Well, I’m here to tell you that the glow is a myth. I didn’t glow for one single second when I was pregnant and I haven’t glowed one day since. I’ve sweated and puked more than I ever thought possible, but I haven’t yet glowed and my baby isn’t even a baby anymore. She’s almost three. I think glowing is out. I’ve been happy, sad, exhausted and felt more than I probably ever wanted to. And that has both it’s take-backs and it’s perks.
I think of it all differently now. It’s not picture perfect, and even if it is, people will shit on your picture whenever they can. What they don’t tell you in prenatal classes (okay, I skipped mine), is that no matter what kind of parent you are, judgment will follow you. Stay-at-home moms who work their asses off from dusk till their head hits the pillow, till they’re awoken to pee-peed beds and barfed on sheets, yet are still met with the question, “you aren’t working?” (RESENT). Working moms are told they aren’t present enough (RESENT) and work-at-home moms like myself, well, people still think we are eating bon-bons all day, for some reason, too (RESENT RESENT RESENT. Word has lost all meaning).
The good news is, I find that the longer I’m in this game, the more I let my guard down and don’t worry about being judged. There are more moments when you don’t care who’s looking because amidst all the criticism, you’ve come into being the kind of parent you hoped you could be. Enjoying those miraculous moments and going with the flow means not caring when some playground snob makes you feel like a total idiot with one nasty glare because your kid had to go potty and instead of walking four blocks home and risking two soaked outfits (one being yours), you thought squatting behind a tree seemed like a pretty good alternative. And it was, but the stink-eye never feels so understanding.
Though it may not sound like it from the above mentioned bout of rage, at this point in my parental journey, I’m pretty much zenned out on it all. I’ve om-ed my way through rudeness, lack of understanding and complete and totally idiocy. I’ve practiced yoga breaths, bottling up emotions and blogging, lots and lots of blogging. But if you’re pregnant, or planning to become pregnant, I recommend that you come up with no less than 20 witty comebacks. Since mom brain is about to take over, it helps to keep a list. That way you won’t be left sputtering the next time someone tells you your baby name sucks or that your house smells like pee or that you don’t have a real job. If you’re busting out a sweet one-liner, you’ll be able to pick your jaw up off the floor a lot faster, too.