• Thu, Oct 25 2012

Anonymous Mom: I’ve Been Cheating On My Husband — For 3 Years

cheating on my husbandAnonymous Mom is a weekly column of motherhood confessions, indiscretions, and parental shortcomings selected by Mommyish editors. Under this unanimous byline, readers can share their own stories, secrets, and moments of weakness with complete anonymity.

When we were dating, my husband once shared with me that he wanted to be a priest. I laughed it off in the same way that when I was eight I wanted to be a circus clown. I brushed it off as just one of those passing childhood fancies. How could my tough, good-looking boyfriend ever consider something so chaste? Not that I have any disrespect for the priesthood; it just seem a thousand miles away from who he was. Little did I know that his tough, manly exterior was hiding a deep-seated shame about sex.  When we were dating he never pressured me for sex. I thought he was a gentleman. I had mistaken my husband’s lack of a sex drive as gentlemanliness.

And that is where my secret comes from. I am having an affair. I have been having one for nearly three years.  After nearly 20 years of marriage my husband has completely cut me off from sex. Because he thinks it is a shameful act.

In the beginning of our marriage, we had sex maybe twice a week. There were times when I wanted more sex, but I understood he worked hard and felt tired at the end of the day. But he didn’t act tired. He just acted uninterested in sex. But he really wanted to be a father.  That was why we were having sex: he wanted children.

Once we had two children the sex went from once or twice a week, to once or twice a month, to once every three months, then once or twice a year. Now it has been about five years since we have had sex.

At first I asked him to talk about it with me. Was I too fat? Was I not doing something he needed me to do?

I got him to go to marriage counseling when I threatened to leave him. After months of counseling it came out — he disliked sex, always had. And furthermore, he did not want to change and was unwilling to change. Even for me.

I had two choices: stay in a sexless marriage or leave him. I wanted to leave him and was making plans to do so when one of our children came down with a life-threatening disease.  And then the economy tanked. I lost my good paying job. (Even now, we have not financially recovered from that double whammy.)

Share This Post:
  • http://twitter.com/that_darn_kat Kat

    This is a tough subject. I absolutely understand where you are coming from, I wasn’t married but was in a similar situation. I’m one of those people who hates cheating, but in a situation like this, I understand your position. It’s not up to me to decide to judge you on if what you’re doing is right or not, but I will say I understand and thank you for sharing your story.

  • http://www.facebook.com/katie.dehesa DeHesa Katie

    while i dont condone “cheating”, i am grateful for your courage to share your experience. and pls understand and know: i am NOT judging, just accepting you, as you are, a woman with faults (from one who has many) ;)

    • NotDrPhil

      I realize that this article is very old but to say this person has “courage” is wrong. If she had courage she’d leave her husband instead of using him for the money & security he gives. Chances are too, that she was a cheater before, and is using this as an excuse.

  • Andrea

    Oh wow this is so tough. I don’t know what to say…I’m sorry.

  • Kris

    You are doing nothing wrong. He isn’t willing to be in a relationship with you, I feel you are welcome to look elsewhere for your needs.

    • Andrea

      I agree with you to some extent, but..would we be saying the same thing if the writer was a man?

    • http://www.scottwrites.com/ Scott Neumyer

      If this was a man writing it, there would be a flame war brewing under the article in the comments section. You’re 100% correct. She’s getting a pass from a lot of folks here because she’s a female IMO.

    • http://www.facebook.com/jess.mccloskey Jess McCloskey

      Oh, please. How do you know this? I am so bored with the fact that we can’t have a discussion without someone saying, “…but what if it was a man/woman saying this instead of a woman/man? I bet you would be thinking totally opposite, then!” You have no idea what people would think.

      From my perspective, whether it be a man or a woman, if your partner has closed off the sexual part of your relationship and has no interest in working on that, then you pretty much get a free pass to do what needs doing. The tackle they’re sporting doesn’t come into it at all. So stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

    • http://www.scottwrites.com/ Scott Neumyer

      LOL So how would you have reacted if it was a man?

      Also – if she’s so unhappy in her relationship, why can’t she just man up and get out of it? Why should she have her cake and eat it too?

    • Jen

      She stated very clearly. Family hasn’t recovered from the economic downturn. My parents stayed married for 5 years after my father’s affair. Not because they were working it out, but because divorcing would have bankrupted them both and left them both unable to provide for 2 minor children. Once they were both in a good place they divorced (amicably, 5 years of living together does that) and remained friends until my father died. It’s not all black and white. Real life has a WHOLE lot of gray.

    • http://www.scottwrites.com/ Scott Neumyer

      I’m fine with them staying married if they want to stay married, but that doesn’t condone cheating. She wants both… She wants to stay married for the financial security, but she also wants to diddle with the mechanic. That’s unfair to her husband and family. Can’t have it both ways. Do you think they’ll be able to “stay friends” after her husband finds out she’s been banging the guy who fixes his car for the past three years?

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002602883231 Afiq Syamim Salleh

      I doubt they would stay friends if the husband ever found out about this,but still he should have seen it coming which I’m sure even the wife knows about this,if she does leave I don’t think it would be the end of the world for her or her husband.But the children….

    • CMP

      Do you really think he will care? He has no interest in sex or getting an interest in it. He also does not seem to care about her at all, i.e. not leaving an online game of all things to help her when she is stuck with a flat in the rain. He is not her friend now being friends after a divorce seems unlikely. I would never leave my husband on the road stranded let alone any of my friends or relatives.

