All You New Year’s Eve Party People Have Fun On Amateur Night, I’ll Be In Bed By Nine

shutterstock_77688382I hate New Year’s Eve. I always have. New Year’s Eve is the holiday equivalent of the Sunday night 60 Minutes signature Aristo stopwatch ticking, which is probably the saddest sound on earth. New Year’s Eve is amateur night, when people get all dressed up and go out into the freezing winter night, trudging with silk heels through filthy snow-plowed curbs to make their way to overcrowded bars, eight dollar glasses of eight dollars a bottle “champagne” and cheap paper tiaras made from silver cardboard and dayglo feathers.

I’d rather be in bed.

It’s not just because I have kids and I loathe being hungover and it’s cold out and I don’t feel like putting on a dress, New Year’s Eve is just a sad holiday for me. It doesn’t signify a happy new beginning and a fresh start and all that other resolution nonsense, it signifies another year older, another year that I didn’t accomplish everything I wanted to, another year gone by with children getting bigger. I shouldn’t have bickered so much with relatives. I should have gotten really into hot yoga. I should have cleaned out my basement storage room.

I know every minute we can make a fresh start. I know I can make the apologist phone calls. I know I can start donation boxes. I know I can do anything I want to do to better my life, and myself, at any given second of any given day. It just feels like New Year’s Eve looms over my life like a big black reminder of all the failures of the previous year. Not to be too maudlin about it, and trust me, I am quite happy and I realize how amazingly blessed I am, but I really should have volunteered more.

It’s not just the reflecting on how last year kinda sucked that gets me, its the fact that I don’t want to go out. I don’t want to leave my kids with an extortionist babysitter, I don’t want to drive on icy roads in fear of drunk drivers, I don’t want to go to an overcrowded bar and raise a glass with the high-strung drone of Gangnam Style thundering in the background.

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  • Carinn Jade

    I’ll be right there with you Eve! My husband and I just got back from our day date – who needs midnight? Happy New Year!

  • Andrea

    You are not the only one. I never liked NYE either. It’s just a change in the calendar and there seems to be OMG SO MUCH PRESSURE to be at the best party, to hang out at the best bar, to eat at the best restaurant..blah blah blah. I too find it slightly depressing because by now I am overloaded on holiday cheer (even though I do love the season) and I just want everything to go back to normal. I want to end all the eating, I want the kids to go back to school, I want to rid the house of all Xmas crap, and I want my work routine back.

  • Tea

    My husband and I are going to have an awesome meal (and lots of home-made liqueurs!) safe at home, because there’s no way in hell we’d be driving home at odd hours of the morning in New England snow.

  • LiteBrite

    I’m not a huge fan of NYE either for many of the reasons you mentioned. It also was my grandmother’s birthday, and the holiday reminds me of how much I miss her. Plus, to be honest, Sandy Hook ruined much of my holiday spirit, and I just don’t feel like a party, party, party tonight.

    But I AM going out because my two close friends got a hotel room which I monetarily committed several weeks ago – when I was in the spirit – and I would be a jackass if I cancelled on them this late in the game. So, I’m going to go and watch them flirt with guys (they’re both divorced) while I down another exorbitantly priced vodka and bug my husband with texts while he’s trying to watch a Transformers marathon.

    However you’re celebrating, I hope everyone does have a safe NYE and wonderful New Year’s Day.

  • C.J.

    I always thought it was kinda a waste to spend that much money on going out for one night. Even before we had kids we never went to the bars or restaurants on NYE. We would go to a friends party or have one at our house. Now that we have kids we make a bunch of appetizers and let the kids stay up to see the ball drop. It is nice family time, sometimes with a couple close friends included.