Anonymous Mom: I’m Tired Of Feeling Grateful To My Husband For Marrying A Single Mom

retro housewifeAnonymous Mom is a weekly column of motherhood confessions, indiscretions, and parental shortcomings selected by Mommyish editors. Under this unanimous byline, readers can share their own stories, secrets, and moments of weakness with complete anonymity.

When I met my husband, I wasn’t looking to date anyone. After leaving my son’s father, I was pretty convinced that I would never date again. I thought that I would just be content as a single mother, devoting my life to my child and working my way up the career ladder. Dating seemed like too much work, too much of a distraction. Then I met a man who changed my mind.

Mike was a friend of a friend. He seemed kind and caring. He listened to stories about my son and remembered details about my little boy, asking follow up questions about an activity the next time I saw him. Mike had never been married, didn’t have any children. He owned his own home. He had a good job. Honestly, my sister was convinced that Mike was too good to be true. She was wrong, because he was both amazing and very, very real.

Our relationship moved quickly. Both of us were very straight-forward about what we wanted in the relationship. I didn’t want to waste my time “dating” someone for years who wasn’t actually ready to commit. Mike was a bit older than me and ready to settle down. We got engaged and married within 18 months of meeting. And during those 18 months, I cannot tell you the number of times that family and friends, both his and mine, told me how incredibly lucky I was to find a man willing to take on a single mother and her son. I was told over and over how blessed I was that my soon-to-be husband really cared for my son, and wanted to be involved in his life.

I don’t want to sound ungrateful. I am blessed to have an amazing husband. But I cannot imagine ever choosing to be with someone who wouldn’t look at “my son” as “our son” after we were married. I cannot imagine going on more than a single date with someone if I found out they weren’t excited about the “package deal” of dating a single mom. If you aren’t ready to be a parent, you shouldn’t get involved with someone who has a child.

Why is it that I need to feel grateful to a man for being a decent human being? For caring about a child that isn’t his biological son? What type of person wouldn’t watch this beautiful little boy grow up before their eyes and feel some love and affection? That’s not luck, it’s basic human instinct. Of course we love and protect the innocent.

I thought that after our wedding, the parade of people telling me that I was lucky to have found such a brave man would end. I thought everyone would except that we were family now. Or maybe, they would acknowledge that my husband was lucky to find people who love him as well.

Instead, after five years, it’s never stopped. Every time my husband does something special with my son, I get reminded by someone how grateful I should be that my husband cares. I hear every holiday how blessed I am that my husband and my son get along, that they love each other. Excuse me for assuming that my son and I are both deserving of that love. Excuse me for thinking that maybe we brought something to the table too.

I love my husband. And he never expects gratitude or a pat on the back for being a father. He doesn’t understand people who would behave any differently. It’s one of the many reasons why my husband can often seem to be too good to be true. Honestly, the guy is saint-like. But I really resent the assumption from others that my son and I should feel lucky, like we should have expected something less. We might not have been everyone’s ideal of a perfect family, but my son and I have always been an amazing catch. We’ve always been worthy of love and affection without any reservations.

It’s not just my son and me who are blessed. Our whole family is. My husband included.

Send your own Anonymous Mom submission of 600-800 words to editor(AT)mommyish(dot)com.

(Photo: Stepford Wives)

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    • Ellen

      Women such as this should be lobotomized, they are the actual cancer killing our society.
      You are the single mother, you chose to raise that child. Any sane person would not choose to raise a child they couldnt support so you are in fact working class scrum and absolute trash

      May Allah have mercy on your descendants because you have ruined them for the foreseeable future.

      -from a Muslim lesbian liberal

      • Joyce

        Such beautiful words coming from someone from the religion of peace.

    • Misandry

      You’d be a fool to raise someone else’s child and ensure their genetics are passed on. The amount of money and time spent on a kid is substantial and just because you can’t choose a proper man (don’t bring up widows because they are a minority) don’t go around thinking you’re entitled to a walking bank account husband to keep up your life.

      Sincerely, a person from a single-mother home

    • coptic777

      alainnanam said

      “Jim, I don’t subscribe to the “he’s right and you’re wrong” mantra. I’m a
      scientist–show me facts from a verifiable source and I’ll gladly
      listen to you.”

