Anonymous Mom: I Missed Out On The Happily Trying To Conceive Husband

trying to conceiveAnonymous Mom is a weekly column of motherhood confessions, indiscretions, and parental shortcomings selected by Mommyish editors. Under this unanimous byline, readers can share their own stories, secrets, and moments of weakness with complete anonymity.

Years ago, when I was trying to conceive our first child, my husband was rather uninterested in the whole process. Not to say that he wasn’t more than happy to do his part to accomplish a pregnancy, but he wasn’t excited. He didn’t help me chart things or get excited when the time rolled around to test. If anything he was more negative — “phish, you aren’t pregnant” or some other blasé remark. At the time, in my mid-20s and childless, I thought maybe this was just a “guy” thing; this is how men are about babies. Then the stories started.

First it was my sister-in-law whose husband went out and bought a baseball and a Barbie before she was even pregnant. Then it was friends on Facebook talking lovingly about their wives getting pregnant and friends from college whose husbands were openly eager to conceive.

A couple years passed and we decided for number two. I took out the charts and closely watched all the signs. Around Christmas, I wanted to test so badly just to see, so I ran to a Stop and Shop at six a.m. on Christmas morning to pick up a test. He scoffed. It was too early, and we probably didn’t make it on the first try anyways. It was New Year’s when I did find out I was pregnant, and he was passably glad. I let it go and forged on through the pregnancy. When I suggested we start charting my belly growth via pictures or sketches or something, he said it would make our son feel bad because we had not done so for him. When we had the third, a girlfriend at work took pictures every few weeks of my expanding waist line in the classic side shot.

His attitude didn’t change for baby three, who was also conceived on the first cycle of trying, and a tiny little rankling hung in the back of my head.

Now, my sister is trying to get pregnant and I couldn’t be more excited for her. She called me from vacation a couple weeks ago to tell me that after an evening “alone” her husband immediately said “do you think we made a baby?!” His enthusiasm was so charming she wanted to share it with me.

He went out and read books, and asks her about the different signals from her body. Theirs is the kind of trying that makes people say “we’re pregnant” and maybe this is why I always insisted I was the only one who was pregnant: he had only helped out a little. And like the times before I can’t help but think, what is the deal with MY husband?

My children are beautiful and delightful, and after three we are done having them but I still feel a little disappointed I never experienced that “happily trying to conceive” husband. Couldn’t he have just once asked me if the time was right? Or once I was pregnant, touched my belly without my first urging him to?

The baby’s kicks creeped him out. He complained about sex with the large and in charge me. Even when our babies arrived each time, I’ve always felt he lacked a certain level of enthusiasm for the creation of life. So either, I’m married to a jerk, or there are other men out there who just aren’t feeling it. More likely, my husband and other guys like him are maybe all a little bit on the jerk scale. Because who, among those who really wants children, isn’t just a little excited for trying to make one?

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(photo: Jaimie Duplass / Shutterstock)

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    • msenesac

      My husband was more like yours than your sister’s. But I didn’t want to chart my stomach growth, my cycles, read tons of books, etc. We were excited in our own way. I think if I had asked my husband to do all of that stuff, he would’ve looked at me like I was crazy. Maybe your husband was excited in a more laid-back kind of way. Either way, comparing him to others is never going to give you good results (couldn’t he do the same of you?).

    • Cee

      While he sounds like a jerk, could it be possible that he did not want to have children and you ignored this? You began charting, tracking cycles and all that on your own, could that have been a sign that he kinda didn’t want to have children? Also, is he a good father now? There are people that aren’t that excited about pregnancy. For example, I don’t see what the big deal is of taking constant pics of your belly..sketching your belly sounds even more bleh to me..sorry. I mean, I get it, pregnancy is wonderful and there are a lot of changes happening to you on many levels, but just because you are pregnant does not mean everything has to be about pregnancy and that everyone is totally on board and delighted to do Pinterstry things with you on your pregnancy. I wouldn’t do any of that stuff if I were pregnant, but I would make sure I was healthy and keeping my unborn child healthy and safe. The rest of this crafting stuff is a plus, if you are into it. Did he at least make sure you were safe and healthy throughout your pregnancy? The giddy pregnancy or even pregnancy in general phase is not for everyone, but I would be more critical about him loving and caring for your children now and loving and caring for you in general.

      • Lawcat

        That’s what I thought as well, especially with the first couple sentences (*I* was trying to conceive…) Although, I would expect my husband to help me chart. That would be a little strange.

