• Thu, Dec 6 - 11:05 am ET

Anonymous Mom: I Hate That My Husband Smokes Pot

Anonymous Mom is a weekly column of motherhood confessions, indiscretions, and parental shortcomings selected by Mommyish editors. Under this unanimous byline, readers can share their own stories, secrets, and moments of weakness with complete anonymity.

Before we got married, my husband smoked pot morning to night. As many users do, he used it as a way to cope early in life rather than developing healthy (sober) coping mechanisms. This developed into a serious habit, one that didn’t seem worth breaking before he had a family. However, when we got married, he seemed to have no trouble quitting. He still smoked cigarettes, but marijuana was a thing of the past. It went on like this for at least a couple of years, and he didn’t seem to even experience withdrawal. I was truly impressed. He even quit smoking cigarettes while I was pregnant.

Then we had a baby. I responded to the stress of it by focusing all of my energy on that baby. He responded differently, resuming his cigarette habit immediately, and resuming smoking pot shortly after. He even rationalized it by saying the habit wasn’t full-blown because he never sought out weed on his own — he just smoked it when it was offered to him. When work became stressful and coworkers offered it, he would smoke at work. Although he realized the danger of smoking pot on the job and vowed to stop doing it at work, he has now resumed buying it and doing it at home. He smokes outside, so our child isn’t exposed to it, but it still alters his perception and sometimes makes him too sleepy to care for our child (which, of course, leaves the responsibility solely to worn-out, stay-at-home me).

The worst thing that happens is when he has a day off and, for whatever reason, can’t get any marijuana. He turns sullen, like a teenager, and quick to anger. It’s tough enough for me to care for a crying child, but add in the stress of knowing anything I say to my husband — any misinterpreted glance or comment — has the potential to turn on a dime into a raging fight and I’m left feeling utterly hopeless. And when my husband claims he’s just in a bad mood for no reason and I suggest it’s because he hasn’t smoked that day, he goes instantly into defensive mode. I can’t win.

What really gets me is that I quit smoking cigarettes for many years, and just recently I’ve decided to start again. I don’t smoke pot. However, a few of my friends (who do smoke pot) criticize the hell out of me for resuming my cigarette habit, all the while merrily smoking pot with their thumbs up their asses. They don’t say a word to my husband, however, as he goes about smoking both cigarettes and weed.

Why would they tear me apart and not even suggest what my husband is doing is wrong? I can’t help but think it’s another one of those stupid double standards that apply only to moms…moms must do A, B and C but don’t even think about X, Y or Z. Dads, however, you get gold stars just for showing up! I guess it’s enough that he isn’t absent, a crackhead or in prison. Awesome.

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  • http://twitter.com/mariaguido Guerrilla Mom

    It’s not about the substance itself – you are dealing with someone who has an addiction and are suffering from all the ways that addiction ruins relationships and families. People consider marijuana addiction to be benign. So many people even argue that it isn’t addictive. But an emotional/mental addiction can be just as destructive as a physical one. Unfortunately, I think in these situations it becomes more about how much you are willing to tolerate, rather than waiting for someone else to change. I’m really sorry – if you feel comfortable doing so, maybe you should reach out to some support groups for families dealing with addiction. You may be able to get some sound advice or comfort there.

  • Angela

    I don’t blame you for being concerned. If your husband is busted he could lose a lot more than his job. A neighbor of mine got into a car accident a few years ago where there was unfortunately a fatality. He was not high at the time and had not smoked a joint in over a week but marijuana stays in your system for a long time (upward of a month) so when the police tested him for drugs it was positive and of course he couldn’t prove that he wasn’t high when the accident occurred. Because of this he was charged with manslaughter and served 2 years of jail time (after losing their home and racking up $60,000 in legal fees). Personally I feel this was hugely unfair to him and his young family (his kids were 1 and 3 at the time) but it has been an eye opener to how risky drug use can be. Most states have extremely harsh penalties for drug offenders and I’ve learned that (in our state at least) that anyone involved in an accident involving injury/fatality where the driver tests positive for drugs will serve at least a year in jail with very few exceptions, even if the accident wasn’t their fault.