    • Venessa

      From what you wrote it sounds like your parents were at least transparent. They knew they were going to get divorced, they just didn’t have the money and time wasn’t right. In the author’s case, she doesn’t want to divorce her husband because she wants his money and cheats on him. How is that fair? Now if she had a talk with him and he agreed to her finding another partner while they were still married..that would be similar to your story.

    • http://twitter.com/tubbyfitness Jenna Chalker

      Agreed. Some of these fools need to get off their high horses and understand that sometimes people end up staying married to room mates. It happens. I’m happy she found passion and a fulfilling sexual relationship elsewhere since her husband isn’t willing to compromise.

    • Mistie

      Did you just use the term “man up”? And you’re not sexist? Wow. Classy.

    • http://www.scottwrites.com/ Scott Neumyer

      Oh come on. That was a simple colloquialism. Now we’re picking nits over semantics.

    • meteor_echo

      If your partner has closed off the sexual part of your relationship and
      has no interest in working on that, then you pretty much get out of that relationship and look for a new one where you are happier. I’d rather stick THIS into my pipe, it’s a classier smoking material.

    • wow

      “if your partner has closed off the sexual part of your relationship and has no interest in working on that, then you pretty much get a free pass to do what needs doing” –really? Is that a mature outlook on relationships? If you are not getting what you need from your partner, then stop deceiving him/her and look elsewhere for your happiness. You want to be selfish and make others miserable when they find out the truth?

    • meteor_echo

      Exactly. It’s like “Oh, he’s not complying to everything I want from him? Well, guess I gotta find someone else on the side while pretending I’m still invested into my relationship”.

    • Well..

      I am a woman and I agree with you. People are being nice because she is a woman. If it was a man, we would have read a lot of “How dare you cheat! She has issues and you should be helping her!”

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002602883231 Afiq Syamim Salleh

      But still there is a lot of men who would be supportive of him,same as any women who would be supportive of the wife in this case,nonetheless I actually see more women condemn cheating wife than men condemn cheating husband.Soo..

    • chomps

      If a man actually TRIED working things out in counseling with his asexual wife, but she still rejected him, then, yeah, duh, it’s the same situation and it’s a very gray area. If a man simply posts that he is cheating because his wife stopped having sex with him after she had their baby, he is whining and doing nothing to help his marriage and is a disgusting slime-ball. This is the same as if a woman cheated without any attempt to fix her marriage, much like my dad’s first wife did many times to him. So go make sexist assumptions to a men’s rights sympathizer.

    • http://www.scottwrites.com/ Scott Neumyer

      I’m probably the least sexist person you’ll ever meet, so it has nothing to do with that.

    • chomps

      It isn’t sexist to assume that because the readers are predominately women, that’s why this woman gets a “pass” in their opinions? In that case, please do define the word sexism for me then.

    • lyzl

      So, wait? The “right” thing to do is to flame this woman? No. Male or female, no one should be internet flamed. It’s a tough situation and just because one or two commenters aren’t telling her to “die in a fire” or some such nonsense does not mean she’s getting a pass.

    • http://www.scottwrites.com/ Scott Neumyer

      Oh, I wasn’t saying that she should be flamed at all. I just found the few “you go, girl” comments to be ridiculous.

    • Andrea

      I don’t recall any “you go girl”. I think a few of us said that it is sad, we feel bad for her.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002602883231 Afiq Syamim Salleh

      The word ‘whore’ and ‘slut’ is already been heard,by the way.

  • meteor_echo

    Wanting warmth and affection doesn’t give you a free pass for betraying someone you obviously loved once. Is it so hard to find someone who will be on the same page with you sex-wise, and let your husband find someone who will be on the same page with him?

    • Andrea

      For her it is right now. She wrote about the circumstances of her marriage.

    • meteor_echo

      Not fo5r her husband though. She wants her cake, and to eat it, too.

    • J

      This sucks. From the story, it sounds her husband is getting what he needs – and giving all he has to that game and online community. It seems he is being just as unfaithful as she is.

    • meteor_echo

      I just really don’t understand why they won’t split. Neither of them is really emotionally invested with each other, and she’s staying with him only because he is “a good father”. Does that really have to be the superglue for this carcass of a matrimony?

    • LiteBrite

      @187d318266d3ea6d4ed7247218eac065:disqus, I agree with you, but I think it’s easier said than done when you’re on the outside looking in. I’m saying this because I watched my friend go through a similar situation. To me the choice was obvious: he doesn’t love you + you don’t love him + it’s not going to get better = Get.The.Flock.OUT. She just couldn’t/wouldn’t though. She was afraid of losing their house, their cabin on the lake, their mutual friends. To me, her reasons were ridiculous (Your true friends will stick with you. You are seriously staying in this marriage because of a Wave Runner?), but I think it boiled down to her being scared to leave that comfort zone, even if that comfort zone was a dead marriage. It’s scary to think of being on your own after 10 years of marriage. I like to think I’m stronger than that and would make a different decision, but who knows?

      One thing that I’m certain of though is that this situation as described by the author is not even remotely healthy for her, her husband, or their children.

