• Thu, Jan 10 2013

Anonymous Mom: I’ve Been Drinking Through My Pregnancy

shutterstock_66380914Anonymous Mom is a weekly column of motherhood confessions, indiscretions, and parental shortcomings selected by Mommyish editors. Under this unanimous byline, readers can share their own stories, secrets, and moments of weakness with complete anonymity.

At eight months pregnant with my daughter, I was in pain. Women at the grocery store stopped me to congratulate me on twins. One cashier at Target just asked if I had taken fertility drugs or did twins run in my family. My feet were so swollen I could barely wear flip flops. My brother kindly nicknamed me Bilbo Baggins. And my back was spasming. When I called my doctor to ask her what I could do to get some sleep, she said, “If you want, drink some wine. No more than one glass every other day. You’re not going to hurt anyone.”

Too embarrassed to buy some of my favorite Apothic Red while I looked like the Hindenburg, I asked a friend to sneak me over some. That night, I ate pasta, drank wine and fell asleep by seven p.m. It was glorious. For the next three weeks, until I went into labor, I had a total of four glasses of wine.

I had spent the majority of nine months worrying about my water intake, my caffeine intake, my calcium, my folic acid, my weight, lunch meat, cheese, mercury in my fish, my cankles, that I was exhausted. When my doctor suggested drinking wine, I felt a huge weight lift from my shoulders. It was precisely the permission I needed to make my own decisions about what was happening to my body.

I am pregnant again. This pregnancy comes on the heels of a miscarriage. As a result, I’ve spent the past nine weeks mired in fear, doubt, worry and tears. On the day I hit the 10-week mark, I made myself a light hot toddy, sat back with a book and took a moment just to enjoy that I had a child in me. No matter how long, no matter what happened, in that moment I was pregnant and I was determined to be joyful and live in that moment. This child is mine. This body is mine and I will not spend the rest of my pregnancy afraid and paranoid.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/chrissiwit Chrissi Witkowski

    My ob also told me alcohol was fine in moderation during pregnancy; I had a total of two wine coolers during the course of my pregnancy and it made a difference-I was relaxed and able to sleep comfortably, something every woman at nine months along needs :)

    • Superabound

      Only 2 wine coolers? Then how did you manage to relax during the other 268 days of your pregnancy?

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=589133991 Kristin Marie Callaghan

      one good night of relaxation can last a while.

    • Superabound

      Light some aromatherapy candles and get your husband to rub your back. Listen to gentle music. Take a warm (not hot) bath. You know, things that DONT cause severe developmental disorders in children.

    • emilymarshall

      She did. 2 wine coolers over 9 months do not cause severe developmental disorders.

    • http://www.facebook.com/chrissiwit Chrissi Witkowski

      mostly by doing crack cocaine. hey ya gotta do what you gotta do ;)

  • msenesac

    Kudos to you! For my first, I had a glass of wine every so often (maybe 1-2/month after the first trimester) and ate lunch meat throughout the pregnancy. One of the worst parts of being pregnant was all of the unsolicited advice and judging that happened.

    • raeronola

      THIS. My sushi delivery showed up at work yesterday and this woman I work with FOLLOWED ME TO MY DESK and told me I shouldn’t be eating that, it was bad for the baby. I don’t understand what it is about being pregnant that makes your decisions public property.

    • LiteBrite

      Yeah, I remember going shopping with a friend of mine while pregnant. We had stopped for lunch, and I was telling my friend about getting my hair colored. Out of the blue, a woman sitting next to us turned to me and said, “You are NOT supposed to be coloring your hair while you’re pregnant!” She then made a tsk-tsk noise and turned away.

      When I told her the story, my OB just rolled her eyes and said, “You can color your hair. It’s fine.”

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=589133991 Kristin Marie Callaghan

      i think your not supposed to use a certain coloring agent, but salons dont use what ever that is much anymore, so the new stuff is perfectly safe. :D it’s something that was used alot in the 70′s i think. cant really remember cause i never worried about it.

    • corastacy

      I think it is one of those things that used to be true but isn’t any more because the ingredient isn’t used any more.

    • msenesac

      I got shit from a fellow pregnant coworker who was APPALLED that I was eating a Jimmy Johns sandwich. Then the catalope listeria outbreak happened (a fruit she ate a ton of) and I got a chuckle out of that.

    • lyzl

      Oh I eat so many sandwiches, it’s unreal.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=589133991 Kristin Marie Callaghan

      … omg really? -_- sushi is delishious. and if your craving it, eat it! >< people like that irritate the crap outa me

    • raeronola

      MAN I KNOW RIGHT?!?! Nobody says shit if you eat a big mac and fries but eat a freaking salmon roll and you’re off your damn rocker.

    • http://www.facebook.com/kaela.taylor.9 Kaela Taylor

      Salmons is REALLY good for you while pregnant…

    • http://www.facebook.com/kaela.taylor.9 Kaela Taylor

      I ate sushi while I was pregnant but only because the crab was.. well fake crab

    • Justme

      What does she think the women in Japan are eating while pregnant? Rice……………………………..and that’s it?

    • waffre

      Tenpura! ;)

    • http://www.facebook.com/houde.veronique Véronique Houde

      Good point! A friend of mine had a friend from Japan come over this summer, and I asked her if they ate sushi when they were pregnant and she looked at me sideways as if that was the dumbest question and said “of course”! I think that it has to do with the freshness of the fish used over here.

    • justhypatia

      Nope, all fish used in sushi preparations here in North America has to be flash frozen, killing all the little nasties that could be in there. Which makes it safer for pregnant women than the freshest of fresh.

      The freak out over raw fish is simply misguided hypochondria.

    • Holly

      No, it’s not. Freezing is not necessarily going to kill certain types of parasites.

    • http://www.3under3andaphd.blogspot.com/ 3under3andaphd

      I think it actually has something to do with the level of mercury in the seafood…

    • MsLady

      When I was pregnant with my daughter, who will be 2 on Wednesday, I craved sushi my entire third trimester. I ate it every Tuesday on the same stool at the same bar with the same juice every single time. Only raw sushi is risky while you’re pregnant, and the nice gentlemen who made my spicy crawfish and Philadelphia rolls with triple gari knew me well enough to never serve me anything hazardous. She’s a wild one, but sushi didn’t do that to her….genetics did.
      I also ate Quizno’s about twice a month after my checkups because I craved it too. But I figured it shouldn’t be so bad since they sorta toasted everything. Regardless, my daughter was born without spot or wrinkle. Never had a serious health problem in her 104 weeks of life. And I’d do it all over again.

    • Justme

      I got shamed in the Starbucks drive through for ordering (and enjoying) a coffee while pregnant.

    • TheSquirrel

      I’m just waiting for that to happen to me. I can’t function without my coffee!

    • Justme

      I threw up every day (at least three times a day) for the first five months of my pregnancy. When I FINALLY had an appetite again and could stomach the smell and taste of coffee…you better damn well believe I was treating myself to a tall skinny vanilla latte.

    • http://www.facebook.com/courtney.wooten Courtney Lynn

      I work for Starbucks and I’m on my second pregnancy. I enjoyed a tall coffee or a double shot every morning. I’m up before the butt crack of dawn, I need something! I would never tell a customer what they could or couldn’t have regardless of what I thought. It’s not my business and I don’t know the whole situation. I had a coworker tell a guy who was diabetic that he shouldn’t have sugar. As if she knew his blood sugar that day.

    • justhypatia

      I saw an obviously pregnant woman at a coffee shop flat out denied service when she ordered a coffee. I left before the actual manager got involved but it was getting nasty.