      I am working & do not have the time get all the studies together etc. however I will say this..
      the reason why you perceive the men on here looking at the single mother as “trash’” you describe is because of not only how common it is but it’s very well but quietly documented effects on society from having so many single mothers from prison stats (vast majority single mom raised) to teen pregnancy to RAPIST (again vast majority single mom raised amazing for all you cries of the “rape society’ will live in women seem to miss this crucial fact). The fact is that we also have the state which has encouraged the single mother lifestyle through welfare & free housing requiring no man in the home & more money for more children that they have. This is a undeniable fact that single moms are encouraged in our society thus we have A LOT of them.

      The guy who married the woman in this article depending on what state he is in like here in California if/when she decides to divorce (70% of divorces are initiated by women & most are not for abuse, cheating drugs etc. she just does not want to be married anymore) can be made to pay child support if the bio father is either not around or leaves altogether. The family court can determine that since he acted as the father upon the breakup he would have to support HER child. I have seen this w/ my own eyes. This is why these men are saying these things. Oh & are you really going to act like her attitude is not fucked up in this article?

      Your whole “I don’t get into who is right or wrong because I’m a scientist” is laughable. Einstein admitted when he was wrong. Thank you for supporting the notion that women even ones who are scientist tend to lack logic & reason w/ that statement. It was clearly a attempt to justify something that is fucked up by human standards of decency.

      • http://twitter.com/AriD2385 Ariana Miller

        I truly wonder how many of the people talking about how problematic single motherhood is go hard against the men they encounter who themselves sleep around and father children outside of marriage How many lectures are they receiving?

      • http://profiles.google.com/arborliberatas Benjamin Coker

        In case you hadn’t noticed men don’t get pregnant. And they don’t have the givement to support their idiotic choices. Generally, men pay for their own mistakes.

      • SnakeEyez

        Well who are main ones paying child support and who are really the only ones who are jailed for not paying for whatever the reason my be? I don’t see the government helping them whereas they take tax money and fund those women who made poor choices.
        Not to mention, men who simply refuse to DATE a single mother are bashed.

      • alainnanam

        Thank you for taking the time to type out a thoughtful explanation rather than calling names and shaming. Now that you explained where you’re coming from, I actually agree with you on some points.

        -Yes, welfare does need to be reformed, because you’re right, there are single mothers out there who have children solely to trap men and collect government checks. This is a despicable practice.

        -Your statement about people in prison and criminals more commonly being from single parent homes isn’t wrong, but you worded it in a way that is misleading. It’s true that criminals do more often come from single parent homes, but those single parent homes were also WAY more likely to be in urban areas which are at or below the poverty level (unsurprisingly, the aforementioned ‘welfare’ single mother carries the same statistic). You have to admit that growing up in a single parent household in the suburbs or rural areas where the parent is more likely to have a better job and nearby family support and a stable custodial arrangement is MUCH different than growing up with a single parent in the projects who has no idea who the father is.

        -I also agree that divorce proceedings in this country are heavily biased toward women, which is a practice that needs to be scrutinized and reformed. I’ve said this before, but in this day and age of progressive thinking where people are fighting for civil rights for minorities, women and gays, there is no reason that society still holds the archaic view that children are better off with the mother and that motherhood is more important than fatherhood. With more women in the workforce than ever, it is insulting to us and downright unfair to men when judges award the woman with so much and the man with little to nothing. Of course, there are dirtbag women out there who manipulate the system to work the man over, and dirtbag men who sometimes deserve such harsh rulings, but former is much more common than the latter.

