Mommyish Gift Guide: Top 10 Gifts For The Naive Pregger About To Have Her First Kid

If you have an expectant first-time mother on your holiday shopping list, chances are you’re looking at a lot of crap she doesn’t need. Expensive organic baby onesies are nice, I guess, as are those spa certificates. But for those of you who are looking to get an optimum pregnancy gift, you can do better.

If somebody else has already promised her some pre-natal massages or postpartum monthly manicures and what not, fear not. They’re about to be left in the gift-giving dust by you, my friend.

For the record, baby clothes and stuffed animals and diaper cakes are for the baby — not her. While just about anyone would thank you incredulously for a cute pair of booties, this is probably mommy’s last chance to get presents that aren’t actually for the kid. However, that isn’t to say that gift certificates regarding the actual care of the coming newborn aren’t gifts to her. Actual hands on help in the baby care department are vastly underrated for first-time mothers — or any mothers for that matter.

For those of you who simply don’t have the cash necessary for such extravagant gifts, a few other stocking stuffers for late night feedings, postpartum lounging, and simple relaxation have also been included. Whatever you do, just don’t buy them a belly band.

Why Have Kids? by Jessica Valenti, $14.02

Forget What To Expect When You're Expecting. If you want to give this soon-to-be mom some straight no bullshit talk about momming in the 21st century, this is the book you need. From maternity leave to breastfeeding wars to "the most important job in world" claim, Jessica Valenti's exploration of motherhood is one that all mothers could stand to hear.

Cashmere pants, $48

If motherhood is on the horizon than so is a need for comfy, comfy pants. I recommend going with dark colors so as to better conceal all the spit up and accidents that are in store.

Kindle, $179

She'll be toting around a ton of heavy stuff once the kid comes so let that bookworm save some space in that diaper bag. A mother with a penchant for books has no reason to lug around three library books at a time. Download your Fifty Shades of Grey, thrillers, and romance novels without any more strain on your back.

kate spade striped small harmon bag, $248

Speaking of diaper bags, don't buy one. Provided that the baby doesn't have any special needs that require insulated pouches, diaper bags tend to be oversized, over hyped, and don't forget ugly. All the mothers I have ever worked for in my nanny/babysitter tenure have tossed their diaper bags before throwing down some money on a designer tote bag of some kind. Not only is it more stylish for the clothes horse mommy, but you can also still use it once the kid no longer needs a diaper bag. That's money well spent!

A sleep doula, around $25-40 per hour plus consultation fee

If you have the means, by all means. A new mother desperately needs her shut eye -- and chances are she won't be getting any unless you pop for one of these. Give the gift that is sleep during those first few trying months. Seriously, best gift ever. (photo: Tatiana Mendonca / Shutterstock

Lactation coach, around $125 for office visit plus home visits

If she's planning on breastfeeding, chances are she's loaded up on a ton of material on "breast is best" and all that without even the slightest regard for how challenging the process actually could be. Buy her the support she may ultimately need before she has a mental breakdown in the baby formula aisle. (photo: MitarArt / Shutterstock

Post-natal yoga classes, around $15 each

A fist full of some post-natal yoga doesn't carry nearly the same implication as a gym membership. You've had a baby! Now get your butt on that treadmill, lady! Even if she's not a yogi, some easy down time away from the home and infant can be a much needed solace. Try to get some classes that don't expire for six months or a year so she can use whenever and not feel guilty about wasting. (photo: wavebreakmedia / Shutterstock

Really, really bad TV , $1.99 an episode

Since she's going to be up late doing all those feedings, trashy and mindless is best. Give her the streaming works by popping for a season or two of this crap. Trying to calm the baby through the night to the sounds of this nonsense definitely takes the edge off. (photo: Helga Esteb /

A cloth diaper service gift certificate, $250

For the semi-crunchy mother who cares deeply about her carbon footprint, a gift certificate for a cloth diaper service makes for an very eco-friendly holiday gift. Pay a lovely somebody to collect those dirty diapers and supply you with freshly folded new ones. Super ideal for those families who live in urban areas with limited washing machine action. (photo: Layland Masuda/ Shutterstock)

A solem promise to babysit whenever need be, fucking priceless

A lovely card that expresses a limited number of free babysitting dates, especially emergency babysitting, is worth more than the total value of your home, car, and first born, ladies. Give this gift well and give it often. (photo: Chardchanin/ Shutterstock)
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    • raeronola

      I’ll take that kindle and that tote, thankyouverymuch.

    • Wonderingaboutthis

      Kindle or iPad for sure, lactation consultant is a must, and not even in the same category as the other would be nice to have stuff…

    • Mayra

      Why can’t I see the photos? :(