    • Anonymous Dad

      Dear anonymous mom,
      The fact that you smoke cigarettes yourself and are cool if your husband does makes you extremely dumb! Cigarettes will kill you and you baby is gonna love watching you die of cancer when they are older! And as for you husband? Even weed can’t completely cure “douche bag”. Also, I can guarantee you are the only who believes you don’t “nag” your husband. My advice, get a divorce!

    • meah

      Helpful. *eyes rolling*

    • Anonymous Dad

      Blaming weed for your problems is silly, take ownership and responsibility for your problems and go see a marriage counselor.

    • alice

      Dear Anonymous Dad,

      That fact that you posted makes you extremely douchey! Douchiness leads to alienation and masturbating in your own tears. Your wife is gonna love watching you die in a deep douchey pit of tear-stained ejaculate.

      my advice, get a book on transactional analysis!

  • mel

    Guerrilla Mom—you are absolutely right and there’s no better advice to give than what you’ve said. Anonymous Mom, please don’t be afraid to seeks help.

  • ellen

    I’m so sorry that you feel stuck and frustrated. I am a drug counselor and I also have a husband who smokes pot except that his is infrequent (once a month maybe) and not allowed in our home. I would prefer none at all but I’ll settle for him being high with friends when he is not home as long as I am not overwhelmed caring for the baby that day. What you describe here is a codependent relationship with an addict. Marijuana is not physically addictive so there is no chemical withdrawal from its effects. What your husband is experiencing is a psychological withdrawal from his cravings. Withdrawal only happens to those who use too much of something. Hang overs are really mild alcohol poisoning and those who get them regularly are drinking too much. Having to hide your feelings and live with someone who is unpredictable is a corner stone of being with an addict. A group called Al-Anon will have meetings with other women and men in your situation. You can usually attend them with your children as well. Whether or not your husband (and friends) think this is a problem, what he is doing is illegal. No matter what your moral views are on pot, being arrested hurts ones family and being impaired puts stress on the people you love as well. If he were drunk all the time this would be a clear cut case of an alcoholic home, pot is no different the way you describe it in your home.

    • Lori B.

      There is also a group similar to Al-anon for famil members of addicts of drugs called Nar-anon. Either group would be helpful, but if Nar-anon is available in your area, there might be others in similar circumstances to you.

    • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

      If he gets any help, it needs to be evidence-based and medically sound. AA and other 12-step groups are NOT backed by anything beyond religious faith. Please, if one does seek treatment, make sure it is SECULAR, and evidence-based.

    • zeisel

      wmdkitty, do you have a reputable site that emphasis on what you just stated in your post? I would like to pass along that website as my brother is an alcoholic and my mom gave me an AA book and told me that I should read it because of his addiction. I cringed when I glanced over it, because literally every paragraph referenced God. I have no issues with religion or God; however the writing somehow seemed to have a cultish feeling to it. Hard to explain, but it seemed a bit over the top. I thought if you knew off hand of a site that you could pass along that would be great, since it sounds like what you’re saying makes perfect sense. Thanks in advance.

    • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

      “AA Cult or Cure?” (http://www.morerevealed.com/library/coc/)

      You can also check out the orange papers (http://www.orange-papers.org/) — this guy went waaay in-depth. He doesn’t link to many outside sources, though his footnotes are extensive and well-documented.

  • Yves

    I don’t think pot is a big deal, alcohol is much worse, and weed should be legalized. I don’t smoke (well, I did here and there as a teen but haven’t in years!) My boyfriend (of 6 years) still does but his personality doesn’t change when he smokes. We have no children. But with kids in the picture, it’s risky. Most drug laws are extreme overkill and while we can talk about how unjust they are, they’re still there. He really needs to be careful.