        My husband was excited to have a baby and was the first to broach the topic. But he was pessimistic when it came to testing. Probably because for the first 5 cycles I convinced myself I was pregnant when I wasn’t. He didn’t want to get my or his hopes up. Once we did conceive, he showed his excitement in his own way. He’d hug me closer, talk about names and future plans, etc. But we didn’t buy much or outright name our fetus. We were superstitious and cautious. I was never into belly pics or baby showers and whatnot. I’m sure some people thought I wasn’t a that enthused, but I was excited in my own way.

        People show their feelings differently. If he’s a good dad now, then look at the positives.

      • LAwcat

        Argh…. WOULDN’T expect

      • Justme

        Random. I know a friend of a friend whose husband does keep an Excel document of his wife’s monthly periods so that he can figure out when she is going to be “PMSing.” No joke. We were all having dinner together before going to see Twilight (don’t judge) and I nearly spit out my chicken at her.

      • Ordinaryperson

        Ewwww, that’s so weird.

      • Justme

        Yes it was. I can’t say that I’m disappointed my friend is no longer friends with these people.

      • waffre

        My husband and I are ttc at the moment (Okay, not, like AT THE MOMENT, but you know what I mean) and I’m pretty sure he’s more excited about it than I am. I’ve always been a bit tocophobic, and while I’m excited about having kids, the getting/being pregnant part isn’t that thrilling to me. I wouldn’t be surprised, if it turns out the original author’s husband is an involved father, to learn that he was either slightly creeped out by the process or just didn’t think it was a big deal. Neither of which I would blame him for.
        P.S. I always love your comments, you ‘re always so articulate and smart and just blunt enough when it’s needed.

      • msenesac

        So, so, so true!

    • lilacorchid

      Did he want the kids as much as you? Maybe he felt pressured? Did he ever tell you why he wasn’t as excited as you. I’m sorry he didn’t live up to what you hoped for, but I wouldn’t label him a jerk based on what was written. Just not as enthusiastic as you.

    • Amanda

      My husband was the same way. I was so excited to get a pregnancy test and to find out, and my husband was always like, “eh.” He liked all the sex (oh, did he ever like all the sex), but he had no idea about the timing issue and even when I was pregnant, he wasn’t all over my belly wanting to feel the baby kick, unless I urged him. That being said, he is a GREAT dad. I mean, really, an amazing father who just loves spending time with his girls. I figure that makes up for any lack of pregnancy enthusiasm which to me makes sense because it’s not really about him, I’m the one going through everything.

      • Rebecca

        This is us. He enjoyed the “process” but is pretty laid-back about pregnancy (and I am currently pregnant with #2). That said, so am I – I am not all about taking weekly pictures and whatnot – so I guess I don’t find it weird or possibly offensive. Some people just aren’t into the gushing over pregnant women thing (or being the one gushed over). I am, however, crazy about our son, as is my husband, and he’s a great dad.

    • Justme

      My husband wasn’t the kind of guy who read all the books and tried to micromanage my pregnancy out of excitement. Even though this fits exactly into our personalities and our very egalitarian marriage, it still disappointed and frustrated me because to a hormonal pregnant woman it came across as though he didn’t care. BUT I had to stop and think about my husband and his nature. He might not have been all up on my belly (which I wouldn’t have wanted anyways) or charting our daughter’s weekly growth, but he sent me off for pregnancy massages and brought me home strawberry milkshakes from Sonic which I craved constantly.

      • LiteBrite

        Now that some time has elapsed, I’m actually grateful my husband wasn’t all up in my pregnancy. I really think that would’ve more irritating to me than his seeming lack of involvement.

        My step-sister’s husband actually kept an Excel spreadsheet of everything she ate during the pregnancy. Yeah, I’m pretty glad DH was more removed than that.

    • LiteBrite

      My husband too was removed from the whole pregnancy process. When I was pregnant the first time, he refused to believe I was even pregnant. I had to take three pregnancy tests to prove it to him. (That pregnancy ended in miscarriage.) The second one was a similar scenario. Even mid-way through my husband had to be prodded to feel my stomach when the boy was kicking. When I asked him to go to doctor’s appointments with me, he’d ask, “Do you really need me to go?” It got to a point where I made him go with me just so my OB didn’t think I was making him up!