        -I do not think her attitude is fucked up, but I think that is because it is translating to us differently….maybe a little background on the matter will clarify: I’m in my 30′s and have a job in a male-dominated career. I am more experienced in the field and have more highly specialized degrees than most of my colleagues fresh from undergrad with a B.S. in Gen. Bio. yet I constantly have to work 2-3x harder to be taken seriously despite being more qualified many times over. I happen to not just be a woman in science, but one who maintains an attractive appearance to boot. I’m not being conceited, I’ve just been hearing “Wow, I didn’t think you had a brain until you spoke” and “You don’t like like you’re that smart” for oh, my whole life. (that is not a ‘woe is me, life’s so hard’ statement by the way) That said, I read the article and heard the disheartened venting of a woman who knows she’s a good wife and mother with a lot to offer because she caught this amazing man, but is constantly reduced to the label of “single mother with baggage” who should feel nothing but gratitude to the man who took on her “charity case.” There’s no doubt that he is a special man for taking on that commitment. Yet since he’s obviously a good man who presumably had a wide selection of (childfree) mates to choose from, she’d have to be quite the catch herself or he wouldn’t have married her. All she’s doing with this article is standing up for herself and saying yes, she is grateful for her wonderful husband, but wants people to know he isn’t the only one with something to bring to the table. When you read the article, you jump to the conclusion that this is a stereotypical single mother who is going to take advantage of a good man, or who thinks that she doesn’t have to respect him because she is a woman and therefore entitled to a spouse to treat however she pleases. I regularly have to defend my competence to people less qualified because I’m judged on my appearance. I’m not complaining, that’s just is how it is. I identify with her frustration over being judged and reduced to a stereotype. You identify with all the divorce horror stories where single moms trap men and take them for everything they’ve got. So no, I don’t think she has a “fucked up” attitude, but I see why it would read that way to you.

        -Lastly, I never, ever said “I don’t get into who is right or wrong because I’m a scientist.” That is a blatant manipulation of my words. I didn’t bring up being a scientist because I thought it would command respect from anyone. The purpose of my original statement (which you have copy/pasted up top) was to let you know that because I am a scientist, I won’t listen to an unsupported argument in which I am commanded to blindly accept that my well-reasoned assertions are wrong. I cannot be bullied into agreeing with you, but in light of irrefutable evidence from unbiased sources which either reject my claims or support yours, I’ll happily concede that I was wrong, or at least have respect for your informed opinion. I do not lack logic or reason–quite the contrary, as those very things are the framework upon which my career is based. You however perpetuate the male stereotype of selectively lacking reading comprehension in a way that will suit your argument.

      • Apollo

        >>>”I’m in my 30′s and have a job in a male-dominated career. I am more
        experienced in the field and have more highly specialized degrees than
        most of my colleagues fresh from undergrad with a B.S. in Gen. Bio. yet I
        constantly have to work 2-3x harder to be taken seriously despite being
        more qualified many times over.”

        Come on. How have you managed to work in a male dominated technical area for any length of time at all without realising that qualifications and experience dont mean anything when it comes to getting respect from male peers? I work in a simlar industry, and I am also more qualified and more experienced than almost everyone else around me, but those factors have pretty much no bearing on the amount of respect I get. Respect amongst men in a field like this all comes down to skill and the ability to get stuff done. You can have all the qualifications in the world, and decades of experience under your belt, but no ones going to pay any attention to anything other than how your skills translate into results.

        >>>”I happen to not just be a woman in science, but one who maintains an attractive appearance to boot. I’m not being conceited, I’ve just been hearing “Wow, I didn’t think you had a brain until you spoke” and “You don’t like like you’re that smart” for oh, my whole life. (that is not a ‘woe is me, life’s so hard’ statement by the way)”

        OK, that is pretty harsh. Attractive women in good careers always have to deal with the perception that they got to where they are based on their looks or sexuality. Theres a reason this stereotype exists, but it is still undeniably unfair that women who got where they are based on ability get tarred with the same brush.

        >>>”That said, I read the article and heard the disheartened venting of a
        woman who knows she’s a good wife and mother with a lot to offer because
        she caught this amazing man, but is constantly reduced to the label of
        “single mother with baggage” who should feel nothing but gratitude to
        the man who took on her “charity case.”"

        As a scientist you’re probably familiar with Occams Razor, which states that when choosing between multiple hypotheses, you should select the one that requires the fewest number of unnecessary assumptions.

        Well I dont think youve followed that principle in your reasoning here, and youre (admittedly) letting your own experiences color your judgement.