    • http://zuungols.myminicity.com/ind Bichon Bisou

      If that ever happened to me, I’d jump over the counter and start choking a bitch, Forget getting the manager involved, they’d need an ambulance!

    • AP

      I don’t get the hate on lunch meat. The biggest outbreaks of food-bourne illness, especially listeria, have been almost exclusively among produce and other plant-products. Spinach, cantaloupe, peanut butter- all “healthy” foods.

    • meg

      I believe it’s the preservatives – which ARE dangerous, to all of us, in sufficient quantities (linked to colon cancer.)

    • justhypatia

      Some people do get upset about the nitrates/nitrites but usually when I see people freaking out about it, it’s the listeria issue.

  • Rebecca

    I’ve never been a big drinker, but I did have a glass of wine back in my second trimester while at a concert with my husband. We were celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary and the show was at a winery:) I’m a member of a very relaxed book club for moms and mentioned our date. There’s one woman there who doesn’t come very often. She started flipping out about how her daughter was born with fetal alcohol syndrome and you can give it to your child with just one drink. All sorts of craziness. A few of the other moms defended me, but it was obviously a subject she was irrational about. I Definitley enjoy my cold cuts, blue cheese, and fish though. I think as long as you’re careful about how old stuff is and how well it’s been refrigerated and what not then you’ll be fine. I’m due with #3 at the end of this month and I’ve neve had an issue.

    • Blueathena623

      Out of curiosity, was it her adopted daughter or biological? Because if her biological daughter has fetal alcohol syndrome, I’m guessing she has a shit ton of guilt. Or is in serious denial about only having one drink or something.

    • Rebecca

      I never really got the story behind their relationship and I don’t know her well enough to ask. They look a lot alike, but you never know.

    • http://www.facebook.com/houde.veronique Véronique Houde

      I sometimes wonder if, when a mom has a child born with FAS, they feel ashamed and say that they ONLY had one glass… but in reality it might have been a lot more?

    • Blueathena623

      I think that if there were more cases caused by honest to god ONE drink doctors would be better able to determine that NO alcohol is safest, but I’m guessing that there aren’t too many, if any, “just one drink” cases

    • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

      THIS.

    • http://www.facebook.com/kaela.taylor.9 Kaela Taylor

      she wasn’t irrational for saying “one time is sometimes all it needs” because it’s true.. one time doing a drug can get you addicted or kill you.. it’s the same for just about everything in life. She ended up with the short end of the stick on drinking while pregnant.

    • lea

      Really? It’s true is it? Can you show me a single medical journal article or case study where a child has developed FAS from the mother consuming one drink?

    • alice

      “one time doing a drug can get you addicted” – this is simply not true.

      the problem with a large group of well-intentioned but uneducated people is this persistent misinformation. it spreads like propaganda, generating universal fear and a seriously misplaced sense of authority.

      you have no idea the biological mechanics of addiction, but you’ve been fed the same cautionary slogans that we’ve all heard: “all it takes is one time!”

      We share these hyper generalized adages because on a macro scale, they work. don’t eat lunchmeats while pregnant. one time drug use can lead to addiction.

      But we should be smart enough to recognize that generalized public safety slogans do not supersede individualized health recommendations.

  • KatieLady

    i think i am a little taken back that alcohol is what you and repliers here need to ‘feel relaxed’ while pregnant.((there are retreats, massages, specialty massages for the pregnant…)) im trying really really hard not to judge, but i am coming from the place of an adoptive mom of a child with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Effects, and i do understand what that means and the difference. but i have also read many studies about having ANY alcohol or drugs during pregnancy & what that could contribute to a child. and again- living proof in my middle son. :( i spent my time being an advocate for healthy choices for living and caring for the infant inside. its just hard to hear this… i understand that not all children will have FASE- so please–dont reply and bash me, i did say i am trying really hard not to judge. ….

    • http://www.facebook.com/houde.veronique Véronique Houde

      If you post something and say to people not to reply, then what is the point of posting your opinion in the first place? The way you phrased your response was very respectful and you are entitled to your opinion given your experience. I, like the author, would drink a glass of wine once in a while during my pregnancy (not even once a week). My naturopath often told me that stress would be a lot more harmful to the baby than a glass of wine. She even encouraged me to eat raw salmon sushi if I felt comfortable and trusted the place that was serving it because the sea weed in sushi is awesome for pregnant women, and the omega-3s in salmon are great too! I didn’t eat other raw fish, only salmon, but hey: my daughter is lying on her mat right now next to me, in excellent health :). We all have different experiences and make our own decisions. I am confident in writing this with my full name (like other posters). THere is nothing to be ashamed of.

    • Superabound

      Wow, your “naturopath” told you that? Did you get a second opinion from your witch doctor or psychic as well?

    • Lawcat

      Hey, where’d you get your medical degree from!

    • alice

      wow superbound, despite countless *personal* examples of women being told by their *personal* OB that their particular *personal* exception-to-the-rule is perfectly acceptable, you remain steadfast that THERE ARE NO EXCEPTIONS TO ANY RULES!

      hey ladies, don’t bother asking your OB for advice anymore. just ask Superabound!

    • http://www.facebook.com/houde.veronique Véronique Houde

      Um, actually, she was my doula, and also has qualifications as a naturopath and helped me find natural ways to get vitamins, iron, and other nutrients that I needed during my pregnancy. Note that DUH my doctor also supported me drinking a glass once in a while. However, I must say it every time I post on here: you are entitled to your opinion, superabound, but as a woman who is either interested in being a mom or is a mom, or will be a mom, or has been a mom, I find it shameful that you could be so insulting. If you’re going to do that, use your real name to do it – at least it’ll be less hypocritical. And hopefully, you won’t preach what you practice because you will be raising a bully.

    • Superabound

      Oh wow, a doula AND a naturopath. Which house was she from, Gryffindor or Hufflepuff?

    • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

      Okay, leave Hufflepuff out of this, man.

    • Makabit

      Wait, you don’t trust doctors, OR naturopaths, OR witch doctors, OR psychics? Come on, you gotta take advice from someone.

      ;)

    • Superabound

      The main person YOU need to be taking advice from is Jesus

    • Justme

      You mean the man that turned water into wine?

    • Holly

      Laughed so fucking hard at this comment. WELL PLAYED, SIR.

    • http://zuungols.myminicity.com/ind Bichon Bisou

      You just lost all your credibility right here with this comment. Thanks for playing!

    • Khud

      Jesus accepts and loves anyone regardless of their flaws :)

    • bumbler

      I think she didn’t mean “don’t reply at all”, she meant don’t only bash on me in your replies.

    • LiteBrite

      My OB told me that it’s not so much the alcohol that’s the problem during a pregnancy; it’s the amount. The problem is that no one really knows where that tipping point is (not to mention it’s probably different for every pregnancy) which is why it’s advised women abstain completely while pregnant.

      During my pregnancy, I had a glass of wine. DH and I also went to Ireland and I had a few sips of his beer when he had one. Our son is perfectly fine, but my experience may vary from another’s, which is why I won’t hold him or myself up as examples to advocate drinking during pregnancy.

    • StephKay

      I’ve been told much the same about smoking. That very light smokers, less than 4 or 5 a day often have the same complications and risks (as in birth weight and carrying to term) as non-smokers. The problem is every liver/placenta combo filters a little differently, so it’s impossible to tell exactly how much you’re actually exposing your baby to. Naturally that makes the best course of action to just not do it at all. But on the other hand, and I know this article is speaking in terms of the odd relaxation glass, what if we attached the ugly “addiction” word to these matters. What if we were discussing alcoholism, drug addiction or heavy smoking? Well, first of all everyone would freak out and judge her to death. It seems like everyone forgets about the principle of harm reduction and tries to shame pregnant women into total chemical abstinence, which duh, doesn’t work. I think in certain instances it really is safer to tell women with closeted addictions who just aren’t ready for recovery that the less you drink the better, that pill popping can be replaced with supervised subutex, and smoking should be greatly reduced if not phased into inhalers or patches. Seems like celebrating a woman’s efforts rather than shaming her failures would leave us with more healthy moms and babies.

