• Tue, Jan 15 2013

Elizabeth Banks Upgrades Herself To ‘Real Mom’ Status Now That She Has 2 Kids

shutterstock_114157204Oh, how we have been down this road before. What is it about some parents claiming that they’re “really a mom” now that they have multiple munchkins in the home? Like families raising one kid, demi-parents really, are just kicking back on vacation while that one kid raises him or herself. Sadly, surrogacy advocate Elizabeth Banks has revealed herself to be an outspoken member of the I’m-really-mom-with-my-two-kids club.

People magazine reports that the actress, who recently welcomed a second son, Magnus Mitchell Handelman, in November, was stuck over the December holidays without any “help.” So she and her husband had to care for two children all by themselves. And it was “crazy,” guys:

“[We] had no help, no nannies, no babysitters. It was crazy. You forget how difficult it is to wake up in the middle of the night, how exhausting it is,” she admits, adding being a hands-on mom took on a whole new meaning. “I lost all my nails. I did dishes and cleaned bottles for 10 days so I lost all those nails!”

Aside from having an epiphany about how “exhausting” looking after two children without any hired help is, Elizabeth also fancies herself a capital “R” mother:

“Two is very different from one. When you have one kid, you feel like you can jet set around and you can throw him on the hip and you get your life done,” Banks told PEOPLE at the launch of babyGap’s Peter Rabbit collection at Gap at The Grove in L.A. Saturday.

“You don’t realize how easy one is until you have two. Now I’m really a mom. Oh, I am a mom now! This is for serious — I am responsible for two people now.”

If you can dig your way through Elizabeth’s privilege, you can certainly hear some worthwhile realizations. Looking down and realizing that you’ve just doubled the amount of lives you need to protect is quite the wake up call. But using that experience by which to quantify “real motherhood” is sketchy terrain.

(photo: Helga Esteb / Shutterstock.com)

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  • katydid0605

    i agree she shouldnt have tossed around “real mom” but having more than one child really is an entirely different ballpark.

    • sallyjone

      Yes, and so is having a one disabled child. Or adopting six children. Or raising one child as a single mother vs. two children on a 100,000/year income. I think the point of this article is to challenge the notion that there is some kind of competition to determine who is a “real” or “better” mom by comparing different situations. That line of thinking is at the heart of the so-called “mommy wars”.

    • meteor_echo

      Yeeeees! <3

    • Junebug

      Truth be told, my son is severely disabled and I truly feel a lot of the time that I’m not a real mom because I have missed out on so many of those milestones (at 2 years old he’s never rolled or sat up unassisted, crawled, etc). I know that it sounds silly but I feel like when I eventually have #2 I’ll be able to better connect myself with the label of “mother”, since that one will be neurotypical… *shrug*

  • Scoop007

    Certainly having two or more children is different than having one just like anything else in life that requires hard work-doubling that work means doubling the effort. But that doesn’t make parents of one child any less a mother than parents of two. And I’d hardly take offense to a statement from someone so dense they cannot see through their fog of asshatness to comprehend the irony of patting yourself on your back for being a good mom with one (beautifully manicured) hand while you pass your child over to the full time nanny with the other.

  • http://www.facebook.com/paul.white.3532507 Paul White

    So if she has a third, is she a real-er mom?

    • meteor_echo

      By that logic, Octomom is the REALEST mom.

    • Jen

      Nah Michelle Duggar kicks her butt ANY day without even blinking, I think she’s at like 30 kids now.

  • ashlec

    I think the whole ‘OMG, I survived the holidays without nannies and ACTUALLY WOKE UP DURING THE NIGHT’ comment was the worst. Like she should be given a medal for tending to her own children? I usually really like her, but I can’t believe she’d say something so ridiculous and out of touch to a magazine that ‘regular’ people, who have no choice but to, you know, take care of their kids, read.

    • Katia

      Even without nannies, lots of ppl don’t wake up at night. We have a firm bed no obesity or smoking and coslept with all
      Our babies, nighttime’s have never been the hard part. Other ppl sleep train , cry it out etc at a certain age.

    • ashlec

      Well, I didn’t mean the actual waking up at night to be the weird thing. I just meant that waking up at night, for example, is something that most people would just think of as a normal parental duty and not something to necessarily be applauded for.

    • Rebecca

      As a matter of fact, yes, I would like to be applauded after waking up from 3-5am with a sick kid, not being able to get back to sleep, but still cooking breakfast, getting the house cleaned, and functioning above a zombie level all day. But that’s not gonna happen. #3 is due any day now, and I’m just gearing myself up for the exhaustion that drives you to tears. I usually love Elizabeth banks, but she definitely said something stupid here. I have the care of my children 95% of the time and whenever I leave them with my husband for more then in hour I get multiple calls asking where things are, how to do stuff, and what and when they should be eating. So I can kind of understand what she means. If you’re not used to dealing with that day to day stuff it’s easy to get flustered. But she expressed herself very poorly. I also think to myself a lot ” this would be so much easier if I only had one kid” but I don’t think the amount of children you have can make you more or less of a mom.