    • jill_sandwich

      I think the main point here is that OP’s husband DOES change his personality when he smokes, which is the biggest problem. He’s being a self-centered baby, honestly. This is separate from the discourse about legalization of marijuana. It sounds as though this guy is getting impaired to at least the same degree of a drunk person and is not being a responsible co-parent.

  • Vikky

    1–You know he smokes pot, so if he gets caught you could lose your kid.

    do I need to go on? OK:

    2–He’s an addict, and he’s emotionally abusive–you’d rather deal with him when he’s high.

    3–Do you want your baby to grow up with an emotionally abusive addict for a Dad? as a role model?

    I know it’s hard to be a SAHM and not be financially independent, but you need to get out. Yeah, it’s “not that bad.” How about in 10 years? 20? Was this what you signed up for when you married him and agreed to let him father your child(ren)? The situation is not going to change, is it?

    Leverage your parents–if they really are that anti-drug, they should be willing to help you and your little one get out of a bad situation. (Yes, “it could be worse” but that’s no reason to settle for less than you AND YOUR BABY deserve!)

  • http://twitter.com/DecaturFlora Flora

    Guerilla Mom and Ellen are spot on about all of this, so just “ditto” to them.

    I really would recommend going to a support group or finding a counseling center that can help you. Sometimes it’s helpful to see separate counselors, and sometimes it’s helpful to see the same one. Either way, you both need to address your relationship and his self-medicating before your child gets old enough to feel sorry for you OR you lose your child because of the drug use.

  • alice

    i can relate to a lot of what you’ve said. especially about the parents! whether you’re always conscious of it or not: it adds a TON of stress to have a “secret” from your parents about your spouse, and to constantly worry about that secret. it creates this whole “double life” scenario, and as an adult, you should be able to be open and honest about your lifestyle, but there are aspects of your lifestyle that you’re embarrassed about (your husband’s pot smoking).

    people below have mentioned seeking group help for addiction or families dealing with addiction. that’s good advice.

    i would start here though: arm yourself with knowledge. what are your state’s cannabis laws? there are many states now that have decriminalized pot. if yours is one of them: find out what the possession limit is.

    then deal with your relationship. you already seem to know that if you make yourself the “pot police” that he will just withdraw from you. and staging an intervention or forcing him into group therapy would probably be seen as a declaration of war, so keep that as a last resort. unless you are ready to really walk out on him if he doesn’t change, then you may have to try a more passive approach.

    it sounds like you haven’t totally worked out your feelings on his pot smoking though. if he smoked pot regularly, but was even-tempered all the time, would you have a problem with the potsmoking? ultimately, do you see potsmoking as “something that has to stop EVENTUALLY” ? or can you see yourself very happily cohabitating years from now with a teenage child, and a husband that likes to get high?

    you need to be honest with yourself about what you really *want* in the future, and then go from there. it sounds like you’re just silently building up your frustrations and resentments, and you’re not really sure where the endgame is. Is it for him to completely and forever quit? Is it for him to just be a nicer guy? Is it for you guys to have a better marriage? Is it for your child to grow up with a drug-free dad?

    hope some of that helps. GL!

  • theTruth

    “He turns sullen, like a teenager, and quick to anger. It’s tough enough
    for me to care for a crying child, but add in the stress of knowing
    anything I say to my husband — any misinterpreted glance or comment —
    has the potential to turn on a dime into a raging fight and I’m left
    feeling utterly hopeless.” Welcome to a man’s life when it’s that time of the month

    • lea

      What a thoughtful and helpful comment theTruth. Bravo.

    • Ordinaryperson

      Take that menstruation! I sure feel put in my place.

    • jill_sandwich

      Oh, good. I was wondering what was missing from this thread, turns out it was misogyny! How very helpful.