    • meteor_echo

      I understand where she comes from. I’ve been in an abusive relationship for some time, and it took me a lot of guts to leave. But… doesn’t the author understand that it will get worse with time? That, if her husband ever finds out, all hell will break loose? Is getting out of it as fast as possible for her not better than staying there until something really bad happens?

    • LiteBrite

      @187d318266d3ea6d4ed7247218eac065:disqus I bet she knows that. (I mean, how could she not realize that this is not going to get better?) My guess is she’s too afraid to make that move. However, my sincere hope is that she reads the comments and realizes just how effed up this whole thing really is and either leaves or starts taking the financial and emotional steps to make the break.

    • Justme

      I think you hit the nail on the head. There are all types of “cheating” or escaping in marriages and families. Some of us escape into alcohol and drugs, some to other people, some into video games and the internet.

    • http://www.facebook.com/courtney.wooten Courtney Lynn

      I agree. Their marriage is already over. They’re both holding on to nothing. Get out.

  • Justme

    I clicked on the headline and I really thought I was going to hate this article. But then I read the circumstances and I just feel…….sorry. It seems like a crappy situation any way you slice it.

    • Andrea

      Exactly the way I felt. So sad.

    • Justme

      Yeah, there’s not much to say – I can’t relate so I can’t judge. It’s just sad for everyone involved…the husband, the wife, the mister (if it’s not a mistress, is it a mister?) and the children.

    • msenesac

      Ditto. This is why you should never judge- especially if you don’t know the facts. For this particular situation, I’m happy (if that’s the right word) that the author was able to find some happiness.

    • Snowguy

      My guess is his side of the story is not so kind to her version of her life. People tend to present their rationalization as an explanation.

  • LiteBrite

    Here is my question: if you were to tell your husband about this affair, would that be the end of your marriage? I realize you’re “anonymous” for good reason and probably won’t want to answer, but it’s at least something to think about.

    I have a friend who was in a similar situation. Her husband refused to have sex with her (she still doesn’t know why) but also refused to go to counseling. She stayed in this “marriage” for four more years until she met someone who made her feel like a vibrant sexual being again. When her husband found out, he blew a gasket, and I was tempted to ask him, “You’ve made it clear you don’t have any interest in her, but you don’t want anyone else to either? Seriously?” At the same time, I had been telling her for years to GET THE HELL OUT of the marriage, which I felt she should have done before she embarked on an affair. (They’re now divorced.) In her case, she doesn’t have children and she’s fully self-supporting, so it was probably much easier for her to leave than it would be for you. However, I’m wondering if staying in this marriage is really the right thing when it’s probably painfully obvious to everyone, including your children, how unhappy you both really are.

    I’m not judging, just offering some food for thought.

    • NotDrphil

      If I see or hear one more person say “I’m not judging…” I’m going to hurl. We are a morally corrupt country and it shows in the TV, Divorse rates, and abortions.
      We are asked to judge by our laws or have you never made an “absolute statement?”

    • NotDrPhil

      “Divorce…”

  • Lo

    Thanks for writing about this – it’s a horrible, complicated situation. I hope you and your husband eventually get to discuss it, and that you can work out a way to support your kids without being in that restrictive relationship. Good luck to all of you.

  • http://www.scottwrites.com/ Scott Neumyer

    Here’s the male perspective. Cheating is BS and so is making excuses for why you’re doing it. I surely sympathize with everything you’re going through, but how about instead of cheating you pull up your big girl pants and go through with the divorce before betraying your husband for three years (even if he has emotionally betrayed you). If you’re so unhappy, get out of the marriage – issues of difficulty doing that or not, just get out of it. You’re doing yourself and your husband (and your family as a whole) a disservice. You want your cake, cookies, and ice cream and you want to eat it all too. Be an adult and do the right thing.

    • Well..

      I feel the same way. I know it is a tough time and things are not great at home, but I think it might be better to get a divorce and raise the kids together. All the effort and stress involved in playing hide and seek with the mechanic could then be eliminated.
      How can she blame her husband for wanting to stay married and have kids/be parents without sex when she wants to stay married and live off of his money without being faithful?

    • http://www.facebook.com/jess.mccloskey Jess McCloskey

      Thank you so much for speaking up for all men. I was afraid I would have to wait for the Men’s Monthly Newsletter, but here you showed up and let me know what’s what instead. That’s just plain convenient.

    • http://www.scottwrites.com/ Scott Neumyer

      I gave MY male perspective. Certainly not trying to speak for all. And I’m by no means a “manly” man. I’m a sensitive dude with opinions. In fact, I’ve even written for this very site. :)

    • Amy

      That’s why you say “Here’s A male perspective” or “Here’s my perspective as a male”, not “Here’s the male perspective”. Don’t get hurt when you write something different to what you intended, and people don’t read your mind.

    • Justme

      I was just about to point this out! Semantics matter.

    • http://www.scottwrites.com/ Scott Neumyer

      @Amy – very true. Well said and I respect that.

    • StayAtHomeDad

      Although, I don’t think you’ll find many men who will DIS-agree with the statement that “cheating is BS,” at least when talking about a woman cheating on a man that is ;)

      “I’m mad at you so I f*cked someone else!” is not an “OK” excuse. Even once. But, three years on? Really?

      She is acting dishonorably, and dishonestly. There are MANY men who find that their wives sex drives (regardless of cause) drop after marriage. What some of the posters above are suggesting is that these guys get carte blanche to step out on the women they swore to forsake all others for. “My wife hasn’t been putting out, and doesn’t like sex, so I’ve been banging this hooker for three years. It’s cool, cause its the same hooker, right?”

