• Mon, Nov 19 - 12:00 pm ET

Study Finds Cool Moms Are Buying Alcohol For Kids

When I was sixteen I hung out with some friends in the cemetery down the street and got totally blotto on some warm Andre “champagne, ” threw up all over my beloved ostrich skin boots, and stumbled home crying to my mommy. My mom was mad, of course, but what was she going to do with her underage daughter who was vomiting all over the place and sobbing? She washed my face and put a bucket next to my bed and the next day made me a cheese sandwich. And then she grounded me. Forever. I’m not even totally sure I’m not grounded right now, so I should probably call and ask her.Even though my mom was pretty cool when I came home wasted that time, my parents never bought me booze as a teenager, and I will never buy alcohol for my own kids. But according to a new study reported by The Age, some of you mommies out there are totally buying your kids the giggle juice:

PARENTS are willing to buy alcohol for children as young as 14 even though they know it is illegal to do so, according to a new survey, but older brothers and sisters are most guilty of providing drinks to minors.

Research leader Sandra Jones said children were not only influencing their peers to drink, but were pressuring their parents and siblings to let them.

”Kids say to them, ‘Everyone else’s parents buy them alcohol, you’re the only one who doesn’t and I won’t fit in if you don’t',” Professor Jones, from the University of Wollongong, said.

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m totally stoked for the day when my kid tells me if I don’t buy him booze he won’t “fit in” so I can laugh in his face forever. According to the National Institute On Alcohol Abuse And Alcoholism, approximately 5,000 young people under the age of 21 die as a result of underage drinking and about two in every five 8th graders have consumed alcohol. I think we can all agree that drunk drivers suck and that it’s not a great idea to let our preteens and teens get drunk. So then why are so many parents caving in and buying their kids alcohol?

More than 800 people from NSW were surveyed as part of her study of underage drinking, which was funded by the Foundation for Alcohol Research & Education and done in partnership with NSW police. It revealed a belief among adults that buying drinks for under-18s was normal and unlikely to result in penalties.

Um, no, it’s not normal and yes, you can get in trouble. Laws vary by state but most include hefty fines and jail time, and even more so if the kid you are buying alcohol for ends up causing damage to another human or property while drunk driving.

Most teens will try alcohol at some point, whether by getting it from a peer or stealing it from our own bar carts while we are sleeping. But that’s different than actually buying booze for your kids. I don’t think giving your kid a tiny sip of wine at Thanksgiving is the end of the world, and I mean a sip, as in a splash in a wine glass so they can make a toast, but not enough where they will feel any affects from the booze. And I don’t mean giving it to a six-year-old.

If my kids are at a party when they are teens and their friends are drinking I will always want them to call me for a ride. I will always try and teach them that they have their whole lives to drink if they want to, that it’s better to consume alcohol in a responsible manner and not drink just to get drunk, and that they should never drive after drinking. If they end up getting drunk as teens I won’t be thrilled about it, but I will always put a bucket next to their bed. And ground them. I just will never be the cool mom hosting a keg party at my house.

(photo: photomak /shutterstock)

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  • curiousmom1222

    I wonder, of all those kids who have died from underage drinking, how many parents glossed over talking about alcohol with their kids? How many kids felt like they couldn’t talk to anyone about it? It’s unfair to use that as a statistic if you don’t understand how the kids came to try the alcohol in the first place. It doesn’t sound like every child in that case was given alcohol at a keg party thrown by their parents. I think you pose a fair question but I’d be curious to know what kind of success those parents that do buy their children alcohol have with having children who understand how to drink responsibly and what to do if they’re in a situation that’s not safe for them (i.e. their sober driver becoming not so sober).

  • CW

    When I was in high school, I did know some classmates’ parents who would buy alcohol and chaperone parties. They would take the keys from all the guests and tried to make sure there were no drugs or drunken hookups. I think it backfired, though, because the kids whose parents did this also went to unchaperoned parties. Whereas the kids with strict parents tended to do much less partying (if any). As a teen, I didn’t like the fact that my parents were strict, but as an adult, I’m very thankful that they were.

  • JulesSF

    I certainly agree that we shouldn’t be buying kids alcohol for their consumption, but I do think in America we are quite naive about teens and alcohol consumption and we create such a mystique about it that teens will do anything to get it in part, because they can’t get it at all. The European culture is cited all the time that teens who are allowed to drink do less binge drinking. It is common for teens enjoy a bit of wine (more like a glass than a sip) at dinner with their families and it’s no longer a big deal. My American sister lives in Austria and has an 18-year-old son, who’s live there since he was 3. While he’s far from perfect, he really has no interest in getting blotto with his friends. These kids aren’t sneaking their parents booze and engaging in risky behavior without adult supervision (like I did, and American kids do all the time). They go do concerts and night clubs where the focus is hanging out with friends and enjoying the music. While I won’t be buying my kiddo booze to drink with her friends when she’s old enough, I likely will let her learn how to appreciate quality wine or beer now and then and help her form a healthy relationship with alcohol.

