Just in time for your New Year’s resolutions, a new diet book entitled “The MILF Diet: Let the Power of Whole Foods Transform Your Body, Mind and Spirit….Deliciously” will be hitting shelves in January. You guys all know that “MILF” stands for “mother/mom I’d like to fuck” and not the “Moro Islamic Liberation Front” right? No, it stands for a woman who has given birth, that people, usually of the opposite gender, meaning men, want to fuck. Now, I don’t know about you guys, but I get all sorts of uncomfy when I think about people who I don’t fuck on a normal basis wanting to fuck me.

People can think I’m pretty or that I’m nice but as soon as penises and what can be done with them start getting involved it makes me pretty uncomfortable. I’m happy my husband considers me a MILF. In my opinion, he should be the only person who considers me a MILF. I’m happy he wanted to fuck me and by fucking me we have some pretty cool kids. But I live with this man. If men who I don’t live with consider me a MILF it makes me all sorts of creeped out. Yes, I know that gay women can find moms MILFS but to be honest I’m not that concerned about being raped or sexually harassed or catcalled by another woman. The lesbians I know and have known usually don’t partake in that type of behavior. I know lesbians and women can be just as rapey as anyone else, but it’s my opinion that the majority of lesbians don’t go around acting this way. Now that we have this whole MILF thing out of the way (and I’m glad it’s out of the way, because I had to use the F word a bunch of times and now I have to go wash my own mouth out with soap) let’s move on to the fact that there will be a diet book teaching us how to be MILFS. Oh boy.

From Access Hollywood.com:

Thanksgiving is day to remember all the gifts in our lives; from loved ones to our health. And, let’s not forget mom! Moms are those special creatures who give and give and give!

And, yes moms can be downright sexy!

Yet, kids and a hectic schedule can give even the most gorgeous mom a frazzled look. Even celebrity moms like Gwen Stefani, Jessica Alba and Christina Applegate are not always put together 24-7. But, these ladies do follow a wholesome diet that helps them feel energized and fabulous – no matter how crazy their day!

Written by Jessica  Porter, she says:

“MILF is a term that reunites sexuality with the great maternal gifts of motherhood It is one four letter word we could AND should get behind,” states Jessica.

The MILF diet is all about eating whole, natural, and delicious foods that will help moms look younger and even spice up their sex life.

Not to be all contrary here, but we don’t need to reunite our sexuality with any damn thing. Ever. If you want to be sexy or a MILF to the general public or blow your money on a MILF diet book than that is your prerogative. But I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to get behind it.

You do need to worry about certain things. You need to drink enough water. You need to take a nice walk in the sunshine. You need to laugh. A lot. You need to eat some fruits and vegetables. You need to sleep at least 7 hours a day. You need to read books that you have a hard time putting down so you find yourself forgetting to check your email because you’re so engrossed in them. You need to be hugged by people who love you. You need to eat really good cake on occasion. You need to do something that makes you feel you are contributing to this great big world we all live in, whether it be picking up litter when you see it or devoting your life to volunteer work. You need to smile at old people. You need to apologize when you are wrong. You need to get mammograms. You need to read to your children. You need to be thankful daily, whether it be to a god or to the stars or to a blade of grass. You need to be nice to yourself.

I’m not here to tell you how to fit in your skinny jeans, or how to look younger, or what to eat to reduce your totally fuck-worthy laugh lines that you have earned. I’m not here to tell you how to minimize the appearance of stretch marks or how to make people consider you a MILF. I’m sick of this creepy and misogynistic acronym. To me, no matter how you look, you are all moms who I’d like to share a cup of coffee with. As soon as I can spin this into a t-shirty worthy catchphrase I’ll write my own book.

(photo: amazon)