    • lea

      I agree. Cheating is BS. Cheating is ALWAYS BS. To try and justify it by saying that it is your partner’s fault is cheap.

      Here’s the thing, no matter what others do around you, no matter how they wrong you or let you down, it is still up to you to be a good person and act with integrity.

    • Venessa

      Well said!

    • LiteBrite

      What about the husband in this case? Is it not his job to act with integrity? From what the author said, it sounds like her husband has ALWAYS disliked sex; this only came out after they spent some time in counseling. Sex is an important component of marriage for a lot of people, and he had an ethical duty to tell her that BEFORE they got married.

  • Ipickedanameyay

    I am married to a vet who for psychological reasons,not physical will go months sometimes close to a year without wanting sex or physical contact. Sometimes we argue about it, he worries about me leaving him for someone who isn’t “messed up”. But I put my big girl panties on, or in my case take them off and handle it myself. There is something to be said for companionship. If that’s gone, and the circumstances are so terrible you feel the need to physically connect with someone else, then get a divorce. I think deep down she does feel guilt, or she wouldn’t write a article about it confessing it. And ultimately seeking validation from others for her actions. Honestly, sometimes I miss the physical part of the relationship I’m in. But I could never let that change how much I love him. And I for sure could not do what she has done.

    • http://www.scottwrites.com/ Scott Neumyer

      Amen. Well said.

    • http://www.facebook.com/jess.mccloskey Jess McCloskey

      Yeah, I’ve often said that people who are in similar situations to me should only react the way I did or I’ll judge them for not being as good as me. Come on, OP. Get your act together and do just what Ipickedanameyay is doing!

    • meteor_echo

      Well, then I’d rather be a judgmental bitch and eat my judgmental bitchcake… as long as I try my best to, you know, not hurt the people around me, I’ll stick with this type of pastry.

    • Venessa

      I second Scott’s opinions! If she truly loved her husband for the person he is, she wouldn’t try to justify this affair. And if she hates him for not fulfilling a part of their marriage, she should just leave him.

    • Andrea

      Of course she feels guilty. That doesn’t mean it is easy to just up and leave. As she stated in her writing, she has VERY sick child and NO job.

    • Venessa

      “VERY sick child” – no one said she cannot continue to care for the kid after a divorce. A lot of adults go through divorces and still continue to raise their kids.
      “NO job” – so her husband is supposed to support a cheating wife because she is being selfish here? Also..this might be just me, but if I had a VERY sick kid, I wouldn’t be running around having an affair.

    • myriss89

      It doesn’t seem like cheating to me. You can’t cheat on someone who doesn’t want you. It’s still dishonest, but it’s not the same, ethically, as infidelity to someone who wants a sexual relationship.

      And I think it’s uncool to hide it, unless he prefers discretion, but I know parents do a lot of messed up things to support their kids. A lot of people would do this and feel it was ethically their duty to protect the child.

    • Ipickedanameyay

      I guess I do come off judgmental and probably because I am. I live a life knowing every day that today may start the cycle of months of loneliness I guess for me, I can sustain knowing that deep down I actually love the man I am tied to. He gets lost in his own world of online games and reading forums. I chose years ago to spend my free time in his virtual worlds with him. For me, waiting (during deployments, during the droughts after when he was no longer in the service and first realizing he suffered from ptsd) is having payoffs. He goes the weekly therapy,and his ability to connect emotionally is stronger, however the physical is not there yet. In some part of my brain, when at our worst I considered a divorce (not because of lack of intimacy) I always felt like I was giving up on the what if. What if the therapy works? What if I stay the course through the worst of it, and 5 months after I leave he has a breakthrough and I never get to enjoy him as the best person he is able to be. I suppose I’m judgmental because I have too much love and fight to just give up and be weak. And honestly, staying with someone because they are a good father but cheating on them is bs and weak. It’s easy to give in and satisfy carnal needs. And it’s easy to say that lack of intimacy forced her to do it. What’s hard is looking him in the face and admitting it and saying that’s why you want out. Because no one wants to tell a nice person “Hey all these years of not touching each other has made me not love you anymore”. I guess either way, she comes off like a bitch. For leaving him because of lack of sex or cheating on him to have sex. But I still say suck it up and just leave. The man has to know she isn’t happy with 5 years of no sex. I doubt it would surprise him.

    • Imalia

      You reminded me of something I firmly believe in. If you don’t want me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best. I hope things continue to improve for you both and that your faith in him and support will be rewarded by all the good things you still see he has to offer.

    • jill_sandwich

      Sex is an integral part of a well-rounded, happy life for some people. I know you said that you have had a “similar” issue with your husband, but it’s likely that your personal sex drive and needs for intimacy are lower than this woman’s. That doesn’t make you better than her. Your situation ≠ her situation.

    • http://twitter.com/tubbyfitness Jenna Chalker

      Agreed! Everybody has different needs and dismissing her physical needs as “Well *I* can do it, you should too!” is the actual BS.

  • bumbler

    idk, sounds to me like things are working out just fine as they are. Why stir the waters? Tons of men and women are in your same position but without having found someone new. They’re “stuck” in dead relationships with no promising options. This isn’t going to be a popular opinion but forget being true to your husband (he lost that title a long time ago anyhow, didn’t he?) and just be true to yourself and your new man, however that has to happen. It might mean leaving things be, it might mean making a big change.

