Women Really Need To Speak The Eff Up About Their Miscarriages

miscarriageA few years ago, I went through a string of losses – two miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy.  One after the other – over a span of three years – my pregnancies disappeared.  I was in my mid-30s, and finally ready to start trying to have children.  I never knew it would be so hard.  When you spend your whole life trying not to get pregnant, you just sort of assume that once you finally want it to happen – it will.

I learned quickly that assumption was wrong.  Mother Nature is a fickle bitch.  For a lot of women, pregnancy takes a lot of planning, effort, and loss.

Women rarely speak about their experiences with pregnancy loss. This is especially true on the baby boards that we use for support during pregnancy.  It’s almost as if we believe a miscarriage is something you can catch, like a flu.  Or that maybe we will jinx ourselves into having one if we read too much about them.

That was the feeling I got from all of the message boards I was on when my last miscarriage happened.  Once a woman has a miscarriage, God forbid she tells her story.  Moderators flag any miscarriage entries with TRIGGER WARNING.  Sorry ma’am, your pregnancy card is revoked.  I know you have been sharing your stories with these women for possibly months, but there’s a miscarriage support group somewhere on here.  Take your stories there, please.  Good luck!  Hope you’re not barren forever!

Needless to say, I was too scared to post there.  I didn’t want to freak out other women that were in the delicate early stages of pregnancy.  It was then that I realized how little I knew about pregnancy loss.  Women are infamous for sharing everything with each other – why not this?  Well, “trigger warning.” I’m going to share what it is like.

You can reach this post's author, Maria Guido, on twitter.
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    • Lindsay Cross

      Such an amazingly brave piece, Maria. Thank you so much for writing this.

      • http://twitter.com/mariaguido Guerrilla Mom

        Thanks, Lindsay

    • Jessica

      I found out a year ago today in my 9 week appointment that I was experiencing a “missed miscarriage”. My doctor told me to wait to experience the miscarriage naturally. 10 days, 2 blood draws and another ultrasound later, he finally did a D&C. It took me a long time to come to terms with the loss. A big part of that was the loneliness. Thank you for this.

      • http://twitter.com/mariaguido Guerrilla Mom

        Yes- the loneliness is awful. I found an amazing group of supportive women on a pregnancy loss board – we all had experienced miscarriages the same month. They were a huge part of me getting through the devastation.

    • D

      I am currently TTC and agree that we share everything. Why is it that we can’t share those unfortunate experiences as well. I knew what to expect when I met with my RE, what to expect for the HCG, how I might feel when i go down the IVF road. Why should I not be fully aware of miscarriage.
      Thank you for sharing

    • chickadee

      That was a very honest and revealing article. Regarding people talking about miscarriages, you might try Googling “miscarriage blogs.” When I did, I found a lot of women writing in varying degrees of detail about their experiences.

    • LiteBrite

      I completely agree with you about talking about miscarriage with others. I had a miscarriage three months before finding out I was pregnant with my son. The physical part was hard, but the emotional part was worse. My husband tried to be helpful, but frankly he was in over his head. I felt sad, lonely, and scared it was ME, that I had done something to cause this.

      What helped the most though was telling people I had a miscarriage and having them say “Oh my sister had two” or “Oh yeah. I had one too. It was hard.” Hearing how common miscarriage was made me feel less alone and also less like I had done something to cause it. Talking about it helped me process what happened and move forward.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Carmen-Finnigan/841528248 Carmen Finnigan

      Thank you. It is so hard to find any support on this. It is a loss that no one seems to acknowledge. I thought I was nuts for being so emotional over it. It is nice to know there are other people out and I am not alone by feeling this way.

      • lyzl

        I feel the same way.