        I believe that the following are unnecessary assumptions – that she has a lot to offer because he chose her and that he had a lot of other options besides her. Theres lots of reasons other than her supposed fabulousness that he would have chosen to marry her. Maybe he just has low standards, maybe he just makes bad choices, maybe he has a martyr complex, maybe he doesnt feel like he deserves any better (low self esteem), maybe he couldnt get anyone better (least likely possibility, but still within realm of possibility), or maybe he really loves her son more than her.

        So ditch those assumptions and the base facts that youre left with are:
        - that she is a single mother (associated with reduced partner attracting relationship “value”),
        - that pretty much everyone she runs into tells her shes lucky that he wifed her up (multiple, ongoing third party confirmations of a difference in relationship “value”),
        - and that she is so sick of hearing how lucky she is she felt the need to complain about it (indicating at minimum an immature attitude at dealing with even minor problems, with the likely presense of a number of other negative personality traits, such as a grandiose ego threatened by unflattering comparisons).

        Based on those facts, I think the most likely conclusion is the one that most people here have already come to – that she is an whiny narcissist who believes that she deserves a great husband “just because”.

    • coptic777

      “Men like you are (thankfully) a dying breed” Wrong again. In what world are you living in? Marriage rates are way down & so are child births. Due to the economy? Yes some however you know dam well your own girlfriends are going through guy after after guy before they actually find one wanting to commit at all!

    • Mark Halpert

      Women wouldn’t be as forgiving of a man with kids. I can tell you that much.

    • http://profiles.google.com/arborliberatas Benjamin Coker

      She’s lost that tingling feeling!
      Woohoa that tingling feeling!
      She’s lost that tingling feeling,
      now it’s gone. gone, GONE!
      Woohoayeah!?

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Peter-Nolan/542994154 Peter Nolan

      Lads,
      I married a women with kids…..18 years of being a great father and husband she told a pack of lies in the family courts and the courts gave her 95% of assets. You read that right 95%. She worked 2 years in an 18 year marriage.

      5% is the new 50% of you are a man.

      Lads. Do NOT get married under ANY circumstances until we sort this out.

      • alainnanam

        Peter…if the events did transpire as you’re describing, I’m really sorry you had to go through that. I have no idea how any judge in his right mind thought that would be a fair lot to stick you with. The judicial system really is horribly biased towards women in divorce proceedings and absolutely does need to be fixed. You’d think in this day and age when the female gender is being viewed in a more egalitarian way, courts/society would also place more value on the man’s role in child-rearing and parenting, and not automatically default the majority of things to the mother. I hope you find a lady one day who sees you as more than just an extra babysitter with a bank account…I promise we exist!

      • Davey

        Stop using the term ‘gender’ to refer to biological sex. You claim to be knowledgeable about biology, but your comments belie your claims.

    • http://www.facebook.com/danielle.gusto Dani Gusto

      What the hell is going on here? Where are you guys all coming from? You’re aware that this is a blog/discussion site for moms, yes?

      • http://twitter.com/AriD2385 Ariana Miller

        There’s a blog of a certain ideology that posted the article. The tenor of the comments sound very much like those that comment over there.

      • Scarlette

        Yes. Doesn’t mean that she isn’t being an ingrate.

      • BitchBitchBitch

        Oops! And is this a “whites only” section as well?

    • http://twitter.com/Iamablackguy R.E.

      She should consider herself lucky. No man getting into dating ever goes “Man! I really want to date a single mom”. No man. Period. The baggage a single mother carries with her whether it’s the bad boy who knocked her up and left her who wants to come back to hit it again or better yet you being involved in a instant family and lord knows co-habitating with a Single mom if you aren’t the father leads to child support once you split.

      Guys always remember. Your freedom is important..but your financial and emotional freedom from women is the most important overall.

    • sylenah

      Well, isn’t this some crap? I’m a single mom who would love to get married to a wonderful man some day. If people congratulated me on my great catch, I would say “Thanks, yes, we are blessed.” A good man that is still single is rare, and one that will truly love your child is rarer still. If she can’t appreciate him and get over her entitled superior attitude, she may be surprised one day when he’s gone. Sure, women deserve to be loved, but he deserves respect and appreciation for being a good father to her kid. Acknowledge that he is the man he is by choice, and stop taking him for granted. Sheesh!

