shutterstock_95062984I love animals so much. I love them more than people. I love them more than cake. I love them and if I had my way and it wouldn’t result in me being featured on a very special episode of Animal Hoarders  I would have all the animals, including a shark in my swimming pool. But even though I love animals and I am always trying to figure out if my family is in a place where we can add another homeless pet to our brood, I just couldn’t enjoy doing what this lady in Bristol did during her labor, which was bring in a therapy dog to watch her give birth.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love programs that bring service dogs into hospitals to help patients and give them comfort, but brining in therapy dogs to help cancer patients is totally different than having one come in to watch you give birth. From The Daily Mail:

A hospital allowed a pregnant woman to take her pet dog into a maternity ward so it could watch her give birth.

Managers justified the extraordinary action by saying that Barney, who is believed to be a Labrador, was a certified ‘therapy dog’ and had a ‘calming presence’.

But the unusual presence on the labour ward in Bristol was criticised amid claims that no special cleaning took place after the two-hour birth.

Managers said Barney regularly visits wards to comfort patients in his role as a therapy dog.

But a source told the Sun: ‘Nurses and doctors were appalled but someone at the hospital had given the woman permission so the dog stayed on the labour ward.

‘This is the first time any of the hospital’s staff can remember such a thing happening.

‘They’re now worried that other women will be allowed to do the same because a precedent has been set.’

It’s bad enough my cat Godzilla enjoys sitting on the edge of the tub and watching me take a bath, I can’t imagine having a dog present while I was in labor. Do people not realize that dogs spend a good 59% of their days licking their own asses? And I don’t care how well your therapy dog is behaved, any dog will eat a used tampon or maxi pad if he finds it in the garbage. And forget about sexy time, there is nothing creepier than having a dog watch you while you are deciding what color to paint your ceiling. Now, I know all of these things are different than giving birth but they still involve vaginas and it is my opinion that animals do not belong anywhere near vaginas.

I understand parents who want to prepare the family pet for the new addition of a baby in the house, but that usually entails letting the dog or cat familiarize themselves with the crib or the nursery. I think watching your newborn crown from between your legs is a bit much.

(Photo:  Eric Isselee/shutterstock)