    • Melody

      My third pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. I was young, healthy, and had two successful prior pregnancies, so the possibility that I could miscarry never occurred to me. I was 11 weeks along when I stood up and felt a small gush and found that I was spotting. I immediately started feeling cramps and when I called my Dr. they said that at that stage it could be a MC but that there wasn’t anything they could do to prevent it and I could go to the ER for an ultrasound if i wanted to be sure. After an hour of increasingly painful cramps I decided to head over to the hospital. I was in the waiting room for hours, sobbing and bleeding while my husband tried to comfort me and tell me that we didn’t know for sure yet. I knew. I could feel the blood soaking my sweats and the seat underneath me. Like you said, it’s a lot of blood. I felt awful and helpless because I wanted more than anything to somehow keep the baby inside. I wanted to scream at the admitting nurses that my baby was dying and they weren’t doing anything to help. Eventually I was taken back and they drew blood and did an ultrasound. Almost two hours later a Dr. came in and after asking me questions for several minutes finally told me what I already knew, that I was having a MC. I knew that he had the results there in his hand but instead he stood there asking about my last missed period and had I experienced any cramping and who is my OB and a bunch of questions that I had already answered at least twice for the nurses. I wanted to yell at him to get his shit together and read the goddamn chart before coming in. It felt like my world was ending. We had already started picking names and telling everyone, and then I had to go home and tell everyone what happened (which was impossible to do without crying). Even worse, I had to somehow explain it to my kids and hold it together for them. My OB did a D&C the next day and then I was cramping and bleeding heavily for almost 2 weeks. It was such a horrible experience and even now I’m tearing up writing about it so maybe that’s why people don’t talk about it, because it’s too painful. It took me 2 years to get pregnant again and the whole time I was terrified of miscarrying again. That 1st trimester was nerve wracking. Part of me wishes that I had been more aware of the possibility of this happening but another part of me wishes that I could have gone through this last pregnancy blissfully ignorant like I was before.

      • http://twitter.com/mariaguido Guerrilla Mom

        I have a beautiful 2 year old now, and I was always jealous of women that got to experience the “blissfully ignorant” pregnancy. I was on eggshells and pretty terrified through my entire pregnancy- not just the first trimester.
        Sorry you had to go through that :(

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    • lyzl

      For me it’s hard to talk about because of the guilt. I have a baby. I just had a miscarriage at 5 weeks. If I didn’t know, I would have just thought it was a heavy period. But I did know. And I feel like I flushed away a piece of me and it’s hard. I want to cry and act crazy. But what did I really lose? A dream.

      • Kate

        Thank you! I miscarried extremely early and thought it was a period. When i went to the doctor because the cramps wouldn’t stop I felt like I’d done something wrong by flushing it away.

    • Kate

      Been there, worn the t-shirt.

      10 weeks in and the morning sickness was just easing off (sick mom, healthy baby: lie).

      The pain was horrific (and I’d had two children before), the blood loss was considerable (fainted in the bathroom and got to spend a night in hospital). Didn’t have to have a D&C but did have to do weekly pregnancy tests for a while to check hormone levels were coming down. Made husband buy them, couldn’t face any knowing smiles and questions from the checkout operators.

      When I was discharged my husband had “helpfully” hidden my iron tablets, he thought it might upset me to see them, but of course, I needed them more than ever to get my strength back.

      The anniversaries of both the death and the due date still hurt, probably always will.

    • zeisel

      It is very interesting why some women do not impart information like this. It would help many women relate to each other and know that it happens to a significant amount of women.

      I think the big factor could be that it would cause uncomfortableness. I believe (this is only an opinion and observation) it’s the way we were raised and how open a family may be. There are some people that just won’t cross that line of personal business, which seems confusing to me when a lot of women gossip about other women’s personal business. So, that brings me to the first thing I thought of was there something wrong with my body or did I do something wrong and no woman wants to think or admit that. So, I can only think that maybe that crosses the minds of other women, too; however I felt really good about going public and speaking about this taboo topic. It opened many doors and realizations about other topics that were related.

