In a recent “Anonymous Mom” column, one of our readers wrote in about how tired she is of hearing that she’s lucky to have found a kind and loving husband. Over and over again, friends and family told her that she needed to be grateful for finding a good guy. After all, this woman is a single mother with a young son. The implication was that single mothers shouldn’t expect to end up with wonderful men who want to love them and their children. Single moms shouldn’t expect any man to want them at all.
Personally, I could understand what this woman meant. I was a single mom when I got married to my husband. I heard more than a couple times that I was lucky. And at the time of course I felt blessed, but not because I was a single mom who didn’t deserve love. I felt blessed because every one who finds a partner in life normally feels like they hit a jackpot. My husband felt the same way. I think that reciprocity is the important thing. We both felt lucky, because we had both found people who we loved and respected.
However, according to some of our commenters, there was no reason for my husband to feel lucky. In fact, they think he never should have deigned to marry an American woman who expected him to be a loving step-father to her child. They think that a man raising another man’s child is the height of self-sacrifice and it should never be asked of any man. More than anything, they think that there was an imbalance in my husband and I’s luck. That I’m the lucky one and he’s the poor guy who got duped into marrying a bitch with a kid.
Well I’d like to address some of these comments. As a woman who knows what it’s like to be a single mom that found a wonderful husband, I feel like I’m in a good place to respond where our anonymous reader might not be able to.
“That’s huge for a guy to take on another man’s child. Most men with options when confronted with a woman with a kid run away as fast as they can and this guy married you and you are complaining about this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”