      ETA- realized what your post was replying to and want to make it clear that I’m not talking about encouraging alcoholics to drink through pregnancy, and I can’t imagine the feelings this topic must bring up for a mother whose child was impacted by alcohol. I’m coming from the place of an addict who was fortunate enough to enter recovery before pregnancy, and a social worker who is baffled that harm reduction doesn’t really exist for pregnant women despite how many times it’s been proven more beneficial compared to more abstinence based philosophies.

    • anon

      I was happy to see a post like this, and I completely agree with you. I had to take a drug that could have possibly harmed my baby during my first trimester because I could not just stop taking it; I had to be weaned off of it. Even other addicts I met in treatment judged me because I was pregnant. Also, I have seen people judge and criticize women who use buprenorphine during pregnancy – when that is the absolute best thing that the woman could be doing for herself and her unborn baby!! I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that the majority of the population is uneducated about these subjects. But I just wish people would stop judging everyone else and allow them to live their lives the way they choose.

    • StephKay

      I will absolutely raise my hand proudly and declare I used buprenorphine during pregnancy. People see the “addiction management” label on these treatments and totally overlook the fact that this treatment ensured me years of living as a happy, healthy mother with happy healthy children. I think people often fail to understand the severity of dependance. In your case, while you were weaning, it probably would have been incredibly dangerous for you to put an embryo through a sudden detox. I know I’m my case if, god forbid, I had ended up pregnant during active addiction and attempted to quit cold turkey neither the baby nor myself would have survived. There are so many maintenance therapies and weaning processes that are so so so much safer, and yet we shame women for taking the responsible route for themselves and their babies. Besides, as a wise doctor once told me, with physical dependance you can either detox while pregnant, which leaves no surefire way to monitor or treat the baby (who goes through considerable distress) or you try your best to stay healthy until delivery at which point both mother and baby can go through the process in a relatively painless, medically supervised manner.

    • bumbler

      great post with a good perspective. I especially like your insight about how everyone’s body processes toxins differently, and 1 cigarette to one woman might be the same as 10 cigarettes to another, and you really just never know, but for many people abstinence is unrealistic. Pregnancy doesn’t make someone who has been struggling to take one step up Recovery Hill magically able to suddenly leap over it, lol. I’m a foster parent who always gets in the trenches with the bio parents, and I agree that every little step they’re willing to take matters, even if they’re still using in the end.

    • StephKay

      Exactly. Addition does not automatically make someone a bad mother. I genuinely believe it is technically possible to be in active addiction and maintain a positive role as a parent, but unfortunately the stigma and illegalities of drugs make that next to impossible. The addiction itself does not rob a mother of her ability to love a child, it’s all the side effects (the potential to OD with a child in the house, scoring or using around a child out of desperation, poverty cycles etc) not the mental illness causing the problem. After all if it were the addiction itself parents in recovery would be automatically unfit too, which as a mother in recovery with many friends also parenting in recovery I can say is absolutely not the case. That’s not to say children are safe in places of active addiction, it’s to say that even if an awesome foster parent like yourself or a worker like myself needs to become involved we should still focus positively on any and all steps and addict takes to better their lives and the lives of their children. Addicts are sick, and when a society starts pointing at a debilitating illness and saying “well they can’t possibly love their kids” it starts setting a really ugly precedence for mothers with other illnesses like depression or anxiety as well. If every mentally unwell parent was automatically unfit we’d have an awful lot of unfit parents out there neglecting our children, which with proper treatment is often not the case. Honestly I think the worst thing one can possibly do to a woman already struggling with addiction is to shame her endlessly and offer her little other option than a detox she isn’t ready for, or losing the children she loves. Can’t imagine how that could have a positive outcome for someone in a fragile state to begin with.

    • http://www.facebook.com/shannon.vaillancourt.kinonen Shannon Vaillancourt Stigleman

      I understand that it must be a very personal issue for you. And while I agree that an occasional glass of wine is ok, I respect your stance and appreciate the way you expressed your point of view.

    • lyzl

      I understand that this is personal for you. It’s personal for everyone. But one or two glasses during a pregnancy does not cause fetal alcohol syndrome. And wine is a natural relaxant. I think it’s important to realize than anything in excess can be harmful, even water. It’s less about what you put in your body and more about being moderate.

    • bumbler

      I know where you’re coming from. I’m a foster parent to FAS kids, and the idea of anyone drinking while pregnant makes me shudder…because like you I’ve seen what the worst of it can do to a kid. It’s like how a parent who lost their kid to an allergic reaction will flip out over parents giving a 6 month old peanutbutter, even though MOST kids can have it without the slightest problem, just like MOST mothers can drink moderately and have no ill effect on the fetus. Our exposure to the damage alcohol can do has left us hypersensitive to the fact that alcohol is a poison. It’s hard to imagine anyone “poisoning” their helpless fetus, however, it is in reality, very mild, and the human body can cope and make up for a lot. It’s almost impossible to say if even small amounts of alcohol have any effect on a fetus (because there is no clone of your baby to use as a control group). Maybe a glass of wine every other day lowered your kid’s IQ by 5 points? Made them 2% more hyperactive? Is hard to determine the significance, and there are so many other variables contributing. No one can deny that alcohol is not good for babies, but it may have benefits for the mother, and the mother is carrying the baby, and her overall wellbeing has a significant effect on the baby, so it’s a give and take.

      The other issue here that I’m sure you’re also thinking of is the mother’s who use this defense of “moderate drinking” to justify their not-so-moderate drinking. ‘My doctor said a glass of wine is fine, you’re all over reacting’ sometimes leads to a bottle of wine, or two…and then we end up with FAS kids. It’s a fine line to walk between respecting the common mother’s sense to make overall decent choices, and the risk of giving false justification to a mother who has taken things too far.

    • Makabit

      I hear everything you’re saying, but one question: is telling someone who’s going to drink heavily during pregnancy not to drink at all really going to work, anyway? Or does it just scare the hell out of people who think they’re going to harm their child with a single sip?

    • Makabit

      I understand the concern, but as the mother of a child with FASE, you undoubtedly know what level of alcohol intake is needed to produce that sort of issue. Women don’t have a glass of wine a few times a week, or champagne at a wedding, and have a child with FASE.

      A lot of people who are concerned with fetal alcohol issues take the fact that we really don’t know where the cut-off point is very literally, and insist that any amount at all is dangerous, but realistically, that’s not the case.

      Your son is lucky to have found a home with you. Thanks for taking on a hard and wonderful task.

    • Spiderpigmom

      You realize that the author had a grand total of four glasses of wine during the whole of her pregnancy, right? And you bring up FAS over it? Really???

  • Patty

    I get it. It is a choice that has been given to me during every pregnancy as well. In limited moderation; it can reduce blood pressure and allow a mother to relax. Sometimes, I wonder how many pregnancy complications are caused in relation to overt stress. Most of which comes from outside sources. I wish you the best of luck with this pregnancy!

  • Fabher

    After the second trimester i would indulge in a beer or a glass of wine when i ate. Never more than one and only once or twice a week. Now that i am 38 weeks pregnant i still do it. it relaxes me and helps me sleep. More power to you.