  • Ariadne

    About people griping about your smoking cigarettes again all of a sudden: 1) Turning the situation around on you sounds like misdirection, and a false equivalence. No one will argue that your smoking cigs is healthy, but your husband’s addiction is another discussion entirely. Don’t let him sidetrack you. This is a common tactic addicts use to deflect from dealing with their addictions, and their enablers engage in the misdirection/sidetracking as well. 2) I wouldn’t be incredibly shocked if you’d started smoking cigarettes again partly due to mounting stress over your husband’s pot smoking. Doesn’t sound like you know quite what else to do as a coping mechanism right now.

    Speaking from experience there. I am a spouse to a recovered/ing addict. Your description of pot changing your husband’s personality is so very familiar. I hope you’ll consider Guerrilla Mom’s good suggestion to find some support for *yourself.* When your partner is an addict, it can be extremely isolating. You can’t change him, but you can gain new tools and information for your own use.

  • Blueathena623

    I second the post about how you need to figure out your own ideas about pot, because if you are in any way wishy washy or say its ok sometimes and not ok sometimes it doesn’t help the situation. I don’t say this to blame you, but I went through a very similar situation with my husband, and part of the problem was sometimes I would condemn it, and sometimes he would get so stressed out that I’d say it was ok, so he continued to pusher boundaries. Finally he did something that I’m not comfortable discussing on a public forum ( not violent or anything, just real,y stupid and put us in danger of being caught) and I sat down with him and explained how since my life could be ruined by something I wasn’t even doing (and yes, having our kid taken away, him losing his job, potentially going to jail, the loss of money from legal fees, etc. would pretty much ruin the life I have now) he could choose me or pot. Thankfully he chose me, but I was 100% ready to walk out the door and he could tell. So I wish you the best of luck. It ain’t easy when so many people think “what’s a little pot” but it can have a major impact.

  • Wonderingaboutthis

    You are in denial, and need to take action if you care for your child. Stop whining, nagging and making excuses, blah blah blah…get out of this relationship if he’s not going to quit, and I mean really quit and get help for it.

  • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

    Sounds to me like there’s more to it than just “hubby smokes pot”. I’d suggest counseling (as a couple), and to deal with any addiction issues (if present) with the help of a professional.

    That said, um… pot isn’t addictive. Some people develop a psychological dependency, yes, but that is not the same as a true, physical addiction as occurs with tobacco or heroin.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=592188905 Bran Chesterton

      But what does that matter? A physical addiction and a psychological addiction can have equally negative impacts on a relationship and the person abusing the substance.

  • Stefanie Phillips

    Imagine when the kid grows up and goes to his or her first party and there’s pot there…and it dawns on him that THAT is what Dad has smelt like all of these years.

    • beancounter

      Actually, when I started smoking pot occasionally in college was when I figured out that my parents – both successful professionals – had been doing it all my life. Obviously they weren’t too stoned to function at work and at home, guess I took it as an example of discrete moderation.

  • lucygoosey74

    As a recovering addict, in my opinion it sounds like he is truly addicted. Making excuses for his behavior, only focusing on his own needs, continuing to use no matter who it hurts…I could go on and on, but other people who have posted have pretty much covered it. All I have to say is that you do not need to put up with his behavior, it is inexcusable. He sounds more like a sulky teenager than a man with the responsability of a family. I hope he and you get help. I also hope you share these comments with him.

  • Jules

    Honestly, is smoking a little weed a big deal? Probably not. What is a big deal and completely unacceptable is that his personality changes and you are afraid of him. There are a lot of substances (alcohol, etc.) that can be used in a recreational fashion and not be a negative influence, but this sounds like maybe he has an addiction. Also unacceptable is that he won’t address your concerns and deal with them in an adult fashion. You deserve a partner who shares your vision for a family and future and who treats you like a partner in life. I don’t see a problem with a child growing up in a home where her parent(s) use adult substances responsibly, but the thought of your daughter growing up in a home where her father is always moody and doesn’t treat his wife (his partner!) with respect makes my heart really sad. I know sometimes telling people to seek help can sound thoughtless, especially since I don’t know you personally. But please take action. I understand that you feel stuck, organizations can help if you seek them out, so can churches and friends if you can’t turn to your family. I think you know that you and your daughter deserve better, there are people ready and willing to help you achieve that if you want to. In any event, my heart goes out to you, watching someone you love struggle with addiction is never easy or painless.