      Finally, when I was about 7 months pregnant, I asked, “What in the hell is up with you? If you don’t want to be a father, you should’ve told me before I became pregnant!” That’s when he opened up: he was scared. He wanted to be a dad but was so terrified of being a dad, of screwing it up, of raising a brat. That went a long way towards easing my own fears that he didn’t care, but even the day I went in for my C-section, he seemed removed from the process, that is until they wheeled me into the recovery room. DH was holding our son, and he looked at me, with tears in his eyes, and said, “This is my little buddy.”

      I think some guys just process fatherhood differently. DH is definitely not a wear-your-heart-on-your-sleeve kind of guy, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. Maybe your husband is the same way. (I don’t know him, you do, so only you can answer that.) I will ask the same question Cee did though: is he a good father now? Because I can say with conviction that DH’s enthusiastic involvement with our son’s life now way more than makes up for the seeming lack of involvement during my pregnancy.

    • blergy45

      Mine wasn’t either during the process, and was kind of blase for a while after too, while the gravity of it sunk in. But he is now in-love with our baby girl and is the great dad I knew he would be. He just took some convincing.

    • jsterling93

      My husband was the one who talked me into want children so I know HE wanted them. But I am 28 weeks along now and he has been “meh” about the whole thing. The only time he has shown excitement was the day of our 20 wk ultrasound when he grinned like an idiot over finding out we were having a boy and then posted the ultrasound photos on Facebook. Since then he has returned to “meh”. But yesterday he filled out paper work for his leave of absence for when the baby comes. He just isn’t excited about everything little thing. But I can tell he looks forward to the actual baby.

      • StephKay

        This is me, word for word, except I’m a whopping week further along than you. Slight other difference, this little guy is our second baby. I got caught up in the whole “why are you not more excited? You were the one to settle on wanting kids first.” thing, but the second our daughter was born it was like someone flipped a switch. He spent every night at the hospital awake, just holding her. He would ask visitors to hand her back over if he had gone a whole 5 minutes without her. In one instance the nurses were all teasing him because we had chosen her first bath as my first try getting out of bed and he literally forgot about me hobbling down the hall because he was so focussed and excited to give her a bath. I’m anticipating the exact same thing when our son is born in april, despite him not exactly jumping off the walls decorating the nursery and feeling my abdomen. Some guys just have an easier time bonding when they can actually physically see the child and feel that attachment. I think as women we have the advantage of being in physical contact with our babies, whereas for some men a pregnancy seems to be more of a concept than a baby. Watching him and our three year old play ball, and cook together, and just be the best of friends it can be really hard to imagine there was ever a time she wasn’t the center of his universe. I’m sure you’ll experience the same thing.

      • BubbleyToes

        I loved your comment @StephKay:disqus ! My husband is not an overly-emotional person and has a hard time showing how he feels. This sometimes comes off as him not caring, even though he says he does and I know he does. We have not had any luck getting pregnant in the 2 years we’ve been trying, and sometimes I feel as though I am the only one upset about that and that he would really be ok if it never happened. He sounds ery similar to your husband and your comment gave me a renewed excitement to see him with the child that we someday hope to have!

      • http://freedomlovespelltemple.yolasite.com/ Sarah

        !!! I Sarah Post This Testimony Coz Am Pregnant Thanks To Dr.Ukaka

        My name is Sarah Valdez my partner and I have been trying for a baby for over two years now, We were going to a fertility clinic for about 5 months before somebody told us to contact this spell caster who is so powerful, We contacted him at this email; freedomlovespell@hotmail.com , for him to help us, then we told him our problem, he told us that we will either conceive in February 2014 or March 2014,but after two years of trying we were at a point where we were willing to try anything. And I’m glad we came to Dr Ukaka, Because his pregnancy spell cast put us at ease, and I honestly believe him, and his gods really helped us as well, I am thankful for all he has done. contact him via email: freedomlovespell@hotmail.com if you are trying to get a baby or want your lover back. he has powers to do it, he has done mine, ………..

    • Andrea

      My husband was an ass throughout the whole thing. We never tried to conceive, I got pregnant due to poor planning both times and we really weren’t ready emotionally or financially. After the babies came, he didn’t do much either. After a few years of this BS, I started packing my bags (I’m serious and literal) and announced that until he was ready to be a father, I wouldn’t see him, talk to him, or let our children do either. And I detailed EXACTLY what I expected. He was mega pissed. But I forged on even though everyone called me a bitch for not allowing contact with our children. It lasted a week and he did a complete 180.