    • Meagan Farley

      This is much needed. It’s timely you posted this because I just posted my miscarriage story on my blog a few days ago for the same reason. Everyone wants to talk about their pregnancies, but if it is a pregnancy loss then just clam it on up. After posting one of my friends messaged me thanking me because she had discovered the day before that she was miscarrying and it was nice to see she wasn’t alone. We can help so many people (and it helped me in my healing process) by telling our stories!!

    • http://www.facebook.com/katie.dehesa DeHesa Katie

      i endured 7 miscarries at various stages of pregnancy. and you are right, talking about them is TABOO, every one wants to pat you on the back & say “these things happen” and then they want you to forget about it. its a shame. the best place i found to share about them and how they affect your life even 15 yrs later, is on CAFEMOM. People dont want to think about the possibility of loss– the mere possibility is too much for people to bare i guess. not that the ACTUAL loss is easier…

      • TheSquirrel

        So true. The one woman I did try to confide in—my freaking MOM—told me it wasn’t a big deal. (That was the point in our relationship where it really hit home that she’d never been much of a giver.)

        I had an ectopic pregnancy last year. Husband was out of town so I had to take myself to the ER when the pain became excruciating (I had no idea what was going on at that point, I thought I had a kidney stone.) I spent all night there, most of it with the somewhat creepy brother-in-law (the guy my husband always calls when he thinks I need to be rescued. I resented that I had to go through that with him there and not my husband, even though it wasn’t really husband’s fault). I got the Methotrexate shot and spent the next few days on hydromorphone (which didn’t work right away because I didn’t take it soon enough) and eating steak and candy (because you cannot eat food containing folic acid and they put folic acid in pretty much everything here in the States.)

      • Miss Ladyface

        My mom was at the hospital with me when I had mine and her response was ” well think of it as a heavy period”. The nurse glared at her and I know she was trying to make light of it and be positive, but it was still shitty to hear at that time. Im sorry for your loss.

    • Boops

      I started bleeding and went to my OB first and then to the ER for an ultrasound. Upon not finding a heartbeat, my OB scheduled a D&C for the next morning. I wound up having the miscarriage overnight. Don’t want to get too graphic here but it was a lot of blood and it came out fast. At about 5 am I called my doctor to cancel the D&C. I don’t think she appreciated that, but I was pretty sure that it was all over, and why do a procedure that was likely unnecessary?

      After that, my doctor was very cold and uncompassionate. She did several tests to make sure my hcg was going down, and kept on pressing that I’d probably need a D&C to make sure everything was out and so I don’t get an infection and a whole list of horrors that were possible. I really got the feeling that she wanted those D&C bonus bucks. No counseling, the loneliness was awful. I felt that I couldn’t trust the doctor who just wanted procedure bucks, who had nothing friendly to say to me after years of being her patient except threats of horrible infection, and who couldn’t even point me to a discussion group, hand me a pamphlet, or anything. The hcg kept going down (and I kept bleeding). Once the hcg was below whatever critical level, I guess I didn’t need to see her anymore other than to call and report if the bleeding gets heavy or I get a fever.

      Sidenote: After my last OB visit, one of the front office ladies from that practice called me after hours from her car. She was so nice to me and compassionate, asking if I needed anything, I was sobbing. This wonderful angel, who only knew me from waiting room chit chat took time out of her day to call me and just…talk… to me.

      Several weeks pass, and I finally stop bleeding (I think it was about 8 or 10 weeks total). Life getting back to normal, later that year, my primary care doc found my ferritin level abysmal. By that time, it had been quite a while since I bled, so I never put 2 and 2 together. She told me to call my gastroenterologist and get a colonoscopy because I might have some bleeding in my colon causing the low ferritin. Colonoscopy was fine, and gastro guy mentioned that I had probably bled out all of my iron during my miscarriage/extended bleeding, and recommended that I take some iron supplements and then recheck iron levels. Next check, ferritin had improved and has been fine since.
      If I am ever in such a situation again, I will definitely consider that D&C. Bleeding for 10 weeks sucks. Oh yeah, and iron pills.

