Real Life Grinch: How The Drunk Dude With Bad Hair Stole Christmas

It’s bad enough I have to worry about my older kids ruining Santa Claus for my youngest by letting the jolly man out of the bag, these parents had to deal with some drunk guy trying to ruin the fun during an annual holiday parade. Christmas is a magical time for kids when we parents get to use the best excuses ever for getting them to behave and go to bed on time, so some dude with unfortunate sounding hair trying to spoil the holiday totally puts him on the naughty list. From Yahoonews.com:

A real-life Grinch was arrested after he spoiled the holiday cheer at a parade, telling children that Santa isn’t real.

The unidentified 24-year-old man, who had his hair gelled to look as though devil horns were protruding from his head, was arrested by police in the Canadian town of Kingston last week during the annual Santa Claus parade, authorities said in statement.

The St. Nicholas naysayer faces criminal charges of causing a disturbance by being drunk and breach of probation.

“It was pretty despicable that someone, during this time of the year, would tell kids Santa isn’t real – which of course we would argue,” Const. Steve Koopman told the Toronto Star.

This story almost sounds like a plot of a Lifetime holiday movie. Young drunk guy who has been in trouble with the law before tries to spoil Christmas at an annual parade. Santa’s elves pay a visit to him in his jail cell using magical Santa dust and whisk him away to the North Pole. His punishment is taking over the big man’s job for a year and he gets a letter from a young boy who is asking Santa for a new water heater because the boy’s (widowed) mom works long hours as a waitress. Once-drunk-guy-replacement-Santa falls in love with single-mom-broken-water-heater-waitress and learns the true meaning of Christmas and never ruins another Christmas parade again, and also there is a montage in this movie where we see him going to AA meetings and getting a hair makeover. And there is a song in there about the spirit of Christmas. And there are jokes in the movie about the spirit of Christmas not being about alcohol spirits. Hilarity ensues. When this movie shows up on a cable channel next year you guys remember that I did all the heavy lifting by writing the script.

At the very least, I hope this guy has to do community service by wrapping presents for needy children or by volunteering at a soup kitchen during the holidays. Kids don’t deserve having their fun ruined by some drunk guy with excessive hair-gel. Maybe when he was a kid all he ever got was coal in his stocking.

(photo: The Year Without A Santa Claus)

 

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    • chickadee

      Okay, I clicked on this link* because it was hooked up with Lindsay Cross’ article on Santa Claus, and frankly your movie plot scares the hell out of me. Because it sounds like the sort of cheesy movie that ABC Family or something would come up.

      What have you been watching, anyway?

      *Also it’s insomnia night, apparently.