Hey, you know what’s pretty weird? Baby dolls. Particularly baby dolls for babies. I’m fairly certain that I was one of those little girls who loved to “play mommy.” But upon watching 4-year-olds change diapers or feed an infant in giddy anticipation of a dirty diaper in my adult manifestation, I’m mostly just perturbed. Also consider that the doll’s ability to actually defecate or digest food is often pushed like a selling point — something that will entice the little ones. Well, not for my gift guide.

Chances are if you’re perusing through baby dolls for your little guy or girl this holiday season, you’ve already lived through your fair share of actual dirty diapers and messy food. So much so that you don’t need to worry about a whole other set of “fake” ones smelling up the trash or shelling out for a week’s worth of diapers for a non-live baby.

So, provided that you’re not in the market for an excreting baby doll come this December, I have quite the round up of alternatives for you. But between “RealTouch” skin, “lookalike” features, and newborn resemblances, some of them are kind of just as creepy. You can always go the Cabbage Patch route, folks.

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