  • somethingobscure

    If I were you, I would tell exactly one thing to anyone who questioned you or accused you of being reckless: My doctor gave me the go ahead. And then in response to any follow ups or attempts to convince you with studies they read about on ABC news or whatever, ask where they got their medical degree. For any who are doctors themselves, recommend that they contact your physician directly so they can talk about it.

    • Superabound

      Doctors used to tell pregnant women it was ok to smoke too.

      If you drink alcohol while you are pregnant, you are putting your child’s development at risk, and you are a terrible person. If you really cant stand to go 9 months without drinking alcohol, do yourself and the world a favor and just go ahead and get an abortion.

    • msenesac

      Judgmental much? Good grief! If nothing else, the Europeans have been drinking small amounts of alcohol while pregnant and I would say they are doing pretty well.

    • Lawcat

      “…you are a terrible person” followed by “get an abortion.” Hahaha that’s rich. Pot, meet kettle.

    • Superabound

      Getting a first trimester abortion is clearly more moral than forcing a deadly poison directly into the bloodstream of your 7-9 month old fetus.

    • lyzl

      I think your attitude is more harmful to children than alcohol.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=589133991 Kristin Marie Callaghan

      really? where are all of your studies with facts and links and sources? A bit of wine is not that harmful to anyone, of course in moderation. so what an aborotion, killing a life of a wanted child is better than what? Relaxing a little. Looks like my toddler, and her toddler are doing just fine, I think i drank wine about 3 times a month while i was pregnant, and my kid is extreemly smart. Compaired to his peers he knows all his different body parts, where his heart and lungs are, his brain. He also knows a lot of the cats anotomy, and Pokemon names. Hes stubbern but i dought wine did that. I wouldn’t suggest drinking hard liquor, or beer >> eww. but wine is a lot different from other alcoholic beverages.

      Dont drink if you don’t want to. And i can’t stand to go nine months in pain with out a little help now and then. Well couldn’t. not planning on more kids for a long time. My sons extreemly smart, stubborn and normal. how did my drinking affect that? Give me sources and prove with out dought that your right and i’ll adimit i’m a horrible terrible person. but you cant do that can you? nope didn’t think so.

      *I’m not for or against abortion, Just seems more drastic than a drink of wine.*

    • Superabound

      “I drank like a college freshman all throughout my pregnancy but its ok because my son knows what a Pikachu is”, lol great argument.

      And by the way, alcohol is alcohol is alcohol. The poison that is in wine is the exact same poison that is in beer and hard liquor. Exact same chemical, exact same molecular substance. The differences between those drinks is all the stuff that ISNT alcohol. So unless it was handed to you directly by Jesus himself, wine isnt water.

      And if you you cant go 9 months without alcohol, im sorry, but youre an alcoholic. Did you smoke while you were pregnant too? I mean after all, cigarettes calm you down, and one cigarette now and then wont give you cancer. So it should be perfectly ok to smoke while youre pregnant, or even let your newborn baby smoke! I mean why not! Give that little guy a glass of his own while youre at it! Its harmless!

    • http://twitter.com/imimbles Jade

      Obvious troll is obvious, you might want to tone it down a bit.

    • Khud

      a college freshman drinks a hell of a lot more than three drinks per month just out of curiosity do you have children? Are you perfect? I am 99.9% sure that no addiction specialist would say that a total of 3 drinks a month qualifies one as an addict.

    • emilymarshall

      Except surprise! Alcohol is not poison. It is actually GOOD for people in moderate amounts and that is why this woman’s doctor recommended it.

    • Keyserisacommunist

      Crazy biaaatch. Get a life.

    • Lilly

      there is evidence that drinking small amounts of alcohol is OK and possibly beneficial

      http://news.discovery.com/human/alcohol-drinking-pregnant-women.html

    • alice

      i told my doctor how my biggest problem with pregnancy would be abstaining from sushi for nine months. she just shook her head and said “millions of women in japan have been having healthy babies for millennia. think about that.”

      your terrible advice and utter lack of perspective is just another example of ridiculous herd mentality and fear mongering.

    • Superabound

      Millions of Romans had healthy babies too and yet their entire culture was poisoning themselves with lead exposure. Your doctor is an idiot and using off the cuff and erroneous generalities and logical fallacies (Japan didnt have industrial chemical plants dumping mercury into their waters and poisoning their fish a thousand years ago, genius) to justify you putting your child’s fragile cognitive development at risk just so you can selfishly indulge your chemical addictions.

    • Holly

      Food is considered a chemical addiction now? What is she supposed to do, just stop eating during pregnancy, period? Because I’m pretty sure FUCKING ANYTHING can make someone sick.

    • lyn

      I was waiting for the sarcasm in this comment, sadly it wasn’t there. You must be a terrible person to be around.

    • Superabound

      Yeah im probably a lot less fun than a bunch of drunk pregnant mothers doing tequila shots and dancing on table tops at the expense of our future generation’s collective IQ

    • emilymarshall

      And also less fun than a pregnant woman following the advice of her physician regarding ingesting certain foods in moderation.

    • Superabound

      Alcohol isnt a “food”, its a drug, and a fetal poison.

    • emilymarshall

      Actually, wine and beer are foods. They provide calories and nutrients. They also contain alcohol and that is why they can only be ingested in moderate amounts while pregnant.
      Drinking too much wine will hurt your baby. Drinking too much water will hurt your baby. However, having either of these in a moderate amount is very healthy. That is why doctors recommend it.

    • Superabound

      Are you really comparing ALCOHOL (a literal poison) to WATER in the effects it has on a developing fetus? Dear god. Please do not have any more children, the world has enough Fetal Alcohol Syndrome babies as it is.

      Btw, wine and beer are not foods. ALL alcohol provides calories. And theyre definitely not LEGALLY considered food. A restaurant cant sell either one of them without a separate liquor license. And last time i checked, it wasnt illegal for people under 21 to buy any “food”.

      Its amazing how selfish and narcissistic this generation is where they cant even put a hold on the shameless partying for 9 months to protect their baby. I guess you think the occasional cigarette while youre pregnant is fine too, since it helps “calm you down”?

    • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

      I’m not pregnant, but I’m stepping outside and having a cigarette just to spite you.

    • Superabound

      Killing yourself just to spite someone else. What a great idea.

    • Amie

      When did a glass of wine become shameless partying? You must have been a drag in college.

    • Keyser Soze

      No i drank plenty in college, but i wasnt pregnant while i was doing it

    • Keyser Soze

      But youre right, wouldnt want your unborn baby to think her parents were boring at parties. You want to make sure to give her just enough Fetal Alcohol Syndrome for her to know how cool and popular you were “back in the day”

    • Amie

      Ridiculous… You are grossly exaggerating the issue.

    • Keyser Soze

      The only thing gross and ridiculous is people risking the mental and physical impairment of their children just so they dont look like a “drag” in college.

    • Amie

      So you are telling me that one glass of wine will mentally and physically impair a child? Please will you let my children know that then? I mistakenly had assumed they were wonderful, smart, and funny individuals. You are arguing for the sake of argument and it’s absurd. I’m going to go to bed now, but I hope you have a fantastic evening/day (not sure where you reside)

    • Keyser Soze

      Oh yes, because you obviously have a crystal ball that lets you see how your kids would have turned out had you NOT flooded their fetal bloodstreams with a deadly, development-impairing, literal poison. By all means, continue feeding your children a glass of wine every day since its so good for them. Why not give them one joint, or one crack rock a day while youre at it? Drugs are good for you, lets give all the children drugs!

    • Amie

      Both my children are happy and healthy. One I didn’t touch a drop and the youngest I drank maybe…maybe 4 glasses of wine the whole pregnancy.