  • Sheryl

    Been there. My husband sounds exactly like yours. Or should I say exhusband. Going through a divorce now

  • http://www.facebook.com/kaitlyn.mcwilliams Kaitlyn Catherine

    You have a problem with him smoking pot ( a plant with many health benefits) but not cigarrettes (have no benefits, kill people). Sounds legit.

    • Heather

      Marijuana itself is not dangerous and may even be beneficial, but smoking anything isn’t healthy. The health risk isn’t what is at issue here, though. I’ve seen that marijuana use is similar to alcohol use (legal issues aside)- some can use it responsibly and not become addicted, while other people develop a problem. Alcohol leads to more immediately physical consequences, but marijuana is unhealthy too if the method of ingestion is smoking. And pot absolutely can have detrimental effects on life… Not in everyone who uses it, but it can. Some people can enjoy a glass or two of wine or a couple hits at the end of the day. Other people stay drunk or high all the time.

    • http://www.facebook.com/nplaroche212 Nichole LaRoche

      Cigarettes don’t alter the mind like pot does. Pot can be quite unpredictable based on MANY different factors. Cigarettes don’t have that effect. If someone I know was caring for a child, I’d much rather them have a cigarette or a beer than to smoke weed.

    • VanCan

      It sounds like HE has a problem smoking pot. He withdraws from his family and lies. He seesaws between lazy/exhausted and antsy/irritable. He’s not a glaucoma patient, just a guy hiding from his responsibilities by getting baked. Her complaints sound very legit.

  • anon

    I think this is less about the marijuana and more about the fact that your husband is emotionally absent and doesn’t help with the baby. As the former partner of an alcoholic, I can relate. It’s extremely lonely. I hope you get help and seek out the support you deserve.

  • Christine

    Get out of there. I grew up with my pot head dad. He sounds a lot like your husband. My mom gave him the stuff because he was easier to deal with when stoned. When we wasn’t he was temperamental and would be very difficult to deal with. As I got older, my dad began to spend more and more money on pot. That was my college savings fund going up in smoke. Today, I resent my father for his lack of self-control and I resent my mother for being such an enabler. We are not close. What is worse is that when I was 16, I tried pot myself for the first time only to realize that this was a sensation I had had before. My father had been hot-boxing my brother and I since we were kids. Today, I have graduated university and I have everything together. My brother is a loser replica of my father. By staying with this man, you will damage your kids respect for you, and you risk desensitizing your kids to drugs and sending them down the same path. Be stronger than my mom was… LEAVE.

    • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

      Yeah, again we see that it is NOT the marijuana that causes the problems, it is the PEOPLE IN THE MARRIAGE, refusing to deal with whatever issues they have, and one self-medicates, while the other just gets resentful and bitter. If your parents had gone to counseling, and actually dealt with their issues like adults (including proper treatment for any mental illness that is present), there wouldn’t have been a problem.

      It’s not the fault of a plant that SOME PEOPLE can’t take responsibility for their shit.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=592188905 Bran Chesterton

      Which is a great reason that it should be legalized and sold in a similar fashion to alcohol. But defending a plant is not responding to the crux of the article or Christine’s post. “Today, I resent my father for his lack of self-control and I resent my mother for being such an enabler.” Everyone knows the father’s issues were the reason things went so wrong, so why bring up that pot wasn’t to blame?