      He is now a wonderful father who works his ass off to support our family and does everything he can for our children. But he had to have a wake up call that for better or for worse, these were our children and they were here and he had to step up to the plate. PERIOD.

      Sometimes men are like that. They are not crazy about the idea of children. And sometimes they agree to them because they know wife wants them or (in my case) because they happen but they resent the shit out of it and they have to have a wake up call. I regret nothing. We have a great relationship now and he fully admits he was an asshole back then.

      • jessica

        Unfortunately sometimes life (or other people) require otherwise pleasant people to drop their manners and morph in to a raging bitch. Unavoidable. Glad he came to his senses!

    • chickadee

      It sounds like you and he have different approaches to pregnancy. Maybe he is more private about the process of becoming a father and all of the public display and discussion makes him uncomfortable.

      My ex was not terrific at being an expectant father, but he told me it just wasn’t as real for him because he couldn’t experience what I was experiencing. That’s hard sometimes for Type As. He is a good father, though.

      And it does sound as though you hit the ground running regarding babies and didn’t quite check to see whether he was as ready as you were.

    • Justme

      And on second thought….I’m also going to jump in here on the “not ready for fatherhood” bandwagon.

      If you don’t mind my query, what was/is your husband’s relationship with his father?

      My husband always had a rocky relationship with his father (due to his father’s awful behavior) and I think that he was TERRIFIED of becoming HIS dad and repeating the same mistakes. And so for him, pregnancy was like this train of fatherhood hurtling down the tracks at him and sometimes he just didn’t know what to do with it all.

    • lyzl

      Up until we actually had the baby, my husband seemed really bemused by the whole situation. Like it was some funny thing that happened. When the baby was born, he kicked into gear big time. No matter what happens between us, he is an amazing father. With #2 I see he is preparing in his own way. He readies the budget, moves furniture, helps me paint. He doesn’t read books about pregnancy, but he does read books about parenting. Maybe that’s the difference.

    • Kate

      While some of the comments below seem to think that you were pushy or that you were “over excited” about the pregnancy, I would say you are in the normal category. With so many changes, you want to document them. Especially because they will never happen again. Even if you have more children, no two pregnancies are alike. Now with regard to your husband, I would say he just wasn’t into the whole process and reacted like a jerk. I don’t think its fair to say that he was just a complete jerk. Some guys aren’t into the whole thing even though they love their children which are the result. Your husband definitely went a little overboard with the negativity and i would say that is the unfortunate part. If you aren’t into it fine-but let me have my moment!

    • Wendy

      Thanks so much for writing this, and I’m sorry that some of the comments kind of blame you a bit, as though you somehow slipped three planned pregnancies by him without some cooperation on his part. My husband was the same way, and it caused a lot of problems for us in the beginning, and created a big rift at first He is not a fan of new babies either… it kind of broke my heart. However, when the babies start to notice the world around them, he begins to bond. He is a great dad, but not, he will be the first to admit, to babies. He would not touch my pregnant stomach either, and really wasn’t that into holding them until they were able to smile and be “fun.” I totally feel your pain, and I think, since I read this and some of the kinder comments, I feel less alone. I think I can finally let my own feelings about this go, and for that, I am grateful. Thank you so much for sharing.

      • http://freedomlovespelltemple.yolasite.com/ Sarah

        !!! I Sarah Post This Testimony Coz Am Pregnant Thanks To Dr.Ukaka

        My name is Sarah Valdez my partner and I have been trying for a baby for over two years now, We were going to a fertility clinic for about 5 months before somebody told us to contact this spell caster who is so powerful, We contacted him at this email; freedomlovespell@hotmail.com , for him to help us, then we told him our problem, he told us that we will either conceive in February 2014 or March 2014,but after two years of trying we were at a point where we were willing to try anything. And I’m glad we came to Dr Ukaka, Because his pregnancy spell cast put us at ease, and I honestly believe him, and his gods really helped us as well, I am thankful for all he has done. contact him via email: freedomlovespell@hotmail.com if you are trying to get a baby or want your lover back. he has powers to do it, he has done mine,

