid, it can be blind, it can be true, but it is NOT stupid.

      • Laurie Palmer

        Don’t put yourself down like that. We all fall for people that sometimes put us through a lot. My BFF split from her husband and didn’t get divorced until 12 years later (and she was with someone for 10 years, which just ended. I also know her former BIL’s divorce took OVER 7 Years to get! People get vindictive. So in. Yo eyes, you are a mother, not a “baby mama”. Which is so insulting to you!

    • http://www.facebook.com/jeffrey.jernigan.31 Jeffrey Jernigan

      Maybe part of the problem is that your boyfriend is still married. Had you refrained from getting in a relationship and having a child with a married man those issues would have been settled before you were in the picture. Generally unless the party to the divorce is choosing not to work his or her partner’s finances would not enter into the child support calculations. Every state has child support guidelines. You can probably find out about your state’s particulars by searching online. There are even online calculators that may give you an idea of what your boyfriend will be expected to pay.

    • AP

      The husband and his ex might already be divorced, but the ex is suing for an alimony/child support adjustment. My in-laws finalized their divorce in 05, but my MIL sued for more payment in 12, partially on the grounds that my FIL had taken a vacation and therefore, had extra money around tha she felt he “owed” her.

    • Malia

      You don’t need to have a lot of money to go on vacation so the whole premise is ridiculous. You want to go on vacation then you save period. Maybe they should stop taking her kids on vacation so she wouldn’t be so suspicious. This boils down to one thing, being a greedy bitch. It doesn’t matter when they got together her money belongs to her and his is his

    • http://twitter.com/AskGlitterBlog The Glitter Blog

      I’m sorry but if you don’t want to deal with other people’s divorces… don’t date married men and get knocked up with their babies perhaps.

    • Afraidtoshootlemons

      To those of you that say she should not have had a baby with a man that was still married – mistakes happen. Would you have condoned an abortion? Also, divorces can take years upon years to finalize. I know my mother’s divorce took roughly 6+ years because the ex husband would never agree to anything. In the meantime they moved far away and both had their own relationships with other people and the kids visited back and forth. Getting a divorce is far, far more difficult, costlier, and time consuming than obtaining a marriage license.

    • http://www.facebook.com/kay.bin.7 Kay Bin

      Just like the author chose to have a baby with someone who isn’t divorced. The wife chose to financially depend on her husband. So its not the author fault that the wife does have the same means as her! So everyone had decisions in this equation. So if you choose to proceed with the tiring task of judging, …Do not just judge the author!

    • western ferret

      I admire the writer for being a friend to her boyfriend’s children.
      However, the man’s ex should not pick a legal battle that she should not be able to win.
      The income of the third party should be irrelevant to the pending divorce: In my opinion, that behaviour is harrasment and is morally wrong.
      Come on , “Mrs”, make a clean break and get on with your life!

    • ridiculous people

      People are entirely way to judgmental just because you don’t know the story of how this woman and her fiance came to be together doesn’t mean you put your own opninions of how it all went down and judge her based on things you have no clue of! Very little is said of the situation she is venting about which is the fact that the ex-wife (because whether it’s final at this point doesn’t completely matter she is the man’s ex and has been obviously for some time now) is going after her money is completely ridiculous because her money should NEVER be a factor in any case in any court in any way….because exactly like she said IT’S NOT HER DIVORCE!! Period! Nobody on here has the right to judge based off things they are assuming! I’ve seen divorces take 4+ years and I do not believe that people should be alone just because they’re dealing with a divorce not only that the people could be divorced yet still trying to divide debts assests ect. Shame on a lot of you for being so judgemental….

    • http://www.facebook.com/hjw1146 Heather Elder

      Everyone on here realizes that divorce laws vary from state to state right? In some states you have to be legally separated 2 years or more before divorce proceedings can even begin. Maybe some people don’t want to wait years to start their life over. Once he walked out on his wife- she became his ex regardless of whether she signed the papers or not. Once love and sex and cohabitation cease between a married couple- they are exes. But it’s nice to see that there are still flocks of bitter bitches out there who want to inflict their judgements on people they don’t even know.

    • MsLady

      This miserable shell-of-a-human wants to target you as if you’re to blame for the dissolution of her marriage to her soon-to-be-ex-husband, with whom you’re paired. She REALLY needs to move on. In reality, that man who chose not to be with her is just as much to blame as she is. If her current behavior tells anything about how she behaved during the marriage, I both applaud your boyfriend for getting out of the situation and wonder why he stayed for so long, because one minute would be too much for me. In my state, she can’t access your assets because you were never married to HER. But she may be insinuating that he’s putting all his dissoluble assets in YOUR name to prevent her from taking half of them. Whatever the situation, she has hella cohones. And she probably won’t win in court, but her sick nature will be satisfied with her attempt to “expose” you in the process.

    • hexxuss

      Nothing she can do, you’re not married to him. I don’t know of any place where a BF or GF can be brought into a divorce in the context of finances. She sounds bitterly jealous that you’re more successful than her really.