    • BitchBitchBitch

      Princess and the pea, much?

    • szopen

      Frankly, it’s funny how female expects that “every dcent human being” will help raise other man’s child,

    • Anonymous

      Lady, just don’t screw around on him and get pregnant by another less worthy guy because you feel bored and “not haaapy” (which it sounds like you’ll eventualy be working yourself up to) because that’ll ruin your life and that of your son. Appreciate what you have, because men usually resent children that aren’t their own product; you have a much better thing going than most women will ever get, be aware of that.

      • Dale

        Unfortunately, she won’t , if she keeps listening to this annoying “voice” being spread out by these DISGUSTING FEMINISTS AND OLD CAT LADIES

    • jack_sprat2

      In your set-up for the series, at top, substitute “universal” for “unanimous”.

    • jack_sprat2

      I’ve been in the position that your husband was when he met you. Having seen just how badly many other people screw up the step-parenting thing, I gave it considerable thought. As is my wont, I sought to integrate it into a more general understanding of obligation and family.

      Here’s my take on it: Joining a family is a choice, not an experiment, or even a test. This should be true whether or not that family comes as a package deal. All in or nothing. That goes for the spouse, as well. If they’re incapable of doing so, then you are just a convenience, whether or not she is consciously aware of this. In that case, you would all be better off maintaining some separation, to which the kid would be a witting part, assuming that he’s old enough to understand the nuances of whatever alternative you might decide to set up. (It should have clear boundaries.)

      Better to be a family friend of whom the boy’s mother is especially fond and with whom she’s especially close, than be someone with whom he bonds as anything closer. Hey, having an unmarried mother for a mistress is a perfectly respectable way in which to help her with her bills. Just make sure that each of you treats the other as someone who matters as a human being, worthy of being treated by the other with dignity. THAT will at least model something good for that child.

    • Cherryfries

      I love this article but there are so many mothers out there who will end up with a guy who doesn’t love the kid. My own stepfather pretended to care but deep down, it was obvious he held resentment of me for taking up my mom’s spare time. I learned what NOT to do with my own daughter. No man I am ever with will not adore my daughter.

    • tom

      As a step father myself, it really stings to read an article like this. Being a step parent is infinitely harder than being a biological parent. Emotional abuse, isolation, rejection, incredible lifestyle changes with little award, etc. You can even add another layer, what if the biological parent is still involved yet the spouse of the step parent has full custody? That means the step parent gets to enjoy years of ugliness from the step child because “they aren’t the real parent” – despite doing ALL of the work as a real parent.

      It’s very simple – if you bring a child into this world and decide to date, it WILL be unequal to the person you are with. And therefore the biological parent needs to appreciate the unique struggles of the step parent. What is concerning about the article is that the author does not believe there are unique struggles that a step parent goes through, and that “by being with her” makes up for any hard ship. This is simple ignorance.

      • Mikko

        As someone who turned down being a step-parent more than once, I feel for you! One of the women was a window (her husband died in an accident) and had a two year old. She was a good christian lady from a traditional culture, early 20s and not bad looking at all. She and the church pushed me to marry her in subtle and not so subtle ways. Her boy was very precious and I felt bad for them, but not enough to sign up to be his dad. The other was my then neighbor after getting my first real job in the big city. She had a kid and kicked out his thug daddy for repeatably cheating. She wanted a relationship seeing that I was a nice guy (naive, vulnerable, young guy who is not getting much poon) that has a future and would be a good provider. The woman was from a working class background and quite attractive in her own way. She found out from a older lady neighbor that I was looking to find a good girl to settle down with and was not interested in the pumping and dumping that is common among young urbanites. She figured she had an easy catch and tried to get me to commit… After enjoying myself for a while with a woman who knew how to pull out all the stops in the bedroom, I moved out when she started to get nasty because I would not propose. Also, I found that she was still screwing the baby daddy on the side. I may have looked naive, but I was no sucker.

      • sdfdsfsfsd

        holy shit dude! You are one lucky mofo

        wow that nerve on that girl… she was still having him on the side.