    • Sarah

      I felt this way after our first baby. He was way more low key about TTC than I was, always sure it hadn’t “taken.” And then once we finally got pregnant, I was surprised at how removed my husband sometimes seemed from the process, and how he didn’t seem that interested in feeling the baby kick or watching it move and all that. I’m over it now, but it did annoy me. I’ve finally accepted that he experiences it in a different way than I do- he cares a lot how I’m feeling and holding up during pregnancy, but it’s hard for him to connect with the whole baby part of it. It’s more like I’ve just got some weird handicap/illness. Which I know is not how you’re supposed to view pregnancy, but I always get morning sickness, back and hip pain, bedrest, preterm labor, the whole dealio, so for us there are a lot of physical challenges that get even harder when there are other kids to take of too. I think he approaches pregnancy more as something for both of us to endure and get through rather than something to enjoy or soak up. And mostly I do too, but I always feel compelled to document and take pictures and try to enjoy what I can, remember it, just because it is such a special and interesting time, even if it’s hard.
      Anyways, as long as he hasn’t disappointed you overall in the actual fatherhood department, I guess I’d try to let the pregnancy thing go. And what a lot of commenters have mentioned- that it’d be worse to have a husband too far on the other end of the spectrum- is probably true. At least I wasn’t getting critiques about what I ate/drank, how much exercise I got, whether I was doing prenatal yoga or Kegels, etc. He pretty much just brought me food and drink, tried to keep the kiddos out of my hair, and let me have the remote. :)

    • lea

      I am pregnant with my (very much wanted and planned) first baby. Both me and my husband are a bit “meh” about it though.

      Those who we’ve told are all “ooooo how great” etc etc, but then they ask “are you excited?”. I say “yes, of course” and smile big giant, fake-ass smiles.

      But really, sorry, no, I’m not excited. I know I supposed to be. I wanted to be. I really wanted that cheesy test is positive hugging and kissing and jumping around biz. But in the end, I said “I’m pregnant”, he said “oh, ok”. We grinned at each other. He said “let’s go out for breakfast”, I said “ok”. And that was pretty much it.

      Maybe its because it happened so quickly that we didn’t have any disappointing negative test months to build anticipation, I don’t know.
      (and yes, I do know how extremely lucky we are, I’m not trying to offend anyone….)

      But don’t be too hard on your hubby!

      And remember, there is a good chance a bunch of the people who say how excited they are or whatever are lying, like I feel compelled to. Because they don’t want people to think that the opposite of “excited” is “miserable”. When really it is just “happy and contented” or something closer to that.

      • Justme

        I hated that mindset too – that I was supposed to be jumping up and down with glee at the thought of having a BABY when I was really terrified at the idea of raising a competent ADULT. I tend to get ahead of myself sometimes though.

        I think it goes along with lots of life events though. When my husband and I were looking at engagement rings together I tried one on at a jewelry store and the clerk looked at me expectantly while breathlessly saying “do you LOOOOVE it?” I was confused and said “I like the ring but I LOVE him” while pointing at my then boyfriend.

        It’s like there’s this expectation that if you’re not gushing about baby bedding, nursery decor and tiny socks and mittens all the time then something is wrong with you.

    • mrstinybaum

      My husband is ho-hum about charting or that stuff but all he really needs is the go ahead for sexy times, amirite? He was just starting to get excited about being pregnant when I miscarried in October. We are ttc again and he’s been more involved. Not charting but curious about timing and working around desirable due dates. He has a holiday birthday and doesn’t want to saddle a kid with the same.

      • http://freedomlovespelltemple.yolasite.com/ Sarah

        !!! I Sarah Post This Testimony Coz Am Pregnant Thanks To Dr.Ukaka

        My name is Sarah Valdez my partner and I have been trying for a baby for over two years now, We were going to a fertility clinic for about 5 months before somebody told us to contact this spell caster who is so powerful, We contacted him at this email; freedomlovespell@hotmail.com , for him to help us, then we told him our problem, he told us that we will either conceive in February 2014 or March 2014,but after two years of trying we were at a point where we were willing to try anything. And I’m glad we came to Dr Ukaka, Because his pregnancy spell cast put us at ease, and I honestly believe him, and his gods really helped us as well, I am thankful for all he has done. contact him via email: freedomlovespell@hotmail.com if you are trying to get a baby or want your lover back. he has powers to do it, he has done mine, ,,………..

    • Kelly

      It is too bad that you didn’t have the experience you wanted but frankly, you are wrong to think your husband is wrong for not feeling the same way you did. Not only that, his attitude was totally understandable considering he was just witnessing what was going on. YOU were pregnant. He was a spectator. It’s nice (among other things) that there are guys who get just as
      excited as their wives about the whole process, but it is unfair to
      compare your husband to them. And it was naive to think anything would be different with 2 and 3. If he wasn’t into it the first time, why would he be jazzed about the reruns? Let’s be honest. You brought a lot of your disappointment on yourself.