    • Amie

      Also eating too much vitamin A will hurt your baby…. Everything in moderation.

    • Scarlette

      Welp this is hands done, bar NONE the most ridiculous comment I have read on this site.

      You are either Superatroll, or legally insane.

    • alice

      Superatroll. hahahaha

    • Khud

      oh please dont insult us insane

    • Makabit

      So what you’re saying is: doctors don’t know what they’re talking about, but you do, because…what, independent research? Psychic powers?

      Also, telling people that because they follow their doctor’s guidelines and do something you don’t approve of, they are ‘terrible people’ and should abort is probably not a good way of winning friends and influencing people.

    • Superabound

      Yes, obviously its because of my psychic powers. In fact, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome isnt even a real disease, but a magical curse that i personally put on the children of women who i deem to be immoral. You figured me out.

    • Makabit

      Kind of missing the point, aren’t you? Of course FAS is real. We accept that, because people who’ve done medical research–doctors–have discovered it to be true. You seem to have no problem with that. But oddly, when a doctor says, “This behavior is not risky,” your answer seems to switch to “Well, what do doctors know?”

      So tell me, how do you decide when to listen to the medical profession?

    • TheSquirrel

      I think what happens is people see these news reports and all they remember is the truncated headline “Fish=Bad for Babies”. They don’t retain the details, like that there aren’t any natural sources of DHA outside of seafood and kelp and a developing brain needs that stuff.

  • Michelle

    I’m 20 weeks pregnant and I ate sushi just a few days ago. Not cooked sushi, but full on spicy tuna roll. I had the biggest craving that was lasting for weeks and finally I just said eff it I’m eating it. I felt a little bad before I ordered but the satisfaction I had after I finished that roll was better than sex….don’t tell my husband I said that haha
    If anyone said anything to me I’d gladly tell them to go ahead and force those chopsticks from my hand.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=589133991 Kristin Marie Callaghan

      i’m pretty sure all the fish is frozen before hand anyway, so that would kill all the bactria that people are afraid of. :D

    • waffre

      If you’re in the USA I think it’s required by law for raw fish to be pre-frozen if served at a restaurant.

    • cannonball101

      That is not true. I worked at a seafood restaurant in NYC and all of our fish was fresh.

    • justhypatia

      Only fish served “raw” has to be frozen. If it’s cooked it can be fresh and all other sea food items (crabs, lobster, oyster) can also be fresh.

    • lea

      FYI freezing does not kill bacteria. Or viruses. It is actually how we store them for future use in the lab.

    • http://www.facebook.com/houde.veronique Véronique Houde

      You’re right, and a on top of that, in the thawing process, you can create a lot of bacteria if not careful.

    • Michelle

      Someone did not pay attention in biology…

    • Holly

      Completely aside from bacteria and viruses, there are parasites that can survive in uncooked fish (watch NatGeo’s “Monsters Inside of Me, a show about parasites), and some types of bacteria actually grow SPECIFICALLY in food that are refrigerated.

    • J

      Tuna in excess can cause mercury poisoning…but I think it’s okay once a week.

  • http://triplezmom.com Triplezmom

    I didn’t realize I was pregnant with my second child until I was 20 weeks along (I was nursing the older one, under stress and had no symptoms). I’d had 2 nights out with my girlfriends during that time and I started crying to my OB about it. She rolled her eyes at me and was like, 6 drinks? Please. He’ll be fine. He’s probably my healthiest kid.

  • Bay

    I’m actually really surprised how sane and rational the comments have been. When I saw there were 11 comments, I assumed most were telling the author she was a terrible, irresponsible mother. I’m glad to see that’s not the case! I think it’s ridiculous that people freak out over every little thing that a pregnant women puts in her mouth, yet they are a-ok with the processed crap most children (and adults for that matter) consume on a daily basis.

    I am 20 weeks pregnant and I pretty much started ignoring all rules for what I should and shouldn’t eat when a bag of popcorn I ate around 7 weeks was recalled for possible listeria contamination. Popcorn. To be completely safe, I can’t eat anything.

    I see no problem with a drink once in awhile while pregnant and I am also a mom who *gasp* occasionally drinks while breastfeeding too. Which according to a comment on a breastfeeding advocacy page on facebook I saw last night, pretty much makes me the worst parent, like, ever.

    • http://www.facebook.com/houde.veronique Véronique Houde

      haha I drink while breastfeeding too, but if it’s over 1 glass I do dump it (trust me i make so much it makes 0 difference whatsoever ;))

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=592188905 Bran Chesterton

      Was that a milk production brag? I don’t even know how to handle that.

    • http://www.facebook.com/houde.veronique Véronique Houde

      Why do you have to take it personally that I tell people that I have no problem producting milk? It seems that people can’t make a comment without other people feeling somehow offended. Geez

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=592188905 Bran Chesterton

      Not offended in the least, I don’t give any shits at all how much milk anyone produces – cats, cows, humans. I just don’t think it added anything to your comment besides bragging about something that I’ve read a lot of people struggle with. Like saying “Oh I just tossed that other thing out. Trust me, I make so much money it makes 0 difference whatsoever ;)” I don’t take that kind of comment personally, I just think it’s kind of unnecessary and reflects poorly on the person who says it.

    • WMV

      Well it seems you do know how to handle it, with judgement and snark.

    • http://www.facebook.com/houde.veronique Véronique Houde

      I find it funny when someone implies “I’m not offended, but I will absolutely going to take the time out of my precious day to point this out”. If I had said something like “I produce so much more milk than other women that I dump that shit” or “Other women who don’t produce as much as me aren’t worthy of my attention” or even “if you can’t produce enough milk to dump some once in a while you’re a bad mother” I could TOTALLY accept being thrown feces at like a rhesus monkey. However, I said nothing of the source. Instead, I said that I’m happy that I can allow myself to drink once in a while without stressing out about feeding my daughter, since I have enough milk. It’s less stressful for me. If as women, we stopped comparing ourselves, and stopped taking things personally when we struggle and others don’t, it would be so much easier to live as a community of strong women. Instead, I feel as though we are constantly finding reasons to bitch each other out.

    • Blooming_Babies

      Really if you don’t produce a ton of milk there is no need to dump it, alcohol dissipates from your milk dumping only helps make mom comfortable. That said offending some super sensitive commenter on the Internet should be the furthest worry from your mind, face it if you hadn’t qualified that you dump it you would have gotten a lecture on needing to.

    • http://www.facebook.com/houde.veronique Véronique Houde

      Thank you :)

    • Spiderpigmom

      Dumping doesn’t achieve anything. You have the same alcohol concentration in your milk as in your blood whether you pump or not. Only time can decrease it.

  • jsterling93

    I needed this because last night I did was “in a bad place” emotionally and I broke down. To relax and feel better my husband literally poured me a hot bath, gave me a book and a glass of wine and told me not to come out till I felt more human. I really needed that but at the same time I was consumed with guilt.

  • katydid0605

    with number three i flouted all the rules with in reason, everything in moderation, and she is beautiful and healthy. good for you!

  • Superabound

    I was just wondering….how much alcohol is it ok to feed to a newborn baby?

    • guest

      I had a glass of wine occasionally while breastfeeding. My youngest is a sophomore at Stanford. My oldest just took a job at Google. How about your kids?

    • StephKay

      I think you just won the Internet.

    • Superabound

      Wow no wonder you feel so entitled to indulge your reckless vices at the expense of others, you live a life of 1% privilege. Have fun at your country club that probably doesnt accept black people.

    • Holly

      As opposed to your country club, which thinks it’s okay to tell women with occupied wombs what their medical decisions should be, even though you aren’t a doctor?