    • meteor_echo

      The waters will stir themselves one day. Right now, her situation reminds me of a boil – it is intact for now, but the slightest poke and it will burst, messily and painfully. Scalpeling it open is a better option, so to say.

  • lyzl

    Thanks for sharing. What a terrible situation to be in. I hope you can soon find the freedom you need to be the woman you want to be.

  • UNIONSRPONDSCUM

    She should be honest with her husband – maybe he would be cool with it and they continue to be platonic roomate parents. But hanging around, just because she wants his paycheck, kind of makes her a whore.

  • Katie

    If you have issues with your husband then fucking someone else won’t fix them, it will only make them worse.

    There is never an excuse for cheating. Ever. The grown up thing to do if you are not happy is leave, not be with someone else behind your partner’s back.

    • Practical guy

      They have not had sex in 5 years. The husband has made it clear that sex is not an option. While there is no excuse for cheating, this woman’s situation does explain why it happened.

  • chickadee

    This sounds like a horrible situation for everyone. My instincts, though, say to get out of the marriage. Cheating and lying usually comes back to bite you in the tuchus somehow, even if it looks like you’re hurting no one.

    If you still loved your husband and he was fine with an open marriage, then I’d have no issue with what you’re doing. You aren’t a horrible person, but you’re in a situation that will probably turn on you — someone will find out and tell your husband (and depending on the state you live in, you could get hosed in the resulting divorce), you might get pregnant, your other guy might change his mind and decide he wants a real relationship….I just think it would be healthier to get out. Not that that’s easy….

  • To Celebrate Women

    Sometimes couples can make arrangements. I knew a guy who had a condition that meant sex was difficult or sometimes impossible. Eventually he gave his wife permission to seek sexual fulfillment elsewhere, as long as she was discreet about it. Couples should do what’s best for them. Maybe if you were honest with your husband (not even to the point of disclosing the affair, just “I’m very unhappy with a sexless marriage”), you’d be able to either work on what’s going on in your own marriage or set up an alternative arrangement.

  • Christina

    A few people are going to hell. :o/

  • ali

    Obviously at this point, no one can turn back time on this unfortunate situation. But I wanted to just mention, that this is one of the reasons people should consider waiting longer before getting married. It takes years to really get to know someone, sometimes even decades aren’t long enough..still the point is that I feel many rush into marriage. In the early stages of most relationships, everything is great and happy but what about how you deal with obstacles? What happens when you are working late hours and housework starts to pile up and the thoughts of being sexy and going out on a date night start to seem like a job all on its own? This doesn’t happen to everyone of course, but it can happen. I feel that society still puts a lot of pressure on couples to get married and make it “official” when in reality, your love is just as strong without a marriage certificate. That piece of paper is no guarantee of happiness. While I understand the situation the writer is in, I also want to mention that even in divorce, her husband would still have to pay child support. Perhaps even alimony. It would be hard to divorce for her in these times yes, but if her husband is concerned with being a good father I doubt he would stop supporting his sick child.

  • MadMarchHare3

    Wow! This sounds exactly like my marriage (minus the adultery. Don’t have the guts for it) If it works for you and him, why not? It’s not like the spouse seems to care.

    • meteor_echo

      She’s not keeping ANYONE happy in that situation.
      Also, if I, as a kid, found out that either of my parents was a cheater, I’d stop talking to that parent. I imagine that many kids would do the same thing to some extent. Does she want her kid to find out at some point?

  • miinxi

    I feel like Im seeing my future! My husand plays wow too FULL ON and often tells me he cant do X or Y because hes in the middle of a raid, and our sex life has always been very slim, down to once a month (were both 24 and been together since 16) I hope this isnt my future though.

    • http://twitter.com/tubbyfitness Jenna Chalker

      If you don’t put your foot down and go to counseling, it will be.

  • Pixie Dixie

    I had an
    affair with a very nice man who told me his wife hated sex. They tried therapy
    and his wife was disgusted by his touch. He said he stayed married for the kids
    and for financial reasons. He said she had her own life and no interest in even
    speaking to him most days. He cheated because he was lonely and it had been
    years since he felt a woman’s touch. Can you all guess how this story ended?

    Maybe the writer of this confession lost interest in her husband, yet wants to
    live a cushy life? Maybe her husband turned to WOW because she rejected him.
    There are women who find men without sex drives to be less male. I suspect he
    was likely abused or shamed as a child, leading to his lack of a sex drive. Now
    the writer is slanting the story so she looks good and gets sympathy for HAVING
    (not even a choice really) to turn to a lover for comfort. Isn’t it convenient
    how none of it is her fault and how her lover is a sympathetic guy while her
    husband has no likable qualities except he pays for shit? (First she says he’s
    a good father then says he never does anything except play WOW which isn’t
    great dad behavior.)

    Eventually I
    learned how my lover’s wife actually did want to be close to her husband, but she
    had been RAPED and felt uncomfortable with sex. He wanted to play their old
    games and have fun like they did in the past, but she was afraid. Every time he
    pushed, she pulled back more and he felt rejected. In the end, he convinced
    himself she was the problem and found someone else. He saw himself as a loving
    husband and her as a cold bitch. I believed him because he truly believed it
    too. You can’t assume the writer’s sob story is a hundred percent true. Only
    that it’s true to her.