      Thank you for letting me tell my story.

      • heartbroken

        Warning: graphic.

        I just had a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks yesterday. The fetus was 6 weeks old. I thought that I was lucky that the fetus was so small: I consoled myself with the thought that I wouldn’t be able to tell apart the fetus from the rest of the big clots my body was ejecting. I was wrong.

        I had waves of severe pain on the scale of labour for 2 hours, bleeding out clots. Finally, a 2 inch, smooth, oblong sac came out of me when I stood from the couch. by the time I got to the bathroom, it was in my underwear. I had to pick it up, and flush it down the toilet.

        The emotional distress was excruciating, more than the physical pain. I couldn’t stop myself from wailing, coming to terms about the fact that I had my baby in my hands, and that I had to flush it.

        My obstetrician is on vacation. No one told me what to expect to see coming out, or how painful it would get. None of the miscarriage information websites explained the degree of distress of the actual moment, only speaking about the grieving process after the event. I wish we had more honest and clearer information, so that we were better mentally prepared. My husband and I have been scarred from this experience.

    • Kathy

      I’ve had three. My first was definitely the hardest and the most painful, physically and emotionally. It was my first pregnancy after trying for almost a year. I was devastated. My next was at 10 weeks, and I expelled the fetus in the toilet. I couldn’t do anything about it for three days. My husband finally flushed it. My third was during the time my six year old was dying of cancer, and I was relieved. It’s not easy. There is no one way it happens or one way you’re supposed to feel about it.

      • http://twitter.com/mariaguido Guerrilla Mom

        This whole comment breaks my heart. I’m so sorry.

      • MommyK

        Kathy, I’m so sorry. My heart breaks for you. My thoughts and well wishes are with you and your family for all you have been through.

      • zeisel

        I don’t get teary eyed very easily; however your short comment was enough to hit home. I can’t imagine everything you went through. My heart goes out to you.

      • Melody

        My heart is breaking for you. I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that. I can’t even imagine that amount of loss. Thank you for sharing your story, I know it must have been difficult.

    • Gina Briles

      I completely agree, and applaud
      you for this story. I did not miscarry, but it took my husband and I over 2
      years of trying to get pregnant. Just as we were going through fertility
      testing, I got pregnant, and we were over the moon. Everything went well, and
      everything looked great. Got through the 12 weeks and told everyone. Then, we
      went in for our 20 week ultrasound and our world fell apart. We went in excited
      to see if it was a boy or a girl. We left with very different emotions.

      We knew something was wrong,
      because the ultrasound technician stopped talking and got very quiet. Then, she
      took us into a small side room and went to get the doctor. Our OBGYN came in to
      tell us she was sending us to Maternal Fetal Medicine across the street right
      away because it didn’t appear there was enough amniotic fluid. I burst into
      tears.

      We quickly learned the truth. Our
      baby had multicystic dysplastic kidneys (or in laymen’s terms, no kidneys at
      all). Once it had been explained to us in great detail by 3 different experts,
      and all 3 of them – plus all the exhaustive research we did online – gave us a
      0 percent chance of survival. We had to decide whether to terminate, wait for a
      possible miscarriage or, if the baby made it to term, watch baby suffocate
      after birth, as she would have no lungs. It took us 3 weeks to decide.

      When I called my boss after the
      ultrasound in tears to let her know I wasn’t coming back to work, and she asked
      me what to do, I said, tell everyone. Tell everyone exactly what is happening.
      I don’t want it to be the elephant in the room. I don’t want to have to tell
      everyone and watch them squirm in discomfort. Tell everyone what is happening.
      So she did.

      It took us 3 weeks to make our
      decision, and I went back to work after the first week, obviously pregnant,
      with everyone knowing. And do you know what happened? Women came out of the
      woodwork. Beautiful, strong, amazing women came up to me to share their
      stories, to hug me, to cry. Women I was close to and women I barely knew. Men
      came up to me to give me their wives’ phone numbers, and they cried too. Women
      who had never had babies, or who had babies and had never experienced loss,
      came up to me, as uncomfortable as they were, and supported me. And I talked
      about it. I did my best to be approachable, and I was a wreck, but talking
      helped me.