    • Marlee727

      I can totally relate to this. My husband is a great guy, and a good father, but he’s doesn’t “do” babies. Not pregnancy, not birth, not newborns. And you always hear those braggy moms who talk about their husbands crooning to their bellies or buying clothes or really…anything. I always felt like pregnancy was “my thing,” which is sometimes hard, but I wonder if it’s hard because it’s inherently hard or because we set up unrealistic expectations. I knew when I married my husband that he wasn’t particularly excitable or enthusiastic, but he’s wonderful in his pragmatic, logical way. So when he doesn’t do cartwheels over a pregnancy test, I have to call my mom and get the validation I need.

    • Mary

      I think maybe you are over thinking this. I would never expect my husband to participate in charting MY cycles… If you were upset about his lack of enthusiasm over the first, why did you have a second and a third and expect it to be different? Does he love you? Does he love your kids? Does he remember your birthday? Does he come home and talk to you and spend time with you? Take the good with the bad and stop comparing yourself to other couples.

    • K.

      Meh. Some guys aren’t into pregnancy. Pregnancy is a whole different thing than fatherhood.

      In fact, I’ve also known men who were all about the belly and then freaked out when the kid came because the kid actually you know, needs stuff. So given the choice, I’d rather a husband who freaks out before the kid arrives, rather than after.

    • Tea

      If I may offer a male perspective that I hope may help.

      It’s not uncommon or unheard of for men to just not be that excited about “babies” but be really geared up to someday be dads. My father-in-law had no interest in babies at all, even his own kids until they reached about 9 months of age when he felt they could really start doing things and weren’t just tethered to their mother. He made a great dad, babies just weren’t his thing. Babies and pregnancy can be a really scary thing to some men, even men who want kids. They feel unequipped for the situation, or feel unable to productively contribute to the situation.

      Your guy just sounds like he’s not very emotionally into that stage. Not in the ” I’m trying to dismiss your feelings” kind of way, because by all means, be happy! But it seems like he’s just not big on the pregnancy and baby stage, especially if he’s great with your other kids. It’s pretty normal, many men don’t get fired up about baby showers and nesting, they don’t always understand what the whole of pregnancy is like, and they don’t always know what to do in the first few months when mom and baby are still kind of like one entity despite the incubation being over. It’s new, and different, and kind of scary to them. Some guys only really flourish and grow into their own as dads when they can start to really feel for their kid’s personality, and start handling them on their own.

      I know I’m late to the part, but I hope that helps at least a bit, A.M.

    • Kat

      All the men I’ve known (family, friends) who wanted kids were at the very least happy about it. Most were actively involved with preparing for the baby as well, or at least attempted to be considerate in their own way. While it’s possible that your husband may not be the most extroverted guy in the world, and not everyone wants to make a public display of enthusiasm, his behavior suggests he has a problem with the idea of being a dad – and you are picking up on his signals. It almost seems like he really wants to tell you something, but knows how badly it will rock the boat if he does. So he deals with it by being passive-aggressive. Some men go along with having kids because they think it’s what people have to do, even if their hearts are not into it. And unfortunately our sexist society pressures men to hide their fears and vulnerabilities, so you often can’t count on them to tell you. Some are so emotionally out-of-touch they may not even really realize WHY they feel weird about kids.

      So this leads me to believe that you need to talk to your husband ASAP, as well as take note of his behavior. While it’s normal for some men to feel weird about pregnancy and nervous about impending parenthood, It’s not normal to take absolutely *no* joy at all in starting your family. Does he act in a way that seems to suggest he resents you or his existing children? Are there any red flags that suggest he may be thinking about bailing on your marriage? If so, you guys need counseling immediately. If he didn’t want to be a dad, or changed his mind, he was a jerk for not being honest about it before it was too late. But likewise, it seems like you steamrolled him with your own plans and didn’t talk about it first.

    • KatGisMe

      I’m so glad to read that you found friends to help you find the joy in preparing for your child. My husband was also fairly blase about the “having a baby” business. He’s fairly blase about all of life’s business. In the end, though, he is there for us and is a solid, loving, wonderful man … who just doesn’t give a shit about charts, documenting pregnancies, or reading about my coffee intake. I found the timer setting on my camera and would take shots of my belly myself. People try to make these things omissions in spouses into drama overdoses. I’m glad you didn’t!