        What a f*ckin disgusting human being, she wanted YOU to be responsible for all the hard work!!!!

    • boognisha

      Uh? I’m assuming this article was linked in some other (possibly MRA) forum? Because of these responses are angry and seem like they’re coming from people who have burned or think they’ve been wronged. Yes, wanting to pass on your genetic material is a factor (as evidenced by the amount of money people will pay for fertility treatments) but it’s not the only thing that guides our choices as humans.

      I see this woman’s point but from the other side. I married a single father with two small children about 4 years ago. I can tell you it was crazy to go from being a woman who never thought she’d have kids to being a step-mom to two little guys! To this day people tell me how wonderful I am for taking on the responsibilities, like I was offering some sort of charity. I say No. I love my husband, our kids and our life together. He’s a fantastic man and in no way do I feel like I’m doing him a service. In fact, he’s the catch and I keep telling people that I’m the lucky one.

      • dfsdfdsfdfsd

        You know your an exception right?? Can you admit it and be an adult?
        If I jump from the second floor and I survive does that mean its safe for everyone to do it????
        dumbf*ck lol

      • boognisha

        You can’t ask someone to act like an adult and end your comment with “dumbf*ck”. That’s not very adult of you.

        This kind of thing may make me the exception in the angry and bitter circles you run around in but most of the people I know are decent human beings who try and treat each other with respect. This situation is not that unusual.

    • jfogvrivbprv

      You are complaining of something nobody should know, it is your family and your husband is now the father or your son, but if you tell all the people that your son is not your husband’s and say how good he is, then people will tell you how grate your husband is. So stop sharing personal things with people and stop complaining about something good you have, my parents are not married and will never be, but nobody knows and they are recognized as a perfect family because they do everything a perfect family does, if they are married or not, if they are cousins or not is something that is not on the business of anybody but only ours and it is ok!

    • ve

      She “feels grateful.” The horror.

    • http://twitter.com/NiceGuyGoneCad NiceGuyGoneCad

      Can you tell us what makes you “an amazing catch”?. Making such affirmation with anything to back it up reeks of self entitlement and vanity, which is enough to question your claims. Perhaps so much people keeps reminding you to be grateful because it’s plain obvious that you aren’t?. And certainly you have to be. Regardless of how adorable your kid may be, we men aren’t by nature eager to take care of the child of another man. And lots of us would NEVER do it. So if this is the worst problem you have in your marriage consider yourself lucky. It’s your hubby who is the great catch, so you’d better think about taking good care of him.

    • LivedwithSingleMother

      I am SOO GLAD that there are people out there who can read through that UNGRATEFUL mother’s rant!!!
      I’ve dated, lived and raised a child in this type of relationship! She sounds like her…
      Basically, they all think that their children are god’s gift to Everyone and that we should ALL put ourselves in the BACK and be THRILLED to raise kids!!
      Raising kids is NO fun, don’t lie to yourselves and its definitely not a GIFT to anyone else to do your job.
      At least DONT try to brainwash half the male population with “He’s not a real man if he doesn’t want to raise my kids for me, share the house , babysit , ETC”
      That’s JUST STUPID!!
      STOP USING MEN!! AT LEAST BE GRATEFUL THAT HE IS AN EXCEPTIONAL MAN , YOU BETTER TREAT HIM LIKE ONE!!!!
      NO you DONT deserve it , just BE THANKFUL you entitled SKANK!!

    • TheHornyChimp

      Before I had children I heard he is so lucky to have you. After I had kids I heard you are so lucky to have him. Its not a big deal, we are lucky to have the rights we have today. We can raise our kids to think differently tomorrow but we can’t change what we are going through today.

    • Jon

      I can understand this woman’s frustration, but I do wonder whether she’d be feeling the same way if she’d had no child or previous marriage when she married her current spouse and was told constantly by other how lucky she was (because she probably would be told such). Finding a good man or woman is a great blessing period.

    • Yatyam

      She should be grateful. He has much less to gain in the relationship than she does. Most stable men have plenty of options, and she should acknowledge that. He’s also taking the risk of being obligated to continue to support the child if they were to break up.

