Kim Kardashian Baby Shower Debuts New Fugly Blingtastic Knucklebuster – Proving She Has No Plans To Change Diapers

15e068be6a7b11e2a1fa22000a1f9261_7All first time mothers make mistakes. I can remember going to get my acrylics ‘did and choosing super long pointy ones, in a French — of course, come on, this was like 16 years ago – and deciding in some weird new mom fog that I also needed to get E-V-E spelled out in tacky crystals on three of my nails, and then going home to a mewling newborn and making another manicure appointment for the next day to get that shit taken off. But Kim K has taken this to a level far above my $13 cheapass manicure, by sporting a lovely  hideous new pile of stones on her paw. You can’t change diapers in this thing! But Kim had to look purty for her appearance on the Jimmy Kimmel show with sister Kourtney, because Kim needed to accuse Kourtney of being a child-pimping fame whore  state that the Kimye spawn would not be appearing on television. And then the whole thing exploded with a Kim Kardashian baby shower.

Poor Kourtney. Especially when she states that like it’s a like struggle because like you wanna like do the best for your like kids and like it’s a struggle because like you want the kids to be with their like mom and like it’s a constant struggle. 

And then Jimmy tells Kim she is going to hell for stealing breast milk.

 

YAY!

And then the Kim Kardashian baby shower, but don’t worry, I’m sure the real Kim Kardashian baby shower thrown by the Kardashians will include diamond stuffed cupcakes and champagne made from real champagnes or something.

And Kim receives a big book of baby names that start with K but she looks kinda pissy because she didn’t receive a pile of diamonds. After the show, the Kardashian Klan was meeting tennis rockstar Serena Williams at Nobu, and I had no idea that people actually still went to Nobu. The last time I was at Nobu I was so drunk, omg, and we ordered the Omakase menu and I was eating shit my husband wouldn’t even touch, things with HEADS on them, and my husband is the same guy who will happily scarf down a plate of live tentacles if set before him. I’m not sure if Kim ate anything that still had a head attached to its body, but something terrible happened at Nobu because she tweeted a photograph of herself and she has obviously misplaced important facial features.

Thank you for enjoying my rousing edition of Keeping up With The Kardashians *Koa‘s Kimye Korner ™, that I komposed for Koa because she is still asleep. Hopefully next time Koa will stop being so lazy and wake up and write about this lovely pregnant lady because I’m running out of shit to say about Kim.

*AKA Bambi’s Blingtastic Baby Bump Bonanza 

(Photo: instagram)

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    • Pleasant Peach

      Please stop….please. This piece is not witty, sassy or smart. I hope you re-read this later and say, “WTF happened to my self-respect?”

      • http://www.xojane.com/author/eve Eve Vawter

        LOL! I have to write up these things, it’s my job!

      • The Pleasant Peach

        You’re right, Eve. I shouldn’t have been so nasty. I’m just so sick of seeing this trashy family on Mommish. Time to lay the Kardashians to rest.

      • http://www.xojane.com/author/eve Eve Vawter

        Yeah, I wish that they would just sort of go away, but the readers like reading about it, and we all take turns covering these… people.

      • Steph

        Couldn’t you see if Crushable would take care of it?

      • http://www.xojane.com/author/eve Eve Vawter

        Haha! I should do that from now on, umm, ladies, please write this up, we refuse to at Mommyish <3

    • katydid0605

      im not a bling girl…but i actuallt kinda like it