      By the way: I AM a doctor, and there have been no studies to suggest that drinking moderate amounts of alcohol during pregnancy is harmful. Why is it that you hear a doctor say “DRINKING DURING PREGNANCY IS BAD!” and you believe them, but then a different doctor says “BUT THERE’S NO PROOF!”, and they’re the ones who are wrong? Go somewhere else, troll. Preferably medical school so that you can provide me with a proper rebuttal.

    • Josey

      Why are you just trolling comments to be negative and rude? If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all, Suerpabound. You quite obviously don’t have your medical degree either, or you wouldn’t be saying the ridiculous shit that you are.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=589133991 Kristin Marie Callaghan

      None. you do not feed alcohol to a baby directly or mixed -_- you stupid?

      if your asking about breast feeding. One glass is fine, but wait for about an hour, or pump and dump if your worried. but your wording suggested that you want to give your newborn or a newborn alcohol… >> if that’s actually the question your a nutter.

    • Nikki

      Superabound is obviously trolling, y’all. Not much you can do there.

    • Superabound

      Whats wrong with feeding alcohol to a newborn baby? I mean apparently its perfectly ok to you people to inject alcohol directly into the bloodstream of a developing fetus, so why not? You might as well give him a chance to actually enjoy the taste before your reckless decisions permanently damage his brain.

    • LiteBrite

      The standard for a newborn is a half a beer. By the time they’re one, they should be ready for a full 12 oz bottle. By age 2, you can switch them to vodka.

    • CrazyFor Kate

      Yeah, but those toddler hangovers really suck.

    • meg

      About the only thing to shut them up, though.

    • ipsedixit010

      Haha I know, right? Why are pregnant ladies even eating solid food? Don’t they know you can’t give that to a newborn baby? Who do they think they are? You can’t feed a newborn baby a Big Mac, so why are you eating it while pregnant? // sarcasm.

    • Superabound

      Big Macs are actually really unhealthy. Great point.

    • Holly

      Yes, they are – if eaten in large quantities. Just like alcohol. Eating a hamburger while pregnant isn’t going to make your baby be born with a food addiction. Drinking occasionally while pregnant isn’t going to give your baby FAS. Smoking weed every six months isn’t going to make you a drug addict, either. It’s REPEATED BEHAVIOR that’s the problem.

    • emilymarshall

      The amount that a newborn gets from their breastfeeding mother having one drink is okay. According to studies, it might actually be beneficial.

  • Samantha_Escobar

    I think it’s awesome that you wrote about this considering it’s definitely a touchy subject with most people. I doubt I’d be able to drink during pregnancy — because I know it wouldn’t relax me since I’m far too paranoid for my own good, thus defeating the purpose of a relaxing glass of wine — but I would certainly not judge somebody who does. As for other people bursting into tears because they wouldn’t make the same choices you do, I find that a bit melodramatic; it’s understandable to feel some disdain for those whose choices differ from ours immensely, but it’s an entirely other thing to make them feel bad about that because you’ve had your issues and would choose differently.

  • niki

    Here’s my pregnacy confession: I drank nothing but sweet tea my entire pregnancy. Well, actually just the second and thrid trimester. I was far too sick my first trimester to keep anything down. The hyperemesis was so bad I had to wear an IV 24/7 for eight weeks. Once I could finally keep something down, that something was sweet tea. I didn’t care about the caffeine and neither did my doctor. She was just so happyn I was hydrated. I also sweetened my tea with sweet n low if full fledged sweet-tea wasn’t available. Splenda and Equal didn’t taste right to me so only sweet n low would do. My daughter was healthy and happy. I understand why a woman who is struggling with infertility would find it so offensive that pregnant women do things that are supposedly “forbidden” but some of us were just doing the best we could. I certainly wasn’t going to allow myself to get sicker because I was afraid of caffeine.

  • Justme

    I was having extreme anxiety attacks and was a big ol’ ball of stress the last three weeks of my pregnancy. You can bet I’ll be fixing myself a glass of wine if I run into the same situation with my next pregnancy.

  • zeep

    Congratulations, your child is now at risk for Fetal Alcohol Syndrome! And by “congratulations” I mean “what the hell is wrong with you”.

    • Cat

      Congratulations, you are now on the short list of ‘most ill-informed, baselessly judgemental and poorly punctuated comments on this post’. And by “congratulations” I mean what the hell is wrong with you?

  • http://www.facebook.com/kaela.taylor.9 Kaela Taylor

    I don’t believe in having any alcohol while pregnant. Just because a doctor says it is ok.. doesn’t mean that it is. They could say it’s fine now then 6 months down the line change their mind. It took me 5 years to get pregnant.. without fertility drugs (I refuse to do that to my body). I was not going to risk it. I ate extremely healthy with her and as a results she’s extremely healthy outside the womb.. she was well below the average on jundac when she was born. At 6 weeks she started rolling over and at 11 weeks she’s trying to sit up by herself. I see drinking while pregnant as selfish. When I was pregnant it wasn’t about me.. if I had back pain.. I used my heating pad, my ice hot, and would get a back massage from my husband.

    • lyzl

      I hate to break it to you, but no one is giving out medals. Also, my daughter is extremely healthy and intelligent and well-behaved and I had wine while pregnant with her, while bfnig and I took tylenol, ate lunch meat and rolled around naked in sushi. Sort of.

    • http://www.facebook.com/kaela.taylor.9 Kaela Taylor

      if I was going for a medal.. I would of mentioned my labor and how easy it was. I still think it’s extremely selfish. I don’t want a stupid thing I do to affect my childs mental state.

    • Cat

      Oh, so THAT’s why I never got my medal. Denied by a life-saving Caesarian!

    • http://www.facebook.com/tammy.marzolf Tammy Marzolf

      How selfish are you to have a Csection! Don’t you know that giving birth quietly in a candlelit room while Yani is playing is the only healthy thing for your child!

      (My csection baby was born beautifully, with no broken blood vessles in his face and slept through the night for the first night – although not much after that for awhile. I think the natural birth thing if possible is because it’s better for the mom. But having a living child was even better for me.)

      I find people who are so judgemental with others are so because they are insecure in their own parenting. This way they can say “I may feed them boxed mac and cheese, but I would NEVER drink while pregnant, so I can’t be that bad of a mom.”

    • http://www.facebook.com/houde.veronique Véronique Houde

      I understand your point, and at the same time, natural births are not only best for the mother, they are best for a lot of reasons, IF the mother chooses this for herself. I mean, if a woman fears the pain of labour more than death, perhaps it’s not a good idea to go through the pain. Or, if there are medical complications that demand medical interventions, well, then it’s not the best either. Anyway, it’s not the point of this article, but I thought I would make an aside note and at the same time support your point too.

    • Cat

      Candlelight and Yani sounds like the worst date ever! I award you a medal for that comment!

      I’m with you about insecurity. For my part a csection that saved both mine and my daughter’s life was a no-brainer but at the same time I have zero tolerance of the attitude that I’ve come across that it’s ok only because of those circumstances. Is it ideal to choose a csection for no medical reason? Probably not. But is it any of my business? Nope.

    • http://www.facebook.com/houde.veronique Véronique Houde

      I think you would have gotten a medal for surviving a difficult labour more than for an easy labour, no ;)?

    • http://www.facebook.com/courtney.wooten Courtney Lynn

      I had the occasional glass of wine and ate lunch meat and hot dogs sometimes. My son is in the 90th percentile for height, weight and was trying to sit up at 2 months old. He is developing language skills pretty early and already knowingly saying “mama”. What’s your point?