    • long time mommyish

      To my knowledge if you are not married, she CAN NOT touch your money. It has no bearing on their divorce and cannot be considered his income, even if you were married, your income would not be used to calculate child support, as only he is responsible. Now depending on what state you are in, and IF there was a relationship between you and he while they were still living together as man and wife, she can sue for alienation of affection and tack an amount on for pain and suffering…..

    • Sonja

      You keep refering to her as his ex wife, obviously they aren’t divorced yet so she is still his wife and he lives with and you 1 yr old child. And you are surprised by her wanting to einclude your finances into their battle. Did he cheat on her with you? Did you get pregnant as part of the afair? Did he leave her for you or does she even suspect that he di A woman scorned will hurt you anyway she can….. You shouldn’t have gotten involved with a man that was still married and you wouldn’t have these issues.

    • Laurie

      I don’t think she can do this nowadays. Also, you aren’t married to him, so combining your earnings to her benefit would end up hurting the children you has before you met him. I would Google your state and child support laws. I worked as a legal assistant for years, tho not in this area, and I recall it being discussed that you can’t punish someone who has nothing to do with your divorce. Also, the fact you aren’t married is a big plus in your favor. Don’t get married until this is settled and try to get the Judge to put in an order that your earnings, child support will not be used in any way to support his kids. With that said, remember after a divorce, women’s lifestyles decrease by something like 66%, while men’s increase. So try not to hate her.

    • Christina Perez

      i just want to share my experience and testimony here.. i was
      married for 6 years to my husband and all of a sudden, another woman
      came into the picture.. he started hailing me and he was abusive. but i
      still loved him with all my heart and wanted him at all cost…then he
      filed for divorce. my whole life was turning apart and i didn’t know
      what to do .he moved out of the house and abandoned the kids.. so
      someone told me about trying spiritual means to get my husband back and
      introduced me to a spell caster…so i decided to try it reluctantly.
      although i didn’t believe in all those things… then when he did the
      special prayers and spell, after 2days, my husband came back and was
      pleading. he had realized his mistakes. I just couldn’t believe
      it..anyways we are back together now and we are happy. in case anyone
      needs this man, his email address dr.zakispellhome@gmail.com his spells
      is for a better life. contact him for marriage /relationship problem
      again his email is dr.zakispellhome@gmail.com

    • Nadezhda Vyacheslav

      I have been reading about spell casting and its powers for a while but i never thought or it never occurred to me or i rather say that it happened that i never got myself in any situation that will make need the help of a spell caster. I read a lot of testimony on the internet on web pages, blog, and some on the Facebook page of some web site i linked with my Facebook with. I was more concerned about a certain spell caster MUTTON OSUN. That his name kept appearing on almost every comment form different individual claiming he has helped them a great deal in spell casting of all kind but mostly relationship problem that is from divorced man and women to lost love and cheating wife and husband was like don’t even know the word to use.All of them had just one thing in common that he help then resolved their problem that even therapist could not solve i guess the problem was passed the place where talking was not doing any good at all.But some how i believed them and their story cos the testimony were just too real and were from different people. I just enjoyed reading how he help those people and asking myself how possible it was that this spell caster could do all this with no effect of what so ever.Year they said his spell had no negative effect on the person who asked the spell to be casted and the person the spell is casted upon. I just wanted to know how it worked so i tried it and now i am among those writing this to tell those like me reading that this MUTTON guy is real. I am a single 32 years old mom of two two girls. I have always had a thing for this guy or i would say i liked this guy but he was kind of a mess cos of the lost of his wife.Like he had nothing to leave for any more.He never came out of this house and even went he did he doesn’t talk to anybody even i tried ti make a conversation he just smile so he doesn’t look cruel and then walk away.At night you can hear him breaking things and sobbing. I wouldn’t say i knew what he was feeling cos really i didn’t know but i knew i could make him happy again but no matter how i tried to get close he shuts me out. I really liked him and hated to see him miserable i mean he still have a chance to be happy with me.Contacting MUTTON OSUN was really easy for me cos all those other article had an email address i could use to contact him.So i send him an email to him but i didn’t get a responses immediately i mean it took three day before i saw his mail in response to my mail where he told me that he could help me make the guy to love.Am sorry i can mention my name or his cos i really don’t know who is writing this thing i am writing.Any way i was not allowed to tell any one till i have seen the result and important he told me i needed some materials for the spell casting.Most people tend to thinking his asking you to pay for the spell but not you have the choice to buy these materials and send them to him or you can ask that he get them for you if you can get the materials or the cost of buy and ship them to him is to much. In my case i gave him money to get the materials cos it was way less expansive. I guess he made some kind of harmless powdery substance with those materials and sent them over to me.He asked that i follow this instructions on how to make the spell active which i did. I must warn you it take at least two day to be effective cos it was after two days the man that never talks to me knocked at my door asking if i would like to watch movies with him at his place form there we kicked off.We have been together for 4 months now and still counting he is a really nice man i can am the luckiest woman in the world. I mean this only means that what MUTTON did is working and it changed both our life for good. I will also leave his mail here you contact purpose >> godsofosunx@rocketmail.com