    • Zayna

      I have no experience with pregnancies, but two factors may be at play here.

      1. My father, while not unenthusiastic about my birth, is a very quiet person. It seems as if he’s in a constant state of “meh”, but suddenly he bursts out with excitement about seemingly trivial things. He is a person who simply “does”, and doesn’t make too many words about it, unless we’re discussing sports or engineering. “Feminine things” aren’t his cup of tea, as there’s very little he can add to the discussion. When confronted with social problems on my part, he just offers silent support.
      2. My husband has an extremely (almost disturbingly so) sense of responsibility. Financially, socially etc. At the same time, he is very playful and does not view himself as particularly mature (I’d disagree), so he doesn’t feel ready for a child yet – he simply hasn’t build the foundation, doesn’t yet live up to his own expectations for himself with regards to being able to be a strong, responsible father. I know he would, but for men, it’s often about feeling needed and like they’re a secure, reliable rock. They look for security and strength within themselves, especially if other people have set a negative example of parenting.

      Besides, “he” is not awash with hormones as pregnant women are. I suppose (and hope) I wouldn’t be interested in charts, pictures or memorabilia at all. I stay rather indifferent when seeing a pregnant woman (even in my family) or being shown their ultrasound photos. It’s not that I don’t care, but the baby isn’t born yet. Obsessing over a black-and-white picture is no adaquate precursor to parenthood, nor is buying baby gear in advance.

    • http://maitribathbody.com/ Maitri

      Some men just aren’t as demonstrative as others. My husband isn’t all excitable either, but when I told him we were expecting our first, he dashed a tear. I wonder if your guy just keeps things close to the vest. http://maitribathbody.com

    • A

      It took 18 months of trying for me to get pregnant with my son, and I always felt like my husband just didn’t care- I would chart and temp and test, but the whole thing just didn’t seem to matter to him as much as it did to me, which was SO HARD for me. I would buy ovulation kits and pregnancy tests in shame, because I felt like he didn’t approve.

      When when I finally did conceive, his emotions finally came out. He cried, said he felt so blessed, and was just trying to be strong for me. Have you talked to your husband about any of these feelings? It may just be that he doesn’t express his emotions in the same way you do.

    • shantek

      This great man called Dr Musa of edenokunspelltemple@gmail.com helped me. i have been married for the past 9year without a child i and my husband has went for many check up but the Doctors always bring positive result that we are okay, we have been hoping that we will get bless one day but every day just look the same i always touch my stomach but nothing happens. But with the great help of Dr Musa i have have my first baby this year April 22 2013 i am really thankful for the great help he render to me in case you need his help just email him on edenokunspelltemple@gmail.com for help.

    • Mike Smith

      Leave the guy alone. I am really into gardening and providing healthy food for my family. My wife loves the food but is not interested one bit in how the food is processed and grown. I wish she were more involved but she simply doesnt give a shit about it. While she enjoys the end product all the stuff in between is nonsense to her so I leave her alone. Not to say a baby is like vegetables but maybe he just doesnt give a shit and you annoy him by constantly talking about it!

    • Will Augustina

      when i first got married every body in my husband life love me but after five years they turn against me because i was unable to bear children and one faithful day i discover a testimony through the internet and now i am happy because the email address i found the man who owns it help me for good and now am eight months pregnant and i know i am going going to give birth because he told me that antelope give birth without losing a child,until i met oduwa legba who help me out and this is his details; plus,two,three,four,eight,one,six,five,zero,six,one,five,eight,three or oduwalegba at outlook dot com

    • Glen Victoria

      i am Victoria Glen from USA i want to say hallelujah to lord for using Dr Babaka of babaka.wolf@gmail.com to bless my womb, i have been married for the past 10year without a child i have look for all kind of help that can make me get pregnant but nothing works, but through an insight i came across Dr Babaka profile at the internet when i was searching for help on how i can get a baby, Quickly i contacted him to help me out, he said he will cast a spell that will make me sleep with my partner and get pregnant so he said he need to buy some of the other items he will use in casting the spell from the market that he want me to send him the money he will use in buying the items so i gave him the money and he cast the spell for me and ask me to go and lie with my partner so i did to my greatest surprise i became pregnant after that week so with so much joy in my heart i want to share this out to everyone in need that i have found favor in the hands of Dr Babaka of babaka.wolf@gmail.com, contact him now to via email : babaka.wolf@gmail.com