    • anon

      im not specifically replying to you – but to everyone criticizing kaela taylor.

      everyone here is going on and on about not judging and accepting a woman’s right to choose whether or not she wants to drink… yet they are judging kaela taylor’s decision to NOT drink! All she did in her post was state HER opinion on drinking during pregnancy. She did not criticize another woman’s choice to have a drink. All she said was that SHE did not believe in it.

      Can we all take our own advice and accept that everyone has their own opinions and the right to state these opinions?

    • Cat

      I can’t see anything in the comments that judges anyone for their decision not to drink. I do see a lot of people calling out some comments that came across as pretty sanctimonious and judgemental.

    • Makabit

      I’m about to give birth, and I haven’t had a drop of alcohol for ten months. I’m a little cranky about that, but here we are. Probably going to go another two years, since I’m also nervous about doing it while breastfeeding.

      But if this baby is, God willing, healthy and smart, it probably won’t be because I was so careful not to have a glass of wine.

    • http://www.facebook.com/courtney.wooten Courtney Lynn

      Saying that you simply don’t want to drink in your pregnancy is one thing. That’s fine. She was, however, being judgmental. I don’t care who drinks or who doesn’t but don’t imply that my child is going to be behind in development because I choose to have the occasional glass.

    • Holly

      No one is judging her for her decision not to drink. They’re pointing out how judgmental she is. Calling someone else for being a bigot doesn’t mean that you’re being a bigot too for ~being mean~.

    • Khud

      I think it was more her criticizing others than her choice not to drink people are judging

    • CrazyFor Kate

      Okay, Sanctimommy, thanks for the anecdotal evidence.

    • Justme

      I ate Arby’s for three months straight and my not yet two-year-old did her first somersault this morning.

      I mean, since we’re all bragging about our awesomeness, I’ll go ahead and throw my hat into the right.

    • Justme

      Should say “ring,” not right.

    • Kitiem3000

      “Just because a doctor says it is ok.. doesn’t mean that it is.”

      Stupidest. comment. ever. But then again, I’m the kind of person who takes 6 years of medical training more seriously then their own opinions on the subject.

    • emilymarshall

      8 if you count undergrad, 11+ if you count residency. But who’s counting? ;)

    • Makabit

      You’re the second person I’ve seen bring up that doctors are sometimes mistaken, and that information changes over time.

      That’s true. (Doctors in the 50s told women to smoke during pregnancy because they wouldn’t gain weight if they did. Jesus. Can you imagine?) But at the same time, the current state of research and knowledge is what we have. We know alcohol can be dangerous during pregnancy because of medical research. It’s not something intuitive that everyone knows.

      I get being really careful during pregnancy, especially when it took a long time to get pregnant, but at the same time, you didn’t develop your idea of what a healthy diet is all by yourself–it came from doctors. Researchers. Scientists.

    • Holly

      Did you have painkillers during birth? An epidural, maybe? Well, a doctor said that was okay, so now you’re a hypocrite. How does it feel to realize that you let your baby have narcotics for your own comfort, but you’re judging other people for having a glass of wine for THEIR own comfort?

  • Ligeia

    It’s pretty interesting to me that the “official” rules of what we can and can’t consume seem to vary quite a bit depending on where we live. As an online community with members from around the world we should maybe exercise a little more tolerance, and remember that things like the occasional glass of wine have been given the ok (and in some cases suggested) by these women’s doctors.

    Here in Sweden, alcohol even in small amounts is frowned upon, but caffeine in moderation is perfectly normal and acceptable. I have been lucky in that I have had zero interest in booze the past 9 months, so it hasn’t been something I’ve ever given a thought to, but I wouldn’t like someone forbidding me from my one little cup of espresso. And you know what, a friend was even recommended by her doctor to have a cup of coffee after lunch, to help with her low blood pressure.

    Personally, I’m counting the hours till I can have brie, blue cheese, or beer sausage again… but I also know women that happily ate brie throughout the pregnancy without incident ;)

    • Harriet Meadow

      I live in the US, and a nurse, nurse practitioner, and my OB all told me that one cup of coffee a day was more than fine. Most studies suggest 200 mg (about 2 cups of coffee) a day is harmless. But many people still think that ANY caffeine is harmful, and even my mom, who is a very tolerant and open-minded person, took some convincing when she first found out I was still drinking coffee.

  • Pidge

    Ah: an article with a spirit of “don’t judge” manages to get in a not-so-subtle dig to another woman’s parenting choices (i.e., allowing her son to play football). This is why we can’t all just get along.

  • http://profiles.google.com/moniquer83 Monique Rodriguez

    Power to the author. Everyone is so quick to point a finger and judge. Her body, her decision. If she was getting piss-drunk every time she drank, i would say Yes, let intervene. But she isnt.
    If drinking isnt your thing, then good for you. You are doing what is best for your body. If her drinking a glass of wine every other day does something to YOUR body, then say all you want. And then seek help. Professional help.

  • Zsan

    Todo a su medida

  • K.

    a) Not everything that goes wrong in a pregnancy or in a fetus’ development is the direct result of the mother’s behavior. But our culture seems to think that if your pregnancy isn’t textbook or your child is born with disabilities, it must be your unhealthy lifestyle, unhealthy egg, or unhealthy womb. It never crosses anyone’s mind that perhaps it was Dad’s unhealthy sperm caused by all those tight jeans he liked to wear in the 80s (not that that’s appropriate either, but you know what I mean).

    b) I did not meet a SINGLE person while I was pregnant who could cite a reputable scientific study published in a peer-reviewed scientific journal that evidenced whatever warning they were spouting about coffee, shellfish, alcohol, luncheon meat, antidepressants, dyeing your hair, so on and so forth. Oh wait–I did know someone who could: ME. Because I actually researched shit on my own pregnancy, rather than watched a 30 second segment on “The Today Show” and then went around accosting strangers about their bodies.

    c) You know what the number one thing a woman can do that has the highest statistical probability of harming her unborn child?

    It’s go for a drive.

    …But it’s much easier to condemn the California rolls.

    • bumbler

      haha so true about the risk of driving. Fear is all relative though, right!

    • Teleute

      I was a complete 100% purist about everything I consumed during my pregnancy. No caffeine, no nicotine, no alcohol (not a drinker, so it wasn’t a problem), no medications (not even tylenol), only pasteurized eggs, organic whenever possible, no sushi, no tuna, no lunchmeats, no feta cheese, no artificial sweeteners/colors/flavorings/whatever — you name it, if there was any hint of a suggestion I should avoid it, I would have dropped it in a heartbeat. The only thing I refused to surrender was restlessly dying my hair, which some people found hypocritical. (It’s not like I was “sampling” the stuff, than you very much!) The fact that I was doing all these other things for myself and my fetus seemed to slip completely under the radar.

      When my boss’s boss finally asked what I would do if the baby came out with blue hair and skin, I shrugged and replied, “Exploit him over the Internet. Charge admission. Why, what would you do?” (He found this hilarious and let me keep the color.)

      While the science on most (if not all) of the above is a little bit shaky, I’m pretty sure that if you’re eating a crappy diet AND regularly consuming caffeine / alcohol / raw eggs / OTC medications during your cigarette breaks, there’s a pretty good chance the baby WILL come out with blue skin (if not the hair). Fortunately, most woman have sound enough judgement to decide for themselves what lifestyle modifications their pregnancy calls for. And if they can’t figure it out on their own, that’s what prenatal care is for.