      At 23 weeks, we made the most
      horrific decision we ever had to make. We terminated the pregnancy we so
      desperately wanted. The baby we so desperately wanted. And it was
      heartbreaking. I was too far along for a D&C, so we induced and I
      delivered. There were complications, bleeding, ER visits, and another D&C
      to stop the bleeding and get what was left behind. Through it all, I grieved, I
      cried, but mainly, I talked to all these women, and men, who were grieving with
      me, and for their own losses as well. I never knew there were so many of them!
      It was shocking, and painful, to discover. But, it made me feel as though I
      wasn’t alone, and as though I was being held up by their loss and their pain.
      Like we were all in it together.

      I know this was a long story, but
      thank you for listening. I haven’t stopped sharing my story since then
      (thoughtfully, so as not to freak out expecting mothers), and more than once it
      has given a friend somewhere to turn when she, too, went through a miscarriage
      or loss. That makes me feel like I have something to give back, and it helps me
      heal each time I can be there for someone else. There is power in talking about
      it, and power in knowing those babies existed, and had names, whether they were
      a couple weeks in utero or stillborn. Ours was named Mary Grace.

      • MommyK

        Thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry for the loss of Mary Grace. My thoughts are with you, my dear.

      • LiteBrite

        My sister went through the same thing. At their 5-month checkup they found out their child would have 0% chance of survival once born, so they made the very painful decision to terminate the pregnancy. Just watching her go through that was heart-wrenching. But she said the same thing you have: Talking about it, and her (their child was a girl), helps them make sense of what happened and keeps their daughter real.

        Thank you for telling your story.

      • KatieBug683

        Thank you so much for sharing. I’m so very sorry for you loss.

      • Sonsy

        This is the most poignant thing I have read about speaking up. Thank you.

    • MommyK

      Thank you for reaching out to other women by sharing your painful experiences with us. I’m so sorry…

    • Becky

      After 1.5 years of fertility treatment, I miscarried at 8 weeks. We were celebrating Thanksgiving at my in-laws of all places when is began. I now have two beautiful children who light up my life beyond words, but I still think about and wonder about my tiny angel. It still hurts a little bit and it would have hurt less if everyone didn’t rush me to recover and “move on” because my sadness, my loss, made THEM squirm. Talking about it does help.

    • Ali

      Thank you for sharing your stories. I have never had a miscarriage, but it took me 2.5 years (and 2 failed IUIs) to get pregnant. I made the choice to be fairly open about my challenges. Many friends would share their stories of infertility or miscarriages, and it helped me to know that I was not alone. I told these friends that they could tell other people about my journey if it was ever helpful for someone. People like to keep these things private, but the support of others meant everything to me. While it does not take away the pain, it is important for people to know how common miscarriages and infertility can be. It helped to know that many women go on to have successful pregnancies afterwards.

    • LibbyFoster

      I’ve had four miscarriages (of five pregnancies) in the past four years – two “chemical” pregnancies (early miscarriage) and lost two very close to the 12 week mark. Those we found out in the sonogram, where we had to see “no heartbeat detected” typed across the screen. I’ve had bloodwork and dye tests, and no one can find any reason why I can’t carry. Sometimes in precious moments with my son, I whisper, “Thank you for surviving me.”

      • guest

        My friend found out that she wasn’t able to carry girls as they had a different blood type.