    • William Carter

      My name is William Sander, from USA I wish to
      share my testimony with the general public about
      A great spell caster called (Dr Dave) have done for me, this temple
      have just brought back my lost ex
      lover to me with their great spell work, I was dating this man called
      Steven we were together for a long
      time and we loved our self’s but when I was unable
      to give him a male child for 5 years he left me and told
      me he can’t continue anymore then I was now
      looking for ways to get him back and also get pregnant, until a friend
      of mine told me about this temple and gave me their contact email,
      then you won’t believe this when I contacted them on my problems they
      prepared the items
      ​​
      and cast the spell for me and bring my lost husband
      back, and after a month I missed my monthly flow and go for a test and
      the result stated that i was pregnant, am happy today am a mother of
      a set of twins a boy and a girl, i thank the temple once again for
      what they have done for me, if you are out there passing through any
      of this problems you can contact this great Dr for help listed below:

      Contact them… daveangela08@gmail.com

    • Priscilla

      Thank you prophetjamesspelltemple@hotmail.com for taking the time of bringing my man back to me. I went to 3 different spell casters, but only you got the job done. Like I said before I appreciate all your time, effort, and energy you put into the Back To Me Spell and Trust My Love Spell he is more open and he admitted he loves me and really want to be in a relationship with me. After 2 years of separation we are a couple …..

    • Tanya Lawson

      In USA a country where Divorce cases seems to be the order of the day,i was married to my husband Lawson for 18 years and we were living happily together with our 3 kids and all of a sudden their came this sad moment for the first time in my life i curt my husband having an affair with a lady outside our marriage before this time i have already started noticing strange behavior like he used to spend some time with us, comes home early after work but since he started having an affair with this lady all his love for his wife gone and he now treats me badly and will not always make me happy.I had to keep on moving with my life never knowing that our marriage was now leading to divorce which i can not take because i love Lawson my husband so much and i can’t afford to loose him to this strange Lady,i had to seek a friends advice on how i could resolve my marriage problem and make the divorce case not to take place and my husband live this Lady and come back to me again having heard my story my friend decided to help me at all cost she then referred me to A spell caster named Priest Ajigar, my friend also told me that Priest Ajigar have helped so many people that were going through divorce, and also finding possible ways to amend their broken relationship. To cut my story short i contacted Priest Ajigar and in just four days after the spell was done my husband left the other lady and withdrew the divorce case all till now my husband is with me and he now treats me well and we are living happily together again all appreciation goes to Priest Ajigar i never could have done this my self, so to whom it may concern if you are finding difficulty in your relationship or having problems in your marriage just contact Priest Ajigar he is Powerful and his spell works perfectly,i am somebody who never believed or heard about spell but i gave it a try with Priest Ajigar and today every thing is working well for me and if you need his help his email is (priestajigarspells@live.com)

    • Tanya Lawson

      I live in USA a country where Divorce cases seems to be the order of the
      day,i was married to my husband Lawson for 18 years and we were living
      happily together with our 3 kids and all of a sudden their came this sad
      moment for the first time in my life i curt my husband having an affair
      with a lady outside our marriage before this time i have already
      started noticing strange behavior like he used to spend some time with
      us, comes home early after work but since he started having an affair
      with this lady all his love for his wife gone and he now treats me badly
      and will not always make me happy.I had to keep on moving with my life
      never knowing that our marriage was now leading to divorce which i can
      not take because i love Lawson my husband so much and i can’t afford to
      loose him to this strange Lady,i had to seek a friends advice on how i
      could resolve my marriage problem and make the divorce case not to take
      place and my husband live this Lady and come back to me again having
      heard my story my friend decided to help me at all cost she then
      referred me to A spell caster named Priest Ajigar, my friend also told
      me that Priest Ajigar have helped so many people that were going through
      divorce, and also finding possible ways to amend their broken
      relationship. To cut my story short i contacted Priest Ajigar and in
      just four days after the spell was done my husband left the other lady
      and withdrew the divorce case all till now my husband is with me and he
      now treats me well and we are living happily together again all
      appreciation goes to Priest Ajigar i never could have done this my self,
      so to whom it may concern if you are finding difficulty in your
      relationship or having problems in your marriage just contact Priest
      Ajigar he is Powerful and his spell works perfectly,i am somebody who
      never believed or heard about spell but i gave it a try with Priest
      Ajigar and today every thing is working well for me and if you need his
      help his email is (priestajigarspells@live.com).

    • JOY MERLYN

      I want the world to know a great man that is well known as Dr.EKPEN TEMPLE has the perfect solution to relationship issues and marriage problems. The main reason why i went to Dr.EKPEN TEMPLE was for solution on how i can get my lover back because in recent times i have read some testimonies on the internet which some people has written about Dr.EKPEN TEMPLE and i was so pleased and i decided to seek for assistance from Dr.EKPEN TEMPLE which he did a perfect job by casting a spell on my lover which made him to come back to me and beg for forgiveness. I will be drop his contact of Dr.EKPEN TEMPLE for the usefulness of those that needs his help, They are via email: (((ekpentemple@gmail. com))) via mobile +2347050270218