If youâve ever been through a divorce or separation, or know someone who has, youÂ know you wouldnât wish that pain, much like a death, on anyone. So how can I beÂ happy when I find out that other parents in my daughterâs school are gettingÂ divorced? It sounds awful, and like I said, I donât wish divorce or the pain of gettingÂ through one on anyone. In fact, Iâm actually really sad when I hear of yetÂ another marital breakdown. But then I canât help but think, somewhat excitedly, âIÂ canât wait to tell my daughter!â
Youâd have to know a little of our history toÂ understand this. In my social group, I was one of the first, at age 29, to have a baby. Then, three years later, I was one of the first to get divorced. Technically, we never gotÂ married. However under the law, we had been living together long enough for ourÂ relationship to be considered a âmarriage.â
It wasnât hard on my daughter, since sheÂ was just turning three and, at that point, only really cared about walking aroundÂ with a Dora the Explorer Band-Aid on her at all times. But, at school, none of herÂ friends had divorced parents. Since my ex lives in a different city, my daughter livedÂ entirely with me. She had no friends who just lived with their mommies, but thatÂ wasnât a problem back when she was three and was still figuring out how to useÂ toilet paper.
For three years, she was the only one in her class with divorcedÂ parents, and the only one who didnât see her father every day. Now that sheâs nine and understands her âstoryâ â mommy and daddy got drunk, we had her, our âoopsieâÂ baby, AND the best thing thatâs ever happened to us â and also understands why herÂ father and mother arenât together and why we live in different cities, she isÂ constantly asking questions about marriage. The other day she asked, âSo, if you andÂ Jordan (my fiancĂŠ)Â break up does that mean that youâll no longer be his kids’ stepmother?â Sheâs just trying to figure out this whole modern family thing and howÂ truly insane it can be.
She came home excited one day, two weeks ago, after sheÂ learned from one of her earliest friends that her parents were getting divorced. âJustÂ like me!â she said. I swear, within one day, I heard that two other sets of parents atÂ her school are now getting a divorce. I heard this not from them, but from otherÂ mothers, and, yes, I did feel bad and sad for them, but I also couldnât wait to tell myÂ daughter, which I did that night. âSee? It happens to a lot of people. Youâre not theÂ only one!â