• Sun, Nov 18 2012

Candy Is So Great Especially When Used To Antagonize Kids!

Hey! Let’s talk about candy. You like candy! I like candy! Candy is so great you guys. Let’s all move to a giant candy island and live in a house made out of candy and eat lots and lots of candy all day long! You know what else is so great about candy? Giving your kids different kinds of candy for the first time, like these parents did to their cute little toddler! Except the bad part is, they gave him an Atomic Warhead, which is a super sour candy and if you eat five in a row your mouth bleeds. Do not ask me how I know this but let’s just say I’m an amateur part-time scientist who is very interested in conducting candy experiments. In my laboratory. Which is in my mouth.

This little guy rocks because he totally loves this candy so much that he even does a really cool  candy dance after eating the candy.

My darling husband is also a fan of candy, but his favorite candy is Choward’s Violet Candy which tastes like old lady. It tastes like old lady and delicate old lady handkerchiefs  in an old lady dresser. My husband eats this candy and than crawls into bed with me and breathes all over my face and it’s like I’m being assaulted by someone’s grandma. That’s not good candy. Because we are excellent parents we limit our kid’s candy consumption by only letting them eat a few different varieties at a time, like Pixie Stix coupled with Skittles but not also with Starburst.

Another great thing about candy is that once I had a cold and I was feeling super lazy but I also wanted to make chili so I used one of those pre-made chili seasoning packets and in my cold pill induced stupor I added it to my pot of chili only to discover that I had added a pouch of special limited edition of peppermint Pop Rocks candy to the pot. This was not a good use of candy.

Candy! Candy is so great you guys! The holidays are an excellent time to make candy with your kids but not dangerous candy like homemade caramels because boiling sugar causes really terrible burns and I have scars on my hand to prove it. But I still love candy!

(photo: Vorobyeva /shutterstock)

 

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  • C.J.

    You are too funny! Now I’m wondering if pop rocks pop when you add them to chilli like they do when you put them in your mouth!

    • http://www.xojane.com/author/eve Eve Vawter

      I tasted it, and the pop rocks sort of dissolved and the rest of the flavors overpowered it. So yes, you can cook with pop rocks but when put into a liquid they eventually dissipate. Haha!

  • Nyx

    Awww I am also painfully familiar with Atomic Warheads and their effect on delicate mouth parts…So worth it

  • Amber

    You got it wrong – Chowards tastes like shaving cream……….well it tastes like old fashioned shaving cream smells anyway I’ve never actually tasted shaving cream. Despite this I chew the gum 4-5 pieces at a time and my family still says “what’s that smell!” will wrinkling their nose because it’s one of those things you either like it or hate it.

  • Lottie

    You write like a bumbling idiot. Please learn how to use proper grammar, Gattina.

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