Hey Facebook, My Husband And I Do Not Need A ‘Couples’ Page

dislikeEveryone who lists a relationship status on their Facebook profile, please take a second and visit your new Couples page created for you by the social media giant. Just type “facebook.com/us” into a new window. Don’t worry, I’ll wait.

Look at that. Facebook decided that your love was so powerful, it just couldn’t be separated into two different social media accounts. They wanted you and your partner to have something special, something you could share. So they gathered together everything that you’ve ever been tagged in together and they made it into a nice little page for you.

Even better. Now you and your partner can customize your couple’s page. You can share it with friends and family. You can make your own little tribute to your amazing relationship on the internet for everyone to see. Then when you’re done, you can stalk the “Friendship” pages of your partner and see what they’re saying to everyone else. I like how Facebook suggested that I look at the pages of my husband and his three closest female friends first.

The best thing about these nice little relationship pages is that they aren’t even optional. Facebook didn’t ask anyone. They just decided that you and your partner needed to share a social media space, and they didn’t leave their users any options to turn the things off. (Believe me, I’ve been looking.) Also, you and every random person you might be friends with could now have a “Friendship” page. Every picture that tags both of you, every message posted on your friend’s wall, it’s all there together. A testament to… what? Internet acquaintance? A shared life of “Happy Birthday’s” and your mutual like of Target?

At first, I thought that these pages were just an option for those who really wanted to create a couples page. I thought the things would be super annoying, but that I could just unsubscribe from anyone who got a little over zealous immortalizing their love on social media. Some people do that already, now they would just have a new tool. When I first heard about the Couples pages, I rolled my eyes and thought that every friend who already speaks in “we’s” would get excited. Then hopefully the nonsense would die down.

Then I realized that Facebook decided to turn me into one of those couples without my permission. Now I’m a little upset. I realize their stocks are falling and they want to introduce a new feature that would get people to waste time on Facebook like they used to, but this is extreme. Even for the company that making stalking your ex’s and old friends from high school socially acceptable, suggesting that I review all my husband friendships with other women is a little much.

Facebook had better put an “Option Out” button on this feature fast. I feel like I can’t be the only person whose more than a little annoyed that they created relationship pages for me. I would suggest that we all just quit, but who am I kidding? We’re not going to quit Facebook. But we are going to resent it a little more. And if there’s one thing I know about the internet, it’s that every click counts. Resentment leads to a lot less clicks very quickly.

(Photo: Mert Hüroglu/Shutterstock)

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  • CW

    Eh, I just checked out the one FB set up for my hubby & me, and it just lists our wedding date plus any posts or pictures where either of us have mentioned the other. The “browse friendships” suggested his brother, one of my brothers, and his cousin. Did you get writer’s block about what to blog about today?

  • Eileen

    These aren’t new. At least for a few years, you could click on “View Friendship” with any of your friends, or between any two friends of yours who are friends with each other (e.g. I’m friends with both my sister and her college roommate, so I can view their friendship). It lists how long you’ve been friends, or that you’re related in some way (my friendship page with my sister lists us at the top as “Sisters”), and I’m sure if you share your wedding/relationship anniversary, it lists “In a relationship since [date].” You can see any posts you’ve put on each other’s walls/timelines, pictures you’re both tagged in, etc. I’m looking at mine with my boyfriend’s right now, and all it tells me is that we have fifteen friends in common, two likes in common, lots of pictures together, and enjoy posting cute pictures of dogs on each other’s walls. Maybe they’re adding more stuff, but this is definitely not a new feature.

  • chickadee

    Your first link takes me to a Mommyish article about airbrushing pictures (http://mommyish.com/stuff/us-parents-pushing-for-self-esteem-act-to-battle-airbrushing-321/). Horrifying in its own way, I guess.

    • LindsayCross

      First of all, you’re right. That photo was horrifying. But more to the point, I have no idea how that happened! And actually, our platform won’t let me fix it. I tried over and over again. Basically I think you can just type facebook.com/us into your browser and if you’re logged in, it’ll take you right to your “Couples” page.

    • chickadee

      There are gremlins in the system! Madonna-type gremlins who want to destroy our brains.

  • AJ

    I think I might be missing something. Are you talking about the “see friendship” feature Eileen described? Or are you describing an entirely different feature? Is this one of those things Facebook is rolling out in batches so maybe not everyone has it yet?

  • GPMeg

    Ugh. That’s just annoying. My husband is almost never on FB so the couple’s page is obnoxious and makes me look like I’ve made up a marriage with a picture of a motorcycle. Thaaaaanks FB for creating one more thing for me to try and manage!

    (I haven’t deleted FB because according to at least one version of their user contract they own all your shit; I hang around to try and manage that ownership.)