    • ELLA JONES

      ME AND MY HUSBAND BROKE UP 2 YEARS AGO BECAUSE I WAS NOT ABLE TO GIVE HIM A CHILD, I MISSED HIM SO MUCH. SO I DECIDED TO CONTACT (THE TEMPLE OF REUNITING EX SPELL) HE TOLD ME HE CAN HELP ME SOLVE THE PROBLEM I HAVE WITH MY HUSBAND SO I DECIDED TO GIVE HIM A TRY, HE CAST THE SPELL AND TODAY I AM HAPPY WITH MY HUSBAND AND MY 8 MONTHS OLD BABY. ALL THANKS TO THIS GREAT MAN, IF YOU ARE IN THE SAME SHOE WITH ME I WILL ADVISE YOU TO GIVE HIM A TRY. HIS EMAIL (reunitingexspell@gmail.com) ONCE AGAIN DR.MAGBU YOU ARE GREAT.

      ELLA JONES

    • kesdfgdhj

      I wish the letter writers would chime in and respond to some of the comments.

      Did you end up having any children with him? Is he less attractive than you? Tessie nailed it here: http://www.mommyish.com/2012/10/18/step-parents-single-mom-468/#comment-701954127

      Do the kids look just like you? Do they call him dad? Do they have his last name?

      And where is the father in all of this?

    • Kimberly

      I remarried as a single mom. He, younger, childless, and having never been married was the one on a bended knee despite knowing I didn’t feel we needed to be married. But I love him and he loves me and OUR child. It isn’t despite the kid not being his biologically. He doesn’t want to “even the score” by having another of his own genes. Its just life. Its what came to us and we are lucky. No doubts or if onlys or I had to to be with her. And he is an amazing dad. It makes me sick to think anyone would look down on him or try to find some sick angle – for what reason? What does it serve? Why would it be wrong to care about other people unless they share your DNA? A few of his friends made ugly comments to him about his choice and those “friends” got an earful of his anger and never heard from him again. There should be more people like him.
      I’ve only had a few people make comments to me about how grateful I should be. What made them think I am not in some way that anyone, childless or not, wouldn’t just naturally be in a happy marriage? Even today, 9 years later. What did they get for their ignorant words? A long hard stare and raised eyebrows till their own words sunk in and they knew how stupid they’d been to say them.
      Alpha? Wouldn’t that mean someone admirable? Someone people look to for help or wisdom because they are known to be a person to rely on? And not just concerning their penis but every part of their character? Because that is who my husband is and continues to be in life. It would seem he makes some people feel small and selfish and in need of seeking some ugly side for comfort.

    • jngjsmith

      Have to say, reading this article AND reading the comments just sucks the life out of me. Do we not see how Satan has caused this division between men and women? I think we all need to take a few bites of humble pie. This isn’t an alpha/beta matter. It’s a spiritual matter. There are not men nor women who are not worthy of love. We all are and we have that love from the Father first and foremost. For that reason, we can love. Whether it be to love that single mom/dad romantically or helping him/her move, watch their kids, buying a week’s worth of groceries, etc. Beyond that, there are children who need loving fatherly/motherly examples because their biological mothers/fathers have not a clue (again, this doesn’t have to be a romantic commitment but it could be neighborly). But yeah, single men commenting might see marrying a single mom as an opportunity to both be loving to her and her child(ren). The same goes for the opposite, a single woman with no kids may find a single dad as an opportunity to LOVE. Definitely this mom could also change her perspective and realize that her husband’s choice to love she and her child is all that matters. So much negativity. Loving is a privilege whether it be to love a childless woman or man or a single mom or single dad. Receiving it from another person is not an entitlement (as it takes a selfless person to do so), but it IS good to know and believe you are worthy of love, period.

    • Vegan Taxidermist

      “Why is it that I need to feel grateful to a man for being a decent human being? For caring about a child that isn’t his biological son?”

      Gratefulness for being a decent human being is part of what makes us decent human beings.

      We live in a me-me-me I-need-I-need-I-need culture. People think they deserve love and demand it. The truth is, most of us deserve a punch in the nose.