        Could be the same issue here…

    • Amanda A

      I’m 29. I had my first MC at 18. At 20 I lost my baby girl, Karissa Anne. My membranes ruptured prematurely at 18 weeks. I was give the choice to terminate but I couldn’t be the reason she was taken from me. I was on bed rest until 28 weeks and then admitted into the hospital. I was there for a week before I went into labor. They would have tried to stop it but I showed signs of infection. Four hours later I had given birth. She lived for 30 minutes. The only thing I regret is not holding her. At the time I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I would sit in her room and just cry and cry. When we finally moved all her stuff out was the breaking point for me .My husband and I divorced 2 months later. I was inconsolable for years afterwards. Two years before getting pregnant wth my son I was told I would not conceive naturally. I had made peace with the fact I would not have children. Two years later I was pregnant with my son. I was such a worry wort. I now have a happy, healthy 21 month old. I still think about her. Every once in a while I break out the little purple box the hospital gave me to put her things in. I fought my husband tooth and nail for that box. I am completely OCD about that box. Everytime I move it gets VIP treatment.

    • mommyto2angelbabies

      Thank you so so sooo much for posting this. <3

    • March

      You’re right. These are things that women need to know. It’ll save them fear, panic and maybe even possibly their lives. Thank you.

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    • Rae

      I have been saying this for almost 4 years now. Pregnancy loss is a topic that no one wants to talk about because it’s just so damn sad. Well, y’know what? NOT talking about it is what is so damn sad! How do you think a person feels when they have carried their baby; their hopes and dreams; for weeks or months and then that baby dies? It is a horrendous loss. But what is worse is not being about to talk about that baby, about that loss.

      My son should be turning four years old on November 11th. We should have having a fantastic birthday party next weekend with balloons, cake, presents and tons of little friends. But none of that will be happening. My son’s name was Benjamin William. He was born at 36 weeks after being induced due to his heart stopping. No, he was not born alive. But he DID live. He lived for nearly nine months held lovingly inside my body. He was loved. He is loved. Every year we celebrate his birthday. His brothers and sister know who he was and how important he is to our family. He is not some sad memory that I prefer to ignore ever happened. If I don’t talk about him then it is like he never existed. But he did. He had dark curly hair, he had perfect little toes, beautiful full lips, a nose just like his older brother. His fingers were long and slender. His cheeks were chubby. He was 6 pounds 3 ounces of beautiful perfection.

      If people don’t talk about their losses then how are we supporting each other? Losing a child (at any stage of pregnancy or life) is a life-changing, heart-breaking event. It is not something that should be ignored or kept silent. The more it is talked about then the more knowledge there is about it. The more knowledge, then the more compassion. I never really believed it could happen to me. I took my prenatals, I ate what I should and avoided what I shouldn’t. I was a good pregnant woman. But he still died. If it could happen to me, it can happen to anyone. It’s just the sad crappy truth.

    • Freela

      I’m so sorry for your losses. I agree that this is something that women should talk about. The stories you shared really take me back to my own experience. I had a miscarriage around 10 weeks, diagnosed at a routine ultrasound. I went in so excited to see the baby I was finally carrying after months of fertility treatments. I ended up leaving the ultrasound clinic without any information other than they though I might have an ectopic pregnancy and I needed to go to the ER immediately. I was sent to the ER where I had to fight not to be shot up with methotrexate until someone came and told me EXACTLY what was going on. Finally, an OB/GYN came in and told me that the news was good, I was not having an ectopic pregnancy. However, I did have a mass on my ovary that was likely a benign tumour but would need follow up. And the fetus I was carrying had died. It was that cold. I was sent home basically in shock with instructions to call my doctor on Monday and figure something out. By Monday, I was starting to have bleeding so it was suggested that by the time a D&C was booked I would likely have miscarried naturally. I was told that a m/c was like having a heavy period. A m/c at 10.5 weeks was NOTHING like a heavy period! I felt like I was being stabbed through the abdomen. I put on a jumbo-sized pad and tried to go to bed. I got up and hour later and was laying in a pool of blood. I had to see what would have been my baby floating in the toilet bowl. I was hysterical. I thought I was bleeding to death. It was awful. I had nightmares for months afterwards. No one told me it was going to be like that. I wish they would have, so I would have known what to expect. I agree, as women we need to share these things. We need to be open. I appreciate your sharing your experiences, and hope you don’t mind that I shared my own in return.