  • mary

    How can you marry someone who is a regular pot smoker and then just expect him to give it up forever? Why would you marry someone and then want him to change his ways? My father smoked pot from the time he was a teenager. He married my mother when he was 30 years old after they’d known each other for 10 years. I never knew he smoked pot until I was a teenager myself as he wouldn’t do it around me or my brother. But my mother expected him to change his smoking habits after us kids were born. Looking back, I still can’t see how she could justify that as she knew very well when she married him that smoking pot had been a part of his life for a very long time. Her family are rather anti-drug also, and her embarrassment of his drug use when my father was charged with possession led her to divorce him. My brother and I never felt neglected by my father nor embarrassed about his drug use once we learned about it.

  • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

    RE: The Personality Changes

    This suggests that he may have an undiagnosed (or undisclosed) mental illness that he is self-medicating for. Again, I’d suggest getting professional help from a therapist and a psychiatrist (to assess the patient and determine which, if any, medications are needed).

    Groups like AA will NOT address any underlying issues that may be behind this. Nor will it address any relationship issues that need to be aired out. Or any medical issues, for that matter.

    Is there a way to work out a compromise? Could you, oh, designate a smoking “area” and confine him to that space? (I’d suggest a small shed in the back-yard, separate from the main building.) Institute a “shower after use” policy? I dunno, the wife does have a point, but I think both sides of this one are being unreasonable. Let him have his marijuana (within reasonable boundaries, e.g. “outdoors only”), and make sure he’s getting the medical attention he needs, and get him in for a mental health assessment (and treatment if needed) — the right meds can make a huge difference for the better. If there is still an issue with the pot smoking, you can address it after getting him healthy — he may lose the desire to be stuck on stoned, you know? He might not, and if that’s the case, pursue treatment options.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=592188905 Bran Chesterton

      Is that the same advice you would give someone who had an alcohol problem? Even though alcohol is physically addictive where (many argue) pot is not, the reasons behind the addiction are the same: self-medicating, addictive personality, not dealing with psychological traumas and conditions, etc. The husband has promised to quit many times, has failed to smoke within reasonable limits, and continues to use it as a numbing agent for whatever his issues are.

      Your suggestions for therapy and medical attention are spot on, and I hope the anonymous mom takes them to heart. But the husband continuing to indulge in a behavior/substance that he is dependent on and that is having such a negative effect on his family is an obstacle. It can’t be confined or managed, or that would have worked thus far. “Just one drink a day” doesn’t work for people truly dependent on alcohol as a psychological crutch, and this is no different.

    • Amanda

      Alcohol is completely different than pot. I am an opiate addict. Spend some time around me and you will know what addiction and withdrawal really are.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=592188905 Bran Chesterton

      I disagree. The mechanisms of addiction are different – no physical dependency – but the functional effect on a relationship, a family, etc. is not. I grew up with an extremely alcoholic father, and I also have a few friends legitimately psychologically addicted to pot. They behave almost exactly the same way, make the same excuses, have the same underlying fear of dealing with their issues straight on, and destroy their families in similar ways. I am sick of the rhetoric that pot isn’t addictive and therefore safe for everyone, all the time. Food addictions, pot addictions, shopping addictions, sex addictions… these are all non-addictive things that create huge problems for some people. Doesn’t make them bad things or things that should be illegal, but we aren’t doing people any favors by saying there’s no risk for anyone.

    • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

      Yes, actually, it is. You can NOT deal with addiction until you deal with the underlying issues, and in a marriage or partnership, BOTH parties have to work together to resolve issues.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=592188905 Bran Chesterton

      I was referring to the part about “compromising” and limiting or secluding the substance use.

    • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

      Yes. I’d rather have an addict using safely at home than going out and potentially placing themselves or others in danger with their behavior (i.e. driving while intoxicated). I’d find it perfectly reasonable to ask him to, perhaps, limit his toking to the garage.

