• Wed, Nov 28 2012

Teenagers Are Officially The Worst: Especially When They Hand Out Pee-Filled Cupcakes

I’m always defending teenagers because being a teenager sucks and I have two of them. Teenagers have to deal with bullying and worrying about college and walking into cars when they are texting on their cell phones. Plus, hormones. Plus, teen pregnancies. Plus, drug and alcohol use. Plus, being given cupcakes made out of pee from their classmates.

From WFSB.com:

Two upperclassmen girls at Fermi High School in Enfield are in some big trouble Friday after allegedly playing a disgusting prank on students.

According to students, these two girls are accused of urinating in cupcake batter, baking them and then handing it out to students over the past two days.

“Anyone they didn’t like, they gave the cupcakes to,” said one Fermi High School student, who did not want to be identified.

“They told one person and that one person basically told everybody,” said freshman Bailee Jordan.

After hearing the news, many of the students felt sick.

“They were disgusted and a bunch of people who ate them got really sick,” said freshman Deline Laramee.

Enfield Superintendent of Schools Jeffrey Schumann, who called this one of the more disturbing incidents he’s seen, said students did complain, but no one needed medical attention.

“It was a little difficult to believe honestly,” said parent Keith Laramee. “It sounds like something out of a movie. Like Mean Girls or something.”

Parents said what’s needed here is a severe punishment.

“As far as I’m concerned, the students should be expelled,” Laramee said.

This is nothing like Mean Girls. This is like something out of a horror movie or a Harmony Korine film. I am so not sure why the girls thought this would be a good idea. Were they just sitting around and Facebook went down and they were bored so they decided to bake some urine-tained snacks? Did they not get tickets to the new Twilight movie? What goes through teenager’s heads when they decide to bake pee cupcakes? Ugh. And this is not the first time a teen has tainted delicious baked goods with their bodily fluids, because back in May a 16-year-old student gave a classmate a semen cupcake.

We’ve all heard the urban legends about disgruntled teens who work at fast food places and spit into burgers before wrapping them and serving them to old people like us, and all this story does is remind me to never accept a baked good from a teenager, ever. Which sucks it because I want to believe the majority of teenagers are good kids, but just sort of technically insane due to hormones. I’m not sure what the punishment will be for these girls, but in my opinion they should totally flunk home economics and never be allowed another delicious bakery item again. And expelled.

Teenagers, stop being assholes so I can more easily defend you!

(photo: Ruth Black /shutterstock)

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  • Sitting-pretty

    Really need to know the whole story behind this before completely writing off those girls. Not that ever peeing in cupcakes & handing them out is justifiable, but maybe they were taking a bunch of crap from the students they gave them to? & thought this would be a good idea for “sweet revenge” when they were probably given the whole “bullies really just need friends – reach out to them” bullshit talk? Just saying.