    • marian Smith

      i just want to thank chief oduwa legba for his wonderful and miraculous performers in my life for the past 7yrs i have be barren but his work make me became pregnant now am with two baby’s, more to chief oduwa legba. you can reach him via email: oduwalegba@outlook.com

    • Glen Victoria

      AN Amazing Testimony On A Spell Caster Who help me to get pregnant, So me and my partner have been trying for a baby for the last 5 years now and we have had no luck. I don’t have a regular cycle so it is hard for me to tell when I’m ovulating or not, but we always have sex at least 2 times a week, sometimes more. I know it can take up to a year to conceive but everyone i know who have had a baby have conceived within 2-3months of trying and it is really getting to me. my partner had a fertility test about a year ago and his sperm were fine. I’m thinking it could be a problem with me but I’ve never had any symptoms of any problems. My partner does smoke and have the occasional drink, and i used to smoke and also have the occasional drink. i know i’m slightly overweight but that shouldn’t affect our chances too much,one faithful day my friend told me to contact a spell caster that help her aunty, then i contact the man on this email: babaka.wolf@gmail.com , after three months the doctor confirm that i am pregnant thank you Dr Babaka for helping me get a baby, I am thankful for all he has done. contact him via email: babaka.wolf@gmail.com if you are trying to get a baby or want your lover back. he has powers to do it, he has done mine.

    • meribeth

      THE GREAT POWERFUL DR:OGUL SPELL CASTER THAT CAN CASTER ALL PROBLEM BRING BACK MY Ex HUSBAND TO ME AM NOW HAPPY WITH MY CHILD AND MY HUSBAND, AM NOW HAPPY WITH MY FAMILY EMAIL HIM FOR HELP DOCTOROGUL@GMAIL.COM
      My name is sherly chabii I wish to share my testimonies with the general public about what this man called dr ogul has just done for me ,this man has just brought back my lost Ex husband to me with his great spell, I was married to this man called john we were together for a long time and we loved our self’s but when I was unable to give him a child for 2 years he left me and told me he can’t continue anymore then I was now looking for ways to get him back until a friend of mine told me about this man and gave his contact email to me:DOCTOROGUL@GMAIL.COM then you won’t believe this when I contacted this man on my problems he prepared this spell cast and bring my lost husband back, and after a month I miss my month and go for a test and the result stated am pregnant am happy today am a mother of a baby girl, thank you once again the great drogul or what you have done for me, if you are out there passing through any of this problems
      listed below:
      1) If you want your ex back.
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      contact him now for immediate solution of your
      problems call DOCTOROGUL@GMAIL.COM

    • Wright Eva

      I have been trying for 5years to get
      pregnant and needed help! i have Been going to the doctors but still
      nothing. The doctor said that me and my husband are fine and I don’t
      know where else to turn. Until one day my friend introduce me to this
      great spell caster who helped her to get back her lost husband back with
      love spell and also made her pregnant, So I decided to contact this
      spell caster Dr.Ken on his email (supersolutionhome@gmail.com)
      after interaction with him he instructed me on what to do, after then i
      should have sex with the my husband or any man I love in this world,
      And i did so, within the next one months i went for a check up and my
      doctor confirmed that i am 2weeks pregnant of two babies. I am so
      happy!! if you also need help to get pregnant or need your ex back
      please contact his email address: supersolutionhome@gmail.com or through His private number is +2348074433380.

    • http://freedomlovespelltemple.yolasite.com/ Sarah

      !!! I Sarah Post This Testimony Coz Am Pregnant Thanks To Dr.Ukaka

      My name is Sarah Valdez my partner and I have been trying for a baby for over two years now, We were going to a fertility clinic for about 5 months before somebody told us to contact this spell caster who is so powerful, We contacted him at this email; freedomlovespell@hotmail.com , for him to help us, then we told him our problem, he told us that we will either conceive in February 2014 or March 2014,but after two years of trying we were at a point where we were willing to try anything. And I’m glad we came to Dr Ukaka, Because his pregnancy spell cast put us at ease, and I honestly believe him, and his gods really helped us as well, I am thankful for all he has done. contact him via email: freedomlovespell@hotmail.com if you are trying to get a baby or want your lover back. he has powers to do it, he has done mine,