  • Srsly?

    She’s having sex. It’s just sex, from the sounds of it – and she’s not getting any at home, by her husband’s choice and her husband’s desire to not change. Just because someone isn’t putting out doesn’t mean you run down to the courthouse and get a divorce! It’s perfectly acceptable to love someone and fuck someone else – monogamy isn’t in our nature, anyhow.

  • myriss89

    I don’t understand. Did he pretend to enjoy sex before the children came? It seems very dishonest for him to marry when he only wanted children. He could have just adopted. Or he should have joined the clergy or tried to marry a woman who felt the same about sex. It was unfair to waste this woman’s life.

    Also, I know there are legit asexuals, but if I was married to this guy, I would want to be 100% sure that he wasn’t a pedophile or something. There are way too many pedophiles, and the families/friends are often shocked, but I think this is the kind of sign to look for.

  • guest

    I would feel the same if it was a man writing about his wife. People take on obligations to each other when they marry, and a big one is to satisfy their sexual needs. He broke their marriage vows first.

    And for the record, I’ve always supported men who find a mistress when their wife betrays them this way as well. It’s messier than divorce, but I suppose it keeps the family intact. Some people can really make the whole poly thing work.

  • Jason

    This is a really interesting.

    If a man had been in a similar situation and resulted to cheating, exactly the same way the female in the article had – He would have been OBLITERATED by the negative comments from women.

    Just a question, when women advocate such a double standard, is it kind of like an inside joke? Or do you legitimately feel that women should be allowed, but not men?

    • thehumburger

      They’re just innately biased and don’t recognize the double standard.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002602883231 Afiq Syamim Salleh

      Actually some of these negative comments came from themselves,Yes,it seems a cheating seem less harshly judged by their own gender compared to cheating females.Soo..

  • victoria

    i just want to share my experience and testimony here.. i was married for 6 years to my husband and all of a sudden, another woman came into the picture.. he started hailing me and he was abusive..but i still loved him with all my heart and wanted him at all cost?then he filed for divorce..my whole life was turning apart and i didn’t know what to do..he moved out of the house and abandoned the kids.. so someone told me about trying spiritual means to get my husband back and introduced me to a spell caster?so i decided to try it reluctantly..although i didn’t believe in all those things? then when he did the special prayers and spell, after 2days, my husband came back and was pleading..he had realized his mistakes..i just couldn’t believe it.. anyways we are back together now and we are happy..in case anyone needs this man, his email address prophetsalifu@gmail.com, his spells is for a better life. again his email is prophetsalifu@yahoo.com

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1099802366 Chicho Blanco

    What a prize you are. Instead of doing the right thing and leaving your husband before you cheated you use him as your meal ticket. That speaks volumes about your character.

  • cfc912

    There are no amount of excuses that make you less of a whore. Tell the man the truth and go be a slut on your own. Or are you dependent on his money and just using him for that? Despicable.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002602883231 Afiq Syamim Salleh

      See?! Just as exactly as I expected.

  • Marilyn

    I am Marilyn and I am from Ontario in Canada, I am 45years old and I just got

    married in my life for the first time last year ago. Thanks to THE
    GREAT DR.UGUEL for this wonderful miracle and blessing that he brought to
    my life, usually he does not posting and he believed that what is yours will never leave you and that you can have what ever you want in
    life only if you believe.When I was younger I tried finding love but every man that comes my way have never spent 2 months with me without leaving, and my family called me so many abusive names and say that I will never get married in time, even my younger sister and brother were already married with 2 kids each and were happily married.But until last year back when I came across THE GREAT DR.UGUEL and I told him all about myself and I told him that I am 45years old and single and I want a man in my life. All is said was that I will have a man and will be the one that I will truly love that he will cast a spell for me that when men sees me that they will rush after me and he also said that I will have a child and now thanks to DR.UGUEL THE GREAT, I meet my husband last year just one week after the spell was cast on me and every spiritual curse on me were destroyed and broken, I got married to him February this year and I am 7 month pregnant with my own kid for my husband all thanks to DR.UGUEL, you can contact DR.UGUEL for help his {email is DRUGUELSPELLHOME@GMAIL.COM}.
    He also help me of my depress.

  • elizabeth

    Hello everyone my name is Elizabeth,my mouth is full of testimony. i never believe this could have happen but Dr.anunu restored my marriage.now my husband love me more than ever.
    my husband left me and the kids for 2 years, i did everything humanly possible to get him back i prayed i even fasted nothing work out.
    i was s0 diver stated i was left with nothing no money to pay for kids up keep. no job my life was tearing apart. till when i head that he was trying to get married to another lady in Italy,Rome..i quickly rush and email Dr.anunu for help and i was skeptical because i don’t really believe he can bring him back to me because its too long we have contacted each other,we only comment on each other status on Facebook and when ever he come online he has never talk anything about coming back to me,now i really believe that there is Magic and Dr.anunu is a really God sent and has Magic because all these things is still like a dream to me,Dr.anunu told me in the first mail that everything will be fine,i called him and he assure me,i have so many doubt but now am happy,i can’t believe it my husband broke up with his Italian lady and he is now coming back to me and he can’t even explain how everything goes, all he said to me was that he want me back,i am really happy and i cried so much because it was just like i am born a new and am really happy and my entire family are happy for me but they never know whats the secret behind this…i want you all divorce lady or single mother to please contact this man for help and everything will be fine i really guarantee you..i have tell all my friends who are in unhappy relationship and they have seen solution in few days ago…if you want to contact him you can reach him through (anunuspelltemple@ymail.com) that is where you can get to him and i assure you it gonna work fine with you and you will be happy
    i am out of .words am just happy and i will be happy forever because i can never have any problem having Dr anunu.

