shutterstock_106721525Congratulation to all of the pre-born babies of the world, those who reside in some of your wombs, taking up valuable organ space and getting the hiccups at two a.m. when you haven’t had a decent night sleep in three trimesters! The  terrorists pro-life organization Operation Rescue, responsible for fan favorites “Let’s Bomb This California Woman’s Clinic” and “Here’s A List Of Doctors Who Perform Abortions So You Can Easily Stalk Them” have announced the recipient of the 2012 Malachi Award! I hope all the fetuses “pre-born” babies are ready for their closeups and aren’t gaining too much preborn baby weight and all have little Dior couture and Tom Ford tuxedos to wear! From Christian Newswire.com:

Operation Rescue has announced that it is awarding the Pre-Born Children with the 2012 Malachi Award.”As we near the 40th memorial of the Roe v. Wade Supreme Court decision that decriminalized abortion in America, we can look back and see how the public attitudes have changed toward pre-born babies,” said Troy Newman, President of Operation Rescue. “In 1973 most folks thought that these developing children were just clumps of cells or blobs of tissue. Even as late as 1996, only a third of Americans identified themselves as pro-life. Through the advances in science and technology coupled with the hard work of the Pro-Life Movement, the humanity of a pre-born baby is no longer in question in an age when a child’s first baby picture is very often an ultrasound image. Today, a full 50% of our countrymen proudly embrace the ‘pro-life’ moniker despite the fact that abortion is the most polarizing issue facing our nation. Our nation’s laws are beginning to reflect this new-found concern for the plight of the pre-born through a record number of pro-life laws enacted over the past two years.”

First off, I love the term “pre-born.” Because I, like most “folks” always assumed my “pre-born” children were just clumps of tissue until they actually became big enough to be babies. I never faulted them for this, I just sort of assumed that everyone has to start somewhere and if the pre-born babies we all carried inside of us were the size of post-born babies it would be a bit uncomfortable. But I think we all know that by giving them this cute little term, the pro-life movement is doing everything in their power not to use the more scientific terms of “embryo” or “fetus.”

What bugs me most about the entire pro-life mindset is that their entire hive-mind notion is that women LOVE getting abortions. That any woman who has an abortion is just like “Hell yeah, I am going to go get me an abortion today and it’s going to be the best day ever!” I’m gonna say this once, and I ain’t gonna say it again. Women don’t get abortions for fun. It just doesn’t happen. I have yet to meet, read about, or hear about this one time at summer camp where women got abortions for fun. Even the most pro-choice woman who is a gazillion percent okay with her decision to terminate her pregnancy would not call getting an abortion a good time. At the cleanest and nicest and most comfortable and wonderful clinics staffed with caring and amazing staff, there is no woman who enjoys getting an abortion. I think abortions should be safe, legal and rare. Embryo, preborn baby, whatever you call it.

For all you pre-born babies out there, congratulations on your award! For all of you pre-conceived babies, who are just a wistful thought in your parent’s hearts, who are just a twinkle in the sky, who are maybe just a drunk conversation about what a couple may be doing in five years, better luck next year, suckers!  The views of this article are just my opinion, and do not reflect the opinions of mothers, women, and pre-born babies the world ever. Because what do I know anyway? I’m just a pre-dead person.

(photo: Peter Sobolev /shutterstock)