    • Madame Mama

      I guess I’m lucky to be surrounded by medical professionals lol. Hubby and all our friends work at a hospital, never once been scolded about eating my favorite spicy salmon rolls from my favorite sushi place. I think only one person has brought up anything about it, and it was ‘don’t eat a lot of tuna or mackrel because of the mercury content’. I also drink coffee from time to time, had maryland crabs when my mom came to visit, eat subway (heated up cuz its better that way), and my baby is being born today at 41 weeks and one day. He’s strong and healthy and wouldn’t come out for anything. Society loves to scare people nowadays. :)

  • madparkma

    I completely agree with your sentiment about not spending your pregnancy afraid and paranoid. How is promoting a culture of fear within yourself conducive to creating a healthy baby? I have not changed one thing about my diet – sushi, deli meat, soft cheeses, the occasional glass of wine, sugar – and I have felt great the entire time and suffered minimal pregnancy side effects. And I don’t fear labor. Being a pregnant alcoholic is one thing, but there are NO scientific studies – not one – that link a glass of wine a day to any adverse impacts on a pregnant woman or her baby. Our physical health is so often affected by our mental state in ways that we cannot even perceive. Let’s all try to be kind to ourselves and one another – what better example to set for your future child?

  • jes

    seriously, the Europeans have been drinking wine for generations, and they are still producing without hesitation AND having healthy children. If we followed all the hypes about what we should and should not eat (whether preg or not) humans wouldn’t eat at all! Let’s not forget that several babes are made after a couple glasses of wine lol ;o)

  • Sonsy

    This past Christmas, my inlaws were horrified when a pregnant family member ate food with alcohol in it. I told them to chill out. Then I asked why its totally fine to go to a hospital, get pumped full of synthetic hormones and opiates when in labor, but a glass of wine during pregnancy makes her a bad person? They think I’m crazy anyway.

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  • Anujin

    You know, it’s your body and your pregnancy and you can do what you want with it. But man–as the parent of a child who is on the fetal alcohol spectrum (and for the record, it’s a spectrum disorder that can be devastating to child’s development irregardless of the amount of alcohol consumed) I really really hope you are doing diligence about researching the *possible* effects of drinking while pregnant. Because with every drink of alcohol you ARE risking harm to your baby–there is no hard and fast rule about how many drinks can cause damage.

    • emilymarshall

      I am pretty sure her doctor has examined the research and made his or her recommendation with that knowledge.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jen-Clark/100000568225513 Jen Clark

    I think I probably had 4 small glasses of red wine during my entire pregnancy. I really couldn’t stand all the “public opinions” when it came to my pregnancy, everything from I shouldnt be wearing large tank tops and sneakers, to I shouldn’t be walking around out side of the house at all. When I went into a check up which consisted of a nurse, dietitian, and lactation consultant, at the end of the day I was basically told the only thing I was allowed to eat was carrot sticks and steamed broccoli (no butter, salt pepper or cheese), and if I dared eat any meat at all, only chicken and it had to be frozen to a certain temp. for a certain time, then boiled, then baked (no seasoning of course). And I was only allowed to drink water and added in no makeup, no finger polish, no hair color, and most beauty products were a no no. I got tired of everyone trying to control me during my pregnancy, so I just lived my usual day to day life, with morning coffee and weekly sushi, I had the healthiest baby girl I’d ever seen.

  • PSG

    Everything in moderation.

    If I recall, the reports generally addressed woman that consumed ‘binging’ amounts of alcohol (pre-pregnancy Friday night hammer levels) or daily consumption. There is a lot of official data out there that suggests drinking alcohol regularly during pregnancy can cause ______, but if you do one search you’ll find five different medical opinions concerning severity.

  • kmeghan

    If a doctor okays it, why do people freak out? Women have been having babies for millions of years. And in places where ale/beer was healthier to drink than the water. If you’re being careful, and everything is going well with the baby, people can just shut their mouths.

  • Brit

    I cried just reading this because this feels like exactly my story! I recently had 2 miscarriages and feel like I’ve been living in fear and anxiety. My dr. told me with my first pregnancy (which we have a beautiful baby girl from) that it was okay to have a glass of wine once and a while so tonight I poured myself a small glass of wine and was looking for research to make me feel like I wasn’t the worst mother in the world and this helped. Thanks :-)

  • Abigale

    In a perfect world there wouldn’t be such a thing as alcoholism. When I first seen this I thought it was going to be about a woman with alcoholism. If you or someone you know has an alcohol problem especially pregnant… you should seek immediate help if it is you, or urge the person you know who might have a problem to do so. Although I know from experience that when I was an alcoholic I wouldn’t do such a thing because I didn’t first off want to give it up and secondly I didn’t want everyone to find out. If anyone reads this comment that is struggling I can tell you the best thing I ever done for myself, my baby and those who loved me was GET HONEST. Your going to have to get honest with yourself and with those around you. I was at the hospital for like the millionth time crying afraid I was dying or going to have a seizure from alcohol withdrawal (which I had had one before) and I told the dr. that my mother and other family members could not find out about my alcoholism no matter what and he looked at me and said you need to shout it from the roof tops! At the time I was befuddled but now I understand what that meant. Although this was not my awakening I have remembered it. It was one of these hospital visits that I found out I was pregnant. I figured well, now I cant just think of myself this is the answer to my prayers, I can finally quit… right? What I can tell you from here is that alcoholism is a serious disease and from what I have learned and experienced, you DO need professional help. This can be very difficult especially for someone like me who preferred to be alone with my bottle at all times, not to mention having to have alcohol in my system to be semi comfortable around others. My depression/anxiety and alcoholism just fed off of each other. My hospital visit when I found out I was pregnant turned into a stay. Not only was I severely withdrawing, but my body was seriously malnourished. I was never offered help for my alcoholism there. I am not sure why but I wasn’t. The help was offered a little over a year later when my old routine of drinking constantly returned. I am going to share with you that I did drink during my pregnancy. I will say that it was not everyday or even every week but I did. I hated myself and to this day still struggle to even believe that I deserve the next breath that I drawl. I look at my beautiful child everyday and wonder why am I so blessed? It sure wasn’t anything I done. whether you believe in God or not, I know he is real. The man I pray to everyday has blessed me with the most beautiful healthy baby on the planet. I am not writing this for anyone to comment on or to like… If I wanted that I would have a facebook… The reason I am posting this is because I hope someone can read it and get help, be brave and get honest. One might say only a monster would drink while pregnant, I can tell you this… I am not perfect that has been shown by this post and I show it everyday. But what I am is a mother, daughter, sister, friend, and a recovering alcoholic…and to the outside world I look quite normal. I have read more about fasd and alcoholism while pregnant more than I could imagine anyone could and from what I can tell so far my baby if anything seems advanced. That does not mean there couldn’t be future problems but I talk and pray to God everyday to protect her and to not let my shortcomings affect such a beautiful heaven sent angel. If you are pregnant and drink its never too late to quit because from what I have gathered scientist do not know exactly how much is too much. Looking back I wish I would have gotten the help I needed before I was pregnant. The only thing I can do is look forward. Its never okay to drink alcohol if you know you have the disease of addiction…cause one is too many and 1000 is never enough. If you do decide to start commenting on this post you can do so… I will never be back on here to see it because I know how cruel people can be. I just hope this reaches someone who could put it to use. Its never too late to get help. and if your pregnant its never too late to quit drinking. Your baby is worth quitting for. I could never have imagined being happy sober but I am. I am so happy and so thankful for my angel darling. The very person I cant stand to have one little whimper or worry I put in harms way because of alcoholism. In my eyes my daughter is ultimately who saved me, and I will spend forever making up for the past and making her present better and better with each day. With God ALL things are possible. God… grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen

  • Serenity

    Oh, I bet you ladies are gonna get a huge laugh outta this one. An article came out abt PETA “you shouldn’t eat chicken wings while pregnant with a boy.” Supposedly it will male their penis smaller.

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