  • person66

    Lol. He was “in the middle of a raid”. yeah, i’ve been there. And if you are bringing him a beer, don’t you dare walk in front of the tv! Good times.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1065384910 Luke Bogash

    “He accepted and one thing lead to another. Later that day I was at his house, in his bed, having amazing sex.”

    Uh, sweetie…..you were an active participant. One thing leading to another makes it sound like you had no control over your actions.

  • Martin

    Damn lady… you seriously need help… when you got MARRIED you took VOWS to forsake all others, in sickness and in health, in good as well as in bad times… Your husband might have cut you of sex because he did not ‘like’ sex, playing world of warcraft, etc. But guess what… if that is ALL it takes for you to ABANDON YOUR HUSBAND AND FAMILY, then you don’t deserve a husband, a family, etc.

    Furthermore, you say you have two options: To stay in a sexless marriage or cheat, and that you were making plans to leave your husband, but did not because you lost your job, the economy went bad, etc.

    That just made you even WORSE than your husband, lady.

    And I shall tell you WHY…

    You say you want out of your marriage, period, because your husband dislikes sex in any form and shape, after 20 years of marriage to a man who has build a life and a family with you, that you were planning on leaving your husband without even discussing THAT with him or taking him into consideration.

    You say that you’ve been married to him for 20 years without it showing that he dislikes sex — I am sorry, I do NOT find that part realistic, unless of course, you’ve had your head in a bush for that entire time!

    So you are making plans to leave and abandon your family, but your plans to find some c**k to fill you gets spoiled big time when the economy failed and you lost your job. Now who’s the deceiver? Sure isn’t your husband. It is you because you, wont admit true colour and stand by your, ill-cited, decision to leave your husband.

    Secondly, your child gets sick — poor child! However, all of the sudden, sex for you isn’t THAT important any more, but it’s important enough for you to leave your husband and go and look for some strange new one, hmm?

    So you stay with your husband, and decide to CHEAT _OF_ALL_THINGS_! Deliberately HURTING, CRUSHING and SHATTERING another persons heart, because you cannot get your wires straightened out!

    I can truly only shake my head… your one sick cookie, that is for damned sure… In my honest opinion, best that you pack your stuff and leave. You’re seriously a bad influence to your children, and you do your husband a terrible-terrible injustice, preventing him from meeting someone who might actually TRULY love and appreciate him, for HIM — with the GOOD and the BAD there is in ALL OF US, part of being humans.

    Not having sex isn’t the end of the world, but hurting, betraying, lying to, breaking another persons faith and trust in you over something like SEX is just… grrrr… It is UNFORGIVABLE! I hope your husband finds out and takes you to the cleaners and throws your rear to the curb, from where you shall never ever return, because it is 100% certain that you do NOT deserve another chance at hurting someone. How dare you even?

    And your children… a mother who is a skank… painting their father so poorly, for your own pitiful and selfish reasons…

  • truthhurts

    No matter the reason you tell yourself your still a whore sleeping behind your husbands back.

  • Dr Opingo

    My Name is Miss. Jeni, I was married to my husband for 13 years and we were both bless with three children, living together as one love, until 2011 when things was no longer the way the was [when he lost his job]. But when he later gets a new job 6 months after, he stated sleeping outside our matrimonial home. Only for me to find out that he was having an affair with the lady that gave he the job. since that day, when i called him, he don’t longer pick up my calls and he nothing since to come out good. Yet my husbands just still keep on seeing the lady. Until I met a very good friend of my who was also having a similar problem, who introduced me to a very
    good love spell caster. But i told her that if it has to do with things that i am not interested, but she said that it has nothing
    to do with pay first. but the only thing he was ask to do was just to go and buy the items to cast the spell, and that was what she did. And she gave me the spell caster e-mail address and phone number. When i contacted him, i was so surprise when he said that
    if i have the faith that i will get my husband back in the nest three [3] day, and off which it was really so. but i was so shock that i did not pay any thing to Dr.FREEDOM but my husband was on his knells begging me and the children for forgiveness. This testimony is just the price i have to pay. This man DR. FREEDOM is good and he is the author of my happiness. Email him at: ( omonigholovetemple@gmail.com )

  • BubbleyToes

    While it is not commendable to cheat, this woman was not just unhappy with their lack of sex life. She was unhappy with their lack friendship, emotional connection, happiness, or any semblance of a marriage at all. It would appear that she didn’t cheat on him because she wasn’t getting the physical attention she needed. She didn’t seem to be getting any attention or support at ALL. That is a completely different situation than someone who strays due to one aspect of a marriage that they are unsatisfied with. My sex life with my husband is not exactly where I would want it to be. We do not have sex nearly as often as I would like, because he just doesn’t have the sex drive that I do. Once a week is considered a lot and honestly if it could be that often all of the time I would not feel as bad about it. We are in our early and mid twenties with no children and my husband is a combat veteran with PTSD. We are truly best friends, we have fun every day even if all we do is hang out on the couch and watch tv. Because he takes care of so many of my other needs besides sex (emotional, supportive, encouraging, friendship), I would never ever leave or cheat. I don’t feel the need to. But I can’t judge this woman because she is not getting ANY of that from her husband. He checked out years ago. Missing out on one aspect of a relationship can suck, but missing out on ALL good aspects must be truly awful.