  • N/A

    It sounds like your husband has an addiction. And he is using that addiction as an excuse for really really bad behaviour. He is using his ‘addiction’ as a crutch to validate his nasty attitude, and he can’t give up now otherwise he loses his credibility. I remember being married to a guy who sounds very similar. Nagging doesn’t work. Patience and understanding doesn’t work. Barganing doesn’t work. The only way I found to deal with it was absolute zero tolerance. No screaming, arguing, nagging, losing my temper or crying (at least not in front of him). Just told him, no drugs, getting high or being high in the house or on the property. You can be ‘hungover’ if you want, but I don’t want to hear about it, I won’t be dealing out sympathy- so don’t make my day miserable just because yours is. If I found it in the house – I binned it. He wanted to get high? Thats ok, but he would have to go somewhere else. Come home stoned? He could just turn himself around and leave again until he was sober. I informed him I would no longer ‘cover’ for him. So he knew if he asked me to ring in to work for him so he could have a ‘sick day’ I would quite happily inform his boss that ‘X couldn’t come in today because he is busy getting high’. Likewise, I didn’t go out of my way to tell all our family and friends about thier habit, but he knew I wasn’t interested in covering up for him either. If anyone asked, they would find out from me. Why was your nephew so irritable at lunch yesterday? Oh, he was coming down off the weed he smoked for breakfast.
    Needless to say, his addiction didn’t last long.

  • dezackly

    maybe all the pot smokers y’all know are “irritable”, “emotionally abusive”, and “addicted” because y’all are a bunch of busy-body-know-it-all-whiny-asses who want more from your lives than you deserve. i don’t even smoke weed and i feel like i need to get high to forget about the high school guilt y’all are shoveling like so much bullshit. damn…

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jen-Clark/100000568225513 Jen Clark

    There’s a reason I no longer date people that smoke pot, it eventually severely effects families in the long run, just like alcohol abuse. After I had my child, I was always starving and we never had any money, even my own money was disappearing (200 dollars went missing in a day), I even woke up a few times to my ex tip toeing around the house and sneakily trying to dip into my wallet. Where was all this money going? pot, yes, he was willing to leave us homeless and starving in order to buy pot and 60 dollar pipes and 300 dollar bongs, I figured out that an extra 100 a week was also going torwards getting his friends high or drunk. I later figured out he was also buying meth and acid, as well as getting other girls high and drunk so they’d have sex with him. He was also abusive, so I left him and have been branded as a “whore” and “terrible mother” ever since. I would seek help for your husband before it escalates, or to prevent it from escalating. And yes, it is a double standards, moms arent allowed to smoke, or do anything but be robots while dads are super stars no matter how terrible they are or what their habits might be.

  • PSG

    Mental crutch, not a physical one. Whatever his issues are, that he uses weed to release with and can’t *deal* without it needs to be addressed. That he’s acting out and allowing this activity to negatively affect his family means he isn’t a responsible recreational user. Because he’s not acting responsibly.
    At work? Not smart. Don’t do that unless it’s the boss turning you on.

    I toked from childhood to 30′s, preparent. I stopped. My choice because, as an adoptive parent to special needs, I needed to be highly functioning all the time. And that whole go-to-jail thing. Careful or not, no wiggle room.

    My husband has a friend that constantly goes on about how weed is natural and harmless, and that he partakes while his young kids are in a different part of the house…my husband asked him, “So, when are you going to start getting high with your kids?” No answer, yet.

    But honestly, the part of this that really got me is when she wrote that she quit smoking cigarettes and then started again. ACK! As a former smoker that, long ago, had to lay off for two weeks from severe bronchitis, then realizing I’d already gotten over the worst of my addiction, I can’t image quitting – really quitting – and then starting again.

  • brooklyniter

    thank you for sharing your experience, I could make a big mistake to decide having a child with a husband who is emotionally marijuana addict. He cannot able to quit it because whenever he has to face with a big problem, weed helps him to ignore it.