I was wracking my brain trying to figure out what to write about today. Holiday weekends are notoriously slow for celebrity news, so I was about to default to some New-Year’s-resolutions-super-post. Then I remembered that I don’t make New Year’s resolutions. But not before I stumbled upon Celebuzz, and Snooki‘s new blog. Her post on Friday was about New Year’s resolutions. I had the unfortunate experience of realizing that Snooki had beat me to the punch, while simultaneously realizing that I was the most unoriginal person on the planet. Ouch.
Snooki is officially a blogger now. And she’s a mom, so I guess she’s a mom-blogger. Snooki and I have the same job. Only I’m guessing she gets paid a lot more for hers. Since I’m already on her site, I may as well see what her New Year’s resolutions are. Maybe I’ll make the same ones. Then we can have a competition that only I know and care about. I can beat Snooki at something, thus vindicating the fact that a woman who was made famous by her spray tan and inability to hold liquor makes more money than I will ever see in my lifetime.
Snooki’s New Year’s Resolutions, 2013
1. Lose weight. I can totally beat her at this, simply because I have way more weight to lose. I’m currently pregnant so I can’t start now, but I think if I just cut the daily Kit-Kat out of my life once the baby is born, I’ll be on my way. Then again, I can have deli meat again. And bacon. And hot dogs. Well – we’ll see how it goes.
2. Make money. This is going to be tough. Unless I can think of some gimmick that propels me to super-stardom, she’s totally going to win this one. I’m going to start getting serious about Powerball. I think that’s my best chance.
3. Be a better person. Hmm. I judge people for a living. I could stop doing that, and totally change my writing style and creative voice. Maybe I’ll rent The Secret. And start taking Deepak Chopra’s daily tweets seriously, instead of making fun of them.
4. Always be there for Lorenzo. I could try to always be there for Lorenzo (Snooki’s son), but I might get slapped with a restraining order. That may propel me to super-stardom as the masses see that I am, in fact, not a creepy stalker but a very able writer whose talents are under-utilized.
5. Always keep happy. I’ve got this one in the bag. With the departure of my pregnancy hormones and the return of my support network (coffee maker and bottle of wine), 2013 will undoubtedly be awesome. The new baby on the way should occasionally put a smile on my face, too.
Snooki is always entertaining. You can visit her new blog on Celebuzz.com.