    • Junebug

      Lol, I read this article about Megan Fox about a month ago: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2244357/Megan-Fox-reveals-cover-future-spare-baby-Noahs-blushes.html

      The part where it says, “She is dedicated to put in as much work looking after the baby as possible, and amazingly even tried looking after the baby without any help initially.” made me laugh forever. What a hero!

    • Jen

      I didn’t take her statement in that way at all. I took it more as I’m a lucky girl who can afford help (and really, if we are all honest, if we could afford help, we would take it) and she did it without help and got her a$$ handed to her and she was verbalizing that. I didn’t take it as “OMG I have the hardest job ever because my kid woke up in the middle of the night.”

  • Katia

    K I love her bunches on 30rock but nowhere else really.
    That said, After I had my #2 I randomly said to myself with a lot of heaviness “I’m really a mom now” I started my family pretty early for where we live (Vancouver, the Canadian one) and before any of my bffs. And we were (still are) common law, no commitment ceremony and bought our home right after our #1. Unplanned babies. (to be honest we don’t believe in abortion despite not being religious/Christian-it wasn’t like, we “choose” to keep the baby) So it all happened quickly and there was a loss of self freedom and new limits on near future choices after each child. Having one, we still thought we may go abroad and teach English … Our desires changed too.
    Anyways Koa honestly you’re not a mom don’t act like you understand or put words in her mouth. She said nothing about families with 1 child… Shes in her bubble and not running for office, just back off) and your articles may improve with less sarcasm (not to mention some intellectual curiosity). Some people are good at sarcasm, And some aren’t…
    Now I get why people always say this is the most negative mom site

    • meteor_echo

      She has a child. So yes, that makes her a mother.

      Besides, a) she IS good at writing. Your comment is rambled. b) You just had to put an abortion rant in there, didn’t you?

    • meteor_echo

      Oh bloody hell. I thought the article was written by Lindsay Cross. Still, pulling the “you’re not a mom” card is a sucky thing to do. Also, both points that I made still stand.

    • Tinyfaeri

      Meh. I’m a mother, and I don’t think you need to have a child to write about how it’s silly to debate how “mom” someone is.

    • meteor_echo

      Yep. As I said, by this logic Octomom is the epitome of motherhood… NOT.

    • teena

      You sound drunk. I mean, you’ve got some points in there, but I’m reading them in ‘drunk speech.’ And now they’re funny.

      “Teach English”?? Yikes.

  • Ordinaryperson

    I have two kids, but I didn’t feel like a “real” mom the second #2 made it’s way out. I didn’t start to feel like an actual MOM until a little while ago when my daughter started being a terrible two year old, so I had to put on my mommy pants and start disciplining. Before then, I just felt like a person who happened to have kids. I guess that moment comes to everyone differently.

  • loralie

    I felt like this after 2…like oh crap, I gotta really be a mom now

  • meteor_echo

    Holy shit, that’s a freaking mom-a-thon in the comments. I thought that the mothers here would be more sensible, but it seems that they’re just trying to out-compete you (with a couple exceptions).
    Yes, having one child makes you a REAL mother. Different mothers have different circumstances, and by the end of the day, the only thing that determines how good you are at parenting is how good your child is. Nothing more, nothing less.
    Kind of funny that some of the people here, who have more than one child, just complain about how you “suck at writing”, or how having more than one child “is an entirely different ballpark”, while I, a childfree person, understand what you wrote about.

  • Justme

    I have one daughter, am quickly approaching my 30th birthday and have been teaching middle school for 8 years. I am married with two car payments and a mortgage.

    And sometimes, I still don’t feel like a REAL adult…..

    • Tinyfaeri

      I don’t think you are a REAL adult until you wear pearls and mean it.

    • meteor_echo

      And clutch them, too!

    • Justme

      Don’t forget the fainting couch.

  • whiteroses

    I have a six month old. I also have quite a few friends with more than one child. And we all have the same issues and problems- how to protect our children, how to navigate them into adulthood, worries about the best way to love and teach them. They just do it twice. I’m pretty sure that when my son was born, I became a “real mom”. And, you know, I’m pretty sure that my parents are real parents as well.

  • G.E. Phillips

    Ugh, I hate people who say this. Sanctimommy BS. “Oh you’ll REALLY know when you’ve had another baby.” It’s not a contest.You’re not better than me because you have more butts to wipe.

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  • Ashley

    Dumb.
    I suppose I’m a “fake” mom then because I only have one. Here I was thinking that I was actually a mother to a child. Huh…now I know my place. Thanks Elizabeth Banks. Wise words from a women who relies on everyone else to raise he childREN…. and had to wash bottles for 10 DAYS YALL!! AND LOST ALL OF HER NAILS!!!