  • A ‘mechanic’

    Im very sorry to hear about your situation. This was a good read. Thank you for sharing, it certainly brought back memories of women in similar situations I’ve encountered in the past. Best of luck to you.

  • married27years

    you cant fix the emotional, physical, spiritual needs of some other person but you can fix your own. good luck

  • Grace

    I was married to my husband for 12years and we were both bless with two children, living together as one love, until 2011 when things was no longer the way the was [when he lost his job]. But when he later gets a new job 9 months after, he stated sleeping outside our matrimonial home. Only for me to find out that he was having an affair with the lady that gave him the job. since that day, when i called him, he don’t longer pick up my calls and nothing since to come out good. Yet my husbands just still keep on seeing the new girl friend till Dr.Igbodo cast a spell for me,now is with me and me only.And i am happy with my family

    if you need his help contact on via email,igbodospiritualtemple@gmail.com

  • miss jade

    NAME: JADE
    COUNTRY: USA.
    Hello readers realy it might sound some how to believe in this my testimony on how DR AJAGBO help me get my ex back. i never believe in spell ontill when my boyfriend broke my hearth, for the deep love i have for him.
    i was so suprise when he called me and said that our relationship is over, just because he had found another girl out side club that he is so much in love with more than me. and to me i did not know what else to do, i also explain things to my best friend SONIA, and did you know what she told me she told me that when she was about to loose her husband she contacted DR AJAGBO for help on how she can get her husband back and the spell realy worked for her.she contacted dr ajagbo WITH HIS EMAIL; AJAGBOSPELLTEMPLE@GMAIL.COM.PHONE NUMBER;
    +2348156759423. and realy the spell work for her. that what am i waiting for, and me as a person i did not so much believe in spell work. i try my best and i also contact DR AJAGBOSPELLTEMPLE@GMAIL.COM
    PHONE NUMBER;+2348156759423. and i also explaian things to him and he said to me woman let not your hearth be troubled dont worry between 2days time you will see the result of my spell. i did not believe not ontill after 2days time my boyfriend gave me a phone call and was begging that he is so sorry for what has happened. not him alone but he came with his friends and they all started begging me for forgiveness.
    i realy think their are some people that need’s help from this dr ajagbo. because me and my husband have now love each other as never before.no need for you to die in pains. contact him he will help you out i believe he can also do your own for you.all thanks to dr ajagbo for work well don in my life.a realy spell yes you are dr ajagbo, indeed you have saved my marriage. you can contact Dr Ajagbo AT AJAGBOSPELLTEMPLE@GMAIL.COM

  • Rebecca

    Kuddos to you ! I hope your life is completely full ! Best of luck to you !

  • Leila Stephaine

    “I thank the dr.odumalovetemple@gmail.com for bringing my dearest boyfriend back. I was lost without my boyfriend, my life seemed hopeless but then I contacted dr oduma who was able to find the exact reason he had left me, a spell had been cast on him, luckily Dr oduma was able to break this easily and with his help my dear boyfriend returned. He can help you too, contact him now at: dr.odumalovetemple@gmail.com

  • gitf

    I’ve had a couple of readings with ogbefispell@gmail.com and he amazes me every time. The very first one I had was last year and I was really nervous but ogbefispell@gmail.com called at the exact time as the appt down to the minute and he was just so friendly. He picked up right away what was going on in my life without me asking a single question. He picked up initials of the people involved!! I’ve never had anyone do that before and I’ve been to my share of psychics! ogbefispell@gmail.com doesn’t just tell you what you want to hear, he tells you the truth!! I was very amazed with his accuracy!! When I got off the phone my hands were shaking because I was in shock! My first experience was so well that I came back to ogbefispell@gmail.com again for another reading recently when things in my life weren’t so well! He once again picked up on things so well and described the people and situation! He’s going to help me get my life back the way I want. I really trust him and his spirits! I know it’s real and I know I’ll be back to leave another testimonial on his wonderful work and to tell you all my happy results because I know I’ll have them! call for help today +2348115435381

  • jenny morgan

    My Name is Jenny Morgan,From United states. I wish to share my testimonies with the general public about what this man called priestchidi has just done for me , this man has just brought back my lost Ex husband to me with his great spell, I was married to this man called Rolland we were together for a long time and we loved our self’s but when I was unable to give him a child for 2 years he left me and told me he can’t continue anymore then I was now looking for ways to get him back until a friend of mine told me about this man and gave his contact email, then you won’t believe this when I contacted this man on my problems he prepared this spell cast and bring my lost husband back, and after a month I stoped menstrating and went for a test and the result stated am pregnant am happy today am a mother of a baby boy, thank you once again the great priestchidi for what you have done for me,if you are out there passing through any of this problems listed below:
    1) If you want your ex back.
    (2) if you always have bad dreams.
    (3)And if you have issues with having a baby
    visit his email priestchidi@gmail.com

  • bruce

    It’s funny how you all are okay with it because it’s a woman…watch the tide quickly change if it were a man.