A few years ago, I went through a string of losses – two miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy. One after the other – over a span of three years – my pregnancies disappeared. I was in my mid-30s, and finally ready to start trying to have children. I never knew it would be so hard. When you spend your whole life trying not to get pregnant, you just sort of assume that once you finally want it to happen – it will.
I learned quickly that assumption was wrong. Mother Nature is a fickle bitch. For a lot of women, pregnancy takes a lot of planning, effort, and loss.
Women rarely speak about their experiences with pregnancy loss. This is especially true on the baby boards that we use for support during pregnancy. It’s almost as if we believe a miscarriage is something you can catch, like a flu. Or that maybe we will jinx ourselves into having one if we read too much about them.
That was the feeling I got from all of the message boards I was on when my last miscarriage happened. Once a woman has a miscarriage, God forbid she tells her story. Moderators flag any miscarriage entries with TRIGGER WARNING. Sorry ma’am, your pregnancy card is revoked. I know you have been sharing your stories with these women for possibly months, but there’s a miscarriage support group somewhere on here. Take your stories there, please. Good luck! Hope you’re not barren forever!
Needless to say, I was too scared to post there. I didn’t want to freak out other women that were in the delicate early stages of pregnancy. It was then that I realized how little I knew about pregnancy loss. Women are infamous for sharing everything with each other – why not this? Well, “trigger warning.” I’m going to share what it is like.