    • Tigermoth

      I’m so sorry for your losses. So sorry. We lost our first baby at 36 weeks, whilst friends were having healthy babies, and getting pregnant, and whilst they were wonderful there came a moment when I felt I just had to stop talking about it or I’d scare the crap out of my pregnant friends. Despite now having two healthy children, it still feels like a horrifying elephant in the room.

    • http://www.facebook.com/jess.wright.7568 Jess Wright

      Thank you so so much for posting this.
      After trying to conceive for 2 years, we were so excited to finally get pregnant. I miscarried at 8 weeks pregnant, only a month before our wedding. The physical pain was indescribable. My most vivid memory was standing in the shower feeling cramping, and almost contractions, to expel the baby, while my husband was so lost, trying to be strong. I have never cried so hard, and felt so so empty.
      I have always been very open and honest about my miscarriage, and it has amazed me just how common they are, so many people I know have lost babies, but never said anything. I think alot of the time you don’t want to scare the newly pregnant woman with what can happen.
      2 years (almost to the day) after losing my baby, with the help of fertility treatments, I conceived twins. I now have the most beautiful babies. Sometimes I forget I lost a baby. But sometimes, I look at my twins, and wish they could have known their older brother or sister. It still hurts, all the time, 3 years later.

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    • Miscarriage Blues

      It’s the grief that prevented me from sharing at first. Few knew I was pregnant (lost two w/ missed miscarriage towards end of 1st trimester, one natural miscarriage a week or so in) By the time I was able to talk about it, the awkwardness of bringing it up in social situations prevented me. Now, after three, I find myself talking about it more, numb now I guess. Friends seemed receptive, but reactions, some seem inconsiderate to me, are weak at best. Find much more supportive comments and understanding in boards like these. This article is so true, it needs to be so much more a part of our lives and conversations. It’s not just those of us finding it hard to talk about though. Religions make it seem like having a baby is the easiest thing and heavily promote it, they should be more understanding reaching out to all the realities of the creating life process. And the medical and insurance industries treat this like a condition you brought on yourself, charging you through the roof for recovery and research into loss, but about a quarter of the costs to actually have the baby.

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    • Lalliana

      I can’t understand why we don’t talk about this more. I have had 2 miscarriages and most recently an ectopic pregnancy and I needed to be able to talk about what I was going through, it was part of the healing process. I am yet to carry a child to term and there is the possibility that it might never happen given I’m getting older and have some fertility issues. We are women, we are strong and we need to know we are not alone when tragedy strikes. Thank you for writing this Maria and best of luck for the future.

    • Kim

      My second pregnancy ended in miscarriage. As I’ve never been one to keep pregnancy a secret (I get so sick so quick that I can’t be bothered trying to hide it) lots of people ended up knowing about it. To me it was devastating but not embarrassing. One in three pregnancies end up like this sadly. I was amazed at how many people opened up and told me about their miscarriages after me telling them about mine.

    • Miss Ladyface

      My first ended with a miscarriage around 13 weeks.. With my second pregnancy I had heavy bleeding and clots at 6 weeks and I figured I was loosing that one too. I was put on bed rest and I did not miscarry. (somehow) Now Im sitting here typing this over due at 41 weeks pregnant, and I have horrible fears of loosing this one. Its almost like things are going well and im just waiting for things to crash and burn. I waited until 36 weeks pregnant to announce to facebook that I was having a baby. Loosing a pregnancy truly fu*ks you up and I think its stopped me from getting uber excited over this full term pregnancy. No baby showers, few pictures have been taken of me and its just a fear you carry around. Or at least in my case. :/ Once this little guy is born I think that will help with the healing process.

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    • Bear

      I have had two miscarriages, followed by an ectopic which burst. Thank you for sharing you story. I know I’m late to this party, but people need to hear about this.