    • Ally

      You actually SHOULD be grateful!!! My husband has his own small children from a previous marriage, I have a six year old boy from mine, and we have a 9 week old together. I can’t even tell you what I wouldn’t give to be in your situation! My husband feels so much darn guilt from living with my kid instead of his that my son is merely just an annoyance to him and he rides his a$$ about everything he does! Thank your lucky stars.

    • AM1118

      That must be so aggravating to hear over and over again. At least with most of them, I don’t think they mean to imply that you don’t bring an equal amount to the table or that you don’t deserve such a wonderful man or your son such a wonderful father. I think they are just acknowledging that many single mothers and their children, like me and my son, also deserve a wonderful husband/father but have not found that person and may never have that in their lives. Men like your husband are very few. I don’t have much hope that I will ever find one — not because I don’t think I deserve to be loved, but because relationships as wonderful as yours are so very rare. If I am ever so blessed, I think I would respond to people who make those comments by saying, “We both are so grateful to have found each other and to be blessed with such a wonderful son.”

    • Dem Feels

      You do not understand us or society at large for that matter. We are not insinuating that single mothers are trash, we are flat out, loudly stating it. They are the single greatest cause of moral, economic and cultural decay in America over the last 40 years. Even more than the usual minorities or illegal immigrants or globalization that are often blamed. Single mothers are shit.

    • valor

      Ungrateful piece of shit. Lol you actually did bring NOTHING to the table. HE COULD DO AND DESERVED BETTER THAN YOU, get that through your head. What do you bring to the table, you’ve proven reckless and irresponsible by having children with a man who you didn’t get along with. You now prove yourself a bad wife for not honoring your husband every day, regardless of whether or not you already came with some other man’s spawn. Sorry to be a dick about it, but you are worth less than him, everyone instinctively knows it and that’s why they remind you how lucky you are, because they hope you’ll treat him well knowing full well that he is a great man. that you should respect that he did in fact have much better options while you did not, and youre sitting here whining…

    • Roger Daily

      Single parents are damaged goods and an inferior choice of partner and that’s all there is to it. You should be grateful because you found someone who could look after a kid that was not his own (the moron) and handle a woman who had actually walked away from a previous relationship. You were a high-risk, high-expense proposition with a lot of miles on the clock and a record of walking out on men. Relative to your single and childless competition, you were not an amazing prospect. Perhaps you were a bit older and less attractive too- that will only get worse with age. Sounds like you hit the jackpot and do not appreciate it, but this is common among contemporary females due to their massive sense of entitlement.

    • nurdburg

      Taking care of another’s child is not human instinct.

    • Reality

      A single mother is like an old & hurt animal. Of course people will think that this old & hurt animal should be thankful if it get’s a second chance in life.

    • james

      what an entitled bitch. the sooner men wise up to the disaster that is a relationship with a single mother the better. Articles like this help to that end, at which point this women will start complaining and will be telling men to “man up” and marry single mothers.

      • GetItGoing

        Good point.

        When a man isn’t so willing & eager to raise another man’s child (and receive a lifetime of complaints from the ungrateful bride-to-be) we’ve got to go back to shaming into “good behavior”!

    • David

      Poor guy, where are his own children? Is he infertile? If not he should be raising his own, not another man’s. Even the mother sees his relationship with the boy as “protecting the innocent” and “feeling some love and affection”, rather than paternal love.

    • Anonymous

      You should be grateful you found a cuckold.

    • Prick

      You are a thankless cunt who deserves nothing good to come to her.

    • Jedi

      And herein lies the danger. If the husband isn’t into the offspring, the mother gets offended. If the husband is into the offspring and is husband of the year, the mother feels annoyed because she feels she’s a “good catch” and shouldn’t be so grateful. Translation: she settled for someone who will accept her, and now after the flames have gone out, is wondering if she could be worth more to another man. She’s asking herself whether she really did have to settle for this “awesome” man, or if her and her boy could have done better. If you date single moms, get ready for a whole lot of drama. Ask yourself why they want to marry you so badly. Ask yourself about their self-esteem. You will give, give, give, and they will take, take, take, and she will most likely hate you for it, if she is dealing with issues.