For all of you mommies out there who had natural childbirths or loved your entire labor experience or who found it “beautiful” and “wonderful,” I’m super-duper happy for you and all but now we are going to swap childbirth  transition horror stories! Hurray! Because I’m sorry, transition for me, during all of my births, was a terribly terrible time but also when I invented some amazingly great swear words that have never been uttered by another human, ever.

And I even had an epidural!

For the uninitiated, transition is the labor phase when your cervix dilates from 7 cm to ten cm, and when you lose your damn fool mind and start inventing profanity and telling everyone you hate them. At least that’s what I did. My favorite transition phase experience was with my first son. I was uncomfortable up until then. But I was feeling pretty okay. And then I hit transition and I stood up, told everyone in the room including the nurse that I had decided not to have the baby, and tried to leave the delivery room. And than I slipped and fell in a puddle of my own blood. Yay transition!

It’s been eight years since I have given birth and I can still remember how utterly visceral transition was for me. Not only because it was painful, but because it was truly crazy time in my head. It was teeth-gnashingly intense. But it doesn’t last forever and than you get a beautiful baby to hold and everyone tells you how brave and amazing you are and brings you snack food products.

I know every mom has a different labor experience, so I’m just speaking for mine, but for me the transition phase was really hard.You may have a wondrous experience and think transition was a breeze!  My mom is fond of saying that if the majority of women fully remembered how hard that aspect of giving birth was, no one would ever have more than one baby ever. But something magical happens when you are handed your newborn and you fall madly in love and go and get yourself all knocked up again. At least this is how it worked for me.

The most important thing to remember is transition doesn’t last forever. You won’t be going through this phase for ten hours. And if you find yourself uncomfortable and in pain than just do what I did. Invent words like “_____ nugget____ crud eater___monkey.”

(photo: Milena Vuckovic /shutterstock)