    • http://www.xojane.com/author/eve Eve Vawter

      Agreed. I’m always talking about booze with them, I’m just not going to be the mom throwing my teenager a kegger.

    • Shea

      I completely agree. My parents had, I guess, a rather European attitude towards drinking. They nearly always had a glass of wine in the evening when I was growing up (they still do), and when I was 16 or so they started allowing me to have a small glass with them, if I wanted to. They also made it clear that if they caught me drinking with my friends or doing anything dangerous with alcohol, much punishment would ensue. The result was that alcohol never had any mystique for me. I learned at an early age to appreciate good wine and beer, and I never had any interest in binge drinking. I think my parents’ approach to alcohol was excellent, and I plan to use the same strategy with my kids when they’re in their mid-teens. Obviously there’s no guarantee, but hopefully it’ll work as well for them as it did for me.

  • Not a parent. MockMyInsights.

    Since I was basically going to make JuleSF’s point I will simply add this:

    Teenagers…or hell just children…always want what they can’t have. It’s just the way they’re wired. Telling a kid they can’t have alchol until they reach an arbritary age (and it IS arbtriary) is bascially like telling them “There’s this realllllllllllllllly fun thing that adults do that you see in movies all the time that looks like the best thing EVER but because you haven’t reached a certain age you can’t have it.” Well no duh, they want to drink. If they’re taught HOW to drink by their parents: how to appreciate good wine and beer, how adding good wine to a meal enhances the pleasure of it, how wine affects their body and their judgement–they’re going to be much less likely to go to a party think 5 shots of vodka is no big deal and end up blacking out or doing something dangerous.
    And JuleSF is right…in Europe you go out to the pub with your friends to have a drink and hang out…not get drunk. It’s much weirder when one of your friends(it happens, they’re teens) drinks too much and acts like a fool. And usually the friends are ticked because they have to take care of the fool and it ruins their night.

    • http://www.xojane.com/author/eve Eve Vawter

      I really do get where you are coming from, BUT, see, we don’t live in Europe. And one of the problems with the whole “forbidden fruit” thing is that our kids don’t grow up with the whole “European appreciating of alcohol” thingy, and that’s part of why when our kids get their first taste of booze, they go batshit crazy and end up like I did puking all over. Also, America is dumb because in many cities (and especially in towns) public transportation sucks it, we loooooove our cars in America, so that is why our drunk driving incidents are higher with teens. Also, in many cases, when teens drink in Europe they are doing it with their parents, so they have a built in chaperone.

  • Amy

    Maybe it’s a European attitude here, but I don’t see the harm in buying underage kids alcohol if they’re going to be supervised (even in a hands-off kind of way at least). When I was underage, it was perfectly normal to go to a party at someone’s house and have their parents provide alcohol. Not a massive party like in High School films, but maybe like 30 people. The parents would be in the house so we could go to them if problems arose, but generally we were given some drinks and left to our own devices. We didn’t get blind drunk, but we’d be pretty tipsy. Most parents did this, we were all fairly middle class rather than chavs whose parents let us run riot, and none of us teens grew up to be alcoholics.

    Obviously a massive party with no parents around is a different matter. But would American parents be happy with the situation outlined above? It’s interesting to compare British culture to others, since we’re an odd middle ground between European and American cultures.

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  • Clarissa

    That actually isn’t true in all states. Actually 43 states have laws that at least allow some consumption by minors.In my state (Wisconsin) Parents can give their children alcohol as long as the parent remains with the child.

    An underage person accompanied by a parent, guardian,
    or spouse of legal drinking age may be sold or served
    alcohol beverages in any licensed premises.
    (Sec. 125.07(1), Wis. Stats.)

    HOWEVER, if the child engages in reckless behavior, the parent may be fined for reckless endangerment.

    I see nothing wrong with giving a teen a small glass of wine or beer, perhaps with a meal or on a special occasion. When you take it away completely, and make it seem bad, it’s only going to make them want it more. How would you rather have your teen have their first drink? A glass of wine at home or at a kegger? your choice

    Source: http://drinkingage.procon.